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(Deadline)   Robocop director Paul Verhoeven to write and direct film about life of Jesus Christ, in which Mary was raped by a Roman soldier, he can't perform miracles, and was totally not expecting to die on a cross. I'd buy that for a dollar   (deadline.com) divider line 82
    More: Silly, Paul Verhoeven, direct films, Roman army unit types, RoboCop, Jesus Christ, Timur Bekmambetov, Joe Eszterhas, Roger Avary  
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2387 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 20 Jun 2012 at 3:26 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-06-20 03:28:16 AM
and gay
 
2012-06-20 03:31:49 AM
If he doesn't get turned into a cyborg to fight the army of space bugs lead by Sharon Stone, I'm not watching.
 
2012-06-20 03:32:53 AM
Discounting all the supernatural stuff, how is Jesus different than the Samaritan?
 
2012-06-20 03:33:16 AM
So... He's doing The Life of Brian.
 
2012-06-20 03:33:21 AM
"Verhoeven feels too many take Jesus' sacrifice for our sins as a free pass to misbehave, because they think they don't have to take responsibility for their actions. He feels that the value of Christ's journey is the opportunity to emulate his life and the values he held dear, like forgiveness."

That, I agree with. There's too much 'I believe in Jesus! I'm going to heaven! Great, now I don't have to be good.'

That said, if he shows Mary, about 12 years old, being raped, he's going to upset a LOT of people!
 
2012-06-20 03:39:19 AM
I find it interesting how many of the comments in the article are...BUT BUT MUSLINS!!!!
 
2012-06-20 03:42:46 AM

StoPPeRmobile: Discounting all the supernatural stuff, how is Jesus different than the Samaritan?


Jesus runs around in sandles and a toga. The Samaritan on the other hand runs around in a spandex suit and mask with a large silver S on his forehead.
 
2012-06-20 03:43:39 AM
Troll Factor 11
 
2012-06-20 03:52:44 AM
When Last Temptation of Christ came out, Christian protests resulted in having the movie removed from the theater in my hometown. Same thing happened to Life of Brain.

That was a few decades ago, but somehow I doubt the protesters have changed much. This should be fun.
 
2012-06-20 03:59:49 AM
If protestors refused to protest, nearly no one would know that the films they're so misguidedly giving so much free, widespread publicity to even exist.

Some of the brighter ones realize this.

The brighter ones are outnumbered.
 
2012-06-20 04:04:57 AM
Most epic troll evar!
 
2012-06-20 04:08:35 AM
As Darren Aronofsky's Noah gets ready to set sail and iconic directors Ridley Scott and Steven Spielberg forge ahead with epics about Moses leading the Israelites out of Egypt, faithful Biblical epics are flourishing in Hollywood.

I can't wait for Uwe Boll's "Muhammad: the Reckoning".
 
2012-06-20 04:14:59 AM
So...it's a serious drama based on The Life of Brian?

FTFA: The most controversial: that Jesus might have been the product of his mother being raped by a Roman soldier,

i.telegraph.co.uk

Brian: He was a Centurion, in the Jerusalem Garrisons.
Pontius Pilate: Weally? What was his name?
Brian: 'Naughtius Maximus'.

files.myopera.com

MANDY: Well, Brian,... your father isn't Mr. Cohen.
BRIAN: I never thought he was.
MANDY: Now, none of your cheek! He was a Roman, Brian. He was a centurion in the Roman army.
BRIAN: You mean... you were raped?
MANDY: Well, at first, yes.
BRIAN: Who was it?
MANDY: Heh. Nortius Maximus his name was. Hmm. Promised me the known world he did. I was to be taken to Rome, House by the Forum. Slaves. Asses' milk. As much gold as I could eat. Then, he, having his way with me had... voom! Like a rat out of an aqueduct.
BRIAN: The bastard!
MANDY: Yeah. So, next time you go on about the 'bloody Romans', don't forget you're one of them.
BRIAN: I'm not a Roman, Mum, and I never will be! I'm a Kike! A Yid! A Hebe! A Hook-nose! I'm Kosher, Mum! I'm a Red Sea Pedestrian, and proud of it!
 
2012-06-20 04:15:01 AM

fusillade762: As Darren Aronofsky's Noah gets ready to set sail and iconic directors Ridley Scott and Steven Spielberg forge ahead with epics about Moses leading the Israelites out of Egypt, faithful Biblical epics are flourishing in Hollywood.

I can't wait for Uwe Boll's "Muhammad: the Reckoning".


Coming, summer 2014: Shia LaBeouf is ABRAHAM
 
2012-06-20 04:17:30 AM
Might as well just adapt Behold the Man.
 
2012-06-20 04:19:12 AM
Why not just swing for the fences and get Garth Ennis to write it? Then when Jesus died on the cross, a gerbil will crawl out of his ass or something.
 
2012-06-20 04:26:26 AM

alwaysjaded: Why not just swing for the fences and get Garth Ennis to write it? Then when Jesus died on the cross, a gerbil will crawl out of his ass or something.


i would watch this movie every day for a year.
 
2012-06-20 04:51:03 AM
And lo..Jesus spake to both Mary Magdalen and his mother, instructing them in the ways of the lord by pronouncing unto them "Biatches Leave"
 
2012-06-20 05:11:36 AM

fusillade762: As Darren Aronofsky's Noah gets ready to set sail and iconic directors Ridley Scott and Steven Spielberg forge ahead with epics about Moses leading the Israelites out of Egypt, faithful Biblical epics are flourishing in Hollywood.

I can't wait for Uwe Boll's "Muhammad: the Reckoning".


He did.
t0.gstatic.com

When I signed up it was a hundred.
 
2012-06-20 05:22:28 AM
Well Paul Verhoeven just earned himself a free picketing from WBC at his funeral.
 
2012-06-20 05:28:37 AM

MmmmBacon: Well Paul Verhoeven just earned himself a free picketing from WBC at his funeral.


Well, who hasn't?
 
2012-06-20 05:29:42 AM
I will watch this movie as long as after the crucifixion, Jesus ends up as a cyborg in a metal suit and throws Pontius Pilate out of a skyscraper window at the end of the movie.
 
2012-06-20 05:31:00 AM

Alphax: MmmmBacon: Well Paul Verhoeven just earned himself a free picketing from WBC at his funeral.

Well, who hasn't?


Exactly. At this point I'd consider myself to be an utter failure at life if they didn't.
 
2012-06-20 05:46:00 AM

FirstNationalBastard: I will watch this movie as long as after the crucifixion, Jesus ends up as a cyborg in a metal suit and throws Pontius Pilate out of a skyscraper window at the end of the movie.


Crucifixion? How about Circumcision?
 
2012-06-20 06:02:22 AM

StoPPeRmobile: FirstNationalBastard: I will watch this movie as long as after the crucifixion, Jesus ends up as a cyborg in a metal suit and throws Pontius Pilate out of a skyscraper window at the end of the movie.

Crucifixion? How about Circumcision?


Sure, he can have some kind of circumcision device in his cyborg suit.
 
2012-06-20 06:37:52 AM

FirstNationalBastard: StoPPeRmobile: FirstNationalBastard: I will watch this movie as long as after the crucifixion, Jesus ends up as a cyborg in a metal suit and throws Pontius Pilate out of a skyscraper window at the end of the movie.

Crucifixion? How about Circumcision?

Sure, he can have some kind of circumcision device in his cyborg suit.


Come quietly or there will be... resurection?
 
2012-06-20 06:44:46 AM

FirstNationalBastard: StoPPeRmobile: FirstNationalBastard: I will watch this movie as long as after the crucifixion, Jesus ends up as a cyborg in a metal suit and throws Pontius Pilate out of a skyscraper window at the end of the movie.

Crucifixion? How about Circumcision?

Sure, he can have some kind of circumcision device in his cyborg suit.


Intertitle: "Seven Days Later..."

SCENE: Garden, PONTIUS PILATE's Atrium. PONTIUS PILATE is drinking a glass of wine, admiring the azalea bushes. A burning streak, like a meteor, crosses the sky and burns a course directly towards PILATE's atrium. PILATE throws up his hands as it crashes...

...The dust is thick, and as it settles a figure can be seen. The tile is cracked under his bended knee, his flung wide steadying arm slowly withdrawing to a prayerful pose. A steel chakram, embossed with Hebraic characters, slowly orbits the crown of his head.


MEGAJESUS: You washed your hands of me. Now... you're washed up...
PONTIUS PILATE: No!... You...!
MEGAJESUS: Render unto Ceasar, Motherfarker...

MEGAJESUS fires hot beams of holy light from his eyes, melting PONTIUS into the tile.
PONTIUS's GUARDS break into the atrium, alerted by PONTIUS's dying screams.

MEGAJESUS grabs his chakram as he twists to face his new adversaries


MEGAJESUS: By my actions, you Will know me... I fear NO evil...
 
2012-06-20 06:52:00 AM
These are PONTIUS's
www.foodsubs.com
They are PONTIUS's Potatoes.
 
2012-06-20 07:36:09 AM
"Dead or alive, you're coming with me. But, then again, I can just, like, touch you and make you alive again, so my threat's kinda empty, isn't it?"
 
2012-06-20 07:54:44 AM
Yeah, I think I'll pass...
 
2012-06-20 08:07:29 AM
Pharisees Leave!
i157.photobucket.com
 
2012-06-20 08:19:56 AM

Confabulat: When Last Temptation of Christ came out, Christian protests resulted in having the movie removed from the theater in my hometown. Same thing happened to Life of Brain.

That was a few decades ago, but somehow I doubt the protesters have changed much. This should be fun.


Yeah, I didn't read the article, but if the headline is accurate, the degree of offended sensibilities should be epic.
 
2012-06-20 08:22:42 AM
daringrocket.com

*approves*
 
2012-06-20 08:28:19 AM
1. "Serve the public trust"
2. "Protect the innocent"
3. "Uphold the law"
4. "Kill Pat Robertson"
 
2012-06-20 08:34:48 AM
up-ship.com

I love Paul Verhoeven.
 
2012-06-20 08:42:43 AM

PeterBeck: So... He's doing The Life of Brian.


I was going to say he was giving it the "Starship Troopers" treatment, but that works too: The Life of Brian, without teh funnay.
 
2012-06-20 09:06:31 AM

PeterBeck: So... He's doing The Life of Brian.


The Roman's name is Bigus Dickus.
 
2012-06-20 09:18:02 AM

GypsyJoker: Might as well just adapt Behold the Man.


I wish they would. I have a signed first edition, as well as the comic adaptation.

www.templeofpei.com

sfgospel.typepad.com
 
2012-06-20 09:23:29 AM
The rumor of Mary being raped by a Roman soldier is older than the Bible. His name was supposedly Pantera, and the earliest critics of the Christian Church made reference to it.
 
2012-06-20 09:36:17 AM
So who raped Shmi Skywalker?
 
2012-06-20 09:40:31 AM

Nem Wan: So who raped Shmi Skywalker?


Some dude driving a mini-Delorean, I think.
 
2012-06-20 09:49:15 AM

PeterBeck: So... He's doing The Life of Brian.


And.....we're done here.
 
2012-06-20 09:52:49 AM
FTA:The most controversial: that Jesus might have been the product of his mother being raped by a Roman soldier

This does fit the divinity angle, according to some christian scholars rape babies are little miracles.
 
2012-06-20 09:57:56 AM

GypsyJoker: Might as well just adapt Behold the Man.



had the same thought myself...
 
2012-06-20 10:11:02 AM

moel: And lo..Jesus spake to both Mary Magdalen and his mother, instructing them in the ways of the lord by pronouncing unto them "Biatches Leave"


Awesome.
 
2012-06-20 10:19:54 AM

Alphax: "Verhoeven feels too many take Jesus' sacrifice for our sins as a free pass to misbehave, because they think they don't have to take responsibility for their actions. He feels that the value of Christ's journey is the opportunity to emulate his life and the values he held dear, like forgiveness."


Are you kidding? Jesus and his father are all about shirking personal responsibility! Starting with kicking all of humanity out of "Paradise" because they were led astray by one of Satan's agents, whom God apparently permitted entrance to "Paradise". Continuing with God allegedly turning his back on Job to settle a wager with Satan. Then, god supposedly had Moses to all the dirty work in getting the Jews freed from Egypt, Then denied Moses entrance into the "Holy land" because Moses got a little haughty. Let's not forget that none of the Gospels ever started, "When Jesus' workday was ended..." Never do you hear, "Blessed are the Middle Class, for upon their shoulders is placed the not inconsiderable task of supporting your lazy asses."
 
2012-06-20 10:31:04 AM

GungFu: So...it's a serious drama based on The Life of Brian?


That's what I was thinking, but maybe more like the Jefferson bible. Apparently he's going to work off a book he wrote some time back. Article says he "Immersed himself in the history and researching the subject for nearly two decades" so either he's got some strong cognitive dissonance or really wants to pick a fight at some level.

/You can't study the topic more than a few days before you realize it's all fiction.
//Unless you dissonate your congnitions.
 
2012-06-20 10:38:10 AM

Alphax: That, I agree with. There's too much 'I believe in Jesus! I'm going to heaven! Great, now I don't have to be good.'


My god, I cannot count the amount of born agains that I know that think like this. And they all think I am going to burn in hell because even though I act in accordance with most of the bible I am also irreligious.
 
2012-06-20 10:49:22 AM
I'M STILL RELEVANT!! PLEASE STOP BRINGING UP THE BATMAN MOVIES!!
 
2012-06-20 11:01:13 AM

StoPPeRmobile: Discounting all the supernatural stuff, how is Jesus different than the Samaritan?


Well, for one thing Jesus wasn't from the future, as far as we know.

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-06-20 11:03:43 AM
Gee, I wonder if this is going to be controversial.
 
2012-06-20 11:18:22 AM
Sounds like Pantera would be perfect for the soundtrack.
 
2012-06-20 11:30:36 AM

PvtHike: If he doesn't get turned into a cyborg to fight the army of space bugs lead by Sharon Stone, I'm not watching.


thanks, that gave me the lol's ... and I agree.

But seriously, a movie mocking a (generally) pacifist religion seems safe and lazy.
Especially since its already been done, and those directors didn't suffer much for it.

I'd pay a lot more attention if he was doing the life of Muhammad.


/Will his shocking follow-up be an expose' showing Buddha going to Weight Watchers 5-A.D.?
 
2012-06-20 11:37:56 AM

Tainted1: Most epic troll evar!


I've been convinced ever since I saw the Costumes for Starshp Troopers that Paulie V. is one of the subtlest, yet most epic trolls on the planet. After this though, I may scratch the Subtle
 
2012-06-20 11:39:08 AM
Whatever you think about Verhoeven, the man can make onscreen rape quite entertaining.
Remember the 129 minute long rape scene of Heinlein's Starship Troopers?

Good times.
 
2012-06-20 11:55:33 AM
Lars Manderhoff in Californication must have inspired him. The parody inspiring the reality.
 
2012-06-20 12:00:17 PM

Alphax: "Verhoeven feels too many take Jesus' sacrifice for our sins as a free pass to misbehave, because they think they don't have to take responsibility for their actions. He feels that the value of Christ's journey is the opportunity to emulate his life and the values he held dear, like forgiveness."

That, I agree with. There's too much 'I believe in Jesus! I'm going to heaven! Great, now I don't have to be good.'

That said, if he shows Mary, about 12 years old, being raped, he's going to upset a LOT of people!


Only if it doesn't happen in a Howard Johnsons.
 
2012-06-20 12:03:25 PM
www.christian-miracles.com

'Just give me my farking phone call...'
 
2012-06-20 12:10:36 PM
Is it gonna be a complete shiat fest like Starship Troopers, that half of Fark is going to defend as actually being really deep with an important message?


/ I mean SERIOUSLY you guys, he thought the script for ShowGirls was a good idea.
 
2012-06-20 12:15:47 PM
You mean... you were raped?
quizilla.teennick.com
"Well, at first, yes."
 
2012-06-20 12:36:24 PM

Zombie DJ: I'M STILL RELEVANT!! PLEASE STOP BRINGING UP THE BATMAN MOVIES!!


That was Schumacher, not Verhoeven.

Verhoeven did Total Recall, Robocop, Showgirls, Basic Instinct, Starship Troopers, Hollow Man & Black Book

Schumacher did Batman Forever, Batman & Robin, St Elmo's Fire, The Lost Boys, Phantom of the Opera, Flatliners, Falling Down & The Client
 
2012-06-20 12:38:31 PM
i512.photobucket.com
 
2012-06-20 12:43:14 PM

LucklessWonder: Zombie DJ: I'M STILL RELEVANT!! PLEASE STOP BRINGING UP THE BATMAN MOVIES!!

That was Schumacher, not Verhoeven.

Verhoeven did Total Recall, Robocop, Showgirls, Basic Instinct, Starship Troopers, Hollow Man & Black Book


He also did Soldier of Orange and The Fourth Man, which is enough to earn him a pass for any crap films he's done.

\also has a Master's-equivalent degree in math and physics, interestingly
 
2012-06-20 01:28:42 PM

moel: And lo..Jesus spake to both Mary Magdalen and his mother, instructing them in the ways of the lord by pronouncing unto them "Biatches Leave"


I lol'd. That the punchline started on the next line is what really drove it home.
 
2012-06-20 01:32:10 PM
Jesus will never forgive for ruining Starship Troopers.. Burn in Hell!
 
2012-06-20 01:36:44 PM
 
2012-06-20 01:43:24 PM

Snatch Bandergrip: In talks for Mary Magdalene


Thanks for the NSFW warning.

Appreciate it.
 
2012-06-20 03:12:02 PM

Jim from Saint Paul: Thanks for the NSFW warning.

Appreciate it.


Haha, well that the pic is a link instead of posted outright is kind of a hint that it's NSFW, no?

My apologies all the same if you're at work or church or something.
 
2012-06-20 03:13:18 PM
seems appropriate.

badgods.com

\\Lore
\now with more silent J.
 
2012-06-20 03:53:32 PM

Snatch Bandergrip: Jim from Saint Paul: Thanks for the NSFW warning.

Appreciate it.

Haha, well that the pic is a link instead of posted outright is kind of a hint that it's NSFW, no?

My apologies all the same if you're at work or church or something.


lol, no. I mean, I did move the mouse over the link first. Nothing crazy there.

It's all good since I'm not fired.
 
2012-06-20 04:01:21 PM

Snatch Bandergrip: Jim from Saint Paul: Thanks for the NSFW warning.

Appreciate it.

Haha, well that the pic is a link instead of posted outright is kind of a hint that it's NSFW, no?

My apologies all the same if you're at work or church or something.


Uh, that's not even remotely a "hint" that it's NSFW.
 
2012-06-20 04:17:33 PM
If I put NSFW, it would have ruined the surprise. Also, it's a thread about Paul Verhoeven. The man's entire filmography is NSFW, and Jessie's pussy was bound to show up sooner or later.

I'm feeling a little ganged up on here.
 
2012-06-20 04:20:47 PM

LucklessWonder: Verhoeven did Total Recall, Robocop, Showgirls, Basic Instinct, Starship Troopers, Hollow Man & Black Book


Black Book, more people should see. Interesting thriller about the Dutch Resistance in WII.
 
2012-06-20 04:37:15 PM

Saiga410: Alphax: That, I agree with. There's too much 'I believe in Jesus! I'm going to heaven! Great, now I don't have to be good.'

My god, I cannot count the amount of born agains that I know that think like this. And they all think I am going to burn in hell because even though I act in accordance with most of the bible I am also irreligious.


That belief is the basis for most of the Protestant sects and the reason they broke off from the Catholics. If you hear someone say "Catholics aren't real Christians" - they are almost always referring the doctrine of sola fide (by faith alone) which leads to the reasoning mentioned above. The Catholics realized pretty early on that if you didn't tie eternal salvation at least tangentially to how you behaved on earth then it was a pretty easy leap to "I'll behave however I damn well please."

I don't think the Catholics got everything right, but at least they thought that one through.
 
2012-06-20 06:13:38 PM
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-06-20 06:25:22 PM
The "Immaculate Conception" doesn't have anything to do with the birth of Jesus. It's refers to Mary being born without sin, which is to say, the knowledge of right and wrong or, in simpler terms, innocent.
 
2012-06-20 06:48:52 PM

dobro: The "Immaculate Conception" doesn't have anything to do with the birth of Jesus. It's refers to Mary being born without sin, which is to say, the knowledge of right and wrong or, in simpler terms, innocent stupid.


Just a minor correction.
 
2012-06-20 11:20:19 PM

Snatch Bandergrip: In talks for Mary Magdalene


What movie is that from?
 
2012-06-21 01:28:57 AM

Lsherm: I don't think the Catholics got everything right, but at least they thought that one through.


There's also the whole Book of James "Faith without works is dead" thing that makes certain Protestants very uncomfortable.
 
2012-06-21 01:41:13 AM

Marshal805: Is it gonna be a complete shiat fest like Starship Troopers, that half of Fark is going to defend as actually being really deep with an important message?


/ I mean SERIOUSLY you guys, he thought the script for ShowGirls was a good idea.

Well, at least six inches deep anyways
 
2012-06-21 02:54:05 AM

Bloody William: [up-ship.com image 535x356]

I love Paul Verhoeven.


Badgers: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 640x426]


If you're being open and honest - and telling what is most likely the truth (based on logic and reasoning) - it's not exactly trolling. Should people not say what they really think just because most people don't know how to? It's really a serious question to ponder. How can you really have any intelligent dialog with people that choose to be guided by only faith and emotions? What happened to objectivity? fark what most people "think", if you can really even call it that. Most people are bandwagon "thinkers", and only believe as they do simply because they were taught to do so, and then beyond that, because most others "think" that way and they just want to fit in with society. It's really a sad and farked up situation human beings have put themselves into.
 
2012-06-21 04:14:13 AM
I think someone should just go all the way and make a Jesus movie where Jesus is a con-man deliberately misleading people into believing he's the Messiah for his own personal gain, and his con ends up getting too good, and he realizes too late that he's angered the wrong people and he's gonna get crucified.

Jesus Christ Superstar kind of ambiguously hinted that might be the case (with the additional twist that Jesus starts to actually believe in all his own hype)
 
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