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(Cracked)   "I come in peace. I didn't bring artillery. But I'm pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you Fark with me, I'll kill you all." Just one of the six most bad-ass things said by a soldier just before killing people   (cracked.com) divider line 184
    More: Cool, Fark, solder, Tony Montana, peace, pleading, Japanese, USS Enterprise  
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33203 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jun 2012 at 4:31 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



184 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-06-14 04:33:53 PM  
Vae victis?

Oh wait, that was that most bad-assed thing said after the killing.
 
2012-06-14 04:37:34 PM  
Woah, FTA:

"Upon seeing a flamethrower for the first time, Puller reportedly asked, "Where do you put the bayonet?"

Yeah, that's pretty badass.
 
2012-06-14 04:39:23 PM  
Yeah, the flamethrower bayonet quote is way more badass than the (frankly, rather oddly phrased) quote in the headline.
 
2012-06-14 04:43:10 PM  
Not very impressed by the quotes so far. Surely there must be better ones out there.
 
2012-06-14 04:45:55 PM  
The Puller quote reminds me of one I heard about from a French officer in WWI.

Ferdinand Foch: "Hard pressed on my right; center is yielding; impossible to maneuver. Situation excellent, I shall attack!"
 
2012-06-14 04:46:19 PM  

zarberg: Woah, FTA:

"Upon seeing a flamethrower for the first time, Puller reportedly asked, "Where do you put the bayonet?"

Yeah, that's pretty badass.


A friend's grandfather was in Korea with the Marines; his choice quote was "It's a good thing they gave us bayonets, because we didn't always have time to reload."
 
2012-06-14 04:48:32 PM  
My favorite: "Nuts"
 
2012-06-14 04:48:37 PM  
that's the quote he said to the recently defeated iraqi military leaders.... who promptly took to the hills and became the insurgency that is still killing people to this day. so um, yeah i guess it sounds cool, but is it bad-ass if the enemy subsequently guerilla warfared you to the point you had to give up and start paying them tribute to get them to stop attacking?
 
2012-06-14 04:48:50 PM  
#6. "Before When We're Through With Them, the Japanese Language Will Be Spoken Only in Hell."

Fixed stupid quote.
 
2012-06-14 04:54:15 PM  
Jerry "Mad Dog" Shriver.

Radio message while encircled by a numerically superior force and in serious danger of being overrun: "I've got 'em right where I want 'em -- surrounded from the inside."

Link
 
2012-06-14 04:55:24 PM  

tlchwi02: that's the quote he said to the recently defeated iraqi military leaders.... who promptly took to the hills and became the insurgency that is still killing people to this day. so um, yeah i guess it sounds cool, but is it bad-ass if the enemy subsequently guerilla warfared you to the point you had to give up and start paying them tribute to get them to stop attacking?


Yeah that's not true.
 
2012-06-14 05:02:15 PM  

steamingpile: tlchwi02: that's the quote he said to the recently defeated iraqi military leaders.... who promptly took to the hills and became the insurgency that is still killing people to this day. so um, yeah i guess it sounds cool, but is it bad-ass if the enemy subsequently guerilla warfared you to the point you had to give up and start paying them tribute to get them to stop attacking?

Yeah that's not true.


Uh, yes it is. We paid the insurgents to stop killing us.
 
2012-06-14 05:06:30 PM  

Fish in a Barrel: "Hard pressed on my right; center is yielding; impossible to maneuver. Situation excellent, I shall attack!"


www.maximumpc.com
 
2012-06-14 05:11:42 PM  
I am a beautiful animal.
I am a destroyer of worlds.
I am Harry farking Potter!
 
2012-06-14 05:12:41 PM  

steamingpile: Yeah that's not true.


go ahead and google the sons of iraq. maybe "tribute" isn't the best word, since i'm not actually arguing that this was a bad strategy- to the contrary, it seems to have been a very excellent strategy. If i had my way, we would have just bribed these guys to throw saddam in a river instead of invading at all. Its just in the context of this quote where he's ostensibly being a super "bad-ass" before killing people, its hard to ignore that a scant few years later we were resorting to bribery to stop them from trying to kill us. especially compared to the other examples on the list, where the quote givers all went off and laid a total beating on their enemies.
 
2012-06-14 05:14:26 PM  
 
2012-06-14 05:15:22 PM  

Suede head: steamingpile: tlchwi02: that's the quote he said to the recently defeated iraqi military leaders.... who promptly took to the hills and became the insurgency that is still killing people to this day. so um, yeah i guess it sounds cool, but is it bad-ass if the enemy subsequently guerilla warfared you to the point you had to give up and start paying them tribute to get them to stop attacking?

Yeah that's not true.

Uh, yes it is. We paid the insurgents to stop killing us.


Yeah, well I paid your MOM.
 
2012-06-14 05:25:28 PM  
I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass.

And I'm all out of bubble gum.
 
2012-06-14 05:26:48 PM  
What, no '"Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!'? Sure it's a paraphrase, but it's one hell of a navy motto if you ask me.

Ditto for "I have not yet begun to fight!".
 
2012-06-14 05:27:21 PM  

gunther_bumpass: Suede head: steamingpile: tlchwi02: that's the quote he said to the recently defeated iraqi military leaders.... who promptly took to the hills and became the insurgency that is still killing people to this day. so um, yeah i guess it sounds cool, but is it bad-ass if the enemy subsequently guerilla warfared you to the point you had to give up and start paying them tribute to get them to stop attacking?

Yeah that's not true.

Uh, yes it is. We paid the insurgents to stop killing us.

Yeah, well I paid your MOM.


She obviously doesn't like you, she usually gives it away.
 
2012-06-14 05:31:39 PM  

AbiNormal: "Come on, you sons of biatches! Do you want to live forever?"


ha, you know i never realized that he didn't win one of his MOHs for that incident. it just seemed logical.
 
2012-06-14 05:33:52 PM  
Git some! Git some! Git some, yeah, yeah, yeah! Anyone who runs, is a VC. Anyone who stands still, is a well-disciplined VC!
 
2012-06-14 05:48:36 PM  

tlchwi02: that's the quote he said to the recently defeated iraqi military leaders.... who promptly took to the hills


Here, I've highlighted the important part of your story.
 
2012-06-14 05:48:54 PM  
"Battle is an orgy of disorder." - George S. Patton
 
2012-06-14 05:49:06 PM  
"You're all clear, kid! Now let's blow this thing and go home!"
 
2012-06-14 05:51:02 PM  
"You Babylonian Busboy, Macedonian Mechanic, Jerusalem Beer Brewer, Alexandrian Goat Skinner, Swineherd of Upper and Lower Egypt, Armenian Pig, Tatar Goat, Kamenets Hangman, Podolian Thief, Grandson of the Evil Serpent Himself and Buffoon of All the World and the Netherworld, Fool of Our God, Swine's Snout, Mare's [Asshole], Butcher's Dog, Unbaptized Brow, May the Devil Steam Your Ass! That's How the Cossacks Answer You, You Nasty Glob of Spit!"

So many good Fark handles here. Anyone need some alts?
 
2012-06-14 05:52:48 PM  
"Hard pressed on my right; center is yielding; impossible to maneuver. Situation excellent, I shall attack!"
Foche
First Battle of the Marne 1914
 
2012-06-14 05:54:18 PM  
"Which side are we on? We're on the side of the demons, chief. We're evil men in the gardens of paradise, sent by the forces of death to spread devestation and destruction wherever we go. I thought you knew that.
...
I've sent men on suicide missions in two wars now, and let me tell you something - it don't make a godsdamn bit of difference whether they're riding in a Viper or walking out onto a parade ground. In the end, they're just as dead.
...
So take your piety and your moralizing and your high-minded principles, and stick 'em some place safe until you're off this rock and you're sitting in your nice cushy chair on Colonial One again. I've got a war to fight."
 
2012-06-14 05:59:48 PM  
-You don't reason with intellectuals. You shoot them.
 
2012-06-14 06:01:07 PM  
"Hans...are we the baddies?"
 
2012-06-14 06:01:41 PM  
Retreat, hell we just got here!" ~ Captain Lloyd Williams, USMC at the Battle of Belleau Wood WWI
 
2012-06-14 06:02:01 PM  

cgraves67: My favorite: "Nuts"


That is pretty much one of the greatest WWII stories.
 
2012-06-14 06:03:56 PM  
This is quality, 17th century trash talking.

I, the Sultan, son of Mohamed, brother of the Sun and Moon, grandson and vicegerent of God, sovereign of all kingdoms: of Macedonia, Babylonia, and Jerusalem, of Upper and Lower Egypt: king of kings, ruler of all that exists; extraordinary, invincible knight; constant guardian of the grave of Jesus Christ; trustee of God himself; hope and comfort of Moslems, confusion and great protector of Christians, command you, the Zaporozhian Cossacks, to surrender to me voluntarily and without any kind of resistance, and don't permit yourselves to trouble me with your attacks!

Turkish Sultan Mohamed


With the response:

Zaporozhians -- to the Turkish Sultan

You Turkish Satan, brother and comrade of the damned devil and secretary to Lucifer himself! What the hell kind of knight are you? The devil [shiats] and you and your army swallow [it]. You aren't fit to have the sons of Christians under you; we aren't afraid of your army, and we'll fight you on land and sea. You Babylonian busboy, Macedonian mechanic, Jerusalem beer brewer, Alexandrian goat skinner, swineherd of Upper and Lower Egypt, Armenian pig, Tatar goat, Kamenets hangman, Podolian thief, grandson of the Evil Serpent himself, and buffoon of all the world and the netherworld, fool of our God, swine's snout, mare's [asshole], butcher's dog, unbaptized brow, may the devil steam your ass! That's how the Cossacks answer you, you nasty glob of spit! You're unfit to rule true Christians. We don't know the date because we don't have a calendar, the moon is in the sky, and the year is in a book, and the day is the same with us as with you, so go kiss our [butt]!

-Chief Hetman Zaxarcenko with all the Zaporozhian Host
 
2012-06-14 06:04:21 PM  
"I came." Nothing more to say after that, except maybe, "Good night."
 
2012-06-14 06:04:24 PM  
"I have not yet begun to fight!"
 
2012-06-14 06:05:55 PM  

Treygreen13: Here, I've highlighted the important part of your story.


it still doesn't make any damn sense - first off, the people he was talking too where the leaders of the regular army. those people overwhelmingly stood down and didn't fight the americans (which is why they got to meet the general in 2003 instead of being in a prison camp.) So if the quote is supposed to be justified by the operation iraqi freedom, then it should be "badass things said right after killing a bunch of people, to some other people somewhat losely associated with the people you just killed."

Then, when the army was subsequently disbanded, then those leaders took their stockpiled weapons, and went off into the hills (more accurately the towns) and spent the next several years setting IEDs, ambushing supply convoys and doing their damndest to start a full scale sectarian civil war. Then we had to bribe them to stop doing that, which really isn't all that badass (although, as mentioned, much smarter. why spend 40 million per bomber to attack an insurgent when you can just divvy 20 million in bribes up so he wont insurge anymore?)
 
2012-06-14 06:06:35 PM  
"Drop 50 and fire for effect."
"That's your own position."
"I don't give a damn."

Audie Murphy.
 
2012-06-14 06:09:40 PM  
Arnaud Amaury, Catholic Abbott from France who organized a crusade. He trapped 20,000 people in a fortress, and when asked how to distinguish the heretic Cathars from the Catholics among them he said "Kill them all, God will sort out his own" and then proceeded to massacre them all.
 
2012-06-14 06:09:51 PM  
Dec. 23, 1944 - "Battle of the Bulge" - An entire U.S. armored division was retreating from the Germans in the Ardennes forest when a sergeant in a tank destroyer spotted an American digging a foxhole. The GI, PFC Martin, 325th Glider Infantry Regiment, looked up and asked, "Are you looking for a safe place?" "Yeah" answered the tanker. "Well, buddy," he drawled, "just pull your vehicle behind me...I'm the 82nd Airborne, and this is as far as the bastards are going."
 
2012-06-14 06:11:48 PM  

varmitydog: Cathars


what a jerk. he should have been able to pick the cat people from KOTOR out just by their ears and fur.
 
2012-06-14 06:15:16 PM  
what did busboy mean in the 1670's,
 
2012-06-14 06:15:59 PM  
Bull Halsey had a clear idea to win a US victory over Imperial Japan. Then he made his men move according to his plan. Perhaps, Fark posters may want to comment on his remarkable success. Here's mine. If it were not for Admiral Bull Halsey, I would never have been born and you would not speak English.

I don't know much about the others on the Cracked list and their foes. But, I know this much about Admiral Bull Halsey. He was up against the two nastiest totalitarian zealots the world has ever known. Then, when the outcome of the Second World War was entirely uncertain, this little man brought the entire Japanese empire to its knees. He saved our country and likely saved almost a billion peasants from death in China.

Too bad American high school students ignore Admiral Halsey. Why is that?
 
2012-06-14 06:16:30 PM  
i.ytimg.com

I fart in your general direction!
 
2012-06-14 06:21:49 PM  

Delay: Too bad American high school students ignore Admiral Halsey. Why is that?


they barely touch on WW2 at all... or any wars, really. when i was in highschool the emphasis was on what causes a war and how the aftermath is dealt with. with the limited time highschool has to deliver american history (7th and 11th grades when i was there) they don't delve into the battles. The one guy who gets mentioned, if anyone does, is MacArthur and thats only because his showdown with Truman can be used as an example to discuss the president's role as commander in chief and one of the more famed times a military leader has directly challenged it
 
2012-06-14 06:26:08 PM  
 
2012-06-14 06:26:24 PM  
Farking dipshiat with a nine-toed woman!
 
2012-06-14 06:26:44 PM  

cgraves67: My favorite: "Nuts"


2nd Lt. George Rice: Looks like you guys are going to be surrounded.

Richard Winters: We're paratroopers, Lieutenant. We're supposed to be surrounded.

----------------

Not sure if actually said outside of the miniseries.
 
2012-06-14 06:26:55 PM  
"I'm the 82d Airborne and this is as far as the bastards are going."
 
2012-06-14 06:31:16 PM  

Delay: Bull Halsey had a clear idea to win a US victory over Imperial Japan. Then he made his men move according to his plan. Perhaps, Fark posters may want to comment on his remarkable success. Here's mine. If it were not for Admiral Bull Halsey, I would never have been born and you would not speak English.

I don't know much about the others on the Cracked list and their foes. But, I know this much about Admiral Bull Halsey. He was up against the two nastiest totalitarian zealots the world has ever known. Then, when the outcome of the Second World War was entirely uncertain, this little man brought the entire Japanese empire to its knees. He saved our country and likely saved almost a billion peasants from death in China.

Too bad American high school students ignore Admiral Halsey. Why is that?


Because he doesn't matter in terms of history.
 
2012-06-14 06:31:55 PM  
"I have not yet begun to fight!"

Don't you think you ought to start, Cap'n? We're running out of boat.
 
2012-06-14 06:33:25 PM  

tlchwi02: Delay: Too bad American high school students ignore Admiral Halsey. Why is that?

they barely touch on WW2 at all... or any wars, really. when i was in highschool the emphasis was on what causes a war and how the aftermath is dealt with. with the limited time highschool has to deliver american history (7th and 11th grades when i was there) they don't delve into the battles. The one guy who gets mentioned, if anyone does, is MacArthur and thats only because his showdown with Truman can be used as an example to discuss the president's role as commander in chief and one of the more famed times a military leader has directly challenged it


It's sad really. Ask the combatants. They tell us that Roosevelt, Eisenhower and Halsey determined the outcome of the Second World War.
 
2012-06-14 06:34:26 PM  
"They've got us surrounded again, the poor bastards."

-- reputed to have been said by General Creighton Abrams at the Battle of the Bulge.
 
2012-06-14 06:34:30 PM  

rudemix: Vae victis?

Oh wait, that was that most bad-assed thing said after the killing.


i116.photobucket.com

Vae Victus - suffering to the conquered. Ironic now I was the one suffering. Not anything as pedestrian as physical pain, rather the cruel jab of impotent anger - the hunger for revenge. I didn't care if I was in Heaven or Hell. All I wanted was to kill my assassins...
 
2012-06-14 06:37:14 PM  

rockforever: Because he doesn't matter in terms of history.


Frankly, I have no idea what you mean. Do you mean that the facts are something that need not be memorized for a test?
 
2012-06-14 06:37:41 PM  

Suede head: gunther_bumpass: Suede head: steamingpile: tlchwi02: that's the quote he said to the recently defeated iraqi military leaders.... who promptly took to the hills and became the insurgency that is still killing people to this day. so um, yeah i guess it sounds cool, but is it bad-ass if the enemy subsequently guerilla warfared you to the point you had to give up and start paying them tribute to get them to stop attacking?

Yeah that's not true.

Uh, yes it is. We paid the insurgents to stop killing us.

Yeah, well I paid your MOM.

She obviously doesn't like you, she usually gives it away.


I paid her to put some clothes on.

:D

:|
 
2012-06-14 06:40:53 PM  

tlchwi02: that's the quote he said to the recently defeated iraqi military leaders.... who promptly took to the hills and became the insurgency that is still killing people to this day. so um, yeah i guess it sounds cool, but is it bad-ass if the enemy subsequently guerilla warfared you to the point you had to give up and start paying them tribute to get them to stop attacking?


Given the situation of most of these, I'm not a huge fan of military and/or war...but I do love history, and a few of these I found very cool to read.

You on the other hand, seem like you'd be a blast at parties. No skin in the game I'm sure, and yet you still feel high and mighty enough over your latte to biatch and moan. Utterly farking pathetic.
 
2012-06-14 06:45:12 PM  

Delay: It's sad really. Ask the combatants. They tell us that Roosevelt, Eisenhower and Halsey determined the outcome of the Second World War.


yeah, but to understand history he individually doesn't matter much. its a lot more important to understand what and how a war starts, and what and how a war ends and what is done after than it is to know the battle plans. if you get a chance in college to take an indepth study of WW2 then yeah, you would learn about him in some detail. but at the highschool level its not an efficient way of using your resources.

of course, i could argue that boring all the kids to tears so they don't like history and think its all dry and dull by focusing on all the dry and dull stuff and not touching on the interesting stuff has its own problems, but its how they do it.
 
2012-06-14 06:45:24 PM  

Delay: Bull Halsey had a clear idea to win a US victory over Imperial Japan. Then he made his men move according to his plan. Perhaps, Fark posters may want to comment on his remarkable success. Here's mine. If it were not for Admiral Bull Halsey, I would never have been born and you would not speak English.


Japan was never a threat to invade the United States.
 
2012-06-14 06:47:46 PM  

tlchwi02: Delay: Too bad American high school students ignore Admiral Halsey. Why is that?

they barely touch on WW2 at all... or any wars, really. when i was in highschool the emphasis was on what causes a war and how the aftermath is dealt with. with the limited time highschool has to deliver american history (7th and 11th grades when i was there) they don't delve into the battles. The one guy who gets mentioned, if anyone does, is MacArthur and thats only because his showdown with Truman can be used as an example to discuss the president's role as commander in chief and one of the more famed times a military leader has directly challenged it


I'm reading Unbroken right now, book about an Olympic runner and bombadier (sp?) who crashed in the pacific and floated in a raft for 47 days, just to be captured by the Japanese and put in a secret POW camp. Pretty great so far.
 
2012-06-14 06:47:54 PM  
"You want some? Oh you want some too? Aaaarrrggghhh!"

- Private Hudson
 
2012-06-14 06:49:49 PM  

dstanley: "Drop 50 and fire for effect."
"That's your own position."
"I don't give a damn."

Audie Murphy.


upload.wikimedia.org

Medal of Honor
Distinguished Service Cross
Silver Star (with oak leaf cluster)
Legion of Merit
Bronze Star (with Valor device and oak leaf cluster)
Purple Heart (with two oak leaf clusters)
Department of the Army Outstanding Civilian Service Award
U.S. Army Good Conduct Medal
Presidential Unit Citation (with oak leaf cluster)
American Campaign Medal
European-African-Middle Eastern Campaign Medal (with one silver service star & four bronze service stars, representing nine campaigns, and one bronze arrowhead, representing assault landing at Sicily and Southern France)
World War II Victory Medal
Army of Occupation Medal (with Germany Clasp)
Armed Forces Reserve Medal
French Legion of Honor - Grade of Chevalier
French Croix de guerre (with Silver Star)
French Croix de guerre (with Palm)
Medal of Liberated France
Belgian Croix de guerre (with 1940 Palm)
French Fourragère in Colors of the Croix de guerre
Combat Infantryman Badge
Marksman Badge with Rifle Component Bar
Expert Badge with Bayonet Component Bar
 
2012-06-14 06:53:53 PM  

drongozone: #6. "Before When We're Through With Them, the Japanese Language Will Be Spoken Only in Hell."

Fixed stupid quote.


No, I think he meant it the other way.

As in, they'd all be dead and in hell... and he still wouldn't be done kicking their asses.
 
2012-06-14 06:54:50 PM  
www.jimpoz.com

I beg to present you as a Christmas gift the city of Savannah.


merry christmas!
 
2012-06-14 06:56:08 PM  
"It's just a flesh wound"
 
2012-06-14 07:01:40 PM  

This text is now purple: Japan was never a threat to invade the United States.


When I take walks along the Marin Headlands I see bunker after bunker built to respond to the anticipated Japanese attack on the US. Did it ever happen? Well, there was that incident on December 7, 1941 when Japan attacked the US Naval Base at Pearl Harbor in an attempt to destroy the entire Pacific fleet. Perhaps you have been home schooled?
 
2012-06-14 07:07:39 PM  

cgraves67: My favorite: "Nuts"


Came here to say that. Leaving satisfied.
 
2012-06-14 07:08:25 PM  

Delay: Bull Halsey had a clear idea to win a US victory over Imperial Japan. Then he made his men move according to his plan. Perhaps, Fark posters may want to comment on his remarkable success. Here's mine. If it were not for Admiral Bull Halsey, I would never have been born and you would not speak English.

I don't know much about the others on the Cracked list and their foes. But, I know this much about Admiral Bull Halsey. He was up against the two nastiest totalitarian zealots the world has ever known. Then, when the outcome of the Second World War was entirely uncertain, this little man brought the entire Japanese empire to its knees. He saved our country and likely saved almost a billion peasants from death in China.

Too bad American high school students ignore Admiral Halsey. Why is that?


He was vital to the war effort, but he was not the savior you thought he was. I'd put him at the same level as Patton.

I would blame Gen MacArthur and Admiral Nimiz overshadowing him.

Also what ended the war with Japan was the Atomic Bomb. It was science, not a military persona that won the war. Otherwise we could have seen the war last another four years...or even more had Japan resisted on their home turf.
 
2012-06-14 07:08:39 PM  
Would like a word.
basementrejects.com
 
2012-06-14 07:09:40 PM  
Not sure why but when i started to read the headline the first thing that popped into my head was "We come in peace. shoot to kill, shoot to kill" from "Star trekkin"
 
2012-06-14 07:14:50 PM  

Do the needful: I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass.

And I'm all out of bubble gum.


I have come here to chew ass and kick bubble gum.

And I'm all out of ass.
 
2012-06-14 07:16:22 PM  

Delay: This text is now purple: Japan was never a threat to invade the United States.

When I take walks along the Marin Headlands I see bunker after bunker built to respond to the anticipated Japanese attack on the US. Did it ever happen? Well, there was that incident on December 7, 1941 when Japan attacked the US Naval Base at Pearl Harbor in an attempt to destroy the entire Pacific fleet. Perhaps you have been home schooled?


attack ≠ invasion.
 
2012-06-14 07:16:23 PM  

gonjie: Not sure why but when i started to read the headline the first thing that popped into my head was "We come in peace. shoot to kill, shoot to kill" from "Star trekkin"


"Theeeeeeere's Klingons on the starboard bow,
starboard bow,
starboard bow!
There's Klingons on the starboard bow!"
 
2012-06-14 07:16:33 PM  

gonjie: Not sure why but when i started to read the headline the first thing that popped into my head was "We come in peace. shoot to kill, shoot to kill" from "Star trekkin"


I was just coming to post this.
 
2012-06-14 07:19:06 PM  

Delay: This text is now purple: Japan was never a threat to invade the United States.

When I take walks along the Marin Headlands I see bunker after bunker built to respond to the anticipated Japanese attack on the US. Did it ever happen? Well, there was that incident on December 7, 1941 when Japan attacked the US Naval Base at Pearl Harbor in an attempt to destroy the entire Pacific fleet. Perhaps you have been home schooled?


He was schooled in the "America is So Bad Ass That No Foreign Power Could Ever Come Here Cause We'd Kick Their Asses" school.

What do you suppose the results of losing Midway were gonna be? They turn around and sail home? Did the Japanese occupation of the Aleutian islands indicate any broader geopolitical goals?
 
2012-06-14 07:19:43 PM  

Delay: tlchwi02: Delay: Too bad American high school students ignore Admiral Halsey. Why is that?

they barely touch on WW2 at all... or any wars, really. when i was in highschool the emphasis was on what causes a war and how the aftermath is dealt with. with the limited time highschool has to deliver american history (7th and 11th grades when i was there) they don't delve into the battles. The one guy who gets mentioned, if anyone does, is MacArthur and thats only because his showdown with Truman can be used as an example to discuss the president's role as commander in chief and one of the more famed times a military leader has directly challenged it

It's sad really. Ask the combatants. They tell us that Roosevelt, Eisenhower and Halsey determined the outcome of the Second World War.


the war could only end one way once we joined it.

in 1943 the U.S. alone had aproximately double the GDP of germany, japan, and italy. Link

in 1937 the U.S. produced 22% of the worlds oil supply (and our share would only rise as the war began), while the second largest share was produced by the USSR with 3.8%. all of latin america only produced 5.6%, and the entire british empire + their commonwealth nations only produced only
5.4% of the world total.
all the axis powers combined only produced 1% of the world total.
Link

when our part in the war started a few weeks before 1942 we had 8 fleet carriers, while the japanese had 10.
three years later we had built 35 additional fleet carriers. Link
this doesn't include the 53 escort carriers we built. Link
and we built all that while the pacific was the secondary theater.
japan managed to build just 3 more carriers after the war with the U.S. began.

in just 3 years of war the u.s. built 88k tanks, while in 7 years japan, germany, and italy built just 71k.
in 3 years of war the u.s. built 2.34 million military trucks, while in 7 years japan, germany, and italy built just 593k.
in 3 years the u.s. built 2.67 milliion machine guns, while in 7 years japan, germany, and italy built just 1.09 million.
in 3 years the u.s. built 325k airplanes, while in 7 years japan, germany, and italy built just 206k
Link

ike was a great diplomat, and halsey may have been an ok tactician, but you and I could have been in their place and we still would have won in the end. there is literally no combination of events that could have lead to us losing and speaking japanese or german.
the reason why no one is taught about halsey is because he didn't f*cking matter. George McClellan or George Armstrong Custer could have been the supreme allied commander or a pacific admiral and we would have eventually mopped the floor with the japanese and germans.
also halsey almost lost a f*cking fleet in a typhoon.
 
2012-06-14 07:19:45 PM  

Delay: This text is now purple: Japan was never a threat to invade the United States.

When I take walks along the Marin Headlands I see bunker after bunker built to respond to the anticipated Japanese attack on the US. Did it ever happen? Well, there was that incident on December 7, 1941 when Japan attacked the US Naval Base at Pearl Harbor in an attempt to destroy the entire Pacific fleet. Perhaps you have been home schooled?


I believe he's talking about the actual United States, and not its territories such as Hawaii...which they didn't attempt to invade either for that matter. And he's right. Japan wasn't a threat to invade the United States. They had neither the intention or the means to do so. America's preperation for such an event doesn't make that any less true.
 
2012-06-14 07:19:46 PM  

Darth_Lukecash: Otherwise we could have seen the war last another four years.


I'm sure that is an underestimate. The fire bombings of Tokyo on the night of March 9-10, 1945 when 334 B-29s flew low over Tokyo to reduce the city to rubble, kill its citizens, and instill terror in the survivors were horrific. Flight Commander Gen. Thomas Power termed the Tokyo fire bombing "the greatest single disaster incurred by any enemy in military history" and yet no terms of surrender were requested.
 
2012-06-14 07:20:28 PM  

Delay: This text is now purple: Japan was never a threat to invade the United States.

When I take walks along the Marin Headlands I see bunker after bunker built to respond to the anticipated Japanese attack on the US. Did it ever happen? Well, there was that incident on December 7, 1941 when Japan attacked the US Naval Base at Pearl Harbor in an attempt to destroy the entire Pacific fleet. Perhaps you have been home schooled?


The grandparent suggested that if not for Halsey, the United States would not speak English. I was pointing out that Japan was never in a position, at any time in American history, to wipe out the entirety of English-speaking America.

The US had twice the population, was protected by the entirety of the Pacific Ocean, had no nearby islands which could be used as staging grounds, and was buffered by two mountain ranges and two Continent-sized open plains before Japan even reached anything of interest. Japan did not possess the heavy armor or bomber capability to launch a serious land-invasion of the US, and had no experience fighting on North American terrain.

Basically, invading the US would have been the stupidest thing Japan could have done. The US was never at risk in WWII of having to abandon English.
 
2012-06-14 07:23:08 PM  
I should say, almost lost a fleet to a typhoon twice.
 
2012-06-14 07:23:57 PM  

Darth_Lukecash:

I would blame Gen MacArthur and Admiral Nimiz overshadowing him.


MacArthur was a goddamn fraud.


Also what ended the war with Japan was the Atomic Bomb. It was science, not a military persona that won the war. Otherwise we could have seen the war last another four years...or even more had Japan resisted on their home turf.


Downfall was going to take about six months to implement, but I suspect that holding Japan would have looked something like holding Iraq if the Emperor didn't tell them to knock that shiat off. It's what you get when you fight Emperor worshiping death cults.
 
2012-06-14 07:25:35 PM  
www.whale.to
 
2012-06-14 07:26:34 PM  

tlchwi02: that's the quote he said to the recently defeated iraqi military leaders.... who promptly took to the hills and became the insurgency that is still killing people to this day. so um, yeah i guess it sounds cool, but is it bad-ass if the enemy subsequently guerilla warfared you to the point you had to give up and start paying them tribute to get them to stop attacking?


Also, he just defeated a POS military that had been crippled by a decade of sanctions and he says "I come in peace."

WTF? No you dumb ass. You just came in war, moran.
 
2012-06-14 07:29:05 PM  
www.changingworld.com
 
2012-06-14 07:30:25 PM  
"Hold on, someone hold my beer for a second..."
 
2012-06-14 07:38:07 PM  

Japan was never a threat to invade the United States.



You sure?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aleutian_Islands_Campaign
 
2012-06-14 07:42:05 PM  

Rent Party: Also what ended the war with Japan was the Atomic Bomb. It was science, not a military persona that won the war. Otherwise we could have seen the war last another four years...or even more had Japan resisted on their home turf.

Downfall was going to take about six months to implement, but I suspect that holding Japan would have looked something like holding Iraq if the Emperor didn't tell them to knock that shiat off. It's what you get when you fight Emperor worshiping death cults.


Unlike in 2005, in 1945, I think the US was prepared to shoot every man, woman, and child who resisted.
 
2012-06-14 07:43:24 PM  
upload.wikimedia.org
Wars produce many stories of fiction, some of which are told until they are believed to be true. - US Grant
 
2012-06-14 07:44:15 PM  

dfwaviator: Japan was never a threat to invade the United States.


You sure?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aleutian_Islands_Campaign


And what were they going to do next with that, exactly? The US had to build a corduroy road through the goddamn Yukon just to get to the place. It would have taken the Japanese until 1947 just to get to the continental US via an Aleutian landing.
 
2012-06-14 07:45:18 PM  

dfwaviator: Japan was never a threat to invade the United States.


You sure?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aleutian_Islands_Campaign


they could have cut off our strategic supply of moss covered rocks and glaciers.

we were reading their mail, and gave not one shiat about those islands.
 
2012-06-14 07:48:40 PM  
4.bp.blogspot.com
"Die motherfarker! Come on! Come on! Come and get it, baby! Come on! I don't got all day! Come on! Come on! Come on you bastard! Come on, you too! Oh, you want some of this? fark you!"
 
2012-06-14 07:52:31 PM  

This text is now purple: dfwaviator: Japan was never a threat to invade the United States.


You sure?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aleutian_Islands_Campaign

And what were they going to do next with that, exactly? The US had to build a corduroy road through the goddamn Yukon just to get to the place. It would have taken the Japanese until 1947 just to get to the continental US via an Aleutian landing.


They were going to meet Germany and Mexico halfway. But the Russians tied up the idiotic Germans and they lost Europe. In addition, Mexico never signed on with the Axis powers. Japan was left by her lonesome with an undisciplined military and no comparable production capabilities.
 
2012-06-14 07:53:43 PM  
John Sedgwick: "What? Men dodging this way for single bullets? What will you do when they open fire along the whole line? I am ashamed of you. They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...."
 
2012-06-14 07:55:56 PM  

th0rr: Then we will fight in the shade


That. But I've always liked the exchange between Philip and the Spartans:
"If I invade Sparta I shall level it to the ground."
"If"
 
2012-06-14 07:55:59 PM  

Alien Robot: "You Babylonian Busboy, Macedonian Mechanic, Jerusalem Beer Brewer, Alexandrian Goat Skinner, Swineherd of Upper and Lower Egypt, Armenian Pig, Tatar Goat, Kamenets Hangman, Podolian Thief, Grandson of the Evil Serpent Himself and Buffoon of All the World and the Netherworld, Fool of Our God, Swine's Snout, Mare's [Asshole], Butcher's Dog, Unbaptized Brow, May the Devil Steam Your Ass! That's How the Cossacks Answer You, You Nasty Glob of Spit!"

So many good Fark handles here. Anyone need some alts?


I have my fantasy football team names for the next 5 years.
 
2012-06-14 07:56:40 PM  

Ishkur: "Die motherfarker! Come on! Come on! Come and get it, baby! Come on! I don't got all day! Come on! Come on! Come on you bastard! Come on, you too! Oh, you want some of this? fark you!"


You said it much better than I did.
 
2012-06-14 07:56:40 PM  
I'm positive that at least five people have run into battle screaming "Leroy Jenkins!!!!!" and "SPOON!!!!". No, I won't tell you how I know.
 
2012-06-14 07:58:21 PM  
...to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee.
 
2012-06-14 07:59:57 PM  
Dammit... now I have to watch Leeroy Jenkins on youtube.

/at least I have chicken
 
2012-06-14 07:59:57 PM  

orezona: "Hold on, someone hold my beer for a second..."


Usually after that line the speaker only kills themselves.
 
2012-06-14 08:00:39 PM  

LaughingRadish: I'm positive that at least five people have run into battle screaming "Leroy Jenkins!!!!!" and "SPOON!!!!". No, I won't tell you how I know.


Don't forget "NOT IN THE FACE"
 
2012-06-14 08:00:51 PM  
"I hope you brought your wallet, because the rent in HELL gets PAID in ADVAAANCE!!!!" - Sarge
 
2012-06-14 08:13:02 PM  
I know these were from sailors but either "flank speed, full left rudder" or "Mr. Burton, you may open fire."

/Taffy 3, how they sailed such small ships with such large brass balls on board is a mystery to me.
 
2012-06-14 08:14:51 PM  
NUTS
 
2012-06-14 08:18:07 PM  

TommyDeuce: /Taffy 3, how they sailed such small ships with such large brass balls on board is a mystery to me.


Supposedly, upon seeing the Japanese ships withdrawing, a sailor on one of Taffy 3's destroyers griped, "dammit, boys, they're getting away!"
 
2012-06-14 08:25:01 PM  

Dawnrazor: TommyDeuce: /Taffy 3, how they sailed such small ships with such large brass balls on board is a mystery to me.

Supposedly, upon seeing the Japanese ships withdrawing, a sailor on one of Taffy 3's destroyers griped, "dammit, boys, they're getting away!"


That was the other one I was thinking of.

/Generally speaking, the U.S. Navy has been something to avoid farking with.
 
2012-06-14 08:29:02 PM  
"We've got 'em boys!"
-Lt Col G.A. Custer
Little Bighorn
 
2012-06-14 08:31:34 PM  

TommyDeuce: Dawnrazor: TommyDeuce: /Taffy 3, how they sailed such small ships with such large brass balls on board is a mystery to me.

Supposedly, upon seeing the Japanese ships withdrawing, a sailor on one of Taffy 3's destroyers griped, "dammit, boys, they're getting away!"

That was the other one I was thinking of.

/Generally speaking, the U.S. Navy has been something to avoid farking with.


taffy, that was caused by halsey being a bit of an idiot as well, no.
I wonder if delay was trolling about halsey.
 
2012-06-14 08:32:19 PM  
"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his."
 
2012-06-14 08:40:53 PM  

relcec: "Hard pressed on my right; center is yielding; impossible to maneuver. Situation excellent, I shall attack!"
Foche
First Battle of the Marne 1914


"I have only two men out of my company and 20 out of some other company. We need support, but it is almost suicide to try to get it here as we are swept by machine gun fire and a constant barrage is on us. I have no one on my left and only a few on my right. I will hold."
1stLt. Clifton B. Cates, USMC in Belleau Wood, 19 July 1918. He would go on to lead a battalion, regiment, and division in combat, and would become the 19th Commandant of the Marine Corps

"You'll never get a Purple Heart hiding in a foxhole! Follow me!"
Capt. Henry P. Crowe, USMC; Guadalcanal, 13 January 1943 He also rocked a biatchin' 'stache.

And no list would be complete without a quote from the greatest Marine of all time:

"Don't you forget that you're First Marines! Not all the communists in Hell can overrun you!"
Col. Lewis B. "Chesty" Puller, USMC, rallying his First Marine Regiment near Chosin Reservoir, Korea, December 1950
 
2012-06-14 08:48:50 PM  
"I ain't got time to bleed."
 
2012-06-14 08:52:56 PM  
One of my favorites:

"This is the perfect war. They want to die, and we want to kill them." -Sgt. Maj. Henry Bergeron, USMC
 
2012-06-14 09:03:30 PM  
"Don't these people ever give up?" : Kilgore 79'
 
Biv
2012-06-14 09:12:48 PM  
Just read this one:

When an Army captain asked him for the direction of the line of retreat, Col Puller called his artillerymen, gave them the Army position, and ordered: "If they start to pull back from that line, even one foot, I want you to open fire on them." Turning to the captain, he replied "Does that answer your question?
We're here to fight."
- Chesty Puller at Koto-ri in Korea
 
2012-06-14 09:15:09 PM  
Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear
 
2012-06-14 09:15:34 PM  

Rent Party:
What do you suppose the results of losing Midway were gonna be? They turn around and sail home? Did the Japanese occupation of the Aleutian islands indicate any broader geopolitical goals?


The result of losing at Midway would be that the Pacific War would last until 1946. The Allies would still have won, it just would have taken another six-to-twelve months.

Midway itself would have become just another starving outpost, unable to be supported by the Imperial Japanese Navy, like so many other Japanese island bases became.

Even if Kido Butai didn't lose a single carrier at Midway, and the US lost all all three they brought, the Japanese would have been outnumbered in fleet carriers by late 1943. If you add in the Independence-class CVLs, the situation becomes even more lopsided; all nine of those were commissioned by the end of 1943 as well. And each and every one of those carriers would have an air wing made up of Hellcats and/or Corsairs, Dauntlesses and Avengers, better planes than what the IJN could field.

The atoll would have proven to be worse than useless to the Japanese... it would cost them vital merchant shipping to keep supplied with food and fuel, shipping they were chronically short of in the first place.

The occupation of the Aleutians was done pretty much to prevent the US from launching air attacks against the Home Islands from them. They weren't going to go marching through Alaska and Canada to invade Washington and Oregon, after all. In retrospect, the concept of flying much of anything out of Attu or Kiska is fairly silly... there are few places less hospitable to airframes than them. That it was done by the Army Air Forces is one of the great unknown stories of the Pacific War.

So, to recap: Midway? Expensive to take and useless to hold, worth maybe another 12 months of war in the end. Aleutians? Well, at least they had a reason.
 
2012-06-14 09:20:06 PM  
In addition to the "we will fight in the shade" quote, another from the same battle was by a Spartan painting a life size image of a house fly on his shield. When asked why, he said that he will be so close to the Persians, that it will appear as big as a lion.
 
2012-06-14 09:20:35 PM  

relcec: I wonder if delay was trolling about halsey.


Not trolling, in my opinion and in the opinion of the Japanese admirals who were engaged therein, Halsey won this battle, and subsequently the rest of the war at sea. From then on the Japanese ships made no difference at all from this battle to the rest of the war. Why? The Japanese navy returned to port and were effectively destroyed. Maybe Halsey picked the admirals at the Battle of Samar by luck, maybe on skill, but on record, objectively, Halsey won the war in the Pacific.
 
2012-06-14 09:20:39 PM  

relcec: Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear


ho ho beriberi
 
2012-06-14 09:21:26 PM  
Ihr Racker, wollt ihr ewig leben?
-Frederick the Great

Interdum feror cupidine partium magnarum Europae vincendarum
-Julius Caeser
 
2012-06-14 09:24:11 PM  
"Damn the torpedoes!"
 
2012-06-14 09:30:54 PM  

Bleyo: This is quality, 17th century trash talking.

I, the Sultan, son of Mohamed, brother of the Sun and Moon, grandson and vicegerent of God, sovereign of all kingdoms: of Macedonia, Babylonia, and Jerusalem, of Upper and Lower Egypt: king of kings, ruler of all that exists; extraordinary, invincible knight; constant guardian of the grave of Jesus Christ; trustee of God himself; hope and comfort of Moslems, confusion and great protector of Christians, command you, the Zaporozhian Cossacks, to surrender to me voluntarily and without any kind of resistance, and don't permit yourselves to trouble me with your attacks!

Turkish Sultan Mohamed

With the response:

Zaporozhians -- to the Turkish Sultan

You Turkish Satan, brother and comrade of the damned devil and secretary to Lucifer himself! What the hell kind of knight are you? The devil [shiats] and you and your army swallow [it]. You aren't fit to have the sons of Christians under you; we aren't afraid of your army, and we'll fight you on land and sea. You Babylonian busboy, Macedonian mechanic, Jerusalem beer brewer, Alexandrian goat skinner, swineherd of Upper and Lower Egypt, Armenian pig, Tatar goat, Kamenets hangman, Podolian thief, grandson of the Evil Serpent himself, and buffoon of all the world and the netherworld, fool of our God, swine's snout, mare's [asshole], butcher's dog, unbaptized brow, may the devil steam your ass! That's how the Cossacks answer you, you nasty glob of spit! You're unfit to rule true Christians. We don't know the date because we don't have a calendar, the moon is in the sky, and the year is in a book, and the day is the same with us as with you, so go kiss our [butt]!

-Chief Hetman Zaxarcenko with all the Zaporozhian Host


It sounds a lot "richer" in Russian, trust me.

Would have been cool, except Cossacks were your average 17th century nazis - very into killing (quartering, cutting out fetuses from pregnant women, killing male children), raping anything with a vagina - primarily focusing on Gypsies and Jews in their spare time, in between you know - raping, killing and pillaging Jews and Gypsies.

Real farking heroes, those coonts
 
2012-06-14 09:30:57 PM  
"GIVE ME LIBERTY, OR GIVE ME DEATH! But with dinner, I'll have stuffing!"
 
2012-06-14 09:32:59 PM  

AbiNormal: "Come on, you sons of biatches! Do you want to live forever?"


Spoken by a double MoH recipient, no less.
 
2012-06-14 09:33:47 PM  

Delay: relcec: I wonder if delay was trolling about halsey.

Not trolling, in my opinion and in the opinion of the Japanese admirals who were engaged therein, Halsey won this battle, and subsequently the rest of the war at sea. From then on the Japanese ships made no difference at all from this battle to the rest of the war. Why? The Japanese navy returned to port and were effectively destroyed. Maybe Halsey picked the admirals at the Battle of Samar by luck, maybe on skill, but on record, objectively, Halsey won the war in the Pacific.


you are crazy. who told you halsey won the war in the pacific?
you could have *won* the war in the pacific if given our production capabilities and signals/decryption capabilities. it was impossible to lose.

halsey took the bait and lured away from leyte gulf and almost got a decent part of Philippine invasion force logistics train slaughtered.

he also ran through two typhoons resulting in a lot of dead sailors.
 
2012-06-14 09:34:58 PM  

tortilla burger: Surely there must be better ones out there.


"Get off my lawn"

/nothing more to be said
 
2012-06-14 09:37:42 PM  

Delay: relcec: I wonder if delay was trolling about halsey.

Not trolling, in my opinion and in the opinion of the Japanese admirals who were engaged therein, Halsey won this battle, and subsequently the rest of the war at sea. From then on the Japanese ships made no difference at all from this battle to the rest of the war. Why? The Japanese navy returned to port and were effectively destroyed. Maybe Halsey picked the admirals at the Battle of Samar by luck, maybe on skill, but on record, objectively, Halsey won the war in the Pacific.


mindreels.files.wordpress.com

Your conclusions are all wrong Delay, Halsey acted stupidly.
 
2012-06-14 09:49:58 PM  
"Gentlemen, we may not make history tomorrow, but we shall certainly change the geography." - General Herbert Plumer, British Army, on the eve of the Battle of Messines, 1917
 
2012-06-14 09:54:32 PM  
"War is cruelty. There is no use trying to reform it. The crueler it is, the sooner it will be over. " - William Tecumseh Sherman
 
2012-06-14 09:59:58 PM  

zarberg: Woah, FTA:

"Upon seeing a flamethrower for the first time, Puller reportedly asked, "Where do you put the bayonet?"

Yeah, that's pretty badass.


Marines, man.
 
2012-06-14 10:04:21 PM  
"Your mother is an hamster and your father smells of elderberries!"
 
2012-06-14 10:15:25 PM  
"Who am I?
I am Susan Ivanova. Commander. Daughter of Andre and Sophie Ivanov. I am the right hand of vengeance and the boot that is going to kick your sorry ass all the way back to Earth, sweetheart. I am death incarnate, and the last living thing that you are ever going to see. God sent me."
 
2012-06-14 10:16:55 PM  

This text is now purple: Delay: Bull Halsey had a clear idea to win a US victory over Imperial Japan. Then he made his men move according to his plan. Perhaps, Fark posters may want to comment on his remarkable success. Here's mine. If it were not for Admiral Bull Halsey, I would never have been born and you would not speak English.

Japan was never a threat to invade the United States.


Aleutians much?
 
2012-06-14 10:18:37 PM  
The best warfighters don't need words to get their point across.
 
2012-06-14 10:28:11 PM  

Delay: This text is now purple: Japan was never a threat to invade the United States.

When I take walks along the Marin Headlands I see bunker after bunker built to respond to the anticipated Japanese attack on the US. Did it ever happen? Well, there was that incident on December 7, 1941 when Japan attacked the US Naval Base at Pearl Harbor in an attempt to destroy the entire Pacific fleet. Perhaps you have been home schooled?


"Invade" Means put occupying troops into a piece of territory. Yes, we were afraid of being invaded, but japan never really had the numbers for that. They could bomb us, but not occupy the vast amount of land that the US has more than japan does. when you compare their 145,946 square mile country to our 3,615,054 square mile country, it is clear that an occupying force is downright impossible.
 
2012-06-14 10:33:53 PM  
"What the fark was that?!?" ~ The Mayor of Hiroshima, 6 August 1945.
 
2012-06-14 10:34:20 PM  

chunk75: This text is now purple: Delay: Bull Halsey had a clear idea to win a US victory over Imperial Japan. Then he made his men move according to his plan. Perhaps, Fark posters may want to comment on his remarkable success. Here's mine. If it were not for Admiral Bull Halsey, I would never have been born and you would not speak English.

Japan was never a threat to invade the United States.

Aleutians much?


Yes, because the Japanese landing on the part of America the Americans don't even know about,much less give a flying toss about is a serious invasion of the US. They captured 90 whole people. Americans killed more than 90 Americans during WWII in whiffle-bat-related activities. If Japan had said they wanted the US to bluntly give them the Aleutian Islands to end the Pacific War, we would have probably done it for the lulz - after some American went and looked up what the fark the Aleutians were, where the fark they were, and if we farking claimed possession of them. More armed Canadians have probably crossed over the border into the US than Japanese did in WWII - hardly think that counts as an "invasion" by Canada.

Let's be honest: When the US finally went up to push the Japanese out of the Aleutians, at least one officer had to have asked if we couldn't just leave them their and just call it a day - and it probably took the better part of a year to come up with some reason not to take him up on it.
 
2012-06-14 10:38:54 PM  
Get to da choppa!
 
2012-06-14 10:42:55 PM  
If I recall correctly, by the time the Americans tried to retake the Aleutians, the Japanese had already pulled out. That didn't stop a few dozen Americans from getting killed from friendly fire or from getting lost/severe hypothermia/frostbite.
 
2012-06-14 10:44:00 PM  
I'm kind of partial to Lt. William Calley: "Let's do the village! Let's do the whole farking village!"

/obscure?
 
2012-06-14 10:52:09 PM  
"Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you will remember if we were good men or bad, why we fought, or why we died. No, all that matters is that two stood against many, that's what's important. Valor pleases you, Crom, so grant me one request, grant me REVENGE! And if you do not listen, then the hell with you!"
 
2012-06-14 10:54:39 PM  
German solder "I came for your terms of surrender".
British solder "I'm sorry we can't take you all prisoner".
 
2012-06-14 10:55:23 PM  

tlchwi02: steamingpile: Yeah that's not true.

go ahead and google the sons of iraq. maybe "tribute" isn't the best word, since i'm not actually arguing that this was a bad strategy- to the contrary, it seems to have been a very excellent strategy. If i had my way, we would have just bribed these guys to throw saddam in a river instead of invading at all. Its just in the context of this quote where he's ostensibly being a super "bad-ass" before killing people, its hard to ignore that a scant few years later we were resorting to bribery to stop them from trying to kill us. especially compared to the other examples on the list, where the quote givers all went off and laid a total beating on their enemies.


We should totally have done this. It would have made an epic comedy movie.
 
2012-06-14 11:01:27 PM  

cynep: Bleyo: This is quality, 17th century trash talking.

I, the Sultan, son of Mohamed, brother of the Sun and Moon, grandson and vicegerent of God, sovereign of all kingdoms: of Macedonia, Babylonia, and Jerusalem, of Upper and Lower Egypt: king of kings, ruler of all that exists; extraordinary, invincible knight; constant guardian of the grave of Jesus Christ; trustee of God himself; hope and comfort of Moslems, confusion and great protector of Christians, command you, the Zaporozhian Cossacks, to surrender to me voluntarily and without any kind of resistance, and don't permit yourselves to trouble me with your attacks!

Turkish Sultan Mohamed

With the response:

Zaporozhians -- to the Turkish Sultan

You Turkish Satan, brother and comrade of the damned devil and secretary to Lucifer himself! What the hell kind of knight are you? The devil [shiats] and you and your army swallow [it]. You aren't fit to have the sons of Christians under you; we aren't afraid of your army, and we'll fight you on land and sea. You Babylonian busboy, Macedonian mechanic, Jerusalem beer brewer, Alexandrian goat skinner, swineherd of Upper and Lower Egypt, Armenian pig, Tatar goat, Kamenets hangman, Podolian thief, grandson of the Evil Serpent himself, and buffoon of all the world and the netherworld, fool of our God, swine's snout, mare's [asshole], butcher's dog, unbaptized brow, may the devil steam your ass! That's how the Cossacks answer you, you nasty glob of spit! You're unfit to rule true Christians. We don't know the date because we don't have a calendar, the moon is in the sky, and the year is in a book, and the day is the same with us as with you, so go kiss our [butt]!

-Chief Hetman Zaxarcenko with all the Zaporozhian Host

It sounds a lot "richer" in Russian, trust me.

Would have been cool, except Cossacks were your average 17th century nazis - very into killing (quartering, cutting out fetuses from pregnant women, killing male children), raping anything with a vagina - primar ...


Granted but you have to admit that second letter is pretty funny if you read it with the voice of John Cleese as the French guy from the Holy Grail in your head.
 
2012-06-14 11:21:50 PM  

netweavr: In addition, Mexico never signed on with the Axis powers.



After torpedoing Mexican oil tankers, Hitler thought Mexico would side with him? What was he, crazy?
 
2012-06-14 11:22:23 PM  
I was looking for a different quote but i saw this one and it made me laugh...

"When you men get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a pussy."
- Attributed to General Tommy Franks
- Also attributed to Leutenant General James Mattis, USMC
 
2012-06-14 11:28:42 PM  
Molon labe didn't make the cut? For shame.
 
2012-06-14 11:34:37 PM  

dj_bigbird: Molon labe didn't make the cut? For shame.


I was just about to ask the same question.
 
2012-06-14 11:39:58 PM  

cgraves67: Nuts


"Nuts" it is.

That and I'd imagine Sherman said some pretty wacky stuff marching through Georgia.
 
2012-06-14 11:56:22 PM  
 
2012-06-15 12:09:52 AM  

Tellingthem: "When you men get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a pussy."
- Attributed to General Tommy Franks
- Also attributed to Leutenant General James Mattis, USMC


"Same team, dumbass!"
- Attributed to anti-war protester who remembers when the US didn't start wars, but finished them
 
2012-06-15 12:09:54 AM  
Strangely absent is: "How dare you try to defend your family from a foreign invading army."
 
2012-06-15 12:14:17 AM  
One of my favorite military quotes was a story I read some years ago and cant remember the specifics. I seem to remember it was a Byzantine Emperior telling the turks leave our territory (or something like that) or else, now give me your answer. The turks responded "You will not hear our answer, you will see it"

My other favorite story was from roman history. The roman consul confronted Antiochus IV about his attack on egypt and told him basically get out, now. The King said well, he'd need to study and consider this before he made such a decision. The Consul drew circle in the sand around Antiochus and told him "Give me your answer before you leave that circle". Sheer roman brass balls.
 
2012-06-15 12:20:05 AM  

Delay: This text is now purple: Japan was never a threat to invade the United States.

When I take walks along the Marin Headlands I see bunker after bunker built to respond to the anticipated Japanese attack on the US. Did it ever happen? Well, there was that incident on December 7, 1941 when Japan attacked the US Naval Base at Pearl Harbor in an attempt to destroy the entire Pacific fleet. Perhaps you have been home schooled?


No, Japan had no way to establish or maintain supply lines to the mainland, and they knew it. BTW, Pearl Harbor was not part of the US, and according to the universally accepted rules of war, the attack on Pearl Harbor was justified (google: flying tigers).
 
2012-06-15 12:25:33 AM  
Wow. Lots of murderer-worship in this thread.
 
2012-06-15 12:30:37 AM  

DrPainMD: Wow. Lots of murderer-worship in this thread.



Yeah, tell me about it



DrPainMD: according to the universally accepted rules of war, the attack on Pearl Harbor was justified

 
2012-06-15 12:39:50 AM  
you all are slipping.

"my name is inigo montoya...."
 
2012-06-15 12:53:50 AM  
Surprised I didn't this posted. Fark, y'all be slipping:

Henry V: St. Crispin's day speech

Yeah I know it's not true to life but it's still awesome.
 
2012-06-15 12:54:06 AM  
"Stay on the bomb run, boys! I'm gonna get them doors open if it harelips everybody on Bear Creek!"
Major T.J. "King" Kong
 
2012-06-15 12:54:31 AM  

ranchguy: you all are slipping.

"my name is inigo montoya...."


No...

"Say hello to my little friend"
 
2012-06-15 12:55:51 AM  
Also, this:

don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.
 
2012-06-15 01:11:25 AM  
thread wouldn't be complete without this one
upload.wikimedia.org

"COME AND GET THEM!"
 
2012-06-15 01:43:52 AM  

cynep: Also, this:

don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.


Please leave a message after the beep.

/laughed so hard when I saw that on Graham Norton
 
2012-06-15 02:39:51 AM  

One Bad Apple: DrPainMD: Wow. Lots of murderer-worship in this thread.


Yeah, tell me about it



DrPainMD: according to the universally accepted rules of war, the attack on Pearl Harbor was justified


I never said that I approved of it; attack by the US was imminent, therefor it was justified.
 
2012-06-15 04:15:11 AM  
www.mrdisproportionateresponse.com
 
2012-06-15 04:53:19 AM  

slotz: Would like a word.
[basementrejects.com image 406x270]


FWIW, what he quotes isn't actually Ezekiel 25:17.
 
2012-06-15 06:54:30 AM  
DrPainMD: I never said that I approved of it; attack by the US was imminent, therefor it was justified.

You do realize that the majority of the nation at the time wanted NO PART of World War II, right? There was a huge isolationist sentiment in the United States, having just come out of the great depression, and remembering the atrocity that was the Great War less than 20 years earlier. The only reason the United States cut the supply of oil and raw material to Japan was because of their shenanigans in Asia at the time, and the view that the Japanese were pursuing aggressive war in violation of the Treaty of Versailles.

There was no "imminent attack" on the home islands. Even Yamamoto himself warned the Emperor that attacking the United States was a stupid thing to do given their position at the time.
 
2012-06-15 07:50:38 AM  

Delay: Too bad American high school students ignore Admiral Halsey. Why is that


FTFY.

Never heard of him until I got to college. And only then because I had a US Naval History class.
 
2012-06-15 08:12:43 AM  

SmackLT: "Hans...are we the baddies?"


I *LOVE* that skit.
 
2012-06-15 08:51:18 AM  

relcec: we were reading their mail


This is one factor that doesn't really get the credit it should. For the most part, we *PWNED* Japan in the Pacific largely because we knew where they were expecting us to attack, so we attacked elsewhere, and we knew where they were going to attack, so we could meet them effectively.

One example of this that almost never gets mentioned is that because we could read their merchant ship routing radio traffic, we knew where to place our relatively limited submarine force in the latter half of the war so as to sink the most shipping possible. In fact, US sub commanders were known to complain if the Japanese ships didn't show up on time! This led to a severe shortage of raw materials necessary for Japan's war effort, especially oil.

Because of this, the Japanese couldn't build as many airplanes, nor could they train their pilots, and they couldn't build as many ships, and they couldn't resupply their far-flung outposts.

In effect, we did to Japan what the Germans were trying to do to England: Starve an island nation by using submarines as a naval blockade. We were actually able to accomplish that because we consistently were able to break Japanese codes, combined with the fact that Japan didn't have any kind of effective signals intelligence, nor did they have a technologically advanced anti-submarine warfare capability*.


*Had US submariners gone up against late war US/UK style ASW capabilities, they'd have gotten mauled just as badly as the Ubootwaffe.
 
2012-06-15 08:55:22 AM  

DrPainMD: Delay: This text is now purple: Japan was never a threat to invade the United States.

When I take walks along the Marin Headlands I see bunker after bunker built to respond to the anticipated Japanese attack on the US. Did it ever happen? Well, there was that incident on December 7, 1941 when Japan attacked the US Naval Base at Pearl Harbor in an attempt to destroy the entire Pacific fleet. Perhaps you have been home schooled?

No, Japan had no way to establish or maintain supply lines to the mainland, and they knew it. BTW, Pearl Harbor was not part of the US, and according to the universally accepted rules of war, the attack on Pearl Harbor was justified (google: flying tigers).


Why were the Flying Tigers in China? Oh, yeah, Japanese Imperialism. (Google: Rape of Nanking).

Sorry, you want to play that game, Japan *ALWAYS* loses because they started it by invading Manchuria. (Google: Mukden Incident).
 
2012-06-15 09:15:48 AM  
dittybopper: Why were the Flying Tigers in China? Oh, yeah, Japanese Imperialism. (Google: Rape of Nanking).

Sorry, you want to play that game, Japan *ALWAYS* loses because they started it by invading Manchuria. (Google: Mukden Incident).


THANK YOU.

DrPainMD Is the first FARKer in 8 years of being on here that I've ever had to farkie as a "Japanese WWII Apologist"
 
2012-06-15 09:20:44 AM  

dittybopper: Sorry, you want to play that game, Japan *ALWAYS* loses because they started it by invading Manchuria. (Google: Mukden Incident)


Wrong america always loses because white men are bad.
 
2012-06-15 09:21:30 AM  
Patton:
"No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He wins it by making the other poor, dumb bastard die for his."

Commander at Bunker Hill in the revolutionary War:
"Don;t fire till you see the whites of their eyes."

I am sure both are paraphrases.
 
2012-06-15 09:28:34 AM  
Who am I? I am Susan Ivanova, Commander. Daughter of Andre and Sophie Ivanov. I am the right hand of vengeance and the boot that is going to kick your sorry ass all the way back to Earth, sweetheart! I am death incarnate, and the last living thing that you will ever see. God sent me.
 
2012-06-15 09:46:49 AM  

zarberg: Woah, FTA:

"Upon seeing a flamethrower for the first time, Puller reportedly asked, "Where do you put the bayonet?"

Yeah, that's pretty badass.


Yeah, that made me LOL.

/coworkers think I'm nuts or something
 
2012-06-15 10:49:55 AM  

Delay: tlchwi02: Delay: Too bad American high school students ignore Admiral Halsey. Why is that?

they barely touch on WW2 at all... or any wars, really. when i was in highschool the emphasis was on what causes a war and how the aftermath is dealt with. with the limited time highschool has to deliver american history (7th and 11th grades when i was there) they don't delve into the battles. The one guy who gets mentioned, if anyone does, is MacArthur and thats only because his showdown with Truman can be used as an example to discuss the president's role as commander in chief and one of the more famed times a military leader has directly challenged it

It's sad really. Ask the combatants. They tell us that Roosevelt, Eisenhower and Halsey determined the outcome of the Second World War.


and Zhukov, Koniev, and Rokossovsky had nothing to do with it.
 
2012-06-15 11:05:19 AM  
"Gentlemen, prepare to defend yourselves."

Sergeant Major Basil Plumley: [about to face an onslaught of attacking NVA soldiers during the battle of Ia Drang Valley]

Taken from Hal Moore's book but if true is pretty ballsy.
 
2012-06-15 11:06:05 AM  
bmfderek
2012-06-15 12:54:06 AM

"Stay on the bomb run, boys! I'm gonna get them doors open if it harelips everybody on Bear Creek!"
Major T.J. "King" Kong

It's "Bexar" creek. Pronounced "beyr" or "bear". It runs through San Antonio. You being from Houston, I'm surprised you don't know this.

/Not from Texas
 
2012-06-15 12:27:03 PM  

CptnSpldng: "Who am I?
I am Susan Ivanova. Commander. Daughter of Andre and Sophie Ivanov. I am the right hand of vengeance and the boot that is going to kick your sorry ass all the way back to Earth, sweetheart. I am death incarnate, and the last living thing that you are ever going to see. God sent me."


"Only one human captain has ever survived battle with a Minbari fleet. He is behind me. You are in front of me. If you value your lives, be somewhere else."
 
2012-06-15 12:46:54 PM  
crush your enemies have them driven before you and hear the lamentations of their women
 
2012-06-15 12:53:56 PM  
Classic as well:

"Another running gun battle today. Destroyer gunning, Wahoo running". Wahoo was a WWII submarine.

"Princess Royal's blown up, Sir." Beatty: "Chatfield, there seems to be something wrong with our bloody ships today." Beatty at Jutland.
 
2012-06-15 02:01:58 PM  
"Too many negative waves."

"Easy, we can fight. We got an army!"

"Your crabs will leave ya NOW!"

"Oh I'm sippin' wine and eating cheese and catchin' some rays."

"De Gaulle? He ain't even IN this war! YEEAAAAAAHH!"

...and my personal fave...


"As you can see, my young apprentice, your friends have failed. Now witness the firepower of this fully ARMED and OPERATIONAL battle station!"


/"Fire at will,commander!"
 
2012-06-15 02:42:20 PM  

Saiga410: Git some! Git some! Git some, yeah, yeah, yeah! Anyone who runs, is a VC. Anyone who stands still, is a well-disciplined VC!


how can you shoot women and children? you just dont lead them as much
 
2012-06-15 02:58:29 PM  

Delay: relcec: I wonder if delay was trolling about halsey.

Not trolling, in my opinion and in the opinion of the Japanese admirals who were engaged therein, Halsey won this battle, and subsequently the rest of the war at sea. From then on the Japanese ships made no difference at all from this battle to the rest of the war. Why? The Japanese navy returned to port and were effectively destroyed. Maybe Halsey picked the admirals at the Battle of Samar by luck, maybe on skill, but on record, objectively, Halsey won the war in the Pacific.


See, I'm reading this and I'm wondering how to respond.

Halsey fell into a trap. A very, very big trap that, if executed better, would have set back the Philippines campaign for many months. He chased after worthless aircraft carriers, leaving the invasion force defended only by destroyers and escort carriers. If the Japanese commander were more aggressive (and had known that the force he was attacking was as light as it was), the Japanese would have won an amazing victory.

As it were, though, the IJN was on the ropes, and it would have taken a lot of lucky breaks for them to even delay the Allied advance. Halsey was a good commander, but there were a number of other Navy commanders who were better. Spruance and Mitscher (despite his mistakes at Midway) come to mind.
 
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