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(Dallas Observer)   Houston -- assh*le of the universe   (blogs.dallasobserver.com) divider line 267
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19713 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jun 2012 at 4:15 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-06-14 07:16:09 PM

Babwa Wawa: I wouldn't want anyone to judge a town based on its airport offerings. Everybody would move out of Chicago.


Word. Although neither suck as hard as LAX or Newark, and LaGuardia and JFK aren't much better.

On the flipside, there's places like Phoenix - awesome airport, suck ass town.
 
2012-06-14 07:19:04 PM

Bacontastesgood: Holy mother of god. Throwin down the Shreve in a "which of these cities are the worst" thread is like pulling down your pants and spraying diarrhea in a bowl at a "which of these soups is the saltiest" contest.


www.technologytell.com
 
2012-06-14 07:19:16 PM

Jake Leg: Grew up in Houston, and the city is basically one giant freeway now. Dallas is pretty much a mirror image of Atlanta, and who the hell wants to live there?


I lived in Atlanta for several years and have family in the area. I work in DFW occasionally. I'd take Atlanta over Dallas in a hearbeat. It's nowhere near as sprawling or "soulless" as I've seen it described here. Plus they have trees and hills.

Austin and Atlanta are more similar I think.

But I don't get out very often, so my comparisons are based more on the day-to-day.
 
2012-06-14 07:20:17 PM
Condemned to live in both Houston and Dallas for 17 years. Only places I felt like I had to put on full make-up and wear a tiara to go grocery shopping.
 
2012-06-14 07:20:52 PM
Oh btw I forgot to add, as crappy as El Paso seems, people here have been awesome and the food isn't too shabby either.
 
2012-06-14 07:23:04 PM
Houston is obsessed with the "what city is better" argument with Dallas.

Dallas couldn't give a crap since there's no argument to be had.

/best thing about Houston is that I don't have to live there anymore
//Fort Worth kicks the crap out of both
 
2012-06-14 07:24:31 PM

Bacontastesgood: Holy mother of god. Throwin down the Shreve in a "which of these cities are the worst" thread is like pulling down your pants and spraying diarrhea in a bowl at a "which of these soups is the saltiest" contest.


Yeah I spent four years in Shreveport, and I just giggled to myself at that one. You want none of the Southern hospitality, debauchery, culture, or delicious food Louisiana is known for? But you do want a desolate downtown area and a city full of self righteous Baptists while still maintaining the highest syphilis rate in the country? Come on over to Shreveport!
 
2012-06-14 07:25:54 PM

bdub77: Both cities are in Texas. This is like two retards arguing who is the smartest.


Reminds me of this joke: Link
 
2012-06-14 07:28:50 PM

minoridiot: SlagginOff: Only time I spent in Dallas was at the airport on a layover on my way to Costa Rica. Didn't experience anything there but it sure seemed pretty boring.

I've never been to Houston but will be going down there in a few weeks for 3 days for some customer meetings. Anyone have any suggestions on where to stay, eat, drink, etc? Also, I'm a raging alcoholic so the drunker parts of town that I don't need to drive in the better. But not shiathole gangster drunk, sophisticated late 20's business person drunk. I get to expense this, after all.

In which part of town will you be staying?


Well the three customers I'm visiting are pretty much spread out in the most inconvenient way possible, so I'm pretty resigned to having to rent a car and spend a whole lot of the day time driving (which is why I'm able to choose my hotel, provided that it doesn't go over the company budget). But past about 3pm I'm going to want to park the car at the hotel and start pounding drinks, eating good food, and possibly meeting people and checking out entertaining. I'd prefer to have all of these things within walking distance from my hotel.
 
2012-06-14 07:32:22 PM

Occam's Disposable Razor: Yeah I spent four years in Shreveport, and I just giggled to myself at that one. You want none of the Southern hospitality, debauchery, culture, or delicious food Louisiana is known for? But you do want a desolate downtown area and a city full of self righteous Baptists while still maintaining the highest syphilis rate in the country? Come on over to Shreveport!


I didn't know about the syph, but the Baptists oh yeah. It took me years living other places before I realized Baptists weren't all total assholes. And open racism from both sides. CSB: I was talking to a sales rep a couple years ago, nice young lady, and she said she was moving to Shreveport to be with her boyfriend. The color totally drained from my face and I broke down and told her the 100% truth about how bad that place is, and then apologized for ruining her day. I just couldn't let someone go into that without knowing first. It would be cruel.

I knew people in the USAF who chose Alaska and Guam over Shreveport. Troof.
 
2012-06-14 07:37:05 PM

Babwa Wawa: Electriclectic: I was born in Dallas, but to this day, it's the only city I've ever been to that has no soul.

Houston's not great, but at least it's got character. Dallas is the type of city that would regard Olive Garden replacing a small business as an improvement.

I hired a guy to cover the southwest - he lives in Dallas, I live in CT. I go down to help him out his first couple weeks, and as we were discussing where to eat, he said "I know a great Tex Mex place - you probably don't get that up there in Connecticut."

Then he took me to On the Border. Couldn't f*cking believe it.


I've been to "On the Border." Here's how I would describe it: Roll some dry chicken in a tortilla. Sprikle it with cheese. Pour Campbell's soup on top and call it "sauce."

If you don't wake up in the middle of the night with abdominal cramps and diarrhea, it's not mexican food. If it's *good* mexican food, you'll eat it again despite the consequences. This litmus test applies to Mexican food (Mexico, NM, AZ). Not sure if tex-mex would cause the same reaction unless you're lactose intolerant.
 
2012-06-14 07:43:08 PM

godxam: Detinwolf: Austin

[fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net image 640x631]

hot like Texas


They have a section for whites who fear hippies?
I may have to move there.
 
2012-06-14 07:50:19 PM

misanthropic1: I love the lack of perspective in these threads; a bunch of posters, the bulk of them poorly-traveled, arguing about which berg in their culturally homogenized nation is "better", predominantly judging based upon things like traffic and weather...


Places can be judged by their residents too-- particularly the attitudes of said residents.
 
2012-06-14 07:56:05 PM

Satan's Dumptruck Driver: Babwa Wawa: Electriclectic: I was born in Dallas, but to this day, it's the only city I've ever been to that has no soul.

Houston's not great, but at least it's got character. Dallas is the type of city that would regard Olive Garden replacing a small business as an improvement.

I hired a guy to cover the southwest - he lives in Dallas, I live in CT. I go down to help him out his first couple weeks, and as we were discussing where to eat, he said "I know a great Tex Mex place - you probably don't get that up there in Connecticut."

Then he took me to On the Border. Couldn't f*cking believe it.

I've been to "On the Border." Here's how I would describe it: Roll some dry chicken in a tortilla. Sprikle it with cheese. Pour Campbell's soup on top and call it "sauce."

If you don't wake up in the middle of the night with abdominal cramps and diarrhea, it's not mexican food. If it's *good* mexican food, you'll eat it again despite the consequences. This litmus test applies to Mexican food (Mexico, NM, AZ). Not sure if tex-mex would cause the same reaction unless you're lactose intolerant.


Heh, I ate at a roadside buffet in Mexico once. Would gladly eat there again, since the only time I got sick was after a Sirloin Stockade visit in Laredo a few days later. And I think I had something like 5-7 different animals that night.
 
2012-06-14 07:59:58 PM

Bacontastesgood: I didn't know about the syph, but the Baptists oh yeah. It took me years living other places before I realized Baptists weren't all total assholes. And open racism from both sides. CSB: I was talking to a sales rep a couple years ago, nice young lady, and she said she was moving to Shreveport to be with her boyfriend. The color totally drained from my face and I broke down and told her the 100% truth about how bad that place is, and then apologized for ruining her day. I just couldn't let someone go into that without knowing first. It would be cruel.

I knew people in the USAF who chose Alaska and Guam over Shreveport. Troof.


Do you want to know the really shocking part of this story? You actually met someone who was moving TO Shreveport. I wonder how long they lasted.
 
2012-06-14 08:07:42 PM
Texas beer sucks.

//Seattle ftw!
 
2012-06-14 08:10:12 PM
If Texas is so great then stop coming up to f**king Colorado and driving like an a**hole.
 
2012-06-14 08:48:05 PM

IntertubeUser: Texas beer sucks.

//Seattle ftw!


Oh, and that too. Beer selection in Dallas was abysmal. I felt like I had stepped back to 1993 or something.
 
2012-06-14 08:56:26 PM
Everything you see on TV and on the internet is true. There is not a single tree in Texas. We use telephone poles for shade. Although there is no state income tax, there are also no jobs, so to the 100,000+ moving here every year because somehow they found jobs that reportedly aren't here, please go away. Texas spends $6-8 Billion a year caring and educating undocumented visitors from our porous southern border. That is all our fault, protection not done by the federal government, although it is written. Still....no tax increase. So, as you sip your dry white wine spritzer in a bar with ferns growing on the wall, hope you feel effervescent about your own state/country's booming economy.
 
2012-06-14 09:03:47 PM
worldwide-web.com

That's what I've been trying to tell you!
 
2012-06-14 09:09:39 PM

Tyrone Biggums: Do you want to know the really shocking part of this story? You actually met someone who was moving TO Shreveport. I wonder how long they lasted.


Yeah, that's why I turned pale(r). Should have gotten her number so when she dumped her guy and moved back to civilization I could've picked up some i-told-ya-so booty. Hey, it's my fantasy, no buzzkills!
 
2012-06-14 09:14:38 PM

jso2897: Trucker: Sorry, Baghdad is the asshole of the universe - El Paso claims the title for North America.

I see you have never experienced the soul-shattering delight that is Gallup, New Mexico.


Or Harvey, Illinois.
 
DuX
2012-06-14 09:19:21 PM
In Houston we cast no aspersions
While others are having aversions
We don't mind much, the murders and such
But take them as weekend diversions.
 
2012-06-14 09:23:01 PM

tonguedepressor: Clearly all of Texas is the asshole of North America as it clearly resides directly behind the wang of North America.


I think this settles the argument.

/ wangdweller
 
2012-06-14 09:41:58 PM
Near Southside/Fairmount are in FW is the best place to live in TX outside of Austin.

Great place.
 
2012-06-14 10:04:18 PM

alwaysjaded: in fact we still only ride horses to our daily book burning in Hermann Park.


THIS
 
2012-06-14 10:50:39 PM

Arkanaut: Is this just because they have two Starbucks across the street from each other?

/Pretty sure Lewis Black actually said it was in Houston.


In Richardson they actually have 2 across the street from each other on the northeast and southeast side of an intersection. There is a third within 5 minutes walking distance. But nobody really walks in Richardson.
I just checked google maps and it doesn't have them all listed, My guess is because one is inside a Tom Thumb grocery store and another is inside a Target.
 
2012-06-14 11:11:41 PM

baggins2000: Arkanaut: Is this just because they have two Starbucks across the street from each other?

/Pretty sure Lewis Black actually said it was in Houston.

In Richardson they actually have 2 across the street from each other on the northeast and southeast side of an intersection. There is a third within 5 minutes walking distance. But nobody really walks in Richardson.
I just checked google maps and it doesn't have them all listed, My guess is because one is inside a Tom Thumb grocery store and another is inside a Target.


Lewis Black is reffering to the corner of Sheperd and West Gray where there are, in fact, two Starbucks across the street from each other. It's right near the Laugh Stop, so he very likely saw it himself during one of his his tour stops.

The joke is even better now, because thanks to a new Barnes and Nobles built at the same corner there are now THREE Starbucks at the same corner.

Two other observations:

First, Most Houstonians could give two shiats what other people think about the city. They don't live here and we do, so their opinion is pretty much invalid anyway. We just get tired of Dallas' incessant preening. Dallas may be the golden boy with pretty hair and great teeth, but Houston is the hard working schlub that puts food on the table. The problem is that a lot of Houstonians moved here and they often get hung up about proving the city they moved to is awesome. They usually grow out of it.

Secondly, we get a lot of people from elsewhere. Houston is built by people from somewhere else. Back when I bartended, people would come in who were new to town and would talk about how their old town was so much better, and how Houston just sucked and on and on. I would tell them "If you really, really feel that way, you better move out before you've been here more than a year or two. Otherwise it will grow on you and you'll find you couldn't imagine living anywhere else." And all the bar patrons who HAD stayed more than a year or two would nod knowingly. Whether from PIttsburgh or Ohio or Florida or California or wherever, Houston kinda grows on you.

The people and the attitude eventually outweigh the swamp weather. Houtons is a pretty chill place. It's a no bullshiat kinda town, and we have both a huge immigrant population and the 6th largest gay population in the country (plus a lesbian mayor natch). People pretty much let you do your thing. It's too much of an international working city to get hung up about being pretentious. The Art Car parade pretty much typifies this.

But hey, if you don't like Houston, that's OK. No one is ASKING you to live here, and frankly if you are the kind of person who likes to run around saying 'my city is better than your city', you probably won't fit in anyway.
 
2012-06-14 11:17:15 PM

Satan's Dumptruck Driver: misanthropic1: I love the lack of perspective in these threads; a bunch of posters, the bulk of them poorly-traveled, arguing about which berg in their culturally homogenized nation is "better", predominantly judging based upon things like traffic and weather...

Places can be judged by their residents too-- particularly the attitudes of said residents.


So you're of the opinion that cities of millions, in America, are so drastically different that generalizations of the entire populace are not only justified, but accurate?
 
2012-06-14 11:22:27 PM
A classic example of trolling, pulled off by a Houstonian writer. I'm impressed by how hard the Dallas writer bit on it.
 
2012-06-14 11:23:31 PM
*cuz by that standard, the entire nation is a bunch of ignorant, xenophobic a$$holes, and proud of the fact...
 
2012-06-14 11:25:55 PM

BojanglesPaladin: baggins2000: Arkanaut: Is this just because they have two Starbucks across the street from each other?

/Pretty sure Lewis Black actually said it was in Houston.

In Richardson they actually have 2 across the street from each other on the northeast and southeast side of an intersection. There is a third within 5 minutes walking distance. But nobody really walks in Richardson.
I just checked google maps and it doesn't have them all listed, My guess is because one is inside a Tom Thumb grocery store and another is inside a Target.

Lewis Black is reffering to the corner of Sheperd and West Gray where there are, in fact, two Starbucks across the street from each other. It's right near the Laugh Stop, so he very likely saw it himself during one of his his tour stops.

The joke is even better now, because thanks to a new Barnes and Nobles built at the same corner there are now THREE Starbucks at the same corner.

Two other observations:

First, Most Houstonians could give two shiats what other people think about the city. They don't live here and we do, so their opinion is pretty much invalid anyway. We just get tired of Dallas' incessant preening. Dallas may be the golden boy with pretty hair and great teeth, but Houston is the hard working schlub that puts food on the table. The problem is that a lot of Houstonians moved here and they often get hung up about proving the city they moved to is awesome. They usually grow out of it.

Secondly, we get a lot of people from elsewhere. Houston is built by people from somewhere else. Back when I bartended, people would come in who were new to town and would talk about how their old town was so much better, and how Houston just sucked and on and on. I would tell them "If you really, really feel that way, you better move out before you've been here more than a year or two. Otherwise it will grow on you and you'll find you couldn't imagine living anywhere else." And all the bar patrons who HAD stayed more than a year or two wo ...


Can't remember who said it, but I heard someone say, "You don't come to Houston for vacation, you come here to work." I thought it was just about perfect.
 
2012-06-14 11:29:33 PM
Dallas > any other city in texas
 
2012-06-14 11:32:06 PM

bdub77: Both cities are in Texas. This is like two retards arguing who is the smartest.


exick: Ah, look how cute the Texans are, arguing over which one of the festering pustules is the most oozy.


avratt: This is like arguing which is nicer to take a dump in; a 2 week overdue porta-john or an ancient outhouse. They are both in Texas, which is the septic tank of the US. Let's give it back to Mexico.


Lol, all of this
 
2012-06-14 11:33:01 PM

bmfderek: Can't remember who said it, but I heard someone say, "You don't come to Houston for vacation, you come here to work." I thought it was just about perfect.


I've heard that one too, and I agree. It sums up the attitude pretty well. We really don't have any great tourist attractions, which is kinda weird for a city of our size. We have pretty good museums, especially our Natural Sciences museum, but I can't for the life of me think of anything I would travel to go see.
 
2012-06-14 11:37:54 PM

desktitute: Live in Plano. Was in Houston once for the weekend and was supprised at how bad it wasn't. I've tried to move a few times, now with a wife and kid it is very difficult to just sell the house and move out of state.

Why is this on Fark and who the fark cares what is better? Silly argument anyway. Dallas is very small while Houston is a huge city. I think DFW vs Houston is a better argument.


uh, the dallas metro area is bigger than houston's...infact it's the 4th biggest in the US after chicago
 
2012-06-14 11:39:13 PM
Why don't yall just stay out of the whole state... I think that would be for the best.
 
2012-06-14 11:50:59 PM

xen0blue: uh, the dallas metro area is bigger than houston's...


You should check your facts.

Houston is the fourth largest city by population (Dallas is ninth).

Houston is the ninth largest city by area in the US at 600 square miles, while Dallas is 18th at just more than HALF that size at 340 square miles.

I'm honestly a bit puzzled at how you came to believe Dallas was bigger in any sense than Houston which is a truly sprawling metroplex.

Plenty of reasons for Dallas people to think their city is better, and lord knows they won't hesitate to tell you all of them, but size is measurable, and Dallas just isn't in the same league.

/Not that size matters, of course.
 
2012-06-14 11:52:20 PM
The best thing about Austin is the ability to bypass the farking shiathole at 80 MPH on the tollway.
 
2012-06-14 11:53:43 PM

xen0blue: uh, the dallas metro area is bigger than houston's...infact it's the 4th biggest in the US after chicago


Were you maybe thinking of the entire Dallas/Fort Worth area TOGETHER?

If you put BOTH cities together, (which people in Fort Worth might take issue with, and do) you would have something close.

Dallas and Fort Worth combined are only 80 square miles bigger than Houston.
 
2012-06-14 11:55:52 PM

BojanglesPaladin: uh, the dallas metro area is bigger than houston's...infact it's the 4th biggest in the US after chicago


Also, you could almost fit three Chicagos in Houston.

Really confused by where you pulled that obviously wrong information from.
 
2012-06-14 11:58:29 PM

BojanglesPaladin: bmfderek: Can't remember who said it, but I heard someone say, "You don't come to Houston for vacation, you come here to work." I thought it was just about perfect.

I've heard that one too, and I agree. It sums up the attitude pretty well. We really don't have any great tourist attractions, which is kinda weird for a city of our size. We have pretty good museums, especially our Natural Sciences museum, but I can't for the life of me think of anything I would travel to go see.


I grew up near Houston, and that's one of the things that bugged me. Unless you're looking for a drink or a bite to eat, there isn't much to do or see in the city itself. Also the traffic is awful, the drivers are borderline homicidal and the climate resembles Satan's sweaty taint. I would not choose to return there given the choice. I'd much rather be in west or central Texas. The weather is more suited for actually being outside, and I'm less likely to die at the hands of a texting motorist in an SUV.
 
2012-06-15 12:03:42 AM

Mr_Fabulous: My brother-in-law lives in Lake Jackson, about an hour south of Houston. Every couple years or so, I'm obliged to visit him and his brood. I get through it by getting really, really drunk... and even that barely helps.

I do like the breakfast burritos at the local gas station / convenience store chain. I think they're called Buck-ee's or something. Other than that, it's farking horrible in nearly every way.

Farking. Horrible.


Respect the Beaver man...

Beaver nuggets rock!
 
2012-06-15 12:04:16 AM

illicit: The weather is more suited for actually being outside, and I'm less likely to die at the hands of a texting motorist in an SUV.


Wimp :)

But yeah. it's true. We have some wretched hot swamp weather and all these damn yankee drivers have ruined driving.
 
2012-06-15 12:07:58 AM

mikdeetx: Respect the Beaver man...


www.bucees.com

I've never quite understood the fascination with Buc-ees. Seems to be pretty much the same thing as a Love's or a Flying J. A Trucker stop is a trucker stop.

But I'm cool with those afficianados who testify that there is a difference.
 
2012-06-15 12:09:39 AM

icomehereforthelols: Houston is my hometown so here is my,

5 things you must know about living in Houston if you want it to be awesome.

1a. Know how to drive to places properly. If you're using the main interstates and highways you're doing it wrong. I can from Montrose (near downtown 3 minute drive) get anywhere interesting in 15-20 minutes.

1b. Live inside or a few blocks away from the loop. If you don't you've already failed and should move as quick as possible in order to keep your sanity.

2. Multi-cultural, most major ethnic groups are represented, and they essentially get along.

3a. Try all the restaurants, if you seen an Egyptian place try it!

3b. You probably have a sweet ass bar nearby if you live within the loop. Go to it.

4. Learn to keep yourself cool, its the same idea as learning to keep yourself warm during the winter in the upper states.

5. We're pretty laid back, get used to it and enjoy it.

5b. we're getting a crappy version of commuter rail. It will be great once it hits all parts of the city.

5c. A lot of gentrification is going on right now. A lot. Suburban culture that was once seen as the identity of Houston is slowly dying.

5d. Remember you are in Tx. A normal moderate and left leaning exist at about 37-40 percent rate in the state, but at a much higher rate in the metro area.

5e. Entertainment is great and easy to find, and live show are becoming more common.


This.

/Houston theatre actor
 
HBK
2012-06-15 12:28:23 AM
I've lived in both.

Houston = old money
Dallas = new money

Houston has better restaurants and worse traffic.
Dallas has better weather and worse people.
 
2012-06-15 12:34:48 AM

SlagginOff: Only time I spent in Dallas was at the airport on a layover on my way to Costa Rica. Didn't experience anything there but it sure seemed pretty boring.

I've never been to Houston but will be going down there in a few weeks for 3 days for some customer meetings. Anyone have any suggestions on where to stay, eat, drink, etc? Also, I'm a raging alcoholic so the drunker parts of town that I don't need to drive in the better. But not shiathole gangster drunk, sophisticated late 20's business person drunk. I get to expense this, after all.


Depending where you are staying and such, there is a little bar called Anvil on Westheimer that you should check out. It's small but they claim to specialize in pre-prohibition era cocktails and they take pride in the craftsmanship of every drink. It's not cheap though, you're looking at 8 or 9 dollars for the cheapest drinks there. They also have good beer on tap.
 
2012-06-15 12:39:02 AM

Tosches: Depending where you are staying and such, there is a little bar called Anvil on Westheimer that you should check out. It's small but they claim to specialize in pre-prohibition era cocktails and they take pride in the craftsmanship of every drink. It's not cheap though, you're looking at 8 or 9 dollars for the cheapest drinks there. They also have good beer on tap.


Anvil is actually pretty good. It gets a bit over-crowded on the weekends, but it's awesome during the weeknights. And trhe cocktails really are good. And they make good virgin versions if you ask nicely.
 
2012-06-15 01:06:33 AM

BullStrings: ThatDarkFellow: Oh christ. Here come the douchebags from Austin that are so original and weird. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the ignorance of being a college town freshman that thinks they know how the world works because they take socialogy and psychology with real live professors. Yeah, we go a drink cool beers at cool bars on one street. Look at my new fedora, I'm so hip.

I'm not weird, I'm just tired of assholes movin to my city, and taking money out if my pocket, playing for peanuts, when I'm supposed to be a professional. 10,15 years ago I could make a living playing music in this town, now everyone expects you to play for tips and beer...


there we go. i wouldnt even need anything else to confirm it. you live in the god damn city, you do not own it. it is not 'yours'.
 
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