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(Some spontn80)   Fifth year in a row: What would you say to your Daddy today if you could?   ( divider line
    More: Followup, fifth year  
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4114 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Jun 2012 at 12:49 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2012-06-17 01:59:24 PM  
I'm looking for a vinegar based barbecue sauce. Any recipes?
2012-06-17 02:01:53 PM  

Oldiron_79: Mine is alive and well so there is no "what if" to it.

Grandpas on the other hand, well it would probably be small talk instead of anything important per say, but I'd give anything I had to give to see them again.

This, at least in terms of my maternal grandfather. He was a wonderful Granpa, never too busy to tell his grandkids a story, to play wiffle ball in the house and get in trouble with Granma for doing that or sneaking us cookies, sit us down for a chat about life lessons or what was going on in our little worlds, or just to show us in his own way, he cared about the kind of people my brother and I would become.

Sent my dad some four-alarm salsa and pickled okra from his favorite North Texas shop, the Loco Cowpoke, and had a chat Friday.

/Miss you, Granpa
//you and the hubby could have swapped some crazy stories
2012-06-17 02:04:34 PM  

RibbyK: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: batcookie: I'm seriously depressed over how many of you never knew the joy of having a good man for a father.

Well, in my case, it just makes me that much more dedicated to being a good father myself.


On the far other end of the spectrum, I'm 100% positive that I could not be as good a father to any theoretical offspring as my father was for me. It's one of the many reasons I don't have kids and don't want any. (I'm sure my living mother [and my late father] would be [would have been] disappointed to hear my reasoning, which is why I don't speak about it.)

Dad was awesome. We all miss him. I regret that he never got to meet my awesome girlfriend and her awesome family, because she and I are in it for the long run and we would have appreciated his wisdom and humor.
2012-06-17 02:05:34 PM  
Sure do miss you Pop.
2012-06-17 02:10:00 PM  
I'd say "I have to stop reading the comments on fark...they're depressing as hell". And then I'd go a get a cold beer from the fridge for my dad and I and watch some golf.
2012-06-17 02:18:28 PM  
I miss you.

And for the life of me, I'll never understand how you managed NOT to beat the living shiat out of that biatch you married. She gave birth to me and I can wholeheartedly and unreservedly assure you, the coont farking deserves it a thousand times over.

You were an incredible and amazing man, far, FAR too good for my mother.
2012-06-17 02:20:30 PM  
It was just over 12 years ago that my dad died - went from super healthy to dead in a couple months and they never figured out what it was. I don't really have anything that was left unsaid, but I'd sure like to hang out with him again for a while. He was a good guy. His funeral was at a pretty large church, and it was packed. For a year or two after he died, I could hardly go anywhere without someone telling me how much they liked him or what an impression he made on them. I miss the old guy.
2012-06-17 02:23:31 PM  
Thanks for throwing your marriage away by cheating on mom with that Kroean whore. And thanks for not paying child support, mom really had fun raising three boys on a dental hygenist income while you lived in Hawaii and owned a sailboat.

Every time he does manage to get one of us cornered on the phone the first thing he says is "Why don't you boys call me?"

Because dad, you're a farking asshole.
2012-06-17 02:30:32 PM  
Luckily mine's still around. Here's what I told him today:
Thanks for being such a good father, and thanks for being such a good dad.
2012-06-17 02:33:23 PM  
"Should have kept your hands of that young girl, you shiatstain. You're not dead yet, but I am waiting patiently."

There, how's that?
2012-06-17 02:39:06 PM  
What would I say to my dad?

fark you. My mother was/is awesome enough that she didn't need shiat from you. I know she was just someone you cheated on your wife with, and you had your own family. Whatever. Sure you sent her a check for some things every 5 years or so, big whoop. Mr. Rogers and Captain America were better fathers than you could have ever been. I'm looking forward to showing up to your funeral and making it awkward for your wife and kids.
2012-06-17 02:40:20 PM
2012-06-17 02:41:44 PM  
Why have you not killed yourself in shame yet you worthless piece of shiat?
2012-06-17 02:41:52 PM  
I went back and read the bitter shiat I wrote in a couple of these in years past. Today I'd just say "I'm really sorry you didn't get to see how great your grandkids turned out".
RIP old man.

/Hoping for an update from GregoryD.
2012-06-17 02:50:41 PM  
Thank you for the early years, even if I have no memory of them. Thank you for being there for me near the end of your days, as I finally got to see a much better person than I had seen through the growing-up years.

I wish you could have been here to meet my wife, and here again in a few months when our daughter arrives.

My question for you today is a bit rhetorical, but I still must ask it: Just why in the hell did it take terminal cancer for you to relearn to appreciate your family and to realize that we cared for you and needed you around far more than your damn work did? I know the answer to this already, but it still frustrates me...
2012-06-17 02:51:22 PM  
Thanks for making it a creampie rather than a facial. I know it was an accident but thanks anyway.
2012-06-17 02:52:39 PM  
Why did you have to be such a big Cubs fan? All these years with all the other kids making fun of me. Thanks Pop. The Game is at 7 on Fox (If you have cable there. Say hi to Harry and Ron)
2012-06-17 02:53:50 PM  
How do you rebel against a father who constantly remarried, cheated on every damn one of them, fathers kids in and out of wedlock and supported none of them?

Well, this month I had my 24th anniversary and my son graduated from high school. In your face, dead old guy.
2012-06-17 02:55:25 PM  
To my father:

Why have you given up on talking to anyone in your family? Your brothers never hear from you, same for your sisters (though that is expected due to family history). But you own father never hears from you, and certainly your son doesn't. Yes I lived away from you for 17 years, we had to leave, your drinking and drug use were too much for Mom to handle a country away from her family with a newborn. We finally met, and you tried to buy my affection (and I told you then that it can't be like that). You want to just go on living life with your wife and her family and the hell with the rest of us? Fine. It's been 5 years since I spoke to you, and honestly, I don't see it changing in the future.

To stepfather 1 (who put in 8 good years):

8 good years, and you wiped them all out with the 2 years of being an asshole. Yes I wasn't yours, yes my mother had left, but you wanted me to stay for school instead of moving. Then you promptly forgot about me and focused on your daughter. She's everything to you, and I got left behind. Thanks for showing me hypocrisy up close and personal. Thanks for promising but never delivering. Thanks for making sure my half-sister had everything she wanted, while I lived with half a door and near constant fear and anger for those last few years. I won't try to talk to you, if I have to speak to you, I can remain civil, but no more than that. I don't forgive, I can't forget, no matter how much the professionals say I should. Some wounds won't heal, but at least you've stopped biatching at my mother for not doing everything for my sister while Mom was picking her life back up.

To stepdad #2 (current and hopefully last):

Love you man. Haven't yet been able to say it on the phone (will try again today) You make my mother happy, you try and relate to me (and you succeed pretty often). I don't speak up much around you because it's still awkward to have someone actually want to listen to my opinion on something. I'm glad you have your hobbies you enjoy (and that keep you healthy), I'm happy you got out of a job that was killing you, but most of all, I'm glad you came into my mother's life, and into our family.
2012-06-17 02:55:39 PM  

Zebulon: This will be the first Father's Day since my Dad passed away last August. The big event of the day will be me and my Mom going out to the cemetery to put new flowers in the vases by the headstone.

My biggest fear since my Dad passed away is that if he is out there somewhere as an angel/spirit/ghost and can somehow see or know what I am doing, that he is very disappointed with me and how I live my life. If I could, I would tell him how sorry I am that I turned out this way and that it isn't his fault. :-(

He can see the good in you, and he can see the good that's coming in the future....around a corner, that you can't see past, yet.
2012-06-17 03:02:00 PM  
Thank you for teaching me how to masturbate, dad!
2012-06-17 03:02:21 PM  
I love you. I miss you. I understand now. Meet your grandsons.
2012-06-17 03:07:16 PM  
Oh, I thought of something I'd like to say to my FIL, except I can't since it would cause future awkwardness.

Jim, you're a decent father to your kids, and you raised my husband mostly right, although some of that is because he learned what not to do from you which is why he hardly drinks.

But, you're kind of an asshole. If my father had ever treated me the way you have treated me on more than one occasion, I'd have left home at 18 and never looked back, but I'm stuck with you because I love your son. For that I will overlook the time you screamed at me for making an honest mistake because you couldn't be bothered to tell me not to start a fire in the wood furnace. I'll overlook that you equated being in boy/girl scouts to being junior Nazis, as well as the 'brainwashing' comments about military service. I'll even overlook the part where you wouldn't let us build a house on the property down the road unless my name was nowhere on the deed, despite the fact I'd have paid for ~75% of the costs.

Stop being such a dick to people who are supposed to be 'family'. Happy Father's Day.
2012-06-17 03:07:49 PM  
You were a crazy gun-running, dope smoking, liquor drinking son of a biatch. You made me laugh. You enraged me. You disappointed me. You loved me. I will always remember one of the only lessons you ever bothered to try to teach me as a kid and I can almost hear you saying it in my head: "Never trust a cop. There's something wrong with people that want to tell everyone else what to do for a living." Good advice for any 6 year old. Not a very good Dad, but so what? You were always part of my life. You made sure of it. Love you. Miss you.
2012-06-17 03:16:07 PM  
When I bring a girl over, please put some clothes on.

/so I don't have to
//I don't want her comparing
2012-06-17 03:16:59 PM  
My father is no longer here................I miss him everyday.

I would tell him, "You raised good, responsible, productive children who love you. You did a good job."
2012-06-17 03:29:28 PM  
What I hope to hear from my boy: "Thank you for not projecting your fear, stress, rage, and frustration on me. Here's a couple million bucks!"
2012-06-17 03:29:46 PM  
My dad and I are polarized, but there are a few attributes we share that frighten me. Today when we talked every topic turned to small memories. Like he mentioned going to the home of James Monroe near Charlottesville, VA, and that was the name of the first nuclear submarine that he rode. I reminded him that he picked up that boat at Newport News Shipbuilding, where I work. So he reminded me that when we were living there I went to Little Folks School. So I mentioned the street we lived on, and he recalled we went to an amusement park at a beach nearby. I said, yeah, at Buckroe Beach, but they don't do that anymore. Then he recalled his dad showing a Ford trade publication praising Little Folks School for using Ford vans to bus the students, and I remembered a time when I had to be dropped off at a neighbor's house, and I screamed from the back of the van, and they let me off. I said no way that could happen 40 years later, and my dad said it was quite a bit longer than that because you were 5 years old. I said fark you, dad.

Good times....
2012-06-17 03:31:50 PM  

9beers: fark you and die in a fire you farking piece of shiat.

couldn't put it any better myself. is that you brother?
2012-06-17 03:37:37 PM  
Chuckie: You were a crazy gun-running, dope smoking, liquor drinking son of a biatch. You made me laugh. You enraged me. You disappointed me. You loved me. I will always remember one of the only lessons you ever bothered to try to teach me as a kid and I can almost hear you saying it in my head: "Never trust a cop. There's something wrong with people that want to tell everyone else what to do for a living." Good advice for any 6 year old. Not a very good Dad, but so what? You were always part of my life. You made sure of it. Love you. Miss you.

Are we related?

/no, wait, my dad was a beer drinker
2012-06-17 03:46:35 PM  
It is truly sad and surprising how many people here had/have farked up Dads and family situations. It feels like the percentage of commenters here with those situations is way higher than the people I run into IRL.

Seems like something's seriously whacked with you Farkers.

I do realize I"m extremely fortunate to have had very good, normal parents who've been married 50+ years and are very much a part of my life. Got my Dad a tandem skydive for Father's Day. He and I will do it together next month, He's 70 and got an earring at 65 and might take me in a fight still.
2012-06-17 03:49:50 PM  
Not a damn thing.
2012-06-17 03:52:50 PM  
"Dad, this is the same thing I told you in the car that night at grandma and grandpa's house. No matter what you saw in Viet Nam, no matter what you have seen since you were drugged in Okinawa, and no matter what your confused brain is telling you, I NEED YOU! You'll change my life irreversibly. I'm only eleven, and I'll kill anyone you need dead, just don't die! I LOVE YOU! DO NOT KILL YOURSELF!"

There is a back story. My father was a career Marine (he joined at 17, and 110 pounds, when he beat a drunk almost to death who hit his sister in the crotch with a bicycle in Calexico, and embarrassed her in a culture that required this response. He joined because a judge told him "join, or go to jail") and he made a man out of himself that everyone I knew respected and liked or loved and wished they could be like him. He was immediately sent to Korea, and fought in the Korean War (He once wrote a tongue-in-cheek autobiography that told how President Eisenhower wrote him a letter begging him to solve the Korean Crisis, and offered him any rank he wanted but to just go fix it. He responded that he'd only accept the rank of Private, and refused the offer of a battleship to carry him over to Korea, and he took a troop carrier and brought along 3,200 of his best friends to solve the problem, which he ended 10 months after he arrived).

He met my mother in 1960, while he was stationed at 29-Palms Marine Corps Base. She worked at an A&W in town. She was 16, and already had a child, (my older brother) and one day was crying because her father was dying in Bakersfield, and she had no way to go see him. He told her, "Take my car!" She did, and didn't return for two weeks. At the barracks, his friends asked him, "Ray, where's your Mercury?" He answered, "Betty took it to go visit her father." "Betty WHO?" "I dunno." "SUCKER!"

Within a month, they were married, and 11 months later I was born. In 1965, my sister was born, and my father left Camp Lejeune for The Republic of Viet Nam. He served his eleven month sentence there, and the rest of my family moved to my grandparent's house in rural Northern California.

He returned from what was to my five-year-old eyes, a mission to save the world, and we moved to Denver Colorado, where he became the best goddamn recruiter the Marine Corps ever had. He won a National Salesman award for exceeding his quota by 300%, and NEVER ALLOWING A PERSON TO JOIN AS AN INFANTRYMAN. If a youth came to him and tried to join the Marine Corps as a rifleman, he sent them to the Army Recruiter. He was so proud of the fact that he never had to visit a family and tell them that the boy that he'd recruited had died as a result of his actions. He had to go tell loved ones that they'd been wounded, but never lost a Marine. (as an aside, I remember another FARKer challenging my assertion that an enlisted man would challenge an officer-I leave this anecdote to let that ass know he is an ass. My mother made a table-drop that was a multi-layer felt emblem of the Anchor-Globe-Eagle, that is the Marine Corps Emblem. My father's Commanding Officer told her, "Betty, that is an outstanding piece of work! I will authorize you to have the materials to make another 13 of those for the other recruiting stations I command". My father's response? "Sir, my wife is NOT a U.S. Marine! She is my WIFE! You will NOT order her in any way! She does NOT answer to you!")

In 1970, my father was ordered to Viet Nam for the second time, this time as a Gunnery Sergeant. (his name was Gysgt Raymond Glen Carter, so you have one minute to laugh Gomer, as he used to tell his troops)

His orders at the end of his tour (isn't that a pleasant sounding term, like you visited Paris, Rome, and Berlin) sent him to Okinawa, to outprocess. While there, he looked up my cousin, Ricky who he'd recruited into the Marine Corps, before he'd left the states. They went to a coffee shop with three other Marines, (who I'd love to know their stories, PLEASE write if you can add anything to this) and while there, they had five different kinds of hard drugs added to their coffee.

My father woke up two weeks later in San Diego Military hospital. He spent months there. When he came home, he did things like painting all our windows black in the middle of the night. I once spent an entire night sitting on a couch facing him with a .45, with my entire family, as my mother talked to him. As the sun came up, he handed her his weapon, and she expertly unloaded it. (You don't want to even get me started on my incredible mother, because it would be three times as long)

He was given a Medical Discharge and given credit for 20 years served, but two years later, the demons in his head caused him to commit suicide at the young age of 36, with his oldest boy just achieving manhood, and his middle child needing him most, and his baby girl having to grow up with a succession of people who tried halfheartedly to emulate her father, and failed miserably.

Our lives could have been so different, but by God, it is what it is.

/seriously, farkers
2012-06-17 04:03:06 PM  
Fark off
2012-06-17 04:04:53 PM  
why arnt you dead yet you piece of shiat?
2012-06-17 04:07:13 PM  

orclover: why arnt you dead yet you piece of shiat?

Talkin' to me? I just don't have the courage yet, you squirrely bastard.
2012-06-17 04:10:07 PM  
What I said to his voicemail earlier:

Happy Father's Day. I hope I'm as good a dad as you were. I love you. Say hello to your fiancée for me.
2012-06-17 04:12:06 PM  
If I talked to him today I'd tell him he should have gone to prison and be on a sexual abuser list as a pedophile.He was 21yo when he impregnated a 15yo and lucked out with a shotgun marriage. My childhood sucked big time and both "parents" were responsible.

I'm sure his "real" children with his second wife are showering him with tributes.
2012-06-17 04:12:26 PM  
My dad, the best man on the planet, love him... great dad, great grandpa, great husband to my mom.. kicked our ass when we needed it, always supportive, when we asked for money, never asked why, just expected us to pay him back when we could...

my husband... not the best of dads, and I am trying to leave so I can give my son a better life... Husband so badly didn't want to end up like his own father, but he did.
2012-06-17 04:14:37 PM  

spontn80: 2011: Dear Daddy, It's what I should have said but didn't. What would you say to your Dad today if you could?

2010: "Dear Daddy" ... what would you say to your Dad today?

2009: "Dear Daddy, Here's what I should have said to you." DIT

2008: Happy Father's Day. What would you say to your father today if you could? (w/voting)

Thanks for posting the recaps. I went and took a look at my 2011 entry. I was surprised I chose to express myself like I did. I don't regret it though. Shiat had to be said.
2012-06-17 04:15:43 PM  
"So, dad, what was Gerry Garcia really like?"
2012-06-17 04:21:20 PM  
once a year Fark depression-fest
2012-06-17 04:22:06 PM  
Dad, 10,000 times I wished you would have divorced that crazy abusive biatch. Staying together for the kids' sake wasn't really worth it. We'd have been better off and she wouldn't have been there chain-smoking all over the house while you were on oxygen and dying of emphysema. I guess the horrors you dealt with in WWII taught you not to complain so much. You spent so much time watching 2 TVs at once while reading a news magazine! God, how you would have loved the internet and, if only you could have hung in there for just a couple more years!
2012-06-17 04:24:35 PM  

kwirlkarphys: dear dad, couldn't you have pretended once in a while that i wasn't just a life destroying mistake? i spent my entire life being sorry that i was born, and i don't know that i will ever 'recover', but i still love you and i'll pretend that you might have loved me, too.

just in case.

Ditto except for the "i stlll love you part."
2012-06-17 04:25:47 PM  
(I read through so many of these with so many reasoned, dispassionate descriptions of growing up in hell. So when I see a simple "Fark You," I can't help buy wonder how many of them are simply kids who didn't get their pony.)
2012-06-17 04:29:02 PM  
Protricity: once a year Fark depression-fest

Yes, but totally worth it for the few good stories and "I'll see you later today" shout-outs.
2012-06-17 04:30:09 PM  
Told my dad "I love you, and thank you" this afternoon at lunch. He's been a better man to my boyfriend than his own father was. Reading some of the stories of what you guys had to go through remind me so much of what he went through, it made me cry. My boyfriend's father beat him, neglected him, ignored him, humiliated him, and then did it all over again the next day. Never laid a hand on his other kids, just him. My boyfriend looks exactly like his late mother, and bears no physical resemblance to his father at all. The only thing they share is a last name. In fact, for years, he didn't believe my boyfriend was his biological child. His parents divorced when he was 3, but it never stopped him from beating the hell out of him whenever he had visitation. His mother died from an alcohol-related condition, so this vile piece of pig shiat is the only "parent" he has left.

So an extra tip of the hat to my dad for treating him with respect, kindness, and friendship.....he's just my boyfriend, not family, and you didn't have to. I'm lucky on many fronts.
2012-06-17 04:31:31 PM  
Thanks for cheating on mom all those years, especially the time when your youngest granddaughter was being born and only mom came down, leaving you free to whore it up. Thanks for also throwing me under the bus and destroying any relationships I had with the rest of the family, in a futile attempt to keep the truth from coming out. Thanks for also offing yourself right after Christmas, I'm sure that won't affect the holiday mood in the coming years...

On the positive side, at least now I can see how pathetic the rest of the "family" is. No call from mom or brother when you did it, just a call from your local PD. Pretty cold hearted. But then, I knew that woman made you miserable, you told me it for years and part of me understands what you did and why.

But the larger part of me says "Fark you, you selfish piece of shiat!"
2012-06-17 04:34:16 PM  
And why couldn't you have at least tried to get a job that was legal, so we didn't all grow up terrified the cops would come and we'd go into foster care?

I know you were just trying to support us as best as you knew how, but it took years before I stopped panicking when the DEA helicopters flew by overhead.

Love you Dad, and at least I got some good stories out of it. Some of the people you hung out with were pretty scary though. Glad we never got murdered and you never went to jail.
2012-06-17 04:35:31 PM  
Shortly I will be going to visit my dad, with a couple sacks of steamer clams as a present.

I imagine we'll grouse about the sorry state of TV and movies these days, and he will at some point state that nothing will ever be as good as Firefly. There will also be geology jokes, and doubtless an excited discussion about Voyager I, which will end with me complaining about how I can't wait for it to be 2015 so we can finally see Pluto up close.
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