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(Boston.com)   You're on a mountain. It's dark. You have an iPhone, a boyfriend, and a dog. What do you do?   (boston.com) divider line 206
    More: Dumbass, iPhone, Swiss Army, gears  
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25856 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Jun 2012 at 1:00 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



206 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-06-25 11:46:36 AM  
Make sure he isn't actually Shia LeBeouf
 
2012-06-25 12:20:43 PM  
> Kill troll with sword.
You don't have a sword.
 
2012-06-25 12:39:32 PM  
King County ESAR and Snohomish County SAR members have lots of stories about this kind of shiat.
 
2012-06-25 12:49:59 PM  
Record disgusting, yet awesome, menage a trois on your iPhone, post on YouPorn.
 
2012-06-25 01:01:38 PM  
Shoot the hostage.
 
2012-06-25 01:01:45 PM  

rikdanger: Record disgusting, yet awesome, menage a trois on your iPhone, post on YouPorn.


Yes
 
2012-06-25 01:02:43 PM  
Left with nothing but their intelligence, a lot of people tend to fail.
 
2012-06-25 01:02:46 PM  
Play angrybirds on the iphone
Eat the Boyfriend
Fark the Dog

What do I win?
 
2012-06-25 01:02:57 PM  
Fark the boyfriend.
Marry the iPhone.
Kill the dog.
 
2012-06-25 01:04:00 PM  
Get your ATM cards ready because you should be forced to pay for your rescue if you get lost because of stupidity.
 
2012-06-25 01:04:12 PM  

Ponzholio: Shoot the hostage.


They're giving you a medal for shooting me, you little prick.
 
2012-06-25 01:04:32 PM  
You are killed by a grue.
 
2012-06-25 01:04:40 PM  
This just about sums it up:

"To find people with a map and compass is just incredibly rare. It boggles my mind. But when we rescue someone, I hear a lot of regret, a lot of people saying, 'I should have brought more than my phone, but everywhere I go at home I have cellphone coverage.'"

You ain't home, Sweetheart. If you are out in the wilderness without a map, compass, and the skills to use them, you are an idiot.
 
2012-06-25 01:04:42 PM  
Marry the dog.
Kill the boyfriend.
Fark the iPhone.
 
2012-06-25 01:05:21 PM  
Record a snot bubble popping out of your nose.
"I'm so scared..."
*pop*
 
2012-06-25 01:05:25 PM  
authortonypiazza.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-06-25 01:05:54 PM  
lists the 10 essentials as a map, compass, warm clothing, extra food and water, flashlight, matches, first-aid kit, whistle, rain gear, and pocketknife

Oh come on, for a simple day hike? For a map and compass to be of any use, you would have to know how to use them, a skill that people who wander off trail during a day hike will not have.

I'd swap matches for fire steel but that may not be the best advice
 
2012-06-25 01:06:10 PM  
We have this problem in Colorado, it's called Texans.

//stupid flatlanders
 
2012-06-25 01:06:30 PM  
Yankees....
 
2012-06-25 01:06:46 PM  
morganrlewis.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-06-25 01:07:23 PM  
Take naked pics and post'em on the internets?
 
2012-06-25 01:08:02 PM  
"Hit It"
morganrlewis.files.wordpress.com
/I read that in a different voice than the rest of you
 
2012-06-25 01:08:03 PM  

neversubmit: rikdanger: Record disgusting, yet awesome, menage a trois on your iPhone, post on YouPorn.

Yes


Ditto

And next time, put a battery extender, a map, a compass, and an led lamp in a pack that the Dog can wear.
 
2012-06-25 01:08:18 PM  

dittybopper: You ain't home, Sweetheart. If you are out in the wilderness without a map, compass, and the skills to use them, you are an idiot.


I'm guessing this wasn't the wilderness. A quick google search shows it was probably an 8mile out and back on an established trail.

I must be crazy because I never hike with a map and compass. Trail directions yes, but never a "real" map
 
2012-06-25 01:09:01 PM  
Let's see -

1) Break the iphone in half
2) Utilize the battery to start a fire
3) Utilize the shards of glass from the screen to kill the dog
4) While the dog cooks over the fire, fark the girl
5) Paint my face with the blood of the dog and become King of the Mountain!!!
 
2012-06-25 01:09:23 PM  
Shoot the iphone and hope the bullet gets through and kills the boyfriend.
 
2012-06-25 01:09:31 PM  

East Avenue Arse: You are killed eaten by a grue.


ftfy (but that's the line that came to my mind first also)
 
2012-06-25 01:10:20 PM  

URAPNIS: Record a snot bubble popping out of your nose.
"I'm so scared..."
*pop*


My stomach hurts from laughing.
 
2012-06-25 01:10:24 PM  

JohnCarter: Let's see -

1) Break the iphone in half
2) Utilize the battery to start a fire
3) Utilize the shards of glass from the screen to kill the dog
4) While the dog cooks over the fire, fark the girl
5) Paint my face with the blood of the dog and become King of the Mountain!!!


You forgot to drink your own urine.
 
2012-06-25 01:10:32 PM  
Wait. This is FARK. I think I know the answer! You get the boyfriend to video you having sex with the dog using the low-light function on the camera of your iphone!

Is that right?
 
2012-06-25 01:10:38 PM  
In Va, we call that Tuesday.
 
2012-06-25 01:10:42 PM  
Hug the dog.
Because dogs love hugs.

/no other advice to offer
 
2012-06-25 01:10:50 PM  
Swing sword, "Swish!!!!"
 
2012-06-25 01:12:07 PM  

CheapEngineer: [morganrlewis.files.wordpress.com image 584x316]

"CheapEngineerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"
oneguyrambling.com
/damn you
 
2012-06-25 01:12:43 PM  
Stay at home glued to your farkin ipad chugging lattes from Starbucks you yuppy bastards. Ignorant gps addled jackasses.

/and stay off the roads too

//Fark them all
 
2012-06-25 01:12:58 PM  
Kill and eat the boyfriend. Let the dog have the entrails.
Use the iPhone to get on Fark.com.
Post "I'm so scared" advice thread.
 
2012-06-25 01:13:31 PM  
Day 1:
Command dog to kill boyfriend.
Eat boyfriend.

Day 2:
Pet dog.
While dog's guard is down, crack him over the head with boyfriends femur.
Eat dog.

Day 3:
Take pictures of self making duck face.

Day 4:
Get back into car, head home to clean up for work in the morning.
 
2012-06-25 01:13:46 PM  
FTA: "Officials worry that people panic and climb to higher altitudes to find a signal. "

THIS!
 
2012-06-25 01:13:55 PM  

dittybopper: This just about sums it up:

"To find people with a map and compass is just incredibly rare. It boggles my mind. But when we rescue someone, I hear a lot of regret, a lot of people saying, 'I should have brought more than my phone, but everywhere I go at home I have cellphone coverage.'"

You ain't home, Sweetheart. If you are out in the wilderness without a map, compass, and the skills to use them, you are an idiot.


laughingsquid.com

Get the gear!
 
2012-06-25 01:14:06 PM  

mytdawg: Stay at home glued to your farkin ipad chugging lattes from Starbucks you yuppy bastards. Ignorant gps addled jackasses.

/and stay off the roads too

//Fark them all


Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays!

*runs*
 
2012-06-25 01:14:27 PM  
Use iPhone to kill boyfriend; feed boyfriend to dog; use dog to find way off mountain.

I suppose you could skip steps 1 and 2, but who wants to throw away an opportunity like that?

Also, I'm shocked and appalled we're 30+ comments in to a thread whose headline references both a phone and a dog without...

weknowmemes.com
 
2012-06-25 01:14:44 PM  

East Avenue Arse: You are killed by a grue.


Stupid game. Although I was both delighted and aggravated that when you typed in "fark you" it would come back with something to the effect of "That's not very nice"

/only game I ever beat. Ever.
 
2012-06-25 01:14:47 PM  

Ow! That was my feelings!: We have this problem in Colorado, it's called Texans.


We have all kinds of problems in this country called Texans. Or as I prefer, Texasses.
 
2012-06-25 01:15:16 PM  

qorkfiend: Use iPhone to kill boyfriend; feed boyfriend to dog; use dog to find way off mountain.

I suppose you could skip steps 1 and 2, but who wants to throw away an opportunity like that?

Also, I'm shocked and appalled we're 30+ comments in to a thread whose headline references both a phone and a dog without...

[weknowmemes.com image 500x409]


I was just looking it up. Dammit!

Well done.
 
2012-06-25 01:15:30 PM  
Actually a smartphone with a manual battery charger is a great thing to have. The problem is that most people never carry the latter with them. They come in all shapes and sizes, but the best one to have in this situation is one that recharges by hand.

You also don't need cell phone service to use GPS.
 
2012-06-25 01:16:02 PM  
Lost in the woods on a day hike?

Let them die. They would only breed if they survive.
 
2012-06-25 01:16:14 PM  
Bludgeon the boyfriend with the i-phone. Eat the dog.

Come with me if you want to live.
 
2012-06-25 01:16:41 PM  
www.icom.co.jp

This is about the smartest "phone" I like to take along anywhere. I'll bring a camera if I want to take some photos.
 
2012-06-25 01:16:46 PM  

MadAzza: Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays!


Wait, there's a cat in this scenario now? That makes things interesting.

static.ddmcdn.com
 
2012-06-25 01:16:50 PM  

MadAzza: mytdawg: Stay at home glued to your farkin ipad chugging lattes from Starbucks you yuppy bastards. Ignorant gps addled jackasses.

/and stay off the roads too

//Fark them all

Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays!

*runs*


i.chzbgr.com
 
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