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(The Oatmeal)   How movie theaters SHOULD be laid out. Mountain Dew/popcorn sludge seems strangely appetizing   (theoatmeal.com) divider line 119
    More: Obvious, movie theaters, popcorn  
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9795 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 26 Jun 2012 at 11:34 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-06-26 11:21:32 AM
I do not like the toilet of shame.
 
2012-06-26 11:28:47 AM
I'll be damned, the headphone jack idea is pretty ingenius.

/Can't wait to upload this to FunnyJunk!
 
2012-06-26 11:41:10 AM

Sybarite: I do not like the toilet of shame.


SQUIRREL!

that, and sometimes i MUST get up to use the restroom. i typically go to the movies during early afternoon matinees, and go to eat lunch somewhere just before. so the beverages i consumed at lunch + the 1/2 gallon soda or icee they sell me (yes, i get the SMALL) at the movie theater = gotta go right now
 
2012-06-26 11:42:16 AM
My only real complaint: The glass dome is a bit too high. The lower chunk of the good seats would be obstructed by it. I know it'd be see-through, but it would still blur the screen. Aside from that, genius. I've nearly knocked pubescent little shiats upside the head during movies. Talking, yelling, popcorn fights, texting...
 
2012-06-26 11:42:40 AM

bungle_jr: Sybarite: I do not like the toilet of shame.

SQUIRREL!

that, and sometimes i MUST get up to use the restroom. i typically go to the movies during early afternoon matinees, and go to eat lunch somewhere just before. so the beverages i consumed at lunch + the 1/2 gallon soda or icee they sell me (yes, i get the SMALL) at the movie theater = gotta go right now


It doesn't help me that the booze I smuggle in goes right through me either.

Still, I would brave the toilet of shame if such a dome existed. I have friends I try to not go to movies with because they think they are funnier than the movie they paid to see.
 
2012-06-26 11:44:11 AM

Nameless_Guy: My only real complaint: The glass dome is a bit too high. The lower chunk of the good seats would be obstructed by it. I know it'd be see-through, but it would still blur the screen. Aside from that, genius. I've nearly knocked pubescent little shiats upside the head during movies. Talking, yelling, popcorn fights, texting...


don't know if they still do but years ago many on-base movie theaters had a room walled off for viewing the movie with small kids. why this idea never caught on in the mainstream is beyond me!
 
2012-06-26 11:45:59 AM
img406.imageshack.us

/obscure?
 
2012-06-26 11:47:27 AM

Nameless_Guy: My only real complaint: The glass dome is a bit too high. The lower chunk of the good seats would be obstructed by it. I know it'd be see-through, but it would still blur the screen. Aside from that, genius. I've nearly knocked pubescent little shiats upside the head during movies. Talking, yelling, popcorn fights, texting...



I gave him a pass on that because I think he just made it so high to accommodate the text boxes.
 
2012-06-26 11:47:32 AM
Not so sure about the old people. They seem to talk amongst themselves a lot and say things like "what?!!?" continuously.
 
2012-06-26 11:48:14 AM
On what planet are elderly movie watchers quiet? Every time I get seated near a blue hair, they spend half the movie saying, "What'd she say?" "Who's that?" "Why are they there?"
 
2012-06-26 11:48:51 AM
This is why, for me, it is well worth it to wait until the movie is out on disc and/or streaming. I have a nice TV and sound system, very comfortable sofa and chair, all the booze I want and none of you annoying shiats.
 
2012-06-26 11:50:18 AM

under a mountain: Not so sure about the old people. They seem to talk amongst themselves a lot and say things like "what?!!?" continuously.


And ask questions about the movie, that if they watched for two more minutes, would be answered.

"Do you think he's going to try and kill her?"
 
2012-06-26 11:52:12 AM
Cinemuck. The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate which covers the floors of movie theaters
Rich Hall's Sniglet's
 
2012-06-26 11:52:13 AM
+1 to the noise cancelling headphones.

I have a disorder, the din of popcorn munching from the unwashed masses drives me into a fit of rage. It makes my blood boil into a froth that eventually takes me down a path that makes me hate a society that cannot go more than 90 minutes without having to stuff something into their egregious pie holes.

My movie theater is laid out like my living room. Cheaper and a better experience.

/hate theaters
 
2012-06-26 11:55:44 AM
- Projectionists that understand the importance of projector lenses

- Age-restricted showings

- Armed, plainclothes marshal in every theater

- Show older and classic films


It's too bad that theaters primarily get their profits from concessions, since $5 waters, stale popcorn, and boxes of pure sugar don't really do it for me. Smuggle in your own water, some trail mix (healthier, tastier, cheaper, and the lack of sugar rush guarantees I won't nod off halfway through) and beers.
 
2012-06-26 11:55:49 AM
Ive only recently been going back to theaters after a 7 year hiatus. I like going to the last show of the night not as many people. One of the reasons I stopped going was because people would bring a translator with them and that drove me nuts.
 
2012-06-26 11:59:17 AM

Donaco: Nameless_Guy: My only real complaint: The glass dome is a bit too high. The lower chunk of the good seats would be obstructed by it. I know it'd be see-through, but it would still blur the screen. Aside from that, genius. I've nearly knocked pubescent little shiats upside the head during movies. Talking, yelling, popcorn fights, texting...


I gave him a pass on that because I think he just made it so high to accommodate the text boxes.


That is a good point, hadn't thought of it. And it is a rough sketch/cartoon. Didn't mean to critique it haha.
 
2012-06-26 11:59:37 AM
The headphone jacks are a bit of genius, not that I'll ever go see a movie unless its at gunpoint.

/dislikes theatres
 
2012-06-26 12:01:52 PM

jbtilley: +1 to the noise cancelling headphones.

I have a disorder, the din of popcorn munching from the unwashed masses drives me into a fit of rage. It makes my blood boil into a froth that eventually takes me down a path that makes me hate a society that cannot go more than 90 minutes without having to stuff something into their egregious pie holes.

My movie theater is laid out like my living room. Cheaper and a better experience.

/hate theaters


You must have caught that disorder from me. Strangely, nobody else I knowhas caught it - or can even relate.

Also, the stench of popcorn breath. Uugh
 
2012-06-26 12:05:01 PM
The only quiet elderly people in a theater are the dead ones.

Like the headphone jack idea, though.

I wish owning a theater was a good idea in 2012, I'd really love to give it a shot.
 
2012-06-26 12:10:49 PM
I like to go to the very first showing of PG13 and R rated movies and the very last showing of G and PG rated movies. On a weekday, if possible. I almost always sit in an empty theater. I saw Brave last night in a theater with five other people. This fixes most of the dumbass problem all by itself.
 
2012-06-26 12:19:35 PM
I don't like the toilet of shame....
I always sit on the end, anyway, so my bathroom trips don't disturb others.
 
2012-06-26 12:21:52 PM
I hate saying this... Certain segments of women help reinforce the negative stereotypes.

TSB Time:

When I went to see the Avengers, one of them had a 2 year old with them... naturally it was crying a lot. Someone asked her politely to calm the child down or take it outside. Her reaction... Curse the guy out, tell him to go fark himself and he should of went to the "6 O'clock" showing instead.

The guy didn't respond, but 15 minutes later someone else on the other side of the theater complained to take the baby outside. She cursed him out and that started a shouting match with 3 other people getting into it attacking her as well.

5 groups of people left immediately afterwards. Then a manage came in to talk to her, left (with a look of disgust on her face) and I guess told her a cop was coming next since she refused to leave.

Undercover suited cop (I assume it was, maybe a manager), comes in, but the woman took off immediately after and they couldn't find her in the theater.
 
2012-06-26 12:22:11 PM
I don't get the desire for a headphone jack... part of putting up with the hassles of going to a theater is (one would hope) great sound. Seems to me like headphones would be as counterproductive as wanting your own personal 3" screen. Why would I _want_ an "in-flight movie experience"?

To each their own, I guess.

Of course, count me among the misanthropes and antisocial: I can't remember the last time I've actually been in a theater... decent home theater + kegerator FTW.
 
2012-06-26 12:25:41 PM
That whole "having to feel shame because I had to pee during a three-hour movie" thing is the reason why I wait for stuff to come out on Netflix now. Ya'll can watch your films with the unwashed masses, I'll watch mine in the privacy of my own home with liberal toilet breaks.
 
2012-06-26 12:29:38 PM
Cheaper and wiser to invest in your own projection setup at home. There's just no good reason to suffer through the Theater ExperienceTM anymore. Costs are unbelievably high, people are shiatbags, 3D is being forced on you at every turn, and the deluge of brown speckles used as a rudimentary DRM make it too much of a nuisance (yes, they really bother me).

Huge TVs are cheap (if you don't want to get a nice projector), and Blu-Ray really is good enough. The only hang-up can be the sound system, but even good 7.1 surround setups are inexpensive.

There's just nothing left for Theaters to offer, beyond inconvenience, jacked-up prices, and being shoved into a room with a bunch of assholes. It's like a shiattier version of meatspace Fark, but more expensive and with less lolcats.

/and 4x the price
 
2012-06-26 12:30:21 PM
I miss movies in Japan, despite having to pay $18 a ticket. Reasons: assigned seating, super quiet and conscientious people (I once got glared at for laughing... during a comedy!), and you can usually bring your own food if you purchased it in the same shopping complex as the theater. If you didn't bring food, the concession drinks, popcorn, nachos, etc. aren't that outrageous compared to snacks at a convenience store.
 
2012-06-26 12:31:16 PM
Hm, how long have we had an Oatmeal tag? I approve.

/Toilet of shame needs a sound-barrier, unless Adam Sandler movies are playing.
 
2012-06-26 12:31:52 PM

The My Little Pony Killer: That whole "having to feel shame because I had to pee during a three-hour movie" thing is the reason why I wait for stuff to come out on Netflix now. Ya'll can watch your films with the unwashed masses, I'll watch mine in the privacy of my own home with liberal toilet breaks.


no one should ever be shamed for using the bathroom in ANY situation! if you have to go it's unhealthy not to go.

i do hate when i have to go and it's a really good movie that i don't want to get up from. and my daughter missed the end of a movie a couple years ago because she couldn't wait any longer
 
2012-06-26 12:32:32 PM
If a movie breaks the 2 hour mark I usually avoid it until it comes out on VHS.
 
2012-06-26 12:35:18 PM

scottydoesntknow: I'll be damned, the headphone jack idea is pretty ingenius.

/Can't wait to upload this to FunnyJunk!


I lol'd.

/carry on
//carrion
 
2012-06-26 12:35:32 PM

hstein3: Hm, how long have we had an Oatmeal tag? I approve.

/Toilet of shame needs a sound-barrier, unless Adam Sandler movies are playing.


aside from that horrible movie where he portrayed his own sister (god that movie was bad) i've never understood the sandler hate. prior to that movie the worst sandler movie in my opinion was "little nicky"...and it wasn't bad, his face/voice just really irritate me in that one

of course "that's my boy" doesn't look much better than the sister one though
 
2012-06-26 12:36:10 PM

marius2: If a movie breaks the 2 hour mark I usually avoid it until it comes out on VHS.



You're going to be waiting a while then.
 
2012-06-26 12:36:31 PM

kyuzokai: I miss movies in Japan, despite having to pay $18 a ticket. Reasons: assigned seating, super quiet and conscientious people (I once got glared at for laughing... during a comedy!), and you can usually bring your own food if you purchased it in the same shopping complex as the theater. If you didn't bring food, the concession drinks, popcorn, nachos, etc. aren't that outrageous compared to snacks at a convenience store.


hmmmm...being allowed to bring a bento box into the movie would be quite nice
 
2012-06-26 12:40:33 PM

marius2: If a movie breaks the 2 hour mark I usually avoid it until it comes out on VHS.


What's VHS?

I find the solution to not having to go to the bathroom during a movie is the following:

1. Use bathroom prior to movie
2. Don't drink 2 liter farking drink during movie (hell, I smuggle in a can of cola sometimes, $5 for a small, fark that)
3. Learn to hold your bladder, it's possible
 
2012-06-26 12:44:47 PM

The My Little Pony Killer: That whole "having to feel shame because I had to pee during a three-hour movie" thing is the reason why I wait for stuff to come out on Netflix now. Ya'll can watch your films with the unwashed masses, I'll watch mine in the privacy of my own home with liberal toilet breaks.


Liberal toilet breaks, BEER, watching in underwear, scrathing nether regions without care, bong hits, BEER, unlimited cheap snacks, ability to replay nude scenes, fap to replayed nude scenes.

Man, I could go on and on and on.
 
2012-06-26 12:45:20 PM

KellyX: marius2: If a movie breaks the 2 hour mark I usually avoid it until it comes out on VHS.

What's VHS?

I find the solution to not having to go to the bathroom during a movie is the following:

1. Use bathroom prior to movie
2. Don't drink 2 liter farking drink during movie (hell, I smuggle in a can of cola sometimes, $5 for a small, fark that)
3. Learn to hold your bladder, it's possible


good ideas except:
1. i tend to have to pee at least once per hour to 1.5 hours. typical movie + previews is 2 + hours. (i drink a lot of water)
2. bottle with cap would be better...if for some reason you need to close it you can.
3. holding ones bladder would require cutting a hole in one's abdominal wall. ouch.
 
rpm
2012-06-26 12:47:22 PM

Snatch Bandergrip: - Projectionists that understand the importance of projector lenses

- Age-restricted showings

- Armed, plainclothes marshal in every theater

- Show older and classic films


It's too bad that theaters primarily get their profits from concessions, since $5 waters, stale popcorn, and boxes of pure sugar don't really do it for me. Smuggle in your own water, some trail mix (healthier, tastier, cheaper, and the lack of sugar rush guarantees I won't nod off halfway through) and beers.


Replace the marshal with ushers that actually do toss people out, and you're describing the theater I go to.

/saw Metropolis with live orchestra in a power plant
//saw Nosferatu with live quartet
///Mad Max with a destruction derby (ok, that one was loud)
//Upcoming Dark Knight marathon FTW!
 
2012-06-26 12:48:47 PM

Snatch Bandergrip: - Projectionists that understand the importance of projector lenses


Other than one or two scope trailers attached to flat films (a long time ago), I've never seen a lens screw up for a movie... Is this a common problem in your area? Now, a projectionist that doesn't take the time to CLEAN the projector and leaves little hairs and lint from old film... That makes my blood boil.... or at least twitch.

/ex-projectionist
 
2012-06-26 12:50:35 PM

Snatch Bandergrip: - Projectionists that understand the importance of projector lenses

- Age-restricted showings

- Armed, plainclothes marshal in every theater

- Show older and classic films


It's too bad that theaters primarily get their profits from concessions, since $5 waters, stale popcorn, and boxes of pure sugar don't really do it for me. Smuggle in your own water, some trail mix (healthier, tastier, cheaper, and the lack of sugar rush guarantees I won't nod off halfway through) and beers.


Aside from the Marshals you just described Alamo Drafthouse, though the age restricted showings are only of older films in which they have a booze tie in.
 
2012-06-26 12:51:06 PM

KellyX: marius2: If a movie breaks the 2 hour mark I usually avoid it until it comes out on VHS.

What's VHS?


It's a larger, bulkier, and inferior version of the Betamax.
 
2012-06-26 12:51:07 PM
I would imagine that there is a market for a theater having special showings that are for serious audiences only. They would not allow children, cell phones, or any kind of disturbing behavior. There would be ushers to enforce the rules...and unicorns.
Never mind.
I buy the movies and watch them at home on a large HD TV with surround sound. Theaters are awful. If I absolutely have to see a movie in a theater I just expect the worst and hope to be pleasantly surprised.
 
2012-06-26 12:51:50 PM

rpm: Snatch Bandergrip: - Projectionists that understand the importance of projector lenses

- Age-restricted showings

- Armed, plainclothes marshal in every theater

- Show older and classic films


It's too bad that theaters primarily get their profits from concessions, since $5 waters, stale popcorn, and boxes of pure sugar don't really do it for me. Smuggle in your own water, some trail mix (healthier, tastier, cheaper, and the lack of sugar rush guarantees I won't nod off halfway through) and beers.

Replace the marshal with ushers that actually do toss people out, and you're describing the theater I go to.

/saw Metropolis with live orchestra in a power plant
//saw Nosferatu with live quartet
///Mad Max with a destruction derby (ok, that one was loud)
//Upcoming Dark Knight marathon FTW!


alamo drafthouse?

just a guess, i've never even been to austin aside from driving thru (VERY slowly) on our way home from corpus christi
 
2012-06-26 12:57:01 PM

Kredal: Snatch Bandergrip: - Projectionists that understand the importance of projector lenses

Other than one or two scope trailers attached to flat films (a long time ago), I've never seen a lens screw up for a movie... Is this a common problem in your area? Now, a projectionist that doesn't take the time to CLEAN the projector and leaves little hairs and lint from old film... That makes my blood boil.... or at least twitch.

/ex-projectionist



I think the recent problem is that the "projectionists" sometimes forget to (or are instructed not to*) remove the lens/polarizer between a 3D showing and a 2D one, thereby rendering everything dark as all get out, since the projector isn't doing the whole stereoscopic thing (Article; rebuttal)

/* to save turn-around time/costs, I guess
 
2012-06-26 12:57:37 PM

Kredal: Snatch Bandergrip: - Projectionists that understand the importance of projector lenses

Other than one or two scope trailers attached to flat films (a long time ago), I've never seen a lens screw up for a movie... Is this a common problem in your area? Now, a projectionist that doesn't take the time to CLEAN the projector and leaves little hairs and lint from old film... That makes my blood boil.... or at least twitch.

/ex-projectionist


More than a few times I've had to complain about movies that were out of focus, off-frame, or large visible dirt on the image. Also, I'm not too tech-savvy, do I don't know if the theater is to blame for this or not, but I've seen a bunch of movies where mics/lights/crew/etc are visible in the shot - is this due to films being shot in anamorphic, and theaters not using the corresponding lenses?
 
2012-06-26 12:57:46 PM

bassmonkeee: On what planet are elderly movie watchers quiet? Every time I get seated near a blue hair, they spend half the movie saying, "What'd she say?" "Who's that?" "Why are they there?"


I saw Moonrise Kingdom on Sunday and for me it was. "please don't tell me you like this movie", "I can't believe this got so many good reviews" and the highest compliment I heard during the screening "this is....different".

/loved the movie myself
//would have loved it more if those people just got up and left instead of staying there biatching about it
 
2012-06-26 01:02:18 PM
Our local AMC does the dinner thing. Never done it, so I have to ask: How in the hell can you eat a fork-and-knife meal in the middle of a movie theater? Is it not disruptive to have waiters running about?
 
2012-06-26 01:06:20 PM

Loomy: I think the recent problem is that the "projectionists" sometimes forget to (or are instructed not to*) remove the lens/polarizer between a 3D showing and a 2D one, thereby rendering everything dark as all get out, since the projector isn't doing the whole stereoscopic thing (Article; rebuttal)

/* to save turn-around time/costs, I guess


Ahhh. Polarizers from 3D to 2D makes sense. Yeah, they should come off when the theater plays a 2D movie. Unfortunately, when they get put back on, they have to be calibrated, which takes time. So it's much faster/cheaper/keeps the screen employed to leave the polarizer on. I haven't seen that happen, but yeah, it would make me mad too.
 
2012-06-26 01:11:01 PM

Snatch Bandergrip:
More than a few times I've had to complain about movies that were out of focus, off-frame, or large visible dirt on the image. Also, I'm not too tech-savvy, do I don't know if the theater is to blame for this or not, but I've seen a bunch of movies where mics/lights/crew/etc are visible in the shot - is this due to films being shot in anamorphic, and theaters not using the corresponding lenses?


Focus and framing issues is from a lazy projectionist. No excuse, if it lasts for more than a minute or two into the movie. I'll grant some leeway if several films had to start at the same time. If something was mis-spliced, it should be fixed at the end of the first day of showing that movie if not sooner.

As far as visible mics/lights/crew go, that's on the distributor for poor QC of the prints. Anything that's on the film has to be assumed to be ready for showing... Sometimes the entire frame won't fit on the screen, so a little tiny bit could be cut off the top or the bottom, but they shouldn't count on it being framed up perfectly.
 
2012-06-26 01:12:27 PM
My god people it's not that bad, maybe don't go when you know the movie is going to be busy or packed. I will never go to a movie opening week it's always bad I can wait another week to watch it. If you go at odd times their are less people. I was pissed when I went to Promethous and had to get up 2 times to use the bathroom, darn drinking too much liquids.
 
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