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(Some Guy)   Captain's Log of the Prometheus: "Weyland Corporation must not give a crap about this mission since they hired Insane Clown Posse to be our science team"   ( divider line
    More: Amusing, Insane Clown Posse, Prometheus, Idris Elba, Charlize Theron, last things, Uh Huh, Michael Fassbender, Noomi Rapace  
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11560 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 26 Jun 2012 at 3:06 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-06-26 03:57:01 PM  
4 votes:
Geez, you can just smell the butt-hurt in here. Prometheus was a masterpiece. Easily on par with Space Balls or Galaxy Quest.

It completely disconstructed the flaws of modern sci-fi films. Having the biologist run from a harmless dead alien, but then go right up to a live, threatening one? I was cracking up. And having the guy with the map get lost? farking hilarious!

And having Holloway perform combat gymnastics immediately after getting a c-section? Brilliantly subversive commentary on the bloodless violence of action films. And Guy Pearce's ridiculous Halloween costume? Really powerful statement on how practical effects aren't always adequate.

And the mysterious black goo, a damning condemnation of the hack writer's Macguffin - quick, we need a crew member to get sick: black goo! Now we need one to turn into a supermutant: black goo! And now we need a reason to destroy the alien ship for our climactic set piece: black goo to the rescue.

Prometheus is epic in its critique of lazy writing and the use of mystery to replace a plot. It'll be studied in film classes for decades.
2012-06-27 07:55:38 AM  
2 votes:
Of this film, I will say this - Elizabeth Shaw joins Dorothy Gail and Luke Skywalker in the pantheon of the most unreasonably mentally stable people ever put to film.

In a matter of two days, she

1) Stands on another planet
2) Proves her theory of The Engineers
3) Outruns a monster storm
4) Loses her fiancee/husband in the most incredibly gruesome way possible, before her eyes
5) Is impregnated with Squiddly Diddly
6) Cuts out Squiddly Diddly
7) Comes within a whisker of getting mashed by a giant spaceship
8) Is marooned without chance of rescue on a deserted planet
9) Has a giant naked dude try to kill her
10) Humps a busted android across a wasteland
11) And then goes to another spaceship - not to go home, but to go to summit on the land of giant naked dudes.

And she doesn't lose her shiat. At all. Honey Badger don't care.

Hell, I've had encounters with coffee machines that have left me more vexed than she was.
2012-06-27 12:37:55 AM  
1 vote:
entire thread...:

s7.postimage.orgView Full Size

Prometheus farking suuuuuuucks!!!!! AHHHH AHHHHH AHHHH!
2012-06-26 09:04:44 PM  
1 vote:
patcoston.comView Full Size

Did the hot girl with an obsessively lovestruck severed robot's head as a companion escaping together in the living ship that kills whole planets remind any of you of anything ?
2012-06-26 08:56:44 PM  
1 vote:
fozziewazzi: Wayne 985: fozziewazzi: 2087 is way too soon for interstellar travel. Does anyone think someone born today could possibly see travel like this by the time he turns 75?

I was going to argue with you, but I think you're sadly right. It's already been 43 years since the damn Moon landing and we've gone no farther.

43 years and counting. There are no serious plans I know of to even take us back to the moon, much less Mars, much much less anything beyond. Unless there some spectacular human history changing event/discovery I don't see us traveling to other star systems in 75 years. They should have pushed the date out another 100 years.

That then runs into the alien timeline.

Big no-no they got wrong, why do you need stasis pods on a FTL ship? Forget that it's the first mention of it in that universe, but doesn't FTL negate the need for stasis? I guess to save on supplies? Bleh.
2012-06-26 08:23:29 PM  
1 vote:

Wayne 985: justtray: What did Fassbender say to the alien and why?..


"This man is here because he does not want to die. He believes you can give him more life."

I'm not sure what else people think he would've said.

rutgerhauer.orgView Full Size

Probably shouldn't have called him "farker." Never works out...
2012-06-26 07:51:32 PM  
1 vote:

fusillade762: Here's a question I have: if Vickers was Weyland's daughter why was she using the name "Vickers"? What was the point of hiding her true identity from the crew?

Did you know that even now, in the year of Our Lord 2012, women can actually choose whatever name they want? Strange but true!

/ Oldest daughter uses her mom's name.
// Wife uses her maiden name.
/// I don't give a shiat one way or another.
2012-06-26 06:04:06 PM  
1 vote:
I came out of Prometheus really liking it a lot, but the more I thought about it, the more pissed off I got. It's a gorgeous movie, and it seems like a top-tier sci-fi flick while you're watching it, but once you have a chance to digest it, the gaping plot holes ruin it.

Even while I was watching it, I was impressed by the stupidity of some of the plot stuff (SPOILER WARNING):

1. Two crewmembers get lost in a structure that has already been fully mapped in 3-D (by one of the guys who subsequently gets lost). And whose 3D model is being displayed on the bridge of the vessel with red dots representing the guys who are lost, and who are in radio contact with their vessel during the period of being lost.

2. Charlize Theron's announcement that she's Weyland's daughter was not only pointless and completely unmotivated, but also silly, given the age difference. And Charlize's casual hook-up with the ship captain was likewise completely unmotivated and pointless.

3. Apparently, geologists and biologists on future space missions will be recruited from the "soccer hooligans" and "unemployed stoner" demographics.

4. The "run in a straight line from a giant rolling doughnut" provoked audible groans from the entire audience in the showing I went to.

Upshot: a pretty but profoundly stupid movie.
2012-06-26 05:54:30 PM  
1 vote:
If I am remembering the sequence when David is looking at the replay of the engineers going into hibernation. You see Earth and then lines come out of Earth to all these other planets. It made me think Earth was going to be some kind of starting/jumping off point for whatever they planned on doing with the black goo. They intended to go to Earth and use the goo on us but were prevented from doing so.

I also think the engineers are afraid of us because we are full of pathogens. The scanner showed them to be pathogen free. David was asked to say who we are and that we have been looking for them. David probably started to say we are from this planet called Earth located in this area of space...

Engineer: OH CRAP... Kill them all... kill them quick...
2012-06-26 05:20:23 PM  
1 vote:

meat0918: Wayne 985: theorellior: justtray: Why did the engineers, who were attempting to hide or run, go into the one room that contained all the biological weapons? (the guy with his head cut off)

Actually, I didn't quite get why there would be a holographic recording of that event, and why it would just play randomly. Maybe someone who can use his brain could spin up an ex-post-facto explanation for me.

Last security footage during an emergency?

That also happens to miss whatever they were running from.

The smoke monster.
2012-06-26 04:14:34 PM  
1 vote:

Carlo Spicy-Wiener: This right here is proof that people don't use their farking brains when watching movies.

raincityguide.comView Full Size
2012-06-26 03:57:36 PM  
1 vote:

Blues_X: justtray: Stills bugs me how the dude who mapped the tunnels got lost, after leaving first, and then went and hid in the one room they were deathly afraid of.

So stupid.


And since Weyland was on the trip, these were the best scientists his company could get for the voyage.

Their HR department is farked.

This right here is proof that people don't use their farking brains when watching movies. Spoilers ahead...

Weyland only cares about 5 people on the Prometheus:

His daughter
The two scientists who made the discovery

That's it. The rest of the crew is just filler in Weyland's eyes. Their level of competence, ability to cooperate, etc, are all completely irrelevant to him, as long as they can get those 5 individuals to the destination alive. This was not a "best and the brightest" type of mission. In fact, since this was basically Weyland's attempt at real immortality, he wouldn't want to bring the best people for the job. That would attract too much attention, and he sure as hell isn't going to want to share the secret of eternal youth if he finds it.

That wasn't even a particularly hidden plot point. It was painfully obvious to anyone with any amount of cognitive ability.

/Cue the "If that's the case then they should have come out and said it so I wouldn't have to think! WAAAAA!!!" responses...
2012-06-26 03:39:33 PM  
1 vote:

Shazam999: CPennypacker:
Feel free to add plot points? You can dislike what you saw if you want to but are you sure you saw the movie and not a picture with a caption under it?

Nothing happens in the movie until Weyland wakes up. Seriously.

Things happen in the other movies you mention. There's PLOT! Story advances! NOTHING happens in Prometheus until Weyland wakes up.

Except for finding the cave painting, discovering the moon, traveling to the moon, finding the structure, the pods and all the character interaction and development. Nothing happens except for all of that stuff. Seriously were you asleep?
2012-06-26 03:38:44 PM  
1 vote:

Shazam999: Prometheus's plot was flimsy at best: Old guy wants to live longer.

Blade Runner's plot was flimsy at best: A dude hunts robots.
The Shawshank's plot was flimsy at best: Some guy goes to jail.
12 Angry Men's plot was flimsy at best: A jury deliberates a case.
American History X's plot was flimsy at best: A racist stops being so racist.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind's plot was flimsy at best: A guy wants to forget his ex-girlfriend.

When you reduce pretty much any movie's plot to a short sentence, it ends up sounding flimsy.
2012-06-26 03:35:09 PM  
1 vote:

Shazam999: CPennypacker: Shazam999: steamingpile: MadSkillz: Crap movie? Or will this make more sense in the director's cut?

It makes sense now, people just expected to see a planet populated by them and killing non-stop, the movie is easily in the top 10 this year.

LawrencePerson: The Red Letter Media take on it was also pretty amusing.

No it wasnt, the fat boy is too stupid to grasp the idea of a plot.

Prometheus's plot was flimsy at best: Old guy wants to live longer.

That was the whole plot. Yippee.

Visuals were excellent, but it was just basically a slasher flick.

You can reduce any story to one sentence like that it doesn't mean the plot is simple

Feel free to add any additional plot points from the film.

Not saying it was bad per se, but it was mostly trite. I blame Lindelorf or whatever the hell his name is.


Lord of the rings:

A midget's journey to throw a ring into lava

The grapes of wrath:

Oklahoma dirt farmers move to California

Moby Dick:

Seaman is pissed at a whale

Star wars:

Orphan fights in a galactic civil war

Feel free to add plot points? You can dislike what you saw if you want to but are you sure you saw the movie and not a picture with a caption under it?
2012-06-26 03:32:01 PM  
1 vote:

nitrowhip: Went to the bar that is...didn't necessarily decide on what we saw.

Did the same, except a coffee shop. It was about a day later that I finally figured out what I had seen, and that I didn't like it.
2012-06-26 01:53:09 PM  
1 vote:

scottydoesntknow: I understand that, but if it's actually critical to the plot, why would you cut it out?

Because they felt that the movie could stand without it.

scottydoesntknow: Otherwise you're wondering why Ripley even cared about some kid she met in a dirty air duct.

I never wondered that. I chalked it up to matronly instincts.
2012-06-26 01:15:37 PM  
1 vote:

vpb: Some of that was explained by scenes that were cut

What was explained? What was the explanation? Is the movie being incomplete (as released) supposed to be a positive or something?
2012-06-26 01:02:55 PM  
1 vote:

Blues_X: vpb: Some of the trailers gave that impression

I have to mention that they had the shiattiest trailer control of any recent movie I can remember.

"Oh yeah, show everyone that there's an alien spaceship and they have to crash into it to keep it from taking off."

That was another thing that pissed me off about the movie. EVERYTHING was given away in the trailers. The first trailer (with zero dialogue, just the old school Alien music) was fine, and made me excited to see it. Then the "They're engineers, they made US!" trailer gave that away. Then the Fassbender "I didn't think you had it in you. Poor choice of words." gave away that the chick would have some kind of alien in her. Then you see their ship crash into the Engineer's ship and that's given away. I felt like I had seen the whole movie off just the trailers.

They had some terrible marketing.
2012-06-26 12:30:54 PM  
1 vote:

scottydoesntknow: " "Great idea. Let's have sex and smoke pot so the slasher can murder us faster while we're distracted!"

Hadn't thought about it until now, but that's exactly what happened in the movie. Too many cliches and overused tropes to make it a good movie. It was damn pretty, but had about as much substance as Avatar

You had to go and use that word, and now I'm in the vortex.
2012-06-26 12:17:33 PM  
1 vote:
The problem with Prometheus being a Thinking movie is that the more you think about it, the less it makes sense. The more I think about it, the more things I have a hard time with.


Also... This made me laugh.
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