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(The Hollywood Reporter)   Paramount shuts down Ninja Turtles reboot over script issues. Apparently no 13-year-old boys were available to write it   (hollywoodreporter.com) divider line 47
    More: Silly, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, turtles, Jonathan Liebesman, Platinum Dunes, Wrath of the Titans, World War Z, New Line  
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2177 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 16 Jun 2012 at 6:53 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-06-16 12:08:00 AM  
I made another unfunny!!!
 
2012-06-16 12:25:10 AM  
Paramount shuts down Ninja Turtles reboot

This is where I stopped reading and promptly brought out the champagne.
 
2012-06-16 01:34:55 AM  

Apos: Paramount shuts down Ninja Turtles reboot

This is where I stopped reading and promptly brought out the champagne.


HUZZAH!

I'm so happy!
 
2012-06-16 03:16:52 AM  
The effects-heavy film,
 
2012-06-16 05:32:44 AM  
Get rid of the alien thing and any competent writer between the ages of 30 and 40 could hammer out a script just based on watching the cartoons when they were new.
 
2012-06-16 07:02:18 AM  
And nothing of value was lost.

/I really hope this was because they actually noticed the universal disdain for this unwanted abortion
//but I'm sure its far less noble reasons like some michael bay over-ran his propane budget for the month
 
2012-06-16 07:14:42 AM  
UPDATED: The film was set for a December 2013 release. A source close the production says the movie will come out in May 2014.
 
2012-06-16 07:41:06 AM  
Awesome, this will give Michael Bay time to help out with Snow Crash.
 
2012-06-16 07:44:44 AM  

Terrified Asexual Forcemeat: UPDATED: The film was set for a December 2013 release. A source close the production says the movie will come out in May 2014.


Here's hoping we're all dead by then. Or that Kevin Eastman sobers up long enough to realize his mutual love of boobies with Michael Bay is no reason to let that maniac anywhere near a plot.
 
2012-06-16 08:23:13 AM  
You know, I have trouble understanding how anyone could have trouble writing the script for this reboot. Literally everything you need to know about the plot is right there in the name. "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" should be about mutated turtles who are teenagers and also ninjas, it's as simple as that. I hear they made the turtles into aliens in this reboot, which totally nukes half the plot. Certainly aliens are not turtles, however turtle like they may be. Aliens have no way of knowing ninjutsu (when they're fresh off the ship that is). I'm skeptical that they'll even be teenage anymore. "Middle aged turtle-like aliens possessing some fighting style" just doesn't have the same ring to it.
 
2012-06-16 08:53:31 AM  
Awesome, this will give Michael Bay time to help out with Snow Crash.



No. Dude. Seriously. fark you.
 
2012-06-16 09:15:03 AM  

WhyteRaven74: Get rid of the alien thing and any competent writer between the ages of 30 and 40 could hammer out a script just based on watching the cartoons when they were new.


Between 24 and 45 could hammer out a better one, sorry but I wanted to make it include me and my rents who seemingly know more about the turtles than bay.
 
2012-06-16 09:27:46 AM  
What they need is a movie based on the original black and white turtle comics

then they can take all my money
 
2012-06-16 09:43:10 AM  
Paramount is putting a lot of their stuff on hold. Considering it's based wholly on action figure lines of the '80s (and early '90s), nothing of value was lost. Maybe their stockholders finally started realizing that the studio is putting out shiat and told them to knock it off.
 
2012-06-16 10:24:33 AM  

Elliott Smith Reference: You know, I have trouble understanding how anyone could have trouble writing the script for this reboot. Literally everything you need to know about the plot is right there in the name. "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" should be about mutated turtles who are teenagers and also ninjas, it's as simple as that. I hear they made the turtles into aliens in this reboot, which totally nukes half the plot. Certainly aliens are not turtles, however turtle like they may be. Aliens have no way of knowing ninjutsu (when they're fresh off the ship that is). I'm skeptical that they'll even be teenage anymore. "Middle aged turtle-like aliens possessing some fighting style" just doesn't have the same ring to it.


Trying to make them aliens blew my mind, too. It's like hearing someone wants to make a movie about Batman, but in the new movie, he's actually a werewallaby.

If you have a problem with a movie about teenage turtle ninjas who have been mutated, then maybe Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is not the franchise you want to be making a movie about. You could write a far better script for a random 'aliens land on earth and become crime fighters' movie.
 
2012-06-16 10:27:52 AM  
And the fanbase rejoiced.
 
2012-06-16 11:02:23 AM  
Script issue was probably which pizza chain to tie-in to the movie.
 
2012-06-16 11:08:42 AM  
They didn't shut it down, just postponed it. So no celebrations yet.

/alien ninja turtles? Really? Really?
/BAYSPLOSION!
 
2012-06-16 11:11:24 AM  
Delivery Man: [trying to find address] OK, 122... 122 1/8?
[takes a couple steps to the right while checking address]
Delivery Man: 122... 1/8.
[standing in front of a wall]
Delivery Man: Terrific. Where the heck is 122 1/8?
Michaelangelo: [through the grate] You're standing on it, Dude.

and a few seconds later, after the "pizza" has been delivered

Delivery Man: Hey, this is a 10. The tab is 13.
Michaelangelo: You're two minutes late, dude.
Delivery Man: Aw come on, I couldn't find the place!
Michaelangelo: Wise man say forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza.
Delivery Man: [walking off] I gotta get a new route. And I thought I delivered everywhere.

Fun fact: the guy who played Michaelangelo in the movie was the pizza dude.
 
2012-06-16 11:32:46 AM  

karasoth: What they need is a movie based on the original black and white turtle comics

then they can take all my money


oh wait you're serious.jpg

Yeah, a studio will TOTALLY make an R-rated, graphically violent Turtles film, and forgo all of that sweet sweet child-oriented merch money, as well as the inevitable cartoon, sequel movie, and fast-food tie ins.

/it would be cool tho
//while we're dreaming, (and talking about snow crash) how about you get the Cowboy Bebop animation studio to do a 23 episode anime version of the book? I'm convinced anime is the only medium that would satisfy fans of the original work.
///can't imagine any studio films a scene where a 15 year old girl bangs a sociopath.
 
2012-06-16 11:53:40 AM  
Hero tag broken?
 
2012-06-16 12:52:34 PM  
I.. I have a plot.

Mine is about a futuristic amusement park where mutated turtles are brought to life through advanced cloning techniques. I call it "Billy and the Mutant Turtles."
 
2012-06-16 01:13:50 PM  
What about a sequel to the CG Turtles that came out a few days ago? That might be cool.
 
2012-06-16 01:19:51 PM  

darkedgefan: What about a sequel to the CG Turtles that came out a few days ago? That might be cool.


April is not supposed to be a ninja.
 
2012-06-16 01:22:24 PM  

ambercat: Elliott Smith Reference: You know, I have trouble understanding how anyone could have trouble writing the script for this reboot. Literally everything you need to know about the plot is right there in the name. "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" should be about mutated turtles who are teenagers and also ninjas, it's as simple as that. I hear they made the turtles into aliens in this reboot, which totally nukes half the plot. Certainly aliens are not turtles, however turtle like they may be. Aliens have no way of knowing ninjutsu (when they're fresh off the ship that is). I'm skeptical that they'll even be teenage anymore. "Middle aged turtle-like aliens possessing some fighting style" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Trying to make them aliens blew my mind, too. It's like hearing someone wants to make a movie about Batman, but in the new movie, he's actually a werewallaby.

If you have a problem with a movie about teenage turtle ninjas who have been mutated, then maybe Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is not the franchise you want to be making a movie about. You could write a far better script for a random 'aliens land on earth and become crime fighters' movie.


Yes, but it's easier to pitch to execs who are scrunching their faces and tightening their pursestrings when you can followup your lame outline with "based on the Ninja Turtles franchise which has made more money than you can shake a stick at plus the stick, and has swarms of kids ready to see it no matter what!"

Sadly, it really annoys me when they take a property and change everything around just to put their mark on it, or write a story, find no one likes it, then dogwelds it to a property that execs deem "marketable." At least I see why that is done. Less understandable, (probably around "putting your mark on it") is when stuff like backstory is changed for no reason when it has no bearing on the plot or action.
Sadly, Uwe Boll may have it right: "Fans will be unhappy no matter what you do, so screw them."
 
2012-06-16 01:28:15 PM  
I think a TMNT reboot would need to be dark and gritty. The Hanson muppets and humour were too light and humorous for today's cynical audiences.

Perhaps the 'turtles' could be four young men horribly disfigured in an industrial chemical accident, who hide their shame by living in a sewer... where they're befriended by a hypertrichosis sufferer who teaches them martial arts and self-respect, then sends them out into the night as vigilantes.

I don't think you'd have to change April or Casey to make it work, though the Shredder and the Foot might need some work.
 
2012-06-16 01:34:34 PM  
No hero tag?
 
2012-06-16 01:57:56 PM  

Unsung_Hero: Perhaps the 'turtles' could be four young men horribly disfigured in an industrial chemical accident, who hide their shame by living in a sewer... where they're befriended by a hypertrichosis sufferer who teaches them martial arts and self-respect, then sends them out into the night as vigilantes.


You're rebooting the wrong movie

geektyrant.com
 
2012-06-16 02:14:28 PM  

LarryDan43: Awesome, this will give Michael Bay time to help out with Snow Crash.


cdn.geekwire.com

Note to Michael Bay: Do not fark with Neil Stephenson. Don't even try.
 
2012-06-16 02:24:29 PM  
Who would you get to play Hiro Protagonist in Snow Crash? Discuss.
 
2012-06-16 02:32:03 PM  

Mofo_Jones: Who would you get to play Hiro Protagonist in Snow Crash? Discuss.


Well since Joe Cornish is attached to it now... John Boyega.
darklordbunnykins.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-06-16 02:42:48 PM  

Mofo_Jones: Who would you get to play Hiro Protagonist in Snow Crash? Discuss.


Hopefully someone not white. There's not many african/asian actors out there, though. I can live with an asian actor, though some of the best funniest, most brutal parts of the book come from people unwisely being racist about his mixed heritage. Word to the stupid, do not be racist towards a man with a katana who knows how to use it.

I can see John Goodman as L. Bob Rife. Hopefully they keep the Scientology overtones of his cult.

Y.T.....probably, next to Hiro, the hardest to cast. Maybe Chloe Moretz, aka Hit-Girl. She's certainly got the attitude.

And Vitaly Chernobyl should be played by Eugene Hutz of Gogol Bordello. He's from the Ukraine. He rocks harder than most people. It fits.

Is this the Snow Crash thread now? Guess so, since we didn't get a proper one yesterday. Well, if this movie doesn't turn out right, even in the early news about casting and such, then I'm sure Paramount will listen to Reason.
 
2012-06-16 02:50:46 PM  

Guntram Shatterhand: Paramount is putting a lot of their stuff on hold. Considering it's based wholly on action figure lines of the '80s (and early '90s), nothing of value was lost. Maybe their stockholders finally started realizing that the studio is putting out shiat and told them to knock it off.


That toy line was based on something, namely the comics and cartoon. The toys came out after the cartoon started running.
 
2012-06-16 03:09:00 PM  

der Glitzkrieg: Guntram Shatterhand: Paramount is putting a lot of their stuff on hold. Considering it's based wholly on action figure lines of the '80s (and early '90s), nothing of value was lost. Maybe their stockholders finally started realizing that the studio is putting out shiat and told them to knock it off.

That toy line was based on something, namely the comics and cartoon. The toys came out after the cartoon started running.


Which was weird, b/c the first toys (which I had) looked more like the comic versions than the cartoon. No pupils, big teeth grins, Splinter was a little more shriveled. Shredder has definitely stayed the most consistent between
www.pwpix.net
oh.
 
2012-06-16 04:34:07 PM  
Some things just should never be remade. Live action Turtles movies, especially.

/I'd love to see an anime version of TMNT that was R rated, black & white and followed the Mirage comics religiously
//*sigh*
 
2012-06-16 05:02:54 PM  
Teenage Mutant Ninja Weirdos!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Weirdos!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Weirdos!
Soup in a big pot! Pass the salt!
 
2012-06-16 07:45:22 PM  

LarryDan43: Awesome, this will give Michael Bay time to help out with Snow Crash.


Haha, you're funny, they'll never make a...

*Googles*

NO NO NO auuugghh why.
/MAYBE as a miniseries, it could work.
 
2012-06-16 08:10:55 PM  
I want a live action version of Wizards that stays faithful to the '77 rotoscoped blood bath
 
2012-06-16 08:25:52 PM  

Smeggy Smurf: I want a live action version of Wizards that stays faithful to the '77 rotoscoped blood bath


And just where are they going to find someone with Elenor's measurements and shape?

Gianna Michaels might be able to pull it off, but her acting ability outside of porn is unknown.
 
2012-06-16 08:51:53 PM  

Felgraf: LarryDan43: Awesome, this will give Michael Bay time to help out with Snow Crash.

Haha, you're funny, they'll never make a...

*Googles*

NO NO NO auuugghh why.
/MAYBE as a miniseries, it could work.


At least the director they pegged is associated with Edgar Wright, and Edgar Wright has been on my shortlist of people who I think can pull Snow Crash off.

I'm thinking that if they trim down the infamous infodump in the middle of the book to it's essentials, they can squeeze it into 2 1/2 hours or so. It's not structured very well for a miniseries. Cryptonomicon would work better for that, I think.

One thing's for sure. The fundies will flip their lid if they keep the religious satire and "conspiracy" elements.
 
2012-06-16 08:55:29 PM  

grinding_journalist: karasoth: What they need is a movie based on the original black and white turtle comics

then they can take all my money

oh wait you're serious.jpg

Yeah, a studio will TOTALLY make an R-rated, graphically violent Turtles film, and forgo all of that sweet sweet child-oriented merch money, as well as the inevitable cartoon, sequel movie, and fast-food tie ins.

/it would be cool tho
//while we're dreaming, (and talking about snow crash) how about you get the Cowboy Bebop animation studio to do a 23 episode anime version of the book? I'm convinced anime is the only medium that would satisfy fans of the original work.
///can't imagine any studio films a scene where a 15 year old girl bangs a sociopath.


They can make all the murders pg-13 with enough bribery to the MPAA
 
2012-06-16 09:02:27 PM  

grinding_journalist: karasoth: What they need is a movie based on the original black and white turtle comics

then they can take all my money

oh wait you're serious.jpg

Yeah, a studio will TOTALLY make an R-rated, graphically violent Turtles film, and forgo all of that sweet sweet child-oriented merch money, as well as the inevitable cartoon, sequel movie, and fast-food tie ins.

/it would be cool tho
//while we're dreaming, (and talking about snow crash) how about you get the Cowboy Bebop animation studio to do a 23 episode anime version of the book? I'm convinced anime is the only medium that would satisfy fans of the original work.
///can't imagine any studio films a scene where a 15 year old girl bangs a sociopath.


Actually, I was thinking that Gainax would be perfectly suited for Snow Crash. Particularly, the FLCL/Gurren Lagann team. They're good at doing the right amount of punkish insanity that I feel when I read the book. Especially when it comes to the wild tangents and sight gags that the narration describes.
 
2012-06-16 10:40:09 PM  

LarryDan43: Well since Joe Cornish is attached to it now... John Boyega.


I'd rather see John Boyega play T'Challa now that Cornish is involved with the Black Panther flick.
 
2012-06-17 01:18:15 AM  

Trocadero: der Glitzkrieg: Guntram Shatterhand: Paramount is putting a lot of their stuff on hold. Considering it's based wholly on action figure lines of the '80s (and early '90s), nothing of value was lost. Maybe their stockholders finally started realizing that the studio is putting out shiat and told them to knock it off.

That toy line was based on something, namely the comics and cartoon. The toys came out after the cartoon started running.

Which was weird, b/c the first toys (which I had) looked more like the comic versions than the cartoon. No pupils, big teeth grins, Splinter was a little more shriveled. Shredder has definitely stayed the most consistent between
[www.pwpix.net image 300x291]
oh.


Yeah, the first run of toys were based on the comic. Playmates didn't want to make the toys until they secured a television deal and once that took off, bam, comic toys.
 
2012-06-17 01:50:42 PM  

Keizer_Ghidorah: Smeggy Smurf: I want a live action version of Wizards that stays faithful to the '77 rotoscoped blood bath

And just where are they going to find someone with Elenor's measurements and shape?

Gianna Michaels might be able to pull it off, but her acting ability outside of porn is unknown.


Go on....
 
2012-06-17 02:27:57 PM  

Serial: LarryDan43: Well since Joe Cornish is attached to it now... John Boyega.

I'd rather see John Boyega play T'Challa now that Cornish is involved with the Black Panther flick.


I kinda want Michael Jai White since he's interested in playing it. He seems like a ringer for Luke Cage after Black Dynamite but Terry Crews (or somebody else) could easily do that and not T'Challa.
 
2012-06-17 04:21:14 PM  

Mattevil: Serial: LarryDan43: Well since Joe Cornish is attached to it now... John Boyega.

I'd rather see John Boyega play T'Challa now that Cornish is involved with the Black Panther flick.

I kinda want Michael Jai White since he's interested in playing it. He seems like a ringer for Luke Cage after Black Dynamite but Terry Crews (or somebody else) could easily do that and not T'Challa.


White is too old to play T'Challa. He's supposed to be in his early 20s when he comes into power, now I could see him playing T'Chaka.
 
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