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(USA Today)   If you're one of those people who gets irritated by pop technobabble terminology like "the cloud," especially when used by uninformed idiots, don't read this article. Seriously   (usatoday.com) divider line 53
    More: Stupid, EMC, word processors, CRM, personal finance  
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5052 clicks; posted to Geek » on 18 Jun 2012 at 11:06 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-06-18 11:10:47 AM
Cloud storage doesn't seem very secure. I'm pretty sure the government data mines everything people store there, and just think about what happens to our data when it rains?
 
2012-06-18 11:12:38 AM
FTFA: "Some of the companies currently offer cloud-based services like the office productive suites from Microsoft and Google. Both of these companies are pitching customers the idea of allowing employees to edit and produce documents using word processors and spreadsheets on the cloud. Similarly, Salesforce.com is pitching companies on its cloud-based software that allows sales people to track leads and sales, again, without having to install any software."

Using VT100s?
 
2012-06-18 11:13:15 AM
Are the tubes running to the clouds very secure?
 
2012-06-18 11:14:25 AM
Matt Krantz is a financial markets reporter...

Well, that explains it.
 
2012-06-18 11:15:45 AM
And when the clouds get too full of data, that's what causes fog.
 
2012-06-18 11:18:32 AM

jjwars1: Cloud storage doesn't seem very secure. I'm pretty sure the government data mines everything people store there, and just think about what happens to our data when it rains?


For some reason my workplace has decided that a leaky basement of an old building is the ideal location for its servers. I'm not exaggerating when I say that the network goes down every damn time it rains.
 
2012-06-18 11:19:41 AM
The cloud, or rather massive central servers that can be used to save data

Yes, I suppose... in the same sense that a car can be used to drive to the end of your driveway to pick up your mail...

All the data are stored on remote computers, or the cloud, instead of on the device itself.

Remote storage is not cloud computing. Stop being stupid.

Some of the companies currently offer cloud-based services like the office productive suites from Microsoft and Google

Web... web base.... web based apps are not cloud computing... I thought I asked you to stop being stupid....

And EMC (EMC) is in the business of providing computer storage equipment, which is one of the critical aspects of providing cloud-based services.

Okay... okay, calming down some more... that's a.... that's not an unsmart statement. Okay, there's hope here.

As you can see, the cloud is increasingly looking to be dominated by many of the existing tech giants

GHAAAAHAHAAH! There is not "the cloud" you button-ed day, CPA-holding, overtightened necktie wearing jackass.

This is why tech people can't have nice things. In a large, complex organization a heavily scripted, well planned and carefully implemented private cloud architecture can be a godsend.

Know what I don't do anymore? Virus troubleshooting. Because I pull an entire infected machine out, wipe it, reimage, and it's right back up and running. No downtime for anybody. All of 15 minutes of work for me (popping images on the SAN around, mostly).

But noooooo. We can't have that. That's actually cloud computing. We have to have people like this guy who think it's a magical place you upload all your porn to so your wife can't find it as easily..

GAH.
 
2012-06-18 11:24:42 AM
number of people who i have heard use the term 'cloud' in person and actually know what it means: 1.
 
2012-06-18 11:27:59 AM

Trebuchet-Farker: And when the clouds get too full of data, that's what causes fog.


Defragging the cloud causes rain.
 
2012-06-18 11:30:20 AM

Trebuchet-Farker: And when the clouds get too full of data, that's what causes fog.


Protip: Lick the surface of your display to keep it from fogging up.
 
2012-06-18 11:35:09 AM

Splinshints: The cloud, or rather massive central servers that can be used to save data

Yes, I suppose... in the same sense that a car can be used to drive to the end of your driveway to pick up your mail...

All the data are stored on remote computers, or the cloud, instead of on the device itself.

Remote storage is not cloud computing. Stop being stupid.

Some of the companies currently offer cloud-based services like the office productive suites from Microsoft and Google

Web... web base.... web based apps are not cloud computing... I thought I asked you to stop being stupid....

And EMC (EMC) is in the business of providing computer storage equipment, which is one of the critical aspects of providing cloud-based services.

Okay... okay, calming down some more... that's a.... that's not an unsmart statement. Okay, there's hope here.

As you can see, the cloud is increasingly looking to be dominated by many of the existing tech giants

GHAAAAHAHAAH! There is not "the cloud" you button-ed day, CPA-holding, overtightened necktie wearing jackass.

This is why tech people can't have nice things. In a large, complex organization a heavily scripted, well planned and carefully implemented private cloud architecture can be a godsend.

Know what I don't do anymore? Virus troubleshooting. Because I pull an entire infected machine out, wipe it, reimage, and it's right back up and running. No downtime for anybody. All of 15 minutes of work for me (popping images on the SAN around, mostly).

But noooooo. We can't have that. That's actually cloud computing. We have to have people like this guy who think it's a magical place you upload all your porn to so your wife can't find it as easily..

GAH.


You need to calm down. This is how I'm picturing you right now:
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-06-18 11:36:52 AM

SlothB77: number of people who i have heard use the term 'cloud' in person and actually know what it means: 1.


I doesn't mean anything is why. everything is eventually stored or run on a server somewhere. Or a cluster of servers. Woo hoo. big deal. Yay. We have bandwidth enough now that you can run a pumped-up VT100 terminal session, but with color and graphics and sound. Yay.
 
2012-06-18 11:41:35 AM
The definition of cloud computing he's using is the same definition being pushed by the big tech companies. Any online service they offer is now being reffered to, by them, as cloud computing. Good luck getting the meaning of that term back to what it once was.
 
2012-06-18 11:44:19 AM
i272.photobucket.com
 
2012-06-18 11:50:00 AM
Three sentences in before I needed to check something....

Yes! It's still around. Behold the Web Economy Bullshiat Generator.
 
2012-06-18 11:51:17 AM
www.edrawsoft.com
 
2012-06-18 11:52:21 AM
These days, sadly, "the cloud" is just the buzz word for anything internet based instead of on-site based. I've lately even heard stuff like Gmail, Facebook, and webchat as "the cloud"
 
2012-06-18 11:52:26 AM

Nexzus: Three sentences in before I needed to check something....

Yes! It's still around. Behold the Web Economy Bullshiat Generator.


Nice, I'm gonna have to remember write a script that subs those out for random words in reports to see if anyone notices. First one I got was "extend sexy solutions", giggity.
 
2012-06-18 11:54:40 AM
I'm hoping that tablets will eventually evolve into punch cards as well
 
2012-06-18 11:55:36 AM

milowitz: Are the tubes running to the clouds very secure?


They have yet to resolve the bird/airplane issue.
 
2012-06-18 11:59:34 AM

Splinshints:
Remote storage is not cloud computing. Stop being stupid.


Blob storage is one of the biggest aspects of running a cloud solution.

Web... web base.... web based apps are not cloud computing... I thought I asked you to stop being stupid....


You might want to explain that to Google and Microsoft, since Google Docs and O365 are marketed as cloud solutions.

I know your CS Professor liked to claim that cloud computing fit inside certain strict definitions, but the fact is, Professors don't get to decide these things, the tech companies do. TFA is annoying Rick Romero style reporting, but everything he's saying fits the current industry definitions of cloud computing. I realize that disappoints you. Welcome to the software industry.
 
2012-06-18 12:00:10 PM
images.wikia.com
 
2012-06-18 12:01:15 PM

The One True TheDavid: FTFA: "Some of the companies currently offer cloud-based services like the office productive suites from Microsoft and Google. Both of these companies are pitching customers the idea of allowing employees to edit and produce documents using word processors and spreadsheets on the cloud. Similarly, Salesforce.com is pitching companies on its cloud-based software that allows sales people to track leads and sales, again, without having to install any software."

Using VT100s?


Or the Kindle Fire, which is pretty much a miniature VT420.
 
2012-06-18 12:03:55 PM

Nexzus: Three sentences in before I needed to check something....

Yes! It's still around. Behold the Web Economy Bullshiat Generator.


Ha! That's awesome.
 
2012-06-18 12:05:47 PM

Nexzus: Three sentences in before I needed to check something....

Yes! It's still around. Behold the Web Economy Bullshiat Generator.


I tried this tool and got:

"harness sexy users"

I'm taking that tool and applying for the next available opening.
 
2012-06-18 12:06:46 PM
Facebook is the operating system for the cloud.
 
2012-06-18 12:07:43 PM

Splinshints: In a large, complex organization a heavily scripted, well planned and carefully implemented private cloud architecture can be a godsend.


THIS....so much THIS. I'm currently working for a client who has excellent infrastructure. The more I work on it, the more I'm impressed with it. I've done interviews and some work for other clients who are HIGHER on the Fortune 500 list and their infrastructure is crap.

One interviewer actually told me, "Your job would primarily be migrating PST's to the cloud, then writing logon scripts for each group to reconfigure Outlook to point to the new location. We should have the second T1 line installed to the building by that point."

PSTs? Really? In the freaking CLOUD? Over a shared T1? At least now I know who NOT to book my reservations through. It's a disaster waiting to happen.

/When I asked her why they didn't just use Exchange, she said "We were told the cloud is better than Exchange..."
//For reals...
 
2012-06-18 12:14:13 PM
So, we could say cloud services are trending.....?

/f*cking hate that word
 
2012-06-18 12:14:47 PM

squidgod2000: milowitz: Are the tubes running to the clouds very secure?

They have yet to resolve the bird/airplane issue.


That's because it's neither, but is, instead, Superman. Yes, it's Superman -- strange visitor from another planet, who came to Earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men. Superman, who can change the course of mighty rivers, bend steel in his bare hands, and who, disguised as Clark Kent, mild-mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper, fights a never-ending battle for truth, justice, and the American way!
 
2012-06-18 12:15:18 PM
DRTFA: There are different kinds of clouds (or cloud services) available. Public, in-use pre-existing hw and sw with a pay for play model. Also private, in that an org buys the sw and hw and hosts it internally, usually billing services back to other dept.'s within the organization (shared services). Additionally the models include infrastructure as a service and platform as a services but at the end of the day the cloud can be hosted by a provider or in house, you are really just buying fast vm provisioning, storage, and a management portal. The industry is moving in that direction because it is easier to attach a cost to the computing infrastructure using cloud than traditional IT (single server/single instance). Let face it, for an investment of a few million, you cant take a datacenter with a few thousand servers and consolidate it down to just a few racks of equipment. The single server and associated server monkey/IT guy model is going away. Adapt. The Feds have adopted various flavors of these models, as well as larger companies, the costs associated continue to get driven down, green benefits as well. As the costs come down and the tech matures, the only standalone systems left will be for highly secure computing or legacy apps that cant be ported.
 
2012-06-18 12:16:19 PM

aspAddict: Splinshints:
/When I asked her why they didn't just use Exchange, she said "We were told the cloud is better than Exchange..."
//For reals...


I shake my head when people choose Exchange over IMAP.
 
2012-06-18 12:16:56 PM

lysdexic: Nexzus: Three sentences in before I needed to check something....

Yes! It's still around. Behold the Web Economy Bullshiat Generator.

Ha! That's awesome.


^ So much this..
 
2012-06-18 12:22:27 PM

etherknot: I shake my head when people choose Exchange over IMAP.


I don't mind Exchange OWA compared to IMAP - but then again, I don't have to administer either one in my current position. It seems that IMAP has an advantage in the syncing department - I'm sure there's more to it than that, but like I said, I don't admin either one right now.

To suggest that they take the PSTs off of a local server that is physically in the same building as the users, and migrate it off to Cloudakistan just made me want to chew my own arm off to get out of the interview...
 
2012-06-18 12:37:10 PM
Gotta agreed with subby...

But regardless, my simple approach to it is to see the cloud as a system where you have to wonder what's doing what, where it's located and that if something doesn't work, you're screwed.

Or if organized correctly, it's merrily a fancier word for a relational network, so basically the same as calling software an "app" (short for application software, which I wonder how many mouth breathers would even know this).

Or how about a podcast?... a frigging multimedia (video, audio or such) that's either streaming or downloadable.(or both), but somehow "media" wasn't hip enough.

Why must people need to make up crap hip words like this.... *sigh*.... oh well.

/yeah yeah, I'm oversimplifying, I'm sure
 
2012-06-18 12:51:53 PM
The value proposition:
We can leverage the "cloud" to further align IT and Business processes with corporate strategy. this should create strong synergies, and enable us to be more agile within our current space, as well as go-to -market faster in new and evolving areas. with the advent of the cloud and other disrupting and emerging technologies, we can utilize the cost benefits and lower TCO in order to rightsize the organization, this will further support our initiatives towards a reduction in force (RIF) and other cost savings/ profit maximizing initiatives. Once we create sufficient barriers to entry and further capture market share, our customers can benefit from our economies of scale, thus we have additional value add to spearhead our product offerings.
 
2012-06-18 12:53:14 PM
forgot to add /snarky.
 
2012-06-18 12:55:13 PM

leviosaurus: Blob storage is one of the biggest aspects of running a cloud solution.


Web storage is not cloud computing. Cloud-based workloads that are stored are not web storage.

leviosaurus: You might want to explain that to Google and Microsoft, since Google Docs and O365 are marketed as cloud solutions.


See that key word there? The fact that they're selling nothing to stupid people doesn't mean they're right.

Maybe you could try talking to Cisco, EMC, and VMWare about what cloud computing really is since they're the ones that are actually leading the adoption process rather than just sticking to someone else's coattails and trying to convince ignorant managers to buy re-branded crap that's been common in the industry for fifteen years now. Web apps are not cloud computing, web storage is not cloud computing, the fact that you're easily baffled by nonsense from slick-haired marketers doesn't change those facts.

leviosaurus: I know your CS Professor


This from a guy who doesn't understand the difference between web storage and cloud workloads. What other simple things that you fundamentally misunderstand would you like to try and lecture me on?

aspAddict: It's a disaster waiting to happen.


PSTs anywhere are a disaster waiting to happen. Even ignoring the massive technical and management problems inherent in them, they vastly complicate retention policy and discovery. Imagine getting hit with a lawsuit from an ex-employee making claims against you and looking to recover emails from 10 years ago. You tell the court, sorry, our policy is six years of retention and we stick to it. The employee says "nuh uh, it's in my PST, I know it's there, find it" and voila. You're farked.

PSTs should be outlawed.
 
2012-06-18 01:04:00 PM
Doing everything in The Cloud is the new way to transform an internet outage from an inconvenience into a catastrophe.
 
2012-06-18 01:09:39 PM

Russ1642: The definition of cloud computing he's using is the same definition being pushed by the big tech companies.


it was corrupted before they latched on, but they aren't doing themselves any favors. I guess it is easier to market the pop technobabble then try to define it for their customers and confuse them in minutia.
 
2012-06-18 01:13:46 PM

Glenford: jjwars1: Cloud storage doesn't seem very secure. I'm pretty sure the government data mines everything people store there, and just think about what happens to our data when it rains?

For some reason my workplace has decided that a leaky basement of an old building is the ideal location for its servers. I'm not exaggerating when I say that the network goes down every damn time it rains.


My first web hosting service decided that the ideal location for its server farm was in Southeast Florida, whose ad campaign is, "Hey hurricanes, we've got free cable TV. Come on in!" I think they've moved them to Tennessee now, but I cut those idiots loose after a week-long outage.
 
2012-06-18 01:27:13 PM

AncientLurker: DRTFA: There are different kinds of clouds (or cloud services) available. Public, in-use pre-existing hw and sw with a pay for play model. Also private, in that an org buys the sw and hw and hosts it internally, usually billing services back to other dept.'s within the organization (shared services). Additionally the models include infrastructure as a service and platform as a services but at the end of the day the cloud can be hosted by a provider or in house, you are really just buying fast vm provisioning, storage, and a management portal. The industry is moving in that direction because it is easier to attach a cost to the computing infrastructure using cloud than traditional IT (single server/single instance). Let face it, for an investment of a few million, you cant take a datacenter with a few thousand servers and consolidate it down to just a few racks of equipment. The single server and associated server monkey/IT guy model is going away. Adapt. The Feds have adopted various flavors of these models, as well as larger companies, the costs associated continue to get driven down, green benefits as well. As the costs come down and the tech matures, the only standalone systems left will be for highly secure computing or legacy apps that cant be ported.


the definition i have seen is software/ platform/ infrastructure as a utility. Analogy: Instead of each home having their own power plant, a centralized power plant (utility) powers many homes via tubes at a relatively nominal cost.
 
2012-06-18 01:27:26 PM
yo dawg, i heard you like web 2.0. so we put your web 2.0 in the cloud
 
2012-06-18 01:28:27 PM

jjorsett: Doing everything in The Cloud is the new way to transform an internet outage from an inconvenience into a catastrophe.


If the whole internet goes down we might have bigger things to worry about.

If you mean "internet connection goes down", there's a new thing called "redundancy". For example, our building has an inexpensive cable run that can be used in an emergency to continue providing basic connectivity to our other sites and keep important workloads up. It's not really that hard.
 
2012-06-18 02:57:13 PM

AncientLurker: The value proposition:
We can leverage the "cloud" to further align IT and Business processes with corporate strategy. this should create strong synergies, and enable us to be more agile within our current space, as well as go-to -market faster in new and evolving areas. with the advent of the cloud and other disrupting and emerging technologies, we can utilize the cost benefits and lower TCO in order to rightsize the organization, this will further support our initiatives towards a reduction in force (RIF) and other cost savings/ profit maximizing initiatives. Once we create sufficient barriers to entry and further capture market share, our customers can benefit from our economies of scale, thus we have additional value add to spearhead our product offerings.


I'm going to put this in my next report.
 
2012-06-18 03:47:49 PM
How many TB are in the clown?

www.poplexity.net
 
2012-06-18 08:54:00 PM

Splinshints - (favorite: Understands IT): PSTs should be outlawed.


Shortly before I left one of my previous employers, I took the time hook up the work laptop to my home network and backup my work PST (UGH) to my server. I have dirt on them, but I really don't care at this point. It was more of an insurance policy against them giving me a bad review later.

So, yeah. PST's breed crime. :)
 
2012-06-18 09:52:04 PM
I have no idea what you people are talking about.
 
2012-06-18 10:41:04 PM

The One True TheDavid: I have no idea what you people are talking about.


You don't happen to be a financial reporter that works for USA Today do you?
 
2012-06-18 11:27:05 PM
FTA: The cloud, or rather massive central servers that can be used to save data, are revolutionizing technology.

Back to the future... they used to be called "mainframes".

www.bsp-gmbh.com
 
2012-06-19 12:27:03 AM
imgs.xkcd.com
 
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