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(Huffington Post UK)   Since the "intelligent design" argument wasn't really panning out, fundamentalists created a brand new theory to teach kids: the Loch Ness monster disproves evolution   (huffingtonpost.co.uk) divider line 978
    More: Asinine, Loch Ness Monster, Homi Bhabha Centre for Science Education, Loch Ness, intelligent design, minority religion, fundamentalists, Darwinism, private schools  
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14315 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Jun 2012 at 2:53 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-06-25 01:37:00 PM
I think it's pretty clear that all you liberal homo Scienticians are just trying to deny that Jesus had a pet dinosaur.

Won't you think of the coloring books and gift shop items that can be sold at the school and church?
 
2012-06-25 01:49:07 PM
Wow, just...wow.
 
2012-06-25 01:55:25 PM
Not allowed in science class because your belief isn't science? No problem! Just make up more non-sciency shiat!

Problem solved.
 
2012-06-25 01:58:02 PM
We're gonna need more foil...
 
2012-06-25 01:58:56 PM
One ACE textbook asks: "Are dinosaurs alive today? Scientists are becoming more convinced of their existence. Have you heard of the 'Loch Ness Monster' in Scotland? 'Nessie' for short has been recorded on sonar from a small submarine, described by eyewitnesses, and photographed by others. Nessie appears to be a plesiosaur."

"Cryptozoologists" aren't actually scientists.
 
2012-06-25 01:59:45 PM
A state in America is paying for children to attend fundamentalist schools where the existence of the Loch Ness monster is taught as fact in an effort to disprove the theory of evolution.

Uh oh. I don't think I like where this is head-...

School children in the southern state of Louisiana....

Oh god farking dammit.
 
2012-06-25 02:01:34 PM
Will someone please launch the missiles?
 
2012-06-25 02:07:08 PM
www.visitnessie.org

What fundamentalists may look like.
 
2012-06-25 02:09:38 PM
I hope the fundy schools are using the same photo of Nessie as the one in the article. That was really a wooden dino sculpture and a toy submarine.
 
2012-06-25 02:17:21 PM
Wait wait wait. Louisiana? Michoud Assembly Facility!?

What the hell??
 
2012-06-25 02:21:22 PM
It doesn't so much disprove evolution as it does prove evolution can be stopped. Which is important, since what evolution basically does is move humanity further away from God's image. This has been the major problem with evolution from the beginning, a fact that most evolutionists can't seem to understand. See, man was created (and do make note that the term is "created," not "evoluted") in God's image. Which means that man is just like God. But, you know, mortal. What evolution truly represents, then, is a further rendering of Man's ancient fall in the Garden of Eden, when Satan, the great tempter, offered Eve an apple that he promised would make her wiser and more aware. That would, in other words, evolve her past the already perfect mold into which she'd been cast. She took that first chance to evolve, unfortunately, and witness now everything that's happened since.

You see, every "evolution" is simply another attempt by Satan to lure humanity further astray, further away from God's own blessed image. And not just humanity, but ALL of God's creation. Birds, elephants, tigers, you name it. Satan wants to turn the entire world from what it was into what he wants it to be, which is hell. An evolved hell. This is why so many experts refer to "evolution" as evilution. Because it is, at its most fundamental level, a movement toward evil. What Nessie represents, and what we can all take hope from, is that for thousands and thousands of years, this one creature has been swimming in the loch and has successfully resisted all of the great tempter's temptations. Nessie shows us that, in this corrupt world of fast money and loose morals and constant change, it is possible to stay true to yourself and resists the siren's lure of "evolution." Nessie gives us hope.
 
2012-06-25 02:26:31 PM

Pocket Ninja: stuff


Lost it at evoluted.
 
2012-06-25 02:27:48 PM
I feel bad for the poor admissions official who has to read the Medical School applications written by students graduating from these high schools.

"I know I'd be a great gaya...gymn...hiney...lady parts docter because I used to feed the stork what for the petting zoo"
 
2012-06-25 02:31:35 PM

kid_icarus: One ACE textbook asks: "Are dinosaurs alive today? Scientists are becoming more convinced of their existence


I guess in fairness thus statement is actually an understatement: scientists are actually completely convinced that dinosaurs still exist today.

Not for the reasons creationists would like to believe, of course.
 
2012-06-25 02:39:22 PM
Wonder what wharrrgarble Bevets might provide here
 
2012-06-25 02:43:10 PM

Pocket Ninja: Nessie gives us hope.


Brilliant. 10/10
 
2012-06-25 02:58:44 PM
When you're attempts at doing science are too ridiculous for even The Onion to use, that's when you know you've reached a new level of power.

images4.wikia.nocookie.net

Fight on, Christian Warriors. Feel your power level rise.
 
2012-06-25 02:59:27 PM

xanadian: [www.visitnessie.org image 480x360]

What fundamentalists may look like.



Tree fitty.
 
2012-06-25 02:59:39 PM

xanadian: [www.visitnessie.org image 480x360]

What fundamentalists may look like.


That's not a loch ness monster; it's a god damn succubus.
 
2012-06-25 03:00:12 PM
Bigfoot proves evolution, so i guess we're at a stalemate.
 
2012-06-25 03:00:15 PM
Counterpoint: Skunk Apes
 
2012-06-25 03:00:21 PM

Pocket Ninja: It doesn't so much disprove evolution as it does prove evolution can be stopped. Which is important, since what evolution basically does is move humanity further away from God's image. This has been the major problem with evolution from the beginning, a fact that most evolutionists can't seem to understand. See, man was created (and do make note that the term is "created," not "evoluted") in God's image. Which means that man is just like God. But, you know, mortal. What evolution truly represents, then, is a further rendering of Man's ancient fall in the Garden of Eden, when Satan, the great tempter, offered Eve an apple that he promised would make her wiser and more aware. That would, in other words, evolve her past the already perfect mold into which she'd been cast. She took that first chance to evolve, unfortunately, and witness now everything that's happened since.

You see, every "evolution" is simply another attempt by Satan to lure humanity further astray, further away from God's own blessed image. And not just humanity, but ALL of God's creation. Birds, elephants, tigers, you name it. Satan wants to turn the entire world from what it was into what he wants it to be, which is hell. An evolved hell. This is why so many experts refer to "evolution" as evilution. Because it is, at its most fundamental level, a movement toward evil. What Nessie represents, and what we can all take hope from, is that for thousands and thousands of years, this one creature has been swimming in the loch and has successfully resisted all of the great tempter's temptations. Nessie shows us that, in this corrupt world of fast money and loose morals and constant change, it is possible to stay true to yourself and resists the siren's lure of "evolution." Nessie gives us hope.


That was absolutely beautiful.
 
2012-06-25 03:00:34 PM

gilgigamesh: kid_icarus: One ACE textbook asks: "Are dinosaurs alive today? Scientists are becoming more convinced of their existence

I guess in fairness thus statement is actually an understatement: scientists are actually completely convinced that dinosaurs still exist today.

Not for the reasons creationists would like to believe, of course.


come take at look at the indigenous personnel who used to work at Action Park. living proof dinos and cavemen still exist. we've got people in this county who lurch, they can't even walk. gottdamm inbreds stopped evolving long ago.
 
2012-06-25 03:01:01 PM
Short version: "When people believe in baseless crap, it's easier to convince them of other baseless crap."
 
2012-06-25 03:01:24 PM
Material on the course includes:

Apartheid was beneficial to South Africa as segregated schools meant different heritages could be passed on to children


You know you're dealing with christians from the american south when segregation is brought up as something positive.
 
2012-06-25 03:01:41 PM
I totally didn't see it coming from that angle. Seriously.

So if you can't work the evolution of more advanced lifeforms from dinosaurs into the grand scheme of all things Christian, they teach that dinosaurs are still around just the way they've always been?

Well... I've gotta admit, it's a novel approach.
 
2012-06-25 03:01:52 PM
i0.kym-cdn.com
 
2012-06-25 03:02:44 PM

Pocket Ninja: It doesn't so much disprove evolution as it does prove evolution can be stopped. Which is important, since what evolution basically does is move humanity further away from God's image. This has been the major problem with evolution from the beginning, a fact that most evolutionists can't seem to understand. See, man was created (and do make note that the term is "created," not "evoluted") in God's image. Which means that man is just like God. But, you know, mortal. What evolution truly represents, then, is a further rendering of Man's ancient fall in the Garden of Eden, when Satan, the great tempter, offered Eve an apple that he promised would make her wiser and more aware. That would, in other words, evolve her past the already perfect mold into which she'd been cast. She took that first chance to evolve, unfortunately, and witness now everything that's happened since.

You see, every "evolution" is simply another attempt by Satan to lure humanity further astray, further away from God's own blessed image. And not just humanity, but ALL of God's creation. Birds, elephants, tigers, you name it. Satan wants to turn the entire world from what it was into what he wants it to be, which is hell. An evolved hell. This is why so many experts refer to "evolution" as evilution. Because it is, at its most fundamental level, a movement toward evil. What Nessie represents, and what we can all take hope from, is that for thousands and thousands of years, this one creature has been swimming in the loch and has successfully resisted all of the great tempter's temptations. Nessie shows us that, in this corrupt world of fast money and loose morals and constant change, it is possible to stay true to yourself and resists the siren's lure of "evolution." Nessie gives us hope.



so, god has a belly button, a penis AND a butthole? I KNEW IT!
 
2012-06-25 03:03:51 PM
Makes sense. The Loch Ness monster is every bit as real as god.
 
2012-06-25 03:04:08 PM
Counterpoint: Samsquanch or Chaka
 
2012-06-25 03:05:11 PM
Why do conservatives believe in Social Darwinism but refuse to believe in evolution? Those two things are inherently linked....
 
2012-06-25 03:05:28 PM

kid_icarus: One ACE textbook asks: "Are dinosaurs alive today? Scientists are becoming more convinced of their existence. Have you heard of the 'Loch Ness Monster' in Scotland? 'Nessie' for short has been recorded on sonar from a small submarine, described by eyewitnesses, and photographed by others. Nessie appears to be a plesiosaur."

"Cryptozoologists" aren't actually scientists.


They're as much of a scientist as a creation scientist!
 
2012-06-25 03:06:18 PM
Scientists showed long ago that there is a very low likelihood of a monster sized animal in Loch Ness.

The Population Density of Monsters in Loch Ness. R. W. Sheldon and S. R. Kerr.
Limnology and Oceanography , Vol. 17, No. 5 (Sep., 1972), pp. 796-798
 
2012-06-25 03:06:23 PM

HotWingConspiracy: Material on the course includes:

Apartheid was beneficial to South Africa as segregated schools meant different heritages could be passed on to children


The article was just funny up until I read that bullet point. If you want to lay rose petals around Apartheid, please insert the nearest sharp object into your anus and twist. Kthxbye.
 
2012-06-25 03:06:29 PM

scavenger: Counterpoint: Samsquanch or Chaka


Sasquach is real:
www.ambienceofmedia.com
 
2012-06-25 03:07:08 PM

exick: Pocket Ninja: stuff

Lost it at evoluted.


Same. I'm totally stealing that one.
 
2012-06-25 03:07:12 PM
They should just go with this argument:

"Creationism is true; evolution is not. Why? Because fark you, that's why."

It would make just as much sense as any other argument they put forward.
 
2012-06-25 03:07:25 PM
The lockness monster is the tinfoil hat bigfoot uses to keep the roswell aliens out of his brainwaves.
 
2012-06-25 03:08:57 PM
New documentary this weekend...

2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-06-25 03:09:08 PM
Sigh. Poor Nessie. She's totally apolitical, always staying out of bullshiat arguments like this, just a little something to keep the spirit of mystery and discovery alive in our modern world, and a bunch of unifiers go and bring her in. Not an honorable strategy, guys. I really thought it would be the separatists who brought dinosaurs into this debate.
 
2012-06-25 03:10:11 PM
I want to be a Fundie Teacher:

Good morning class. Isn't this a wonderful day that the Lord has made? Amen, brothers and sisters. Amen.

Today, we are going to have a special guest in this classroom. Boy and girls, God has agreed to appear before us if only we all pray. Now pray very hard, kids. God's waiting.

Well, obviously someone wasn't praying hard enough. Was it you, Jimmy? Were you daydreaming Jimmy? Well, boy and girls, Jimmy's lack of faith has caused God to not come and visit us. What should we do with Jimmy, boys and girls? Crucify him? Well, let's start with the physical and spiritual torment and see what happens next, shall we?

Okay, we've beaten him pretty badly. But God preaches forgiveness, so we forgive you, Jimmy. Did you find all your teeth? Just put them in your desk, Jimmy. Maybe you can pray for some new ones.

So, Jimmy. We forgive you for not praying and not allowing God to come in to this classroom. And as a good Christian, you have to forgive us for beating you and torturing you. Do you forgive us? Great. Just tell your parents you fell down on the sidewalk on the way home. It's what Jesus would want.

Well, that's all the time we have for theology today. Let's move on to math. Why don't we all pray very hard and with faith and God will solve these simple math problems for us. Is everyone praying. What? Nothing again? Jimmy, you really are holding the class back. We may have to banish you to the closet of shame.
 
2012-06-25 03:10:12 PM
Apartheid was beneficial to South Africa as segregated schools meant different heritages could be passed on to children

I bet the people who preach that have a consistent opinion on the assimilation of immigrants.
 
2012-06-25 03:11:21 PM

the_sidewinder: Wonder what wharrrgarble Bevets might provide here


The same copy-pasta he always comes up with: mined quotes that has little to nothing to do with the issue at hand. Bevet-bot has ceased to be funny - shame he couldn't evolve his arguments a bit to at least keep himself amusing.
 
2012-06-25 03:12:31 PM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: I feel bad for the poor admissions official who has to read the Medical School applications written by students graduating from these high schools.


I don't think that is going to be a problem.
 
2012-06-25 03:12:58 PM
We all knew the voucher program would bring hell, but this? This is terrible.

/btw PocketNinja, besides your regular dose of awesome, you brought up a good point. if man is created in God's image, but was unaware and childish before eating the apple fig, wouldn't that imply that God was likewise?
 
2012-06-25 03:13:08 PM

ksetany: Scientists showed long ago that there is a very low likelihood of a monster sized animal in Loch Ness.

The Population Density of Monsters in Loch Ness. R. W. Sheldon and S. R. Kerr.
Limnology and Oceanography , Vol. 17, No. 5 (Sep., 1972), pp. 796-798


Actually I just reread the paper and they estimate a population size of 10-15 large animals in Loch Ness. Ooops, my memory failed me...
 
2012-06-25 03:14:05 PM
I really, truly and honestly can't believe that any of this stuff is "paid for" by our tax money. (I realize vouchers are really tax breaks, but same difference.)
 
2012-06-25 03:14:33 PM

ksetany: ksetany: Scientists showed long ago that there is a very low likelihood of a monster sized animal in Loch Ness.

The Population Density of Monsters in Loch Ness. R. W. Sheldon and S. R. Kerr.
Limnology and Oceanography , Vol. 17, No. 5 (Sep., 1972), pp. 796-798

Actually I just reread the paper and they estimate a population size of 10-15 large animals in Loch Ness. Ooops, my memory failed me...


I guess evolution is wrong afterall...
 
2012-06-25 03:15:38 PM
There are extant species that look the same as in the time of dinosaurs, like this nightmare fuel:
upload.wikimedia.org
But that doesn't disprove evolution. It means evolution has winners.
 
2012-06-25 03:16:16 PM

Harry Freakstorm: I want to be a Fundie Teacher:


You can take the theology class; I'm gonna teach honours alchemy.

It's an expensive class to take, but one day soon, we'll strike it rich.
 
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