FARK.com: (7177912) Desert tour guide is on pins and needles waiting for cops to catch the spineless prick who mutilated a rare crested saguaro cactus. Bonus: Tour guide's name is Nettles

If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

		Desert tour guide is on pins and needles waiting for cops to catch the spineless prick who mutilated a rare crested saguaro cactus. Bonus: Tour guide's name is Nettles (azfamily.com)		45
		More: Sad, tour guides, wilderness areas, mutilations, United States National Forest

• • •

4590 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Jun 2012 at 2:22 AM | Favorite | share:

Share this link:

URL:

http://fark.com/go/7177912

Bookmark:

Article Comments close

45 Comments (+0 »)

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

MaudlinMutantMollusk		2012-06-23 02:29:22 AM

I was going to post some barbed comment

/but what's the point?

Ed Willy		2012-06-23 02:31:20 AM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: I was going to post some barbed comment

/but what's the point?

Stick to it, otherwise it'll remain a thorn in your side.

Goetz		2012-06-23 02:31:40 AM

OK, it's pretty simple.
Saguaro means SATAN in spanglish!
You have to do that!
No?

Ed Willy		2012-06-23 02:33:05 AM

There's nothing like enjoying the pleasures of nettles.

Strongbeerrules		2012-06-23 02:37:18 AM

I guess it's payback time for all those defoliants you guys dropped on Vietnam.

wildcardjack		2012-06-23 02:43:47 AM

So, we have a cactus trifecta in play?

Goetz		2012-06-23 02:45:04 AM

Strongbeerrules: I guess it's payback time for all those defoliants you guys dropped on Vietnam.

Defoliants?
Those things?
What do they want?
Really.
Always knocking on my door.

cretinbob		2012-06-23 02:47:48 AM

It was probably Messicans. Build another wall across the border. No, two more walls.

pxsteel		2012-06-23 02:48:07 AM

Whoever did this better hope no one ever finds out. The State of AZ will hit you with 10 years in the pen and a $250K fine.

Then the feds will tack on another 10-20 years for violating the endangered species act.

fusillade762		2012-06-23 02:51:09 AM

Self defense. It was comin' right for us.

newton		2012-06-23 02:52:03 AM

This is one of those articles that will re-appear one week from today...
when the guilty party is revealed to be....

Yikes! Old Man Nettles, The Desert Tour Guide~ But WHY?

/place your bets

SevenizGud		2012-06-23 02:53:21 AM

Uhm, so someone cut the top off of a deformed one of these, eh?

www.wildnatureimages.com

Wow. Monumental loss. You can tell how rare they are. A recent estimate for Pima County put their numbers at a precarious 100 million.

/molehill is molehillish

gunther_bumpass		2012-06-23 02:54:22 AM

SevenizGud		2012-06-23 02:57:52 AM

gunther_bumpass: That may or may not be the case, but this person should still be arrested on grounds of general assholery.

I agree that criminals should be hung by their tongues. But if people are crying because of the "endangered" nature of the things, they really need to come see Saguaro National Park first.

Fell In Love With a Chair		2012-06-23 03:01:15 AM

I used to live in Bakersfield, where the mexican gardeners at our apartment complex would lop off parts of our cactus to eat because it's used in mexican dishes, taking the round flat parts away in those brown paper towels you get in huge rolls. When I moved in, my roomate told me they did that and I called him a racist prick.

And then I caught them farking taking parts of our goddamned cactus.

Someone probably ate the stolen rare cactus. Delicious.

/I would steal a cactus pear
//Our cactus died, they cut too much off of it eventually

su007		2012-06-23 03:16:48 AM

Hello, police? Transfer me to the cactus assault division, please.

virtigex		2012-06-23 03:18:54 AM

The guy probably showed the people who did it where it is.

LordOfThePings		2012-06-23 03:21:30 AM

Sadguaro

Strongbeerrules		2012-06-23 03:30:13 AM

Goetz: Strongbeerrules: I guess it's payback time for all those defoliants you guys dropped on Vietnam.

Defoliants?
Those things?
What do they want?
Really.
Always knocking on my door.

They're getting a college education on your money.

fusillade762		2012-06-23 03:35:30 AM

su007: Hello, police? Transfer me to the cactus assault division, please.

"CAD: Phoenix"

Thats an 827		2012-06-23 03:51:45 AM

Nopales?

gregscott		2012-06-23 03:54:13 AM

SevenizGud: Uhm, so someone cut the top off of a deformed one of these, eh?

[www.wildnatureimages.com image 600x399]

Wow. Monumental loss. You can tell how rare they are. A recent estimate for Pima County put their numbers at a precarious 100 million.

/molehill is molehillish

Those are NOT the rare crested variety of saguaro . Surrender your shoes, and walk home through the desert, barefoot. People who vandalize rare species on public land or private land that's not their own should face some serious consequences. And you should too, just for promoting ignorance and vandalism.

rickythepenguin		2012-06-23 04:00:46 AM

SevenizGud: Uhm, so someone cut the top off of a deformed one of these, eh?

*takes bite of the delicious troll bait*

no, a crested saguaro is pretty rare. depending on what estimates you believe, these occur anywhere 1 in 50 thousand, 1 in 100,000, or 1 in 400,000. whatever the number is, they are pretty rare. and supposedly they are studied due to a genetic malfunction that -- cliche approaching -- "may hold the key to ending cancer".

eihter way, whomever did it is a douchebag. the mentality of destroying something just to be able to sleep knowing they destroyed something is just asinine.

but hey this is arizona after all.

doglover		2012-06-23 04:02:30 AM

If it was a person, the part of the cactus that was removed should be shoved up their rectum.

bestie1		2012-06-23 04:20:29 AM

Someone chopped a vegetable. This is news?

Paris1127		2012-06-23 04:59:07 AM

Nettles continued, musing about why someone would commit such a horrendous act in Midsomer... It almost made him miss Jersey...

Oznog		2012-06-23 05:23:02 AM

Fell In Love With a Chair: I used to live in Bakersfield, where the mexican gardeners at our apartment complex would lop off parts of our cactus to eat because it's used in mexican dishes, taking the round flat parts away in those brown paper towels you get in huge rolls. When I moved in, my roomate told me they did that and I called him a racist prick.

And then I caught them farking taking parts of our goddamned cactus.

Someone probably ate the stolen rare cactus. Delicious.

/I would steal a cactus pear
//Our cactus died, they cut too much off of it eventually

That's the nopal cactus, AKA "prickly pear", and as a sliced ingredient, it's "nopalitos".

It's not especially remarkable for the diet. Like lettuce, it's got few calories and is not "bad", but few vitamins or nutrients either. Bit of fiber and magnesium and potassium.

SweetDickens		2012-06-23 05:56:59 AM

Would love to go to the Saguro Ntl forest....but I value my life....drug smugglers, rambo rangers, 'meesicans sneakin' across the border..........plus...you get profiled by our glorious der homeland bullshiatticus.

Fell In Love With a Chair		2012-06-23 06:22:56 AM

Oznog: Fell In Love With a Chair: I used to live in Bakersfield, where the mexican gardeners at our apartment complex would lop off parts of our cactus to eat because it's used in mexican dishes, taking the round flat parts away in those brown paper towels you get in huge rolls. When I moved in, my roomate told me they did that and I called him a racist prick.

And then I caught them farking taking parts of our goddamned cactus.

Someone probably ate the stolen rare cactus. Delicious.

/I would steal a cactus pear
//Our cactus died, they cut too much off of it eventually

That's the nopal cactus, AKA "prickly pear", and as a sliced ingredient, it's "nopalitos".

It's not especially remarkable for the diet. Like lettuce, it's got few calories and is not "bad", but few vitamins or nutrients either. Bit of fiber and magnesium and potassium.

I've had it fried and in salsa before, pretty tasty, wet and fillery for the most part though.

I wouldn't have minded sharing if they'd have just asked instead of hacking our cactus to death like we wouldn't notice it was getting more and more scarred up every time they did 'landscaping'.

Ow My Balls		2012-06-23 06:46:30 AM

R.I.P. CRAIG NETTLES

Day_Old_Dutchie		2012-06-23 07:46:19 AM

fusillade762: Self defense. It was comin' right for us.

The cacti are out for revenge!

Jadedgrl		2012-06-23 08:03:57 AM

Came for Salad Fingers, leaving satisfied.

blood_and_thunder		2012-06-23 09:42:01 AM

SweetDickens: Would love to go to the Saguro Ntl forest....but I value my life....drug smugglers, rambo rangers, 'meesicans sneakin' across the border..........plus...you get profiled by our glorious der homeland bullshiatticus.

You... have no idea what you are talking about, right?

Amigajoe		2012-06-23 09:48:55 AM

-Always wondered what one of those things looked like on the inside...

Boudica's War Tampon		2012-06-23 09:56:13 AM

Nettles said he has ended his tours for years just feet away from the very old and rare double-crested saguaro, and he is heartbroken.

I guess Mr. Nettles doesn't understand his role in all of this.

Boudica's War Tampon		2012-06-23 10:20:32 AM

blood_and_thunder: SweetDickens: Would love to go to the Saguro Ntl forest....but I value my life....drug smugglers, rambo rangers, 'meesicans sneakin' across the border..........plus...you get profiled by our glorious der homeland bullshiatticus.

You... have no idea what you are talking about, right?

Yeah, there's so little crime in the Saguaro National Park, they instituted Park Watch, a crime watch citizens program for reporting crime in the park. From the NPS:

Please be alert for any threats to the park and its resources. Examples include arson, vandalism, off-road vehicle activity, theft of resources (archeological, cactus, minerals, etc.), poaching (mammals, reptiles, etc.), dumping of debris, illegal camping, and marijuana cultivation or drug labs.

At least they were politically correct and didn't mention the smuggling of drugs or illegal aliens. Unless that falls under off-road vehicle activity.

Boudica's War Tampon		2012-06-23 10:26:54 AM

You know having thought about it, illegals and drug smugglers would fall under the following categories:

illegal camping
arson
poaching
vandalism
off-road vehicle activity
dumping of debris

Too bad they just didn't say illegal drug and alien smuggling.

Krieghund		2012-06-23 10:41:11 AM

SevenizGud: Uhm, so someone cut the top off of a deformed one of these, eh?
[www.wildnatureimages.com image 600x399]
Wow. Monumental loss. You can tell how rare they are. A recent estimate for Pima County put their numbers at a precarious 100 million.
/molehill is molehillish

The North American Douchecanoe isn't particularly rare either. The last census estimated there were 982,154 in Pima County alone.

Yet some people would still be pissed if someone cut off your head.

Wasilla Hillbilly		2012-06-23 10:57:00 AM

So a genetic mutation of a plant that is not endangered can be classified as endangered while sharing the same DNA? Seems odd. Also, sometimes cacti just break in half on their own.

Linkster		2012-06-23 11:06:42 AM

Christ, there is some major stupid in this thread.

FloydA		2012-06-23 11:10:32 AM

Wasilla Hillbilly: So a genetic mutation of a plant that is not endangered can be classified as endangered while sharing the same DNA? Seems odd.

Re-read what you wrote, and perhaps it will become more clear.

FloydA		2012-06-23 11:22:28 AM

SevenizGud: Uhm, so someone cut the top off of a deformed one of these, eh?

Wanted for questioning.

Wasilla Hillbilly		2012-06-23 12:03:22 PM

FloydA: Wasilla Hillbilly: So a genetic mutation of a plant that is not endangered can be classified as endangered while sharing the same DNA? Seems odd.

Re-read what you wrote, and perhaps it will become more clear.

I regret nothing

fuzzlizard		2012-06-23 02:50:46 PM

Is there a chance someone was lost out there dying of thirst and though the cactus might have some water?

mwenye_kichaa		2012-06-24 04:37:31 AM

SevenizGud: Uhm, so someone cut the top off of a deformed one of these, eh?
[.... & etc.]

Saguaros are protected for a reason. They are not -currently- endangered because they are protected by Federal law. The reason they are protected by Federal law is that it can take them around 35 years to produce any flowers, seventy-five years to grow an arm, and over a -century- to reach full size. However, it would only take a few assholes in a handful of years to basically wipe out every saguaro in the Sonoran desert. Which is, as you may or may not know, the only desert in the world where they are found naturally.

Displayed 45 of 45 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Redisplay/refresh comments

This thread is closed to new comments.