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(Cracked)   "I come in peace. I didn't bring artillery. But I'm pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you Fark with me, I'll kill you all." Just one of the six most bad-ass things said by a soldier just before killing people   (cracked.com) divider line 184
    More: Cool, Fark, solder, Tony Montana, peace, pleading, Japanese, USS Enterprise  
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33198 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jun 2012 at 4:31 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-06-14 04:33:53 PM
Vae victis?

Oh wait, that was that most bad-assed thing said after the killing.
 
2012-06-14 04:37:34 PM
Woah, FTA:

"Upon seeing a flamethrower for the first time, Puller reportedly asked, "Where do you put the bayonet?"

Yeah, that's pretty badass.
 
2012-06-14 04:39:23 PM
Yeah, the flamethrower bayonet quote is way more badass than the (frankly, rather oddly phrased) quote in the headline.
 
2012-06-14 04:43:10 PM
Not very impressed by the quotes so far. Surely there must be better ones out there.
 
2012-06-14 04:45:55 PM
The Puller quote reminds me of one I heard about from a French officer in WWI.

Ferdinand Foch: "Hard pressed on my right; center is yielding; impossible to maneuver. Situation excellent, I shall attack!"
 
2012-06-14 04:46:19 PM

zarberg: Woah, FTA:

"Upon seeing a flamethrower for the first time, Puller reportedly asked, "Where do you put the bayonet?"

Yeah, that's pretty badass.


A friend's grandfather was in Korea with the Marines; his choice quote was "It's a good thing they gave us bayonets, because we didn't always have time to reload."
 
2012-06-14 04:48:32 PM
My favorite: "Nuts"
 
2012-06-14 04:48:37 PM
that's the quote he said to the recently defeated iraqi military leaders.... who promptly took to the hills and became the insurgency that is still killing people to this day. so um, yeah i guess it sounds cool, but is it bad-ass if the enemy subsequently guerilla warfared you to the point you had to give up and start paying them tribute to get them to stop attacking?
 
2012-06-14 04:48:50 PM
#6. "Before When We're Through With Them, the Japanese Language Will Be Spoken Only in Hell."

Fixed stupid quote.
 
2012-06-14 04:54:15 PM
Jerry "Mad Dog" Shriver.

Radio message while encircled by a numerically superior force and in serious danger of being overrun: "I've got 'em right where I want 'em -- surrounded from the inside."

Link
 
2012-06-14 04:55:24 PM

tlchwi02: that's the quote he said to the recently defeated iraqi military leaders.... who promptly took to the hills and became the insurgency that is still killing people to this day. so um, yeah i guess it sounds cool, but is it bad-ass if the enemy subsequently guerilla warfared you to the point you had to give up and start paying them tribute to get them to stop attacking?


Yeah that's not true.
 
2012-06-14 05:02:15 PM

steamingpile: tlchwi02: that's the quote he said to the recently defeated iraqi military leaders.... who promptly took to the hills and became the insurgency that is still killing people to this day. so um, yeah i guess it sounds cool, but is it bad-ass if the enemy subsequently guerilla warfared you to the point you had to give up and start paying them tribute to get them to stop attacking?

Yeah that's not true.


Uh, yes it is. We paid the insurgents to stop killing us.
 
2012-06-14 05:06:30 PM

Fish in a Barrel: "Hard pressed on my right; center is yielding; impossible to maneuver. Situation excellent, I shall attack!"


www.maximumpc.com
 
2012-06-14 05:11:42 PM
I am a beautiful animal.
I am a destroyer of worlds.
I am Harry farking Potter!
 
2012-06-14 05:12:41 PM

steamingpile: Yeah that's not true.


go ahead and google the sons of iraq. maybe "tribute" isn't the best word, since i'm not actually arguing that this was a bad strategy- to the contrary, it seems to have been a very excellent strategy. If i had my way, we would have just bribed these guys to throw saddam in a river instead of invading at all. Its just in the context of this quote where he's ostensibly being a super "bad-ass" before killing people, its hard to ignore that a scant few years later we were resorting to bribery to stop them from trying to kill us. especially compared to the other examples on the list, where the quote givers all went off and laid a total beating on their enemies.
 
2012-06-14 05:14:26 PM
 
2012-06-14 05:15:22 PM

Suede head: steamingpile: tlchwi02: that's the quote he said to the recently defeated iraqi military leaders.... who promptly took to the hills and became the insurgency that is still killing people to this day. so um, yeah i guess it sounds cool, but is it bad-ass if the enemy subsequently guerilla warfared you to the point you had to give up and start paying them tribute to get them to stop attacking?

Yeah that's not true.

Uh, yes it is. We paid the insurgents to stop killing us.


Yeah, well I paid your MOM.
 
2012-06-14 05:25:28 PM
I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass.

And I'm all out of bubble gum.
 
2012-06-14 05:26:48 PM
What, no '"Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!'? Sure it's a paraphrase, but it's one hell of a navy motto if you ask me.

Ditto for "I have not yet begun to fight!".
 
2012-06-14 05:27:21 PM

gunther_bumpass: Suede head: steamingpile: tlchwi02: that's the quote he said to the recently defeated iraqi military leaders.... who promptly took to the hills and became the insurgency that is still killing people to this day. so um, yeah i guess it sounds cool, but is it bad-ass if the enemy subsequently guerilla warfared you to the point you had to give up and start paying them tribute to get them to stop attacking?

Yeah that's not true.

Uh, yes it is. We paid the insurgents to stop killing us.

Yeah, well I paid your MOM.


She obviously doesn't like you, she usually gives it away.
 
2012-06-14 05:31:39 PM

AbiNormal: "Come on, you sons of biatches! Do you want to live forever?"


ha, you know i never realized that he didn't win one of his MOHs for that incident. it just seemed logical.
 
2012-06-14 05:33:52 PM
Git some! Git some! Git some, yeah, yeah, yeah! Anyone who runs, is a VC. Anyone who stands still, is a well-disciplined VC!
 
2012-06-14 05:48:36 PM

tlchwi02: that's the quote he said to the recently defeated iraqi military leaders.... who promptly took to the hills


Here, I've highlighted the important part of your story.
 
2012-06-14 05:48:54 PM
"Battle is an orgy of disorder." - George S. Patton
 
2012-06-14 05:49:06 PM
"You're all clear, kid! Now let's blow this thing and go home!"
 
2012-06-14 05:51:02 PM
"You Babylonian Busboy, Macedonian Mechanic, Jerusalem Beer Brewer, Alexandrian Goat Skinner, Swineherd of Upper and Lower Egypt, Armenian Pig, Tatar Goat, Kamenets Hangman, Podolian Thief, Grandson of the Evil Serpent Himself and Buffoon of All the World and the Netherworld, Fool of Our God, Swine's Snout, Mare's [Asshole], Butcher's Dog, Unbaptized Brow, May the Devil Steam Your Ass! That's How the Cossacks Answer You, You Nasty Glob of Spit!"

So many good Fark handles here. Anyone need some alts?
 
2012-06-14 05:52:48 PM
"Hard pressed on my right; center is yielding; impossible to maneuver. Situation excellent, I shall attack!"
Foche
First Battle of the Marne 1914
 
2012-06-14 05:54:18 PM
"Which side are we on? We're on the side of the demons, chief. We're evil men in the gardens of paradise, sent by the forces of death to spread devestation and destruction wherever we go. I thought you knew that.
...
I've sent men on suicide missions in two wars now, and let me tell you something - it don't make a godsdamn bit of difference whether they're riding in a Viper or walking out onto a parade ground. In the end, they're just as dead.
...
So take your piety and your moralizing and your high-minded principles, and stick 'em some place safe until you're off this rock and you're sitting in your nice cushy chair on Colonial One again. I've got a war to fight."
 
2012-06-14 05:59:48 PM
-You don't reason with intellectuals. You shoot them.
 
2012-06-14 06:01:07 PM
"Hans...are we the baddies?"
 
2012-06-14 06:01:41 PM
Retreat, hell we just got here!" ~ Captain Lloyd Williams, USMC at the Battle of Belleau Wood WWI
 
2012-06-14 06:02:01 PM

cgraves67: My favorite: "Nuts"


That is pretty much one of the greatest WWII stories.
 
2012-06-14 06:03:56 PM
This is quality, 17th century trash talking.

I, the Sultan, son of Mohamed, brother of the Sun and Moon, grandson and vicegerent of God, sovereign of all kingdoms: of Macedonia, Babylonia, and Jerusalem, of Upper and Lower Egypt: king of kings, ruler of all that exists; extraordinary, invincible knight; constant guardian of the grave of Jesus Christ; trustee of God himself; hope and comfort of Moslems, confusion and great protector of Christians, command you, the Zaporozhian Cossacks, to surrender to me voluntarily and without any kind of resistance, and don't permit yourselves to trouble me with your attacks!

Turkish Sultan Mohamed


With the response:

Zaporozhians -- to the Turkish Sultan

You Turkish Satan, brother and comrade of the damned devil and secretary to Lucifer himself! What the hell kind of knight are you? The devil [shiats] and you and your army swallow [it]. You aren't fit to have the sons of Christians under you; we aren't afraid of your army, and we'll fight you on land and sea. You Babylonian busboy, Macedonian mechanic, Jerusalem beer brewer, Alexandrian goat skinner, swineherd of Upper and Lower Egypt, Armenian pig, Tatar goat, Kamenets hangman, Podolian thief, grandson of the Evil Serpent himself, and buffoon of all the world and the netherworld, fool of our God, swine's snout, mare's [asshole], butcher's dog, unbaptized brow, may the devil steam your ass! That's how the Cossacks answer you, you nasty glob of spit! You're unfit to rule true Christians. We don't know the date because we don't have a calendar, the moon is in the sky, and the year is in a book, and the day is the same with us as with you, so go kiss our [butt]!

-Chief Hetman Zaxarcenko with all the Zaporozhian Host
 
2012-06-14 06:04:21 PM
"I came." Nothing more to say after that, except maybe, "Good night."
 
2012-06-14 06:04:24 PM
"I have not yet begun to fight!"
 
2012-06-14 06:05:55 PM

Treygreen13: Here, I've highlighted the important part of your story.


it still doesn't make any damn sense - first off, the people he was talking too where the leaders of the regular army. those people overwhelmingly stood down and didn't fight the americans (which is why they got to meet the general in 2003 instead of being in a prison camp.) So if the quote is supposed to be justified by the operation iraqi freedom, then it should be "badass things said right after killing a bunch of people, to some other people somewhat losely associated with the people you just killed."

Then, when the army was subsequently disbanded, then those leaders took their stockpiled weapons, and went off into the hills (more accurately the towns) and spent the next several years setting IEDs, ambushing supply convoys and doing their damndest to start a full scale sectarian civil war. Then we had to bribe them to stop doing that, which really isn't all that badass (although, as mentioned, much smarter. why spend 40 million per bomber to attack an insurgent when you can just divvy 20 million in bribes up so he wont insurge anymore?)
 
2012-06-14 06:06:35 PM
"Drop 50 and fire for effect."
"That's your own position."
"I don't give a damn."

Audie Murphy.
 
2012-06-14 06:09:40 PM
Arnaud Amaury, Catholic Abbott from France who organized a crusade. He trapped 20,000 people in a fortress, and when asked how to distinguish the heretic Cathars from the Catholics among them he said "Kill them all, God will sort out his own" and then proceeded to massacre them all.
 
2012-06-14 06:09:51 PM
Dec. 23, 1944 - "Battle of the Bulge" - An entire U.S. armored division was retreating from the Germans in the Ardennes forest when a sergeant in a tank destroyer spotted an American digging a foxhole. The GI, PFC Martin, 325th Glider Infantry Regiment, looked up and asked, "Are you looking for a safe place?" "Yeah" answered the tanker. "Well, buddy," he drawled, "just pull your vehicle behind me...I'm the 82nd Airborne, and this is as far as the bastards are going."
 
2012-06-14 06:11:48 PM

varmitydog: Cathars


what a jerk. he should have been able to pick the cat people from KOTOR out just by their ears and fur.
 
2012-06-14 06:15:16 PM
what did busboy mean in the 1670's,
 
2012-06-14 06:15:59 PM
Bull Halsey had a clear idea to win a US victory over Imperial Japan. Then he made his men move according to his plan. Perhaps, Fark posters may want to comment on his remarkable success. Here's mine. If it were not for Admiral Bull Halsey, I would never have been born and you would not speak English.

I don't know much about the others on the Cracked list and their foes. But, I know this much about Admiral Bull Halsey. He was up against the two nastiest totalitarian zealots the world has ever known. Then, when the outcome of the Second World War was entirely uncertain, this little man brought the entire Japanese empire to its knees. He saved our country and likely saved almost a billion peasants from death in China.

Too bad American high school students ignore Admiral Halsey. Why is that?
 
2012-06-14 06:16:30 PM
i.ytimg.com

I fart in your general direction!
 
2012-06-14 06:21:49 PM

Delay: Too bad American high school students ignore Admiral Halsey. Why is that?


they barely touch on WW2 at all... or any wars, really. when i was in highschool the emphasis was on what causes a war and how the aftermath is dealt with. with the limited time highschool has to deliver american history (7th and 11th grades when i was there) they don't delve into the battles. The one guy who gets mentioned, if anyone does, is MacArthur and thats only because his showdown with Truman can be used as an example to discuss the president's role as commander in chief and one of the more famed times a military leader has directly challenged it
 
2012-06-14 06:26:08 PM
 
2012-06-14 06:26:24 PM
Farking dipshiat with a nine-toed woman!
 
2012-06-14 06:26:44 PM

cgraves67: My favorite: "Nuts"


2nd Lt. George Rice: Looks like you guys are going to be surrounded.

Richard Winters: We're paratroopers, Lieutenant. We're supposed to be surrounded.

----------------

Not sure if actually said outside of the miniseries.
 
2012-06-14 06:26:55 PM
"I'm the 82d Airborne and this is as far as the bastards are going."
 
2012-06-14 06:31:16 PM

Delay: Bull Halsey had a clear idea to win a US victory over Imperial Japan. Then he made his men move according to his plan. Perhaps, Fark posters may want to comment on his remarkable success. Here's mine. If it were not for Admiral Bull Halsey, I would never have been born and you would not speak English.

I don't know much about the others on the Cracked list and their foes. But, I know this much about Admiral Bull Halsey. He was up against the two nastiest totalitarian zealots the world has ever known. Then, when the outcome of the Second World War was entirely uncertain, this little man brought the entire Japanese empire to its knees. He saved our country and likely saved almost a billion peasants from death in China.

Too bad American high school students ignore Admiral Halsey. Why is that?


Because he doesn't matter in terms of history.
 
2012-06-14 06:31:55 PM
"I have not yet begun to fight!"

Don't you think you ought to start, Cap'n? We're running out of boat.
 
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