If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(truTV)   "If you wanted to see Jason Vorhees come anywhere close to the body count that Abe Lincoln ran up during his four years as President, you'd have to wait until the release of Friday The 13th: Part 24,000"   (blog.trutv.com) divider line 95
    More: Scary, slasher films, Pride and Prejudice, vampire slayer  
•       •       •

5730 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 19 Jun 2012 at 3:43 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



95 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-06-19 05:58:51 PM
I liked "The secret Diary of Desmond Pfieffer"

/There, I said it
 
2012-06-19 06:01:38 PM

tudorgurl: I'm just wondering how many morons are going to watch this and think it's historic fact...


The same people that thought Titanic was a true story.
 
2012-06-19 06:06:01 PM
I saw Rock of Ages this weekend. I can't decide if it's the worst decent movie or the best horrible movie I've ever seen. From moment one when she starts singing on the bus til the credits I was laughing and I don't think that was their intent. Perhaps AL:VH will be the same? Then it'll be $10 well spent.
 
2012-06-19 06:09:01 PM

LeroyBourne: Apos: tudorgurl: I'm just wondering how many morons are going to watch this and think it's historic fact...

/yes, I've already encountered a few
//seriously.


That's a good one. No one,not even Paris Hilton,is that idiotic.

I don't know, I was talking to this kid about Inglorious Basterds, and he thought that was how Hitler went down.


Was he high or inebriated at that time?
 
2012-06-19 06:15:50 PM
Looking at it, my assumption has been that it'll be bad, but in the same way that anything involving Bruce Campbell is bad, just so damn cheesy that it loops back around into its own breed of camp b-movie awesomeness. If anything, I'm kind of disappointed now I know it's based on a book, since it means they might actually try to be "faithful to the source material." Normally that would be a good thing, but with this kind of subject, screw that, go for shakycam and pressure-washer blood spray!
 
2012-06-19 06:20:13 PM
You shouldn't rag on a movie just because of its premise. Almost every single major successful science fiction/fantasy/horror film is based on a premise that sounds utterly ridiculous when you first hear of it.

Quick, what billion dollar money-earner out at theaters right now features norse gods, space aliens, secret agents, monsters, WWII soldiers, a flying aircraft carrier, and a guy who with a bow and arrow?
 
2012-06-19 06:22:34 PM
movie looks like it took itself way too seriously. it's farking named Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter for farks sake
 
2012-06-19 06:26:32 PM

Dhusk: Quick, what billion dollar money-earner out at theaters right now features norse gods, space aliens, secret agents, monsters, WWII soldiers, a flying aircraft carrier, and a guy who with a bow and arrow?


The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel?
 
2012-06-19 06:26:57 PM

Keigh: If it bombs, we'll just be telling Hollywood that it's ok to make recycled shiat, and not ok to make something original and new. And that's sad.


lets see here...

bad trailer? check.
from the director who brought you that one dumb action thriller? check
CGI that looks like a sci movie of the week? check
stupid sounding concept? check
based on a book by the guy who's entire career seems to be taking history and slapping some sort of monster movie characters into it? check

that's the real problem. it looks stupid, and it looks like the quality is going to be crap.
 
2012-06-19 06:30:16 PM
I was interested until I saw the trailer.
 
2012-06-19 07:10:44 PM

tlchwi02: Keigh: If it bombs, we'll just be telling Hollywood that it's ok to make recycled shiat, and not ok to make something original and new. And that's sad.

lets see here...

bad trailer? check.
from the director who brought you that one dumb action thriller? check
CGI that looks like a sci movie of the week? check
stupid sounding concept? check
based on a book by the guy who's entire career seems to be taking history and slapping some sort of monster movie characters into it? check

that's the real problem. it looks stupid, and it looks like the quality is going to be crap.


well that's just, like, your opinions, Man.

/Bruce Campbell should be in this. Is he in this?
 
F42
2012-06-19 07:26:43 PM
Stop comparing the works of artisans who use their hands and simple tools to the industrial efficiency of an enterprise with thousands of members!
 
2012-06-19 07:27:58 PM

fusillade762: tudorgurl: I'm just wondering how many morons are going to watch this and think it's historic fact...

The same people that thought Titanic was a true story.


Take out Jack, Rose, her mom, Cal and his butler and it was.
 
2012-06-19 07:38:58 PM

Digitalstrange: fusillade762: tudorgurl: I'm just wondering how many morons are going to watch this and think it's historic fact...

The same people that thought Titanic was a true story.

Take out Jack, Rose, her mom, Cal and his butler and it was.


Back in 1997 or whenever my mom volunteered at the local museum because she liked Ancient Egypt stuff and they roped her into doing it for the Titanic thing. People kept asking her where Jack and Rose were on the registry. I think she may have taken a gun to the place. So some people think there was no Titanic and some think it was a shot by shot documentary.
 
2012-06-19 07:43:36 PM

Digitalstrange: fusillade762: tudorgurl: I'm just wondering how many morons are going to watch this and think it's historic fact...

The same people that thought Titanic was a true story.

Take out Jack, Rose, her mom, Cal and his butler and it was.


www.terrariaonline.com
 
2012-06-19 07:48:11 PM

Keigh:

well that's just, like, your opinions, Man.

/Bruce Campbell should be in this. Is he in this?


Sadly, no - they take things deadpan seriously in this, which makes it a very special kind of weird. The Lincoln actor is a good Lincoln, except they cut all his clothes high to make him look lanky. He looks a little like Lincoln as Herman Munster. And, unlike the commercials, he never uses an axe - he has a short-handled switchblade scythe.

They cheat the zombie concept - they just stand there until they hear a loud noise, so there's a lot of walking quietly through masses of zombies until the script calls for a set-piece. All the blood is Corman Crockogator CGI, which just drops the thing to a new low. And, as I said earlier, Stonewall Jackson is just some guy that they pulled off the street and put a BAD fake beard on. I'm not entirely sure, but the confederate flag on his hat may have been a sticker - it seemed to be peeling.

I was impressed by the fact that they apparently got permission to film in a real fort somewhere, but the fact that they just kind of snuck in and out all the time through about 20 or so 'sleeping' zombies made the fort as useful in the story as a semi-secure toolshed. Oh - and the explosion at the end was beyond pathetic.

The high point - or low - was the standard "smoke billows - figures emerge in slow motion" shot... featuring slo-mo Abe. That was a keeper, right there.
 
2012-06-19 08:00:58 PM

Mugato: I like even more than my historian friend is all pissed off about it.


I find this hilarious.I can just see an outraged historian stomping his feet; "This is
an OUTRAGE! Abraham Lincoln DID NOT hunt vampires! Harrummph! LOL
 
2012-06-19 08:14:17 PM
I'm into history. I'm also into vampires. I just think the whole genre is right up there with Twilight, to be honest with you.
 
2012-06-19 08:21:24 PM

Apos: LeroyBourne: Apos: tudorgurl: I'm just wondering how many morons are going to watch this and think it's historic fact...

/yes, I've already encountered a few
//seriously.


That's a good one. No one,not even Paris Hilton,is that idiotic.

I don't know, I was talking to this kid about Inglorious Basterds, and he thought that was how Hitler went down.

Was he high or inebriated at that time?


No, it was just some dumb kid (19-21ish). I'm glad he's taking the initiative in decent movies, but he was dead certain that's how it went down. I calmly explained it didn't.
 
2012-06-19 08:24:23 PM

TheBeastOfYuccaFlats: The trailer I saw last week actually sold me on being interested. Before that I thought the whole idea was stupid.


Funny when I found out that it was supposed to be him fighting the southerners who were vampires it made my interest disappear, first, its just going to make kids in the future think Lincoln beat back nasty southern vampires and two, come on, a shiatload of vampires against one man? They would win without much of a fight, but I guess they have to make up a reason for twice as many being KIA for the north.........VAMPIRES!
 
2012-06-19 08:34:50 PM
we should resurrect abe and send him down South again. With zombie Sherman and Grant. They need to finish up.
 
2012-06-19 08:36:00 PM

Zombie DJ: Apos: tudorgurl: I'm just wondering how many morons are going to watch this and think it's historic fact...

/yes, I've already encountered a few
//seriously.

No you haven't.


I teach freshmen and sophomores in high school. Yes, I have.
 
2012-06-19 08:41:07 PM
ADDENDUM: Whaddya know about that? What I saw was NOT this film. It was "Abraham Lincoln VS Zombies."

There are two of these out there. So I get to see some other Abe battling some other zombies. That's exciting. On the bright side, I guess I can strongly state it Was a sticker on that guys hat...
 
2012-06-19 08:54:28 PM

FriarReb98: This movie...look, it sounds just retarded. Ridiculously retarded. Like "Homer and Peter Griffin got together and wrote a movie but didn't write it together" retarded. And then Opie, the Monkey in Chris's Closet, and the Cat Lady from the Simpsons edited it to add 70% more zazz.


Shut up and take my money!

I am on line for that movie now. When does filming start?
 
2012-06-19 09:03:51 PM
Oh WOW!!! This writer pointed out the similarities between two movie posters! Amazing! I tip my hat at his keen observation. I mean...it's not like anyone has ever pointed out how every Hollywood movie poster looks pretty much the same and follows a simple formula depending on the genre of movie.

Link
 
2012-06-19 09:48:08 PM

CavalierEternal: ArkAngel: TheBeastOfYuccaFlats: War of Northern Aggression, blah blah blah.

Either that or the War for Southern Independence. American Civil War is a complete misnomer

History is written by the victors. If the south wanted a fair shake in the naming of the conflict, they should have won.


Actually, a ton of Civil War history has been written by Southerners. Its how Grant and Sherman went from National Heroes to a drunk and a madman while Robert E. Lee is considered a kindly gentleman.
 
2012-06-19 11:55:00 PM
This guy wrote Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, which was exceptionally well done.

This book was interesting, but not nearly as good. I am not impressed with the trailer, as it comes off as shrill, campy and garish. I think a better approach would have been a cerebral, psychological take on the book.

But what do I know? Practically nothing, as I answer my own question.

Just sayin'.
 
2012-06-20 12:33:50 AM
Call me crazy but I go to the Movies for dumb escapist crap like this.

The more a Movie resembles a window into the lives of my dysfunctional neighbors the less I am likely to see it.
 
2012-06-20 12:36:16 AM

steamingpile: TheBeastOfYuccaFlats: The trailer I saw last week actually sold me on being interested. Before that I thought the whole idea was stupid.

Funny when I found out that it was supposed to be him fighting the southerners who were vampires it made my interest disappear, first, its just going to make kids in the future think Lincoln beat back nasty southern vampires and two, come on, a shiatload of vampires against one man? They would win without much of a fight, but I guess they have to make up a reason for twice as many being KIA for the north.........VAMPIRES!


Thats amazing how you managed to combine southern angst with vampires. It must suck to know you lost the war despite having all the vampires on your side.
 
2012-06-20 12:36:49 AM

TheBeastOfYuccaFlats: The North did the South a favor in the end. The South was totally incapable of surviving on its own.


And vice-versa. The north had the manufacturing facilities and the massive slave labor force thinly disguised as employment (plus actual slaves until the 14th amendment), and the South had a lot of the raw materials those factories and labor needed to keep rolling.

makjr33: This guy wrote Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, which was exceptionally well done.


If you actually think Pride and Prejudice and Zombies was well written, I think your opinion officially doesn't count. Enjoyable? Sure. Good? No. It's literally a piece of fan fiction and the pacing and composition are exactly what you'd expect from such.

//A cinematic example would be, say, Godzilla vs. Monster Zero. Does everyone like it? Yes, it's great fun. Does anyone regard it as skillfully made? Ha ha, no.
 
2012-06-20 12:39:42 AM

archichris: steamingpile: TheBeastOfYuccaFlats: The trailer I saw last week actually sold me on being interested. Before that I thought the whole idea was stupid.

Funny when I found out that it was supposed to be him fighting the southerners who were vampires it made my interest disappear, first, its just going to make kids in the future think Lincoln beat back nasty southern vampires and two, come on, a shiatload of vampires against one man? They would win without much of a fight, but I guess they have to make up a reason for twice as many being KIA for the north.........VAMPIRES!

Thats amazing how you managed to combine southern angst with vampires. It must suck to know you lost the war despite having all the vampires on your side.


I know, right?!? God just hates us.....

You wait when they unfreeze us in 100 years they will ask us about when Abe killed the southern vampires.
 
2012-06-20 12:54:43 AM
Luke Skywalksr smirks and kills another million.
 
2012-06-20 01:04:32 AM

ColSanders: Contrabulous Flabtraption: I will never see this movie. I can't imagine something that interests me less.

This. It looks like a 90-minute internet meme. What's next? Bacon: The Movie?


*silent pause*

Go On........
 
2012-06-20 01:35:45 AM

mitchcumstein1: Don't ever see a movie with any sort of historical references with a historian, they will ruin it because they will inevitably biatch about how it's inaccurate.

I say this as a person who has a BA in History. I stopped going to movies with classmates, or even having discussions about them because they ruined them. History people are weird.



This is because many historical movies could be made using demonstrably historically accurate events and still be entertaining. Instead, they either grossly distort events or simply make shiat up to make the movie scenes play out exactly the same as every other historical movie (at this point, I think I could give a word-for-word recitation of every Stirring Pre-Battle Speach [tm] for every war movie that will ever be made). Going to see a historical movie is akin to being invited over to see some guy's vintage Aston Martin, and showing up to find he's jacked it up like a monster truck and using it to drag a plow in a field. Oh, and the director, stars, producers, etc. always claim they are being 100% historically accurate - while merrily raping history like a Japanese soldier in Nanjing.

The other thing is that historians spend their careers trying to separate history's actual events from the blatant lying of historical sources; dropping them in a movie theater and expecting them not to do what they trained to do is like expecting fish not to breathe underwater.
 
2012-06-20 01:46:45 AM
Last weekend I watched Abraham Lincoln vs. ZOMBIES so I'm getting a kick.
 
2012-06-20 09:26:12 AM

perigee: ADDENDUM: Whaddya know about that? What I saw was NOT this film. It was "Abraham Lincoln VS Zombies."

There are two of these out there. So I get to see some other Abe battling some other zombies. That's exciting. On the bright side, I guess I can strongly state it Was a sticker on that guys hat...


that is an Asylum "mockbuster". Please don't watch it. Asylum movies are so bad, they are hard to describe. I mean... MST2k had movies on the show that were masterpieces compared to the average Asylum flick. Good lord, current porn parodies are better movies. Just farking horrible.
 
2012-06-20 10:14:19 AM

phalamir: mitchcumstein1: Don't ever see a movie with any sort of historical references with a historian, they will ruin it because they will inevitably biatch about how it's inaccurate.

I say this as a person who has a BA in History. I stopped going to movies with classmates, or even having discussions about them because they ruined them. History people are weird.


This is because many historical movies could be made using demonstrably historically accurate events and still be entertaining. Instead, they either grossly distort events or simply make shiat up to make the movie scenes play out exactly the same as every other historical movie (at this point, I think I could give a word-for-word recitation of every Stirring Pre-Battle Speach [tm] for every war movie that will ever be made). Going to see a historical movie is akin to being invited over to see some guy's vintage Aston Martin, and showing up to find he's jacked it up like a monster truck and using it to drag a plow in a field. Oh, and the director, stars, producers, etc. always claim they are being 100% historically accurate - while merrily raping history like a Japanese soldier in Nanjing.

The other thing is that historians spend their careers trying to separate history's actual events from the blatant lying of historical sources; dropping them in a movie theater and expecting them not to do what they trained to do is like expecting fish not to breathe underwater.


It's a movie, not a documentary. If you want a dry historical account of something, read a farking book. The makers of the movie have to sell tickets, and they have to make money, therefore they have to make it entertaining, so you get things like Mel Gibson on a horse in front of his men, talking about freedom. And you know what? That's fine, because it's ENTERTAINMENT, for fark's sake.

And what historians really love more than anything, is showing you how smart they are.
 
2012-06-20 10:34:02 AM

frepnog: that is an Asylum "mockbuster". Please don't watch it.


From what he described I must watch this film. It sounds like driving 5mph past a burning bus full of nuns and bunnies. Yes it is a horrible scene but for some reason you cannot look away while taking some type of sick enjoyment from it all.
 
2012-06-20 11:20:51 AM

phalamir: The other thing is that historians spend their careers trying to separate history's actual events from the blatant lying of historical sources; dropping them in a movie theater and expecting them not to do what they trained to do is like expecting fish not to breathe underwater.


Okay but isn't there a difference between a movie that pretends to be somewhat historically accurate but distorts things to the detriment of anyone who might take it seriously and a movie that has vampires fighting Abe Lincoln?
 
2012-06-20 11:30:44 AM

perigee: ADDENDUM: Whaddya know about that? What I saw was NOT this film. It was "Abraham Lincoln VS Zombies."

There are two of these out there. So I get to see some other Abe battling some other zombies. That's exciting. On the bright side, I guess I can strongly state it Was a sticker on that guys hat...


Hahaha that's hilarious. I saw that on piratebay last night and thought "how many people are going to download this and think it's the same movie?" I must admit they're pretty damn quick with churning them out. I looked at it on IMDB and the top two actors are Abe and his wife, and the 3rd is a nameless zombie, that should give you a clue about the caliber of the actors.
 
2012-06-20 11:38:20 AM

scottydoesntknow: Hahaha that's hilarious. I saw that on piratebay last night and thought "how many people are going to download this and think it's the same movie?" I must admit they're pretty damn quick with churning them out


I see those on Redbox. There's also an A L I E N: Origins movie that looks a lot like Prometheus. It shouldn't be too hard to get a gig with the companies that do those sorts of movies. Maybe that's where I should start.
 
2012-06-20 11:41:32 AM

Mugato: scottydoesntknow: Hahaha that's hilarious. I saw that on piratebay last night and thought "how many people are going to download this and think it's the same movie?" I must admit they're pretty damn quick with churning them out

I see those on Redbox. There's also an A L I E N: Origins movie that looks a lot like Prometheus. It shouldn't be too hard to get a gig with the companies that do those sorts of movies. Maybe that's where I should start.


they are shot like porn, with no budget and crap acting. you probably could get in on it easily.
 
2012-06-20 05:57:34 PM

Mugato: Okay but isn't there a difference between a movie that pretends to be somewhat historically accurate but distorts things to the detriment of anyone who might take it seriously and a movie that has vampires fighting Abe Lincoln?


This, but there's also something to be said for just being lazy. I'm NOT going to expect perfect accuracy from a movie that has MOTHER EFFIN VAMPIRES in it.

On the other, there's something to be said for dismissing detail for no good reason, ESPECIALLY when it's food for some real entertainment. For example, I recently saw the preview and it mixed a montage of action scenes with Lincoln standing tall and proud while reciting the Gettysburg Address with a strong voice. Actually, we know the speech was short and sweet because Lincoln was violently ill and had to make his words count -- he literally had no stamina to stand at a podium for more than a few minutes.

This is the perfect opportunity to mix fantasy with history. Wouldn't it make more sense if, say, Lincoln was exhausted and wounded from a long night of fighting vampires and pretended to be sick to cover it up? Now, he'd still try to be composed, but you can film him sweating profusely, voice cracking, like he's about to puke. But pop culture envisions him reciting the Gettysburg Address loud & proud, so a derptarded movie is gonna say "fark history" and run with that, which is even less believable if a middle-aged man is pulling all-nighters chopping up undead monsters with an axe before meth was invented.

THAT'S what's stupid -- pissing away what history gives you and replacing it with lazy shlock.
 
2012-06-20 06:49:38 PM

ColSanders: Contrabulous Flabtraption: I will never see this movie. I can't imagine something that interests me less.

This. It looks like a 90-minute internet meme. What's next? Bacon: The Movie?


robsmovievault.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-06-20 06:56:57 PM

dragonchild: THAT'S what's stupid -- pissing away what history gives you and replacing it with lazy shlock.


Well that's what I was talking about before. I don't know anything about history so I wouldn't have spotted that but it would have been better if the non-vampire stuff was historically accurate. It would have worked better that way.
 
Displayed 45 of 95 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report