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(AL.com)   As a defendant in a trial, if you're asked by a reporter if you did it, the answer shouldn't be "Did I do it? Yes." Then again, you've already confessed on a talk show, which is why you're here in the first place   (al.com) divider line 48
    More: Dumbass  
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10270 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Jun 2012 at 10:32 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-06-20 07:38:43 AM
Anyone else expecting TFA to be the latest Sandusky update?
 
2012-06-20 08:09:43 AM
I remember reading about this case on Fark.

I was wondering what happened to that guy.
 
2012-06-20 08:11:27 AM

Grables'Daughter: I remember reading about this case on Fark.

I was wondering what happened to that guy.


I can't help but wonder what his motive was. Just out of old-guy orneriness?
 
2012-06-20 08:19:02 AM

xanadian: Grables'Daughter: I remember reading about this case on Fark.

I was wondering what happened to that guy.

I can't help but wonder what his motive was. Just out of old-guy orneriness?


Those damn trees need to get off my lawn!
 
2012-06-20 08:26:27 AM

xanadian: Grables'Daughter: I remember reading about this case on Fark.

I was wondering what happened to that guy.

I can't help but wonder what his motive was. Just out of old-guy orneriness?


Who knows, but that is messed up.

So, have the trees died?
 
2012-06-20 08:30:39 AM

xanadian: Grables'Daughter: I remember reading about this case on Fark.

I was wondering what happened to that guy.

I can't help but wonder what his motive was. Just out of old-guy orneriness?


Found out why... from Wikipedia:

He said he did this in retaliation for photos that he claimed to have seen in the Birmingham News that depicted Auburn fans rolling Toomer's Corner after announcement of former University of Alabama head-coach Paul "Bear" Bryant's death in 1983 as well as pictures of an Auburn #2 (number of 2010 Auburn quarterback Cam Newton) Under Armour t-shirt taped to Bryant's statue earlier in the 2010 season. He ended his call by saying, "Roll damn Tide!" An exhaustive search of newspapers found no evidence of Toomer's being rolled upon Bryant's death.[12][13]
 
2012-06-20 08:39:43 AM
I must have missed this story the first time around. What an asshole.
 
2012-06-20 08:44:32 AM

Grables'Daughter: xanadian: Grables'Daughter: I remember reading about this case on Fark.

I was wondering what happened to that guy.

I can't help but wonder what his motive was. Just out of old-guy orneriness?

Found out why... from Wikipedia:

He said he did this in retaliation for photos that he claimed to have seen in the Birmingham News that depicted Auburn fans rolling Toomer's Corner after announcement of former University of Alabama head-coach Paul "Bear" Bryant's death in 1983 as well as pictures of an Auburn #2 (number of 2010 Auburn quarterback Cam Newton) Under Armour t-shirt taped to Bryant's statue earlier in the 2010 season. He ended his call by saying, "Roll damn Tide!" An exhaustive search of newspapers found no evidence of Toomer's being rolled upon Bryant's death.[12][13]


I see there's also the possibility that it could poison the ground water there, posing a health risk to people, as well.

Major douche.
 
2012-06-20 08:59:07 AM

Sybarite: I must have missed this story the first time around. What an asshole.


He's front page news in Alabama and has been for a while. We do have our priorities, you know. University of Alabama at Tuscaloosa and Auburn news dominate the headlines. Harvey combined the two, so he gets special treatment by the media.

Two of Updyke's children are Crimson Tyde Updyke and Bear Bryant Updyke. He wanted to name another child Ally Bama Updyke, but her mother wouldn't let him.

This has been by far one of the more entertaining stories for the last year. The funniest part is that most Bama fans can't stand the guy either and he can't figure out why. It seems in his mind he was justified in what he did. After all, what's a couple of trees, right?

/weagle
 
2012-06-20 09:04:12 AM

superdolfan1: Crimson Tyde Updyke


Crimson Tide Up-dick. Boy, the jokes just kind of write themselves, don't they?
 
2012-06-20 09:09:12 AM
Yawn.
 
2012-06-20 09:10:06 AM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Anyone else expecting TFA to be the latest Sandusky update?


Yup, I thought it had to do with the, "Am I sexually attracted to little boys? *sigh* Hmmm...well, I wouldn't say that little boys have sexy tight cornholes, but children are luscious. I mean precious."
 
2012-06-20 09:58:37 AM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Anyone else expecting TFA to be the latest Sandusky update?


i was.
 
2012-06-20 10:34:34 AM
"Roll Damn Tide!"
 
2012-06-20 10:35:55 AM
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-06-20 10:36:01 AM
I hope 'f#@kin asshole' isn't contagious, because my son is starting at Alabama in the fall.

/roll tide
//whatever
 
2012-06-20 10:40:23 AM

Grables'Daughter: xanadian: Grables'Daughter: I remember reading about this case on Fark.

I was wondering what happened to that guy.

I can't help but wonder what his motive was. Just out of old-guy orneriness?

Found out why... from Wikipedia:

He said he did this in retaliation for photos that he claimed to have seen in the Birmingham News that depicted Auburn fans rolling Toomer's Corner after announcement of former University of Alabama head-coach Paul "Bear" Bryant's death in 1983 as well as pictures of an Auburn #2 (number of 2010 Auburn quarterback Cam Newton) Under Armour t-shirt taped to Bryant's statue earlier in the 2010 season. He ended his call by saying, "Roll damn Tide!" An exhaustive search of newspapers found no evidence of Toomer's being rolled upon Bryant's death.[12][13]


So...an angry idiot. Thank Heavens! We were starting to run low...
 
2012-06-20 10:43:46 AM
The comments on that article make Fark's Political tab look like a Mensa meeting.
 
2012-06-20 10:43:55 AM
Subby, do you say It's not perfectly legal to troll the media?
 
2012-06-20 10:44:08 AM
man, they make 'em stupid in Alabama
 
2012-06-20 10:49:30 AM

Grables'Daughter: I remember reading about this case on Fark.

I was wondering what happened to that guy.


WHY? What was his motivation for killing that tree?
 
2012-06-20 10:51:37 AM

SwingingJohnson: Grables'Daughter: I remember reading about this case on Fark.

I was wondering what happened to that guy.

WHY? What was his motivation for killing that tree?


Because it means something to Auburn fans, it's where they go to celebrate big wins, etc. This guy is a new high in lows.
 
2012-06-20 10:53:28 AM

Grables'Daughter: I remember reading about this case on Fark.

I was wondering what happened to that guy.


This is one of a couple of stories I follow. Another good one is the corruption saga going on in Quartzsite, Arizona. (Warning: if you decide to google this, be prepared to take notes, the list of players is extensive, and it's not always clear who are the crazy ones)

Life just seems to hand you a soap opera every now and then. I feel sorry for the players, but the drama IS pretty darn entertaining!
 
2012-06-20 10:59:34 AM

bagumpity: Grables'Daughter: I remember reading about this case on Fark.

I was wondering what happened to that guy.

This is one of a couple of stories I follow. Another good one is the corruption saga going on in Quartzsite, Arizona. (Warning: if you decide to google this, be prepared to take notes, the list of players is extensive, and it's not always clear who are the crazy ones)

Life just seems to hand you a soap opera every now and then. I feel sorry for the players, but the drama IS pretty darn entertaining!


Quartzsite is one unbelievable saga...and well worth getting into if you are looking for a way to kill a couple hours.
 
2012-06-20 11:01:23 AM
Alabamians are serious in their Alabama-Auburn rivalry, but most are good natured about it and don't vandalize their rivals property.

Then you have idiots like this guy.

Alabama has some of the nicest, most hospitable people you'd ever want to meet. And some you would love to see forcibly ejected from society.

/Alabama native, recovering
//Living in Florida, so it's a wash
 
2012-06-20 11:02:09 AM
As a defendant in a trial, if you're asked by a reporter if you did it, the answer shouldn't be "Did I do it? Yes."


That would be true, submitter, but the school journalist didn't ask him if he did it.
 
2012-06-20 11:13:25 AM
i641.photobucket.com
 
2012-06-20 11:17:22 AM

fawlty: man, they make 'em stupid in Alabama


This particular moran was a state trooper from Texas, actually. Just a fan of the Tide. Lives in Louisiana now, apparently.
 
2012-06-20 11:17:32 AM
So since TFA didn't say... what's he charged with?
 
2012-06-20 11:34:39 AM
The latest update from this morning is that Updyke is denying he confessed to the reporter. (His lawyer is trying to get him straightened out, no doubt.) The reporter has been subpoenaed as a witness in the trial now.
 
2012-06-20 11:47:44 AM
 
2012-06-20 11:58:26 AM
There was a pretty detailed and damn good article in SI about this at the start of last season.

jmadisonbiii: [upload.wikimedia.org image 300x453]


I think my favorite part of that cover is the almost parenthetical "With exclusive commentary: HE DID IT".
 
2012-06-20 12:12:42 PM
Why doesn't this guy just cut a plea deal.

/also he's a former Texas state trooper
//so many stereotypes
 
2012-06-20 12:13:28 PM
jaylectricity:

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Anyone else expecting TFA to be the latest Sandusky update?

Yup, I thought it had to do with the, "Am I sexually attracted to little boys? *sigh* Hmmm...well, I wouldn't say that little boys have sexy tight cornholes, but children are luscious. I mean precious."


WDF: That reminds me of a case in Britain a while back where a pediatrician exposed an epidemic of fathers molesting their little boys and blew the whistle, leading to several court cases he was the expert witness in. In quite a lot of these cases his expert testimony outweighed that of the fathers' families, other children and often the alleged victim himself, who often said, emphatically, "No way!"

This doctor had a fool-proof diagnostic method that he became quite proficient in: he'd insert one lubed-up finger into the boy's butt hole, and if it went in easily and the kid didn't shriek he'd slide in another. And another. And maybe another. The fact that these little boys could be easily digitally penetrated meant that they'd gotten used to being sodomized, he said.

It took a while before anybody noticed that he'd made a career of digitally penetrating lots of little boys, and read up on these cases to re-open a few. It turned out the only thing going up these kids' rectums besides an occasional suppository or thermometer had been his very expert fingers.

But anyway. Fear the wiles of Satan!!!


/Weird digression, folks.
 
2012-06-20 12:18:26 PM

Mad Scientist: The latest update from this morning is that Updyke is denying he confessed to the reporter. (His lawyer is trying to get him straightened out, no doubt.) The reporter has been subpoenaed as a witness in the trial now.


Please help me figure out how this would be important.

Don't you have to confess to someone in law enforcement?
 
2012-06-20 12:27:09 PM

Grables'Daughter: Mad Scientist: The latest update from this morning is that Updyke is denying he confessed to the reporter. (His lawyer is trying to get him straightened out, no doubt.) The reporter has been subpoenaed as a witness in the trial now.

Please help me figure out how this would be important.

Don't you have to confess to someone in law enforcement?


In a legal sense, I suppose so. I am not a lawyer. But since he has pleaded not guilty, a public confession can't help his case, I would think. And to deny the confession the next day doesn't boost his credibility regarding anything else he might say.

Updyke clearly has a screw loose. Some months ago, he called in again to the same radio talk show where he first reveled his act and all but confessed. That caused his first lawyer to quit and the trial to be delayed for several months. Meantime, he reveled in being treated like a hero in New Orleans during the National Championship game last January. He wants to be known as the Toomer's Corner Tree Killer, but he doesn't want to suffer any adverse legal consequences. I'm pretty sure he won't be able to pull off both.
 
2012-06-20 12:36:00 PM
God. We have two headlines today and it's not even noon yet...

I don't care about the AL/AU rivalry, but I've noticed 'Bama fans tend towards the more.. dramatic.

CSB:
Last year, during the week of the AL-LSU game (SEC championship), a friend's 15 year old kid was working at some craptastic movie rental place. A man in his 50s told the kid he was going to come back to the store and put a "12 gauge hole" in the kid's chest... Not because the kid said something, but because he was wearing an LSU hat. The kid is a very quiet, reserved boy. I seriously doubt he did anything to antagonize the old man.


// Shame slashies
 
2012-06-20 12:39:01 PM

LittleSmitty: Alabamians are serious in their Alabama-Auburn rivalry, but most are good natured about it and don't vandalize their rivals property.

Then you have idiots like this guy.

Alabama has some of the nicest, most hospitable people you'd ever want to meet. And some you would love to see forcibly ejected from society.

/Alabama native, recovering
//Living in Florida, so it's a wash


One of the best examples out there as to what life is like in Alabama when it comes to the UAT/Auburn rivalry is an ESPN documentary called "War Eagle/Roll Tide". It featured a portion on Mr. Updyke, but it explains it better than anything else I've found so far.

I've lived in Alabama for 23 years after moving here from South Florida. I wouldn't want to live anywhere else, to be honest. This is an awesome state, filled with awesome people, but just like anywhere else, you have your rejects of society. There's die-hard Bama fans that couldn't find Tuscaloosa on a map, much less spell it. You just learn to ignore them. They mean well, but they just don't know any better.

As far as true rednecks, they don't live in Alabama. Just go to the Walmart in Palatka, Florida. You'll find that they are all congregating there.

Harvey, by the way, is not your typical Bama fan. He's actually turned it up a couple of notches. His mental state comes closer to say, a Jets fan, than a typical Bama fan.

Oh, and if you do choose to move here, be prepared to choose either Auburn or Alabama as soon as you cross the state line. I'm Auburn by marriage. My kids are all Auburn except for my son who defected in middle school, but he's not been disowned yet (and he has an uncle that played for Auburn!).

/War Eagle!
 
2012-06-20 12:47:41 PM

superdolfan1: There's die-hard Bama fans that couldn't find Tuscaloosa on a map, much less spell it

i497.photobucket.com
Wut?
 
2012-06-20 01:17:27 PM

Grables'Daughter: Mad Scientist: The latest update from this morning is that Updyke is denying he confessed to the reporter. (His lawyer is trying to get him straightened out, no doubt.) The reporter has been subpoenaed as a witness in the trial now.

Please help me figure out how this would be important.

Don't you have to confess to someone in law enforcement?



I've read an awful lot of stories of people being convicted based off testimony given by a cellmate they supposedly confessed further crimes to.
 
2012-06-20 02:02:39 PM
Ever notice that the most rabid fan base tends to be the "sidewalk alumni." You rarely hear about a graduate of any institution being a total tool like this. But Harvey "Roll Damn Tide" Updyke and the Bama Teabagger have brought stupidity to a new dimension. And why do all of the Bammer wing-nuts tend to congregate in or around Lee County? Harvey's from Dadeville (20 minutes away) and Teabagger is from Smiths Station (25 minutes away). I walked into a store with a Lee-Scott Academy State Basketball Championship t-shirt on and was yelled at by a Bammer. Greasy with a dirty houndstooth cap, a Got 14 t-shirt and a nasty tube top wearin' fat wife. He told me that "All-barn" fans shouldn't be runnin' around with a championship shirt on. Followed by a hefty, "Rawl Tied!" I looked down at my shirt and said, "This is a local high school. What are you talking about?", and walked off. Auburn has some pretty stupid, obnoxious fans too, so I'm not just picking on Bama.

We're kind of tired of it all around here. Yes. The trees will die. They looked pretty rough when I drove past this morning. Harvey's a d-bag and he will likely go to jail. Should he? probably not, but you can't willfully destroy someone's property and then say, "There's too much Bama in me." Well, not a good excuse. Maybe he will share a cell in PMITA prison with a Tennessee fan and get a daily dose of "Too much Tennesse in me." He is an ex-cop, so he probably won't be too popular.

That being said, I have the utmost respect for most of the Bama nation. 75% of my family members are Alabama Alumni (aka. Gumps). I am friends with many Gumps and Bammer sidewalk alumni too. Me? I'm an Auburn Alumnus and friend. I cherish my cow college connection, as the Gumps cherish theirs....but I have a couple of pet peeves. 1. Lose the "RTR." A few years ago, Auburn started using "WDE" so the Bammers copied with "RTR." Fine. But why refer to us as your "little sister" when we started the trend? Little sister's should be doing the copying. I'm a little sister and I copied my big sister constantly. Drove her crazy. 2. Stop calling LSU folks "Corndogs." That's an Auburn thing and your obsession with Auburn is beginning to get a little to creepy, "single white female-ish"
 
2012-06-20 02:41:50 PM

Grables'Daughter: Mad Scientist: The latest update from this morning is that Updyke is denying he confessed to the reporter. (His lawyer is trying to get him straightened out, no doubt.) The reporter has been subpoenaed as a witness in the trial now.

Please help me figure out how this would be important.

Don't you have to confess to someone in law enforcement?


No, why would who you confessed to matter, aside from the reputation of the witness?

The only thing law enforcement get is the benefit of the doubt on cross examination. The police have very few rights or powers that the general public don't have.
 
2012-06-20 02:58:16 PM
Joyce Kilmer.
Trees

I THINK that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.

A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the sweet earth's flowing breast;

A tree that looks at God all day,
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;

A tree that may in summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair;

Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives with rain.

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree

They should make him say that over and over as part of his punishment
 
2012-06-20 03:01:33 PM
No love for 'Bama, but Auburn fans are well-known for cooking their dinners with hibachis, on their 10th floor hotel balconies in downtown New Orleans, during Sugar Bowls that featured that "agricultural institution". They would have the valet cart up cases and cases of beer and cheap, semi-frozen cuts of beef.

In New Orleans we used to say that a good Auburn fan will bring one clean shirt, a moronic attitude, and a twenty dollar bill. You can count on him not changing any one of them during the Sugar Bowl.
 
2012-06-20 03:25:11 PM

Dr_Retriever: Maybe he will share a cell in PMITA prison with a Tennessee fan and get a daily dose of "Too much Tennesse in me."


if this is true, he may end up with "too much Tennessee in him." too ;)

/AU alum here too
//well-stated comment
 
2012-06-20 07:01:25 PM
superdolfan1 SmartestFunniest 2012-06-20 08:59:07 AM


Sybarite: I must have missed this story the first time around. What an asshole.

He's front page news in Alabama and has been for a while. We do have our priorities, you know. University of Alabama at Tuscaloosa and Auburn news dominate the headlines. Harvey combined the two, so he gets special treatment by the media.

Two of Updyke's children are Crimson Tyde Updyke and Bear Bryant Updyke. He wanted to name another child Ally Bama Updyke, but her mother wouldn't let him.


This moron reproduced? I need to weep for our country.
 
2012-06-20 09:01:36 PM
My favorite is:


Updyke's wife Elva said, "Of course, he's going to use it. He's been taking notes."


His own wife knows he's an idiot. Bonus: He wasn't asked if he did it.
 
2012-06-20 10:00:55 PM
Years ago when I covered college football for Sports Illustrated, I had the pleasure of watching a few games in Auburn. You couldn't dream of a better atmosphere on game day. Auburn fans are some of the nicest and most generous people you'll ever meet. It's almost impossible to pass by a tailgate without being offered food or drink.

It's a shame people like this Updyke character exist. The tradition Toomer's Corner holds, not only to Auburn people, but college football as a whole, is close to being history because of the stupidity of a guy who readily admits is "too full of Bama."
 
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