I really sympathise with victims of workplace bullying.

As someone further up the thread said, sometimes (maybe lots of the time?) these bullies will manage to insulate themselves pretty well so that they are very difficult to deal with. They'll be at a higher position than the people they are bullying, be good friends with certain other key people in management and also bully other certain key people in management. In short, no-one wants to deal with them. Complain and it will make things worse.

In a way, school almost seems easier. In school, not so much these days, but 10 or 20 years ago, used to be you just finally snapped and hit the bully and they stopped. The worst that happens is some detention or a suspension for both of you for fighting but then the bully knows you wont take their crap anymore and leaves you alone. Unfortunately that can't be done in the adult world. Snap and hit the bully and in most cases it would be instant dismissal and quite possibly a lawsuit too.

We've got a bully where I work who fits the profile above, well insulated and only picks on those at a lower level than him. I'm lucky that I don't have to deal with him too much but sometimes I'll pick the really crap jobs rather than have to cope with him. He makes some peoples lives miserable though. And complaints have been made. And management just wont deal with him either because they are too chummy with him or because he intimidates them too.

I've even seen people confront him and find that he backs down, cuts them so slack for a few weeks and then starts it all up again later. I really don't believe that he does it deliberately. He is just a massive jerk and can't help himself. I don't think he knows how to treat people nicely even if he wanted to.

Nana's Vibrator: Gyrfalcon: WhippingBoy: workplace bully = "he wanted me to complete a critical job by an important deadline instead of honouring my work/life balance"

This.

I think we're surrounded by people who need to get out a little more. Believe it or not, there are people that still use the 1950's football coach style of management.
Incidentally, "spit on it and rub some dirt into it" is not a viable method of performing work duties.

Oh, piss off. I've been bullied and sexually harassed on the job. Unless the bully is physically threatening you or endangering your job, you need to grow a spine and handle it. And if your boss is a 50's style football coach/Marine DI and you can't take it, welcome to the world. Sorry if your tender feelings can't cope with a meanie.

mister aj: [25.media.tumblr.com image 350x496]

(I don't work anywhere like this)

I do. Except it's not screaming, my boss is a fresh law graduate. It's getting old extremely fast. HR pretty much told me to tolerate it, so I'm just assuming I am being told to find another job. She has zero social awareness and is insane amounts of insecure - and it shows.

Here we go, the effects of helicopter children hitting the work force.

"I don't want to go to work today mommie, somebody yelled at me and said mean things like I wasn't doing my job. They want me to work during nap time! I hate it there, hate it, hate it, hate it. You can't make me go!"

Gyrfalcon: Oh, piss off. I've been bullied and sexually harassed on the job. Unless the bully is physically threatening you or endangering your job, you need to grow a spine and handle it. And if your boss is a 50's style football coach/Marine DI and you can't take it, welcome to the world. Sorry if your tender feelings can't cope with a meanie.

My boss isn't a 50's style football coach anymore. I've dealt with it. And that person no longer works here because of me. See, not only can I cope with a "meanie", I also don't tolerate it. I remove unfavorable people from my "world", improving the environment for myself and my coworkers. That's the world I live in, precious, and only because the parking lot gets us into trouble now. I recommend the same approach for you if you've truly been harrassed. But my instincts here tell me you've only been subject to rude or snide commentary. When enough is enough, you'll know. The question is whether or not you have a big enough set to do something about it. Like me.

havocmike: wow.. lots of posters here must have no idea what this is really like.

I'm happy for them.

mock those affected. it shows you can't relate. that is a true blessing, actually. consider yourself lucky.



Welcome to Fark

Workplace bullying is a real thing. Mostly it comes from inept bosses. Here's how I dealt with two of mine.

1. Guy started yelling at me for doing "too good of a job" for our client as it would make everyone else look like shiat... I tricked him into standing in front of a hidden camera I knew about at the client's office when the client was watching while he was saying these things... Result... he was immediately removed from the campus and the client said he was never welcome on their property again. A week later I took a better paying job (100% increase in pay actually).
2. Idiot boss decided that I was "too young" for management... Even though I had managed more people than she had at a previous company. She even tried to sabotage my annual review. *Her* boss (who initially hired me) knew better and had a discussion with her, she was later demoted to a non-management position. At the end of my review, I described what I thought a "good employee" was and a "bad employee". She agreed with me and was happy I understood... I continued... By giving her examples of her being the "bad employee" for the previous year... nice and calmly... She was pissed... I honestly thought she'd jump over her desk to strangle me. When I decided she had enough, I told her I was giving her my two weeks notice and that I had taken a job with a 40% uptick in pay (more than she was making). She then started to smile... so I let her know I was having an exit interview with HR. -I think I saw a steady stream of yellow liquid flowing from under her desk.

In both cases the bully got what they deserved and I got a better job with better pay.

Do the world a favor... don't let bully's get away with it.. ruin their lives.

We have a dramatic guy working for us, and he pisses everyone off on a daily basis. Luckily, i get to work from home so i don't have to deal with it. One day i went into the office, the dramatic guy approached me, asked if would back him up in his latest catfight. I said no, he threatened suicide, i laughed.

We had a DBA who was a complete asshat. He did some stuff to our production system without telling anybody. I was tracking down an issue and had to ask him what he did, but he refused to tell me. After we argued about the fact that he needs to tell me, he slammed the phone down and hung up on me.

I guess if I was a pussy, I would consider that a bullying situation, but instead, I just called him back to piss him off more.

/if you can't take a joke...

"34.4% of all surveyed reporting they'd been bullied at work - intimidated, harassed, or threatened by a boss or co-worker."

""Unreasonable intimidating treatment.."

These are two different things. The poll seems to have asked if they were intimidated, harrassed or threatened by a boss or co-worker.

"I'm going to fire you if you don't shape up and stop being a screw up!" is certainly intimidating and threatening. But not unreasonable, and not generally speaking bullying.

It seems a bit of a stretach to say that the 34% of respondants who replied that they had been "intimidated, harassed, or threatened " were saying they had recieved "Unreasonable intimidating treatment", or to equate that with 34% reporting abuse.

By the way, the "survey" was done by Zogby and paid for by something called "The Workplace Bullying Institute" who WROTE the survey, so saltshaker sized grains of salt here, and only 6,302 people responded so it is absurd to extrapolate that out to 50 million workers.

Also worth noting is that the second survey defines 'bullying' as "repeated mistreatment: sabotage by others that prevented work from getting done, verbal abuse, threatening conduct, intimidation, & humiliation"

If THAT constitutes bullying, then everyone alive has been bullied and bullying no longer means anything.

ALSO, it is important to note that they did the same survey in 2007 and in three years it has gone DOWN 2% (although still within the margin of error).

Bottom line: A group of four people (including the founding husband and wife who run the associated consulting firm derive income from handling workplace bullying) commissioned a small survey and found *Gasp!* that their services are definately needed.

LineNoise: namegoeshere: I remember getting my first "real" job after college, and thinking how nice it was going to be to work with actual adults. No more catty bullshiat. No more workplace cliques. No more backstabbing crap.

Boy did I have an unpleasant awakening.

Should have picked an industry that didn't have many women working in it.

I hate to say it; but, if you gather three women together; two of them will immediately form a clique that excludes the third. Also, they will make up horrible things about the third woman and anyone who associates with her. It is the cost of doing business.

/ I wish I was kidding

Thing is, yeah, you guys who are saying that people need to stand up to the bullies do have a good point. It really is the only way to deal with them.

But not everyone has it in them to stand up to a bully. I've seen men and women that I work with nearly in tears because of bullying but they are too kind natured to do anything about it. These are people who had average childhoods with no real hardships so they aren't accustomed to conflict. They haven't had to learn to deal with nasty people like us so once they are finally confronted with it they don't know what to do.

This doesn't make them cowards or idiots for not standing up for themselves. Not everyone has the ability to fight through life and take down all the bad guys.

Of course, sometimes there are those who bring it on themselves. We have a guy like that where I work too. That kind of person who just has an ability to piss people off all the time. When the bullies start on them, rarely does someone else jump in to break it up because everyone is secretly thinking 'yeah, that guy does deserve it though'.

My insurance? It's your car.

Miss Stein:
I didn't really have anything to do with her departure, but nonetheless everyone in the department came and thanked me anyway.

Do not sell yourself short. You spoke up. Most people put up with intimidation because they're afraid to figuratively rock the boat - or they just don't know how. No one wants to work with jerks, but they do it anyways. In a way you were lucky because you had an instance where the bully had no regard for her boss, either. Most bullies I've seen suck upwards and piss downwards. The 2nd best thing anyone can do is arm themselves with knowledge of the company's and the state's harrassment policies and utilize them.
(The best thing you can do is not be guilty of instigating the poor treatment you receive, not that harrassment of any kind is justified)

I look at it this way: If someone can selectively needle you or hold your job over you for something arbitrary (from being one minute late to not using their favorite font to not liking how you dress), they need to be held to the same standard for the policies that apply to them.

My bully boss bowed up to me once & was red in the face & screaming at me because I mentioned to someone else that I was going to cut off my land line at my house. She told me I couldn't do that. I told her she couldn't tell me what to do at my house. She didn't like that. So she came over & started screaming at me. She told me I'd lose my job if I didn't have a phone number that I could be contacted at. I told her that the University gives us an e-mail & that I could be contacted there between 8 AM & 5 PM. I'm hourly. I don't get paid to work outside of those times. If the University or the Department wanted to buy me a phone, then that would be okay. She then threatened to go to resources or someone if I didn't give her my cell phone number, which she had been after since I started the job. I told her to go ahead. No where in my job description or application did it say I was required to have a phone. I didn't want to give her my cell because the one reason I was cutting off the land line was because she kept calling me for non-work related reasons or to chat on my off hours. I seriously thought she was going to hit me at one point. I certainly felt my personal safety was threatened. I told her boss, the chair & all he said was that she was under a lot of stress. When review time came, I let the reviewer know, in detail, what transpired. She later made some comment about how she wasn't allowed to have anyone's personal information in a snarky tone. That made me smile.

A few weeks ago we had an altercation in a staff meeting. The serious stuff was over & someone mentioned college & football. She said colleges wouldn't exist without football. I couldn't help but laugh. I told her thousands of colleges do just fine without football. She said that the Education system would collapse without it. I said, Europe's colleges seem to be doing fine. She looked right at me & said, "Well, maybe you should move to another country then!" Everyone's jaws dropped. One of the other staff members said, "Wow." Every single one of them came by to tell me how sorry they were I work for her.

She constantly outs me to new people. I've asked her not to, but she does it anyway & smiles when she does.

She tried to kiss me on the mouth at her birthday party that I showed up to. I haven't gone to another one.

She is always telling me what a big nerd I am so loud everyone in the building can hear it.

She tries to buy me really expensive things from time to time.

She's been stealing time for 8 years or more. She pops pills like they are candy & is addicted to oxycodone or Loratabs or something like it.

She has really frightening mood swings. Violent.

She is constantly screaming fark & goddamnit from her office & throwing things.

Most of the time though, she isn't here. She hasn't managed to make it a solid week the entire time I have worked here. She has no idea how to do her job. She makes twice as much as I do.

She changed my job description when I went on vacation & pushed it through without consulting me, giving me over half of the duties that were originally hers.

She has "friends" in HR. She & the boss boss are so far up each others asses, he'd never believe a word I said, and I've tried, not to mention his complete lack of spine or balls. I can't quit because I have a mortgage payment, car payment & spouses student loans coming due.

So, Farkers, what do I do? It's constant negativity & I've thought more than once about hanging myself in the garage.

The sound of one hand clapping:
This doesn't make them cowards or idiots for not standing up for themselves.

Yeah, it does.

Whether standing up for yourself means standing up to the bully directly, talking to your boss, or even quitting your job, if you can't take care of it, you're not an adult. There are times when these won't work, but you're better find a way to handle it.

This applies to kids too. Telling your parents, or a teacher, or a friend counts as standing up for yourself. Sometimes, those don't work and you're stuck. If you don't at least try, though...well, there's lots of bad words for it. I'll settle for- you're going to be someone's lunch for the rest of your life, which is likely to be nasty, brutish, and short.

sisterinarms: My bully boss bowed up to me once & was red in the face & screaming at me because I mentioned to someone else that I was going to cut off my land line at my house. She told me I couldn't do that. I told her she couldn't tell me what to do at my house. She didn't like that. So she came over & started screaming at me. She told me I'd lose my job if I didn't have a phone number that I could be contacted at. I told her that the University gives us an e-mail & that I could be contacted there between 8 AM & 5 PM. I'm hourly. I don't get paid to work outside of those times. If the University or the Department wanted to buy me a phone, then that would be okay. She then threatened to go to resources or someone if I didn't give her my cell phone number, which she had been after since I started the job. I told her to go ahead. No where in my job description or application did it say I was required to have a phone. I didn't want to give her my cell because the one reason I was cutting off the land line was because she kept calling me for non-work related reasons or to chat on my off hours. I seriously thought she was going to hit me at one point. I certainly felt my personal safety was threatened. I told her boss, the chair & all he said was that she was under a lot of stress. When review time came, I let the reviewer know, in detail, what transpired. She later made some comment about how she wasn't allowed to have anyone's personal information in a snarky tone. That made me smile.

A few weeks ago we had an altercation in a staff meeting. The serious stuff was over & someone mentioned college & football. She said colleges wouldn't exist without football. I couldn't help but laugh. I told her thousands of colleges do just fine without football. She said that the Education system would collapse without it. I said, Europe's colleges seem to be doing fine. She looked right at me & said, "Well, maybe you should move to another country then!" Everyone's jaws dropped. One of the othe ...

Sleep with her?

EWWWWW!

Not if she was the last vagina on earth.

LMAO.

groppet: sisterinarms: My bully boss bowed up to me once & was red in the face & screaming at me because I mentioned to someone else that I was going to cut off my land line at my house. She told me I couldn't do that. I told her she couldn't tell me what to do at my house. She didn't like that. So she came over & started screaming at me. She told me I'd lose my job if I didn't have a phone number that I could be contacted at. I told her that the University gives us an e-mail & that I could be contacted there between 8 AM & 5 PM. I'm hourly. I don't get paid to work outside of those times. If the University or the Department wanted to buy me a phone, then that would be okay. She then threatened to go to resources or someone if I didn't give her my cell phone number, which she had been after since I started the job. I told her to go ahead. No where in my job description or application did it say I was required to have a phone. I didn't want to give her my cell because the one reason I was cutting off the land line was because she kept calling me for non-work related reasons or to chat on my off hours. I seriously thought she was going to hit me at one point. I certainly felt my personal safety was threatened. I told her boss, the chair & all he said was that she was under a lot of stress. When review time came, I let the reviewer know, in detail, what transpired. She later made some comment about how she wasn't allowed to have anyone's personal information in a snarky tone. That made me smile.

A few weeks ago we had an altercation in a staff meeting. The serious stuff was over & someone mentioned college & football. She said colleges wouldn't exist without football. I couldn't help but laugh. I told her thousands of colleges do just fine without football. She said that the Education system would collapse without it. I said, Europe's colleges seem to be doing fine. She looked right at me & said, "Well, maybe you should move to another country then!" Everyone's jaws dropped. O ...

groppet: sisterinarms: My bully boss bowed up to me once & was red in the face & screaming at me because I mentioned to someone else that I was going to cut off my land line at my house. She told me I couldn't do that. I told her she couldn't tell me what to do at my house. She didn't like that. So she came over & started screaming at me. She told me I'd lose my job if I didn't have a phone number that I could be contacted at. I told her that the University gives us an e-mail & that I could be contacted there between 8 AM & 5 PM. I'm hourly. I don't get paid to work outside of those times. If the University or the Department wanted to buy me a phone, then that would be okay. She then threatened to go to resources or someone if I didn't give her my cell phone number, which she had been after since I started the job. I told her to go ahead. No where in my job description or application did it say I was required to have a phone. I didn't want to give her my cell because the one reason I was cutting off the land line was because she kept calling me for non-work related reasons or to chat on my off hours. I seriously thought she was going to hit me at one point. I certainly felt my personal safety was threatened. I told her boss, the chair & all he said was that she was under a lot of stress. When review time came, I let the reviewer know, in detail, what transpired. She later made some comment about how she wasn't allowed to have anyone's personal information in a snarky tone. That made me smile.

A few weeks ago we had an altercation in a staff meeting. The serious stuff was over & someone mentioned college & football. She said colleges wouldn't exist without football. I couldn't help but laugh. I told her thousands of colleges do just fine without football. She said that the Education system would collapse without it. I said, Europe's colleges seem to be doing fine. She looked right at me & said, "Well, maybe you should move to another country then!" Everyone's jaws dropped. O ...

sisterinarms: So, Farkers, what do I do? It's constant negativity & I've thought more than once about hanging myself in the garage.


One of...
1. Switch departments.
2. Go to HR, explain that if something isn't done, you're going to sue for sexual harrassment.
3. Claim a nervous breakdown, and take a few weeks off of work. See if the Boss' Boss figures out which of you is more important.
4. Keep looking for another job. Something will come up.

Best of luck! I've been there.

I think what this story is missing is that sometimes, workplace bullying is awesome.

I work with a number of exemplary coworkers, and then a plethora of mostly bad ones, and then a few absolutely pants-on-head retarded ones. I do everything I can to make the ones who are really awful hate their job, because, due to shiatty management, they'll basically never be fired for how useless they are, or how much double-work their inability to count past 5 creates.

P.S.

She later made some comment about how she wasn't allowed to have anyone's personal information in a snarky tone. That made me smile

That's a sign to me that #2 will work. Sounds to me like somebody in HR understands what's going on.

As South Park pointed out, our culture adores workplace bullying. It's called litigation.

sisterinarms:

please be joking please be joking please be joking

That said, you CAN leave. Looking for another job, collecting unemployment, even going into bankruptcy are all better options than hanging yourself in the garage. The ceiling is far too high.
There are 2 issues at hand here:
1 is harrassment and how it affects your well-being
2 is the boss's job performance and attendance and how annoying it is
Ignore #2

With regard to #1: document, document, document. Print and save emails in a physical folder and keep a notebook in the same folder to write down moments (with date and time) that make you feel uncomfortable. Obtain corroboration of incidents from the apologetic coworkers. When the boss makes a comment, point to a coworker and ask "did you hear that" and get an acknowledgement.
Consult a lawyer or civil rights groups if necessary. Initiate a lawsuit if necessary. A "superior" trying to kiss you on the mouth, and the "outing" thing are plenty for escalation.
Shoot, I'd print everything you just wrote and bring it to HR. It's been mentioned before, but those coworkers will probably thank you for initiating the bully's exit.

Also, if this bully is really Dr. Gregory House, tell him it's not Lupus.
/ please be joking please be joking please be joking

Only problem with #2 is I'm afraid they will drag my sexual orientation into it. I'm not out to everyone. I'm a pretty private person. She knows this. In this state they want to round us up in camps & burn us at the stake. I'm afraid I wouldn't win & would in turn make the local news and be blacklisted from any place in the state.

The Jami Turman Fan Club: sisterinarms: So, Farkers, what do I do? It's constant negativity & I've thought more than once about hanging myself in the garage.


One of...
1. Switch departments.
2. Go to HR, explain that if something isn't done, you're going to sue for sexual harrassment.
3. Claim a nervous breakdown, and take a few weeks off of work. See if the Boss' Boss figures out which of you is more important.
4. Keep looking for another job. Something will come up.

Best of luck! I've been there.

Cheeselover3000: I think what this story is missing is that sometimes, workplace bullying is awesome.

I work with a number of exemplary coworkers, and then a plethora of mostly bad ones, and then a few absolutely pants-on-head retarded ones. I do everything I can to make the ones who are really awful hate their job, because, due to shiatty management, they'll basically never be fired for how useless they are, or how much double-work their inability to count past 5 creates.

If you haven't read between the lines yet, this thread is about how people who were losers in high school realize now that they have an effective ally in the adult world to compensate for their social shortcomings. This ally is HR and they will no longer accept their well earned place in the corner alone at the school dance... because HR says so.

You better hope Nana's Vibrator doesn't work with you or you'll be fired by Monday.

I wish I was joking.

The party was off worksite not during work hours where she tried to kiss me. In front of my g/f who was also completely creeped out. I am documenting. I've even considered getting a hidden camera. I'm not sure that would be admissible in court though.

I really am afraid to go to HR because one of her old & close female friends works as head of HR.

I'm hoping when the Chair, her boss, leaves in a little less than a year, so will she. i know the new Lady won't let her get away with this shiat. She is well aware of what's been going on.

I will not hang myself in the garage. Although there have been days...

Nana's Vibrator: sisterinarms:

please be joking please be joking please be joking

That said, you CAN leave. Looking for another job, collecting unemployment, even going into bankruptcy are all better options than hanging yourself in the garage. The ceiling is far too high.
There are 2 issues at hand here:
1 is harrassment and how it affects your well-being
2 is the boss's job performance and attendance and how annoying it is
Ignore #2

With regard to #1: document, document, document. Print and save emails in a physical folder and keep a notebook in the same folder to write down moments (with date and time) that make you feel uncomfortable. Obtain corroboration of incidents from the apologetic coworkers. When the boss makes a comment, point to a coworker and ask "did you hear that" and get an acknowledgement.
Consult a lawyer or civil rights groups if necessary. Initiate a lawsuit if necessary. A "superior" trying to kiss you on the mouth, and the "outing" thing are plenty for escalation.
Shoot, I'd print everything you just wrote and bring it to HR. It's been mentioned before, but those coworkers will probably thank you for initiating the bully's exit.

Also, if this bully is really Dr. Gregory House, tell him it's not Lupus.
/ please be joking please be joking please be joking

Cythraul: Doing a GIS for 'workplace bully' offers a lot of potential 'welcome to fark' images. Just thought I'd share that.



/No, I have no idea why.

shiat. You have tried to help yourself, and you do have a plan. That's what's important.

Anything we can do?


sisterinarms: I wish I was joking.

The party was off worksite not during work hours where she tried to kiss me. In front of my g/f who was also completely creeped out. I am documenting. I've even considered getting a hidden camera. I'm not sure that would be admissible in court though.

I really am afraid to go to HR because one of her old & close female friends works as head of HR.

I'm hoping when the Chair, her boss, leaves in a little less than a year, so will she. i know the new Lady won't let her get away with this shiat. She is well aware of what's been going on.

I will not hang myself in the garage. Although there have been days...

Nana's Vibrator: sisterinarms:

please be joking please be joking please be joking

That said, you CAN leave. Looking for another job, collecting unemployment, even going into bankruptcy are all better options than hanging yourself in the garage. The ceiling is far too high.
There are 2 issues at hand here:
1 is harrassment and how it affects your well-being
2 is the boss's job performance and attendance and how annoying it is
Ignore #2

With regard to #1: document, document, document. Print and save emails in a physical folder and keep a notebook in the same folder to write down moments (with date and time) that make you feel uncomfortable. Obtain corroboration of incidents from the apologetic coworkers. When the boss makes a comment, point to a coworker and ask "did you hear that" and get an acknowledgement.
Consult a lawyer or civil rights groups if necessary. Initiate a lawsuit if necessary. A "superior" trying to kiss you on the mouth, and the "outing" thing are plenty for escalation.
Shoot, I'd print everything you just wrote and bring it to HR. It's been mentioned before, but those coworkers will probably thank you for initiating the bully's exit.

Also, if this bully is really Dr. Gregory House, tell him it's not Lupus.
/ please be joking please be joking please be joking

sisterinarms: Only problem with #2 is I'm afraid they will drag my sexual orientation into it. I'm not out to everyone. I'm a pretty private person. She knows this. In this state they want to round us up in camps & burn us at the stake. I'm afraid I wouldn't win & would in turn make the local news and be blacklisted from any place in the state.

The Jami Turman Fan Club: sisterinarms: So, Farkers, what do I do? It's constant negativity & I've thought more than once about hanging myself in the garage.


One of...
1. Switch departments.
2. Go to HR, explain that if something isn't done, you're going to sue for sexual harrassment.
3. Claim a nervous breakdown, and take a few weeks off of work. See if the Boss' Boss figures out which of you is more important.
4. Keep looking for another job. Something will come up.

Best of luck! I've been there.

Help me figure out how to set up a hidden camera with a live feed to everyone on Fark. LOL. That would be awesome, wouldn't it. I'm working on changing jobs ASAP. It'll be a race to see who leaves first. She no called no showed today & her boss (the chair) is out with car repairs. If I didn't know better I'd swear they were sleeping together.

The Jami Turman Fan Club: shiat. You have tried to help yourself, and you do have a plan. That's what's important.

Anything we can do?


sisterinarms: I wish I was joking.

The party was off worksite not during work hours where she tried to kiss me. In front of my g/f who was also completely creeped out. I am documenting. I've even considered getting a hidden camera. I'm not sure that would be admissible in court though.

I really am afraid to go to HR because one of her old & close female friends works as head of HR.

I'm hoping when the Chair, her boss, leaves in a little less than a year, so will she. i know the new Lady won't let her get away with this shiat. She is well aware of what's been going on.

I will not hang myself in the garage. Although there have been days...

Nana's Vibrator: sisterinarms:

please be joking please be joking please be joking

That said, you CAN leave. Looking for another job, collecting unemployment, even going into bankruptcy are all better options than hanging yourself in the garage. The ceiling is far too high.
There are 2 issues at hand here:
1 is harrassment and how it affects your well-being
2 is the boss's job performance and attendance and how annoying it is
Ignore #2

With regard to #1: document, document, document. Print and save emails in a physical folder and keep a notebook in the same folder to write down moments (with date and time) that make you feel uncomfortable. Obtain corroboration of incidents from the apologetic coworkers. When the boss makes a comment, point to a coworker and ask "did you hear that" and get an acknowledgement.
Consult a lawyer or civil rights groups if necessary. Initiate a lawsuit if necessary. A "superior" trying to kiss you on the mouth, and the "outing" thing are plenty for escalation.
Shoot, I'd print everything you just wrote and bring it to HR. It's been mentioned before, but those coworkers will probably thank you for initiating the bully's exit.

Also, if this bully is really Dr. Gregory House, tell him it' ...

LineNoise: namegoeshere: I remember getting my first "real" job after college, and thinking how nice it was going to be to work with actual adults. No more catty bullshiat. No more workplace cliques. No more backstabbing crap.

Boy did I have an unpleasant awakening.

Should have picked an industry that didn't have many women working in it.

Web developer? Programmer? I.T. support? Server Administration?
I am here to tell you, ALL of those jobs have a distinct lack of Estrogen.

/Software Support and Backup Admin here.

sisterinarms They are right document EVERYTHING! Emails, calls, texts, use a notpad for any face to face interactions, get dates, better to have witnesses. And if the shebeast is friends with HR bring a lawyer, HR depts hate that. I was real lucky in the fact that every other building I worked at I got glowing reviews. And they only went down after I started working with my bully. I got transfered to another building and somehow magically my reviews went back to awesome. I still hear horror stories from the other site and from time to time I have taken in refugees from there.

sisterinarms: My bully boss bowed up to me once & was red in the face & screaming at me because I mentioned to someone else that I was going to cut off my land line at my house. She told me I couldn't do that. I told her she couldn't tell me what to do at my house. She didn't like that. So she came over & started screaming at me. She told me I'd lose my job if I didn't have a phone number that I could be contacted at. I told her that the University gives us an e-mail & that I could be contacted there between 8 AM & 5 PM. I'm hourly. I don't get paid to work outside of those times. If the University or the Department wanted to buy me a phone, then that would be okay. She then threatened to go to resources or someone if I didn't give her my cell phone number, which she had been after since I started the job. I told her to go ahead. No where in my job description or application did it say I was required to have a phone. I didn't want to give her my cell because the one reason I was cutting off the land line was because she kept calling me for non-work related reasons or to chat on my off hours. I seriously thought she was going to hit me at one point. I certainly felt my personal safety was threatened. I told her boss, the chair & all he said was that she was under a lot of stress. When review time came, I let the reviewer know, in detail, what transpired. She later made some comment about how she wasn't allowed to have anyone's personal information in a snarky tone. That made me smile.

A few weeks ago we had an altercation in a staff meeting. The serious stuff was over & someone mentioned college & football. She said colleges wouldn't exist without football. I couldn't help but laugh. I told her thousands of colleges do just fine without football. She said that the Education system would collapse without it. I said, Europe's colleges seem to be doing fine. She looked right at me & said, "Well, maybe you should move to another country then!" Everyone's jaws dropped. One of the othe ...

Get one of those nifty pen cameras, record all the outbursts. Profit?

I'll have to check the recorder thing out. That would help a bunch, since she's usually hanging around my desk. I took two weeks off recently. She managed to not come in the same two weeks due to "health issues". She claims she's been to the hospital 12 times this year & they can't figure out what's wrong with her. Anyway, she forced the new girl to man the main office those two weeks. So when I leave, the poor new kid gets shiat on.

CapeFearCadaver: There's also that 'microphone' recorder you might be able to download if it's not already on your computer. It's on my laptop and used it while I was documenting abuse of a different sort. Did give it to the state DA when the guy went on trial, along with everything else (pictures, texts, emails, 911 calls from neighbors...); She loved that I had everything. Thankfully we didn't need to use all of that at trial, but it was/is a nice comfort knowing that everyfarkingthing has been documented and saved.

/still like the "take time off", it'll show the entire department just how necessary you are, considering you're doing her job on top of your.

The Jami Turman Fan Club: The sound of one hand clapping:
This doesn't make them cowards or idiots for not standing up for themselves.

Yeah, it does.

Whether standing up for yourself means standing up to the bully directly, talking to your boss, or even quitting your job, if you can't take care of it, you're not an adult. There are times when these won't work, but you're better find a way to handle it.

This applies to kids too. Telling your parents, or a teacher, or a friend counts as standing up for yourself. Sometimes, those don't work and you're stuck. If you don't at least try, though...well, there's lots of bad words for it. I'll settle for- you're going to be someone's lunch for the rest of your life, which is likely to be nasty, brutish, and short.

I agree with a lot of what you said. I agree that the only option is for the person being bullied to stand up for themselves. And I agree that there are many ways to do that. I've been picked on and yeah, it only stopped when I acted.

And I also agree that if someone never stands up for themselves they will always be a victim and could well have a really crappy life.

I do object to the victim being called stupid or a coward though. Some people just can't stand up to bullies. They are smaller and weaker than everyone, don't have a lot of confidence and never really had to fight as a kid. They have no coping mechanisms for violent behaviour. I know people like this and they are still productive adults and I'm proud to call them friends. But they can not fight back when someone bigger and more aggressive picks on them. They know they should but they just can't do it. It's not always as simple as just shouting it out with the other person and someone who is timid can't find the strength to go all the way.

If anything, the real coward is the bully because they rarely go for a hard target. And I wouldn't necessarily call them adults either because they use their tantrums to get their own way rather than talking things through like the rest of us grown ups.

They've changed the wording of the article now, makes the headline less funny.

/Shame I was going to steal it and post it on Facebook.
//Slightly edited of course

OgreMagi: Years ago I started a new job and throughout the first half of the day I saw the boss go around and bully everyone. He was a complete douche who didn't ask people to do something - he yelled and berated them to get anything done. Shortly after lunch it was my turn. He tried his bully tactics on me. My exact response was, "faaaaark you" (without the fark filter), and walked out.

I had already planned to quit. In fact, I was surprised I bothered to come back after lunch.

Feels good doesn't it? What was the look on his face after you said that? Because that was the best part in my story above. You should have said something like "calm down and talk to me like an adult". Of course that would have made him livid, and like my story he would have found a reason to fire you.

BojanglesPaladin: By the way, the "survey" was done by Zogby and paid for by something called "The Workplace Bullying Institute" who WROTE the survey, so saltshaker sized grains of salt here, and only 6,302 people responded so it is absurd to extrapolate that out to 50 million workers.

Ah, so it's a SLOP study. I missed that.

(SLOP: Self-selecting listener opinion poll. It's one of those "call us and tell us your sad story" polls, so it's not surprising that 100% of the callers/respondents have terrible stories of abuse. The only way to find out for sure is to randomly survey a cross-section of employees and find out if they've been bullied or harassed.)

OgreMagi: Johnnyflash: OgreMagi: Years ago I started a new job and throughout the first half of the day I saw the boss go around and bully everyone. He was a complete douche who didn't ask people to do something - he yelled and berated them to get anything done. Shortly after lunch it was my turn. He tried his bully tactics on me. My exact response was, "faaaaark you" (without the fark filter), and walked out.

I had already planned to quit. In fact, I was surprised I bothered to come back after lunch.

Feels good doesn't it? What was the look on his face after you said that? Because that was the best part in my story above. You should have said something like "calm down and talk to me like an adult". Of course that would have made him livid, and like my story he would have found a reason to fire you.

He was actually shocked that someone would say that to him. He yelled at me, "get out of here!", but I had already turned my back to him as I walked out, so it was a rather empty demand. The reaction of the emplyees was even better. Some were snickering, others were also in shock.

That's great. I'm trying to find a 2nd job, in a way I'm hoping I get to work for a complete dbag so I can break out the spy cam and humiliate him/her with my responses then post to youtube. My current job of many years has been too calm, I think threads like this brings out the crazy in me.

All those precious snowflakes that were protected by their helicopter parents and were spoon feed self esteem are getting a dose of the real world if you ask me.

Go ahead, ask me.

LineNoise: namegoeshere: I remember getting my first "real" job after college, and thinking how nice it was going to be to work with actual adults. No more catty bullshiat. No more workplace cliques. No more backstabbing crap.

Boy did I have an unpleasant awakening.

Should have picked an industry that didn't have many women working in it.

OH SNAP!