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		Houston -- assh*le of the universe (blogs.dallasobserver.com)		25
		More: Obvious, Houston Chronicle

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19678 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jun 2012 at 4:15 PM | Favorite | share:

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bdub77		2012-06-14 12:28:07 PM

20 votes:

Both cities are in Texas. This is like two retards arguing who is the smartest.

exick		2012-06-14 12:33:56 PM

6 votes:

Ah, look how cute the Texans are, arguing over which one of the festering pustules is the most oozy.

alwaysjaded		2012-06-14 12:46:46 PM

4 votes:

Yeesh, there is nothing more pathetic than a geographical pissing contest. Go accomplish something that requires personal sacrifice if you want something to puff your chest about.

But yes, stay out of Houston. It's just awful here. Everything you've heard is true. Roving bands of preachers committing aggravated baptisms. Nothing but white people everywhere. No hospitals or doctors or art of any kind, in fact we still only ride horses to our daily book burning in Hermann Park. Our mayor is a violent maniacal homophobe who's known to bludgeon gays on sight. The white workers get together every hour to beat the mexican workers with whips while forcing them to eat beef brisket. Dallas is a much better place. Move there. Or Austin. Or go back to the utopia you tell me about a hundred times a day and then get mad when I ask if where you came from is so awesome, why the fark are you here? You must be real stupid to leave such a paradise to mingle along here with us plebes.

jigger		2012-06-14 07:19:04 PM

2 votes:

Bacontastesgood: Holy mother of god. Throwin down the Shreve in a "which of these cities are the worst" thread is like pulling down your pants and spraying diarrhea in a bowl at a "which of these soups is the saltiest" contest.

www.technologytell.com

Tax Boy		2012-06-14 07:14:32 PM

2 votes:

elchupacabra: PS. The alamo sucks, it's just as hot and humid and stanky

And covered in pee.

godxam		2012-06-14 05:47:41 PM

2 votes:

Detinwolf: Austin

fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net

hot like Texas

illicit		2012-06-14 04:42:31 PM

2 votes:

avratt: This is like arguing which is nicer to take a dump in; a 2 week overdue porta-john or an ancient outhouse. They are both in Texas, which is the septic tank of the US. Let's give it back to Mexico.

What a hilarious and original post you've made there.

Did you type it with you own falling turds?

tnpir		2012-06-14 04:35:08 PM

2 votes:

But seriously folks, having lived in Texas for 13 years now and having spent significant time in most of the major cities, I propose the following guidelines:

PLACES IN TEXAS THAT ROCK:
1. Austin
2. San Antonio
3. Fort Worth

PLACE IN TEXAS THAT ARE AT LEAST TOLERABLE:
1. Dallas
2. El Paso
3. Amarillo

PLACES IN TEXAS THAT SUCK GIANT DONKEY NUTS:
1. Houston
2. Corpus Christi
3. Tyler
4. Lubbock

Mager		2012-06-14 05:58:57 PM

1 votes:

12349876: Both are horrible compared to Austin and San Antonio.

Shut Up.

Austin is a terrible, horrible place full of Hipsters and Californians. Do not move here, do not even come to visit. In fact pay money to take 130 around Austin so you can just never have to even ever come close. You will hate even being near here.

Jake Leg		2012-06-14 05:37:15 PM

1 votes:

Tosches: That entire article was a load of bull.

Every Texan outside of Dallas knows that Dallas is a shiathole. I have actually frequently made the argument that Galveston (being the port) is like the mouth of Texas, and Houston (for all the food) is like the stomach of Texas. Dallas is the actual assh*le of Texas and Austin could arguably called the brain (if only because it is the capitol).

/El Paso is the big toe of Texas.

Growing up in Houston, I was raised to hate Dallas - really hate it. My uncles used to call people from Dallas 'Yankees.' And, it stuck. I still get all emotional talking about the Oilers, and mention of the Cowboys gives me something akin to a gag reflex and angries up my blood (which I suspect is not unique to my being from Houston).

Tax Boy		2012-06-14 05:35:50 PM

1 votes:

Jake Leg: But, Austin still has enough coolness and unique character to make it a place worth living - not to mention the economy is pretty decent here.

Ignore this Troll who is clearly trying to mislead you.

Austin sucks AND NO ONE SHOULD EVER MOVE THERE EVER. Thinking of moving to Austin? Move to Portland, Brooklyn, or Ann Arbor instead. Or stay in California.

/Lived in Austin for years. Thank God I finally was able to move out of that shiathole to DC which has no drawbacks whatsoever. Nope, none at all. The tex-mex and barbecue is sooooooooooo much better here than that crap in Austin. And the Metro is cheap and reliable.

Hiro-ACiD		2012-06-14 05:09:32 PM

1 votes:

I tell you what, none of them is as pretty as Arlen.

matto22		2012-06-14 04:53:04 PM

1 votes:

buckler: I was once forced to take a bus from San Antonio to Orlando via Dallas. I laughed my ass off when we stopped in Dallas and I saw what I suspected was a businessman dressed in a denim 3-piece suit complete with snakeskin cowboy boots and hat. Cattle-skull bolo tie, too. Texans are damned retarded.

I bet he wasn't riding a on a bus.

CygnusDarius		2012-06-14 04:48:51 PM

1 votes:

ThatGuyGreg: gilgigamesh: Oh, and I forgot to mention bats.

There must be caves around the city, because Houston is infested with f*cking bats.

Places I can stop:
* New York
* Boston
* St. Louis
* Dallas
* LA

1.bp.blogspot.com

Codworth Littlepants		2012-06-14 04:48:27 PM

1 votes:

Please do not move to my city. I do NOT need more traffic. Our schools suck, our Law enforcement is a joke, there are some places that are still dry (no alcohol), it's 90 degrees with 90% humidity at 6:00 am in the summertime. Theaters are crowded, resteraunts are crowded, concerts in the Woodlands are crowded. Our parks are overflowing with rednecks bar-b-queing on the weekends, hippies running the art-car parades, and the museums and art galleries are sometimes over an hour drive away. Galveston beaches are crowded, full of red-necks and hippies, and an hour away. Winter lasts a week and it can get to below 30 degrees sometimes.

Stay away, I'm warning you.

matthew_tray		2012-06-14 04:28:15 PM

1 votes:

Detinwolf: How do we feel about Austin...

We hate it. Stay away from Austin. It sucks.

No seriously. Stay away. We mean it.

vodka		2012-06-14 04:26:01 PM

1 votes:

Houston takes the meaning of "concrete jungle" to a whole new level. Imagine 99% humidity at 99 degrees and air so thick you can't see your hand in front of your face. Skyline? What skyline? You can't see shiat!

Walker		2012-06-14 02:17:28 PM

1 votes:

bdub77: Both cities are in Texas. This is like two retards arguing who is the smartest.

THIS!

tallguywithglasseson		2012-06-14 02:02:05 PM

1 votes:

No real points or arguments in TFA, really, just childish insults.
I loved it.

Was also amused by how few of the comments were of the "I quite like our fair city" variety, and how many were "your shiatty town is even worse than ours!"

And someone dropped the ultimate insult, insinuating that someone else sounds like an "Aggie".

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat		2012-06-14 12:50:49 PM

1 votes:

alwaysjaded: It's just awful here. Everything you've heard is true. Roving bands of preachers committing aggravated baptisms. Nothing but white people everywhere. No hospitals or doctors or art of any kind, in fact we still only ride horses to our daily book burning in Hermann Park. Our mayor is a violent maniacal homophobe who's known to bludgeon gays on sight. The white workers get together every hour to beat the mexican workers with whips while forcing them to eat beef brisket.

I'm not sure how much of this is satire...

But at least you're not in Ohio.

Ennuipoet		2012-06-14 12:30:27 PM

1 votes:

Peter von Nostrand: Article neglects to mention that Dallas is the taint

Please, please, Dallas is the scabby pimple on the taint, San Antonio is the taint.

SpikeStrip		2012-06-14 12:29:33 PM

1 votes:

And doesn't it say something that you feel so insecure that you have to write a self-congratulatory article in your hometown newspaper about how awesome you are?

about as much as it does to feel compelled to defend your own hometown.

AdolfOliverPanties		2012-06-14 12:25:23 PM

1 votes:

scottydoesntknow		2012-06-14 12:24:06 PM

1 votes:

Peter von Nostrand: Article neglects to mention that Dallas is the taint

I've lived in both (currently in Houston), and Dallas is the fakest city I've ever lived in. If Houston is the asshole of the universe, Dallas is the bleached, stuck-up version.