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(FilmDrunk)   Twilight fan names her cat "Renesmee," after Bella's vampire fetus, cat rightfully tries to kill her   (filmdrunk.uproxx.com) divider line 68
    More: Amusing, Renesmee, vampires, KOMO, completely normal, Oh my, Rexburg  
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3995 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 13 Jun 2012 at 5:47 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-06-13 04:20:47 PM  
cdn.fd.uproxx.com
icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-06-13 04:28:20 PM  
Hero tag for kitty.
 
2012-06-13 04:33:55 PM  

omnibus_necanda_sunt: [cdn.fd.uproxx.com image 640x396]
[icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com image 500x332]


Schools need to have a class on how to be cognizant of stereotypes and not feed into them.
 
2012-06-13 04:41:46 PM  
I almost feel guilty saying she looks exactly as I expected her to look.
 
2012-06-13 04:46:03 PM  
What really sucks is the cat's going to be put to sleep

/it was only a minor feliney
 
2012-06-13 05:01:17 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: What really sucks is the cat's going to be put to sleep

/it was only a minor feliney


That's hissterical.
 
2012-06-13 05:04:04 PM  
normal until three days after it gave birth to kittens. But it soon became defensive, and the family says it tried to kill them.

A mother protective of her young!? STOP THE PRESSES!
 
2012-06-13 05:39:23 PM  
Would someone please spay and neuter these people?
 
2012-06-13 05:44:43 PM  
Poor cat.
I would have gone for the jugular.
 
2012-06-13 05:59:20 PM  
Did her best friend fall immediately in love with the cat and want to Fark it?
 
2012-06-13 06:00:06 PM  
Vicitm of cat attack

She was not the victim......
 
2012-06-13 06:02:43 PM  
Say what you will about the plot, the phenomenon, the wooden acting, the poor writing, the awful pacing, the undeserved fanbase - that name is the worst thing about Twilight.

//though it does cement the fact that the whole vampire thing is an allegory for LDS
 
2012-06-13 06:06:27 PM  
I actually have a lot more respect for Twilight fans after discovering MLP fans. They seem a lot less pathetic in comparison.
 
2012-06-13 06:09:25 PM  
"But the cat had already made its mark. Jackie was left with 35 bite marks and 15 bruises."

Damn lady, were you trying to have sex with the cat and it objected? Also, it's a farking cat! He's 10 to 15 lbs at the most.Throw the farker away from you and kick it if he tries to come back for more.
 
2012-06-13 06:13:00 PM  
I threw her picture in a GIS and this is what I got...

i881.photobucket.com

How unfortunate.
 
2012-06-13 06:14:34 PM  
Down Syndrome Man sounds like a terrible superhero
 
2012-06-13 06:16:28 PM  

alwaysjaded: I threw her picture in a GIS and this is what I got...

[i881.photobucket.com image 640x301]

How unfortunate.



BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

/My cat and I get along.
//Probably because I didn't give him a shiatty name.
 
2012-06-13 06:18:46 PM  
i177.photobucket.com
 
2012-06-13 06:21:50 PM  
IT TRIED TO TAKE HER HEAD?!

www.belch.com

/Well done, cat.
 
2012-06-13 06:23:08 PM  
Her face just reminded me that the next full moon is on July 3rd.
 
2012-06-13 06:27:39 PM  
I'm a huge fan of the Twilight movies. Twilight + Rifftrax = hilarity. For the love of Glob, do NOT attempt to watch any Twilight movies without Rifftrax.

Now, Bella does and says some really stupid things throughout the course of the movies. But the single dumbest line in the whole movie has to do with her naming the baby. She couldn't decide between the name Renee and Esme (never heard of Esme before, but whatever). So she decides to name her Renesmee.

Now, I enjoy a good Fark baby name thread as much as the next guy. And, trying not to sound racist here, black people really take the cake as far as dumb names go.

I have never heard a dumber name or a dumber reason for a name than Renesmee.

/The end.
 
2012-06-13 06:32:17 PM  
Mom should replace it with a puppy named Katniss just to try her luck.
 
2012-06-13 06:43:09 PM  

Honest Bender: She couldn't decide between the name Renee and Esme (never heard of Esme before, but whatever). So she decides to name her Renesmee.


Perhaps she was thinking of this:

upload.wikimedia.org+img.dailymail.co.uk

Then again, it is highly unlikely that Bella had any knowledge of Descartes.
 
2012-06-13 06:50:28 PM  

"The Pussy dies? Hmm... "


media.screened.com

 
2012-06-13 07:00:41 PM  

moothemagiccow: Say what you will about the plot, the phenomenon, the wooden acting, the poor writing, the awful pacing, the undeserved fanbase - that name is the worst thing about Twilight.

//though it does cement the fact that the whole vampire thing is an allegory for LDS


Personally, I believe that the worst thing about Twilight is that it inspired someone to do this.
 
2012-06-13 07:20:41 PM  
"The cat got defensive and just suddenly attacked me out of nowhere!"

Something tells me that she's leaving out the part where she was trying to manhandle the kittens like they were Littlest Pet Shop figures and pissed mama right the fark off. A perfectly healthy cat doesn't just fly off the handle to that degree without being provoked. People like her are idiots. They treat their pets like crap and are surprised when a living creature gets weary of it and proves it's not a toy or accessory by lashing out. Now an animal will likely be killed for simply protecting its babies against a perceived danger and that moron will get to keep going on, business as usual.
 
2012-06-13 07:39:27 PM  

Arachnophobe: moothemagiccow: Say what you will about the plot, the phenomenon, the wooden acting, the poor writing, the awful pacing, the undeserved fanbase - that name is the worst thing about Twilight.

//though it does cement the fact that the whole vampire thing is an allegory for LDS

Personally, I believe that the worst thing about Twilight is that it inspired someone to do this.


I think I can top that, but I don't have pictures...

A few years ago I was traveling across the midwest to my aunt's funeral. I had to make a stop in a WalMart and I saw a younger woman in there. Let's say she wasn't exactly thin and her make up was done up all faux Gothy. She was wearing a tank top so I got to see the following horror show:

Tattoo on left breast -- Edward
Tattoo on right breast -- the werewolf guy (whatever the fark his name is)

You know, because when I'm having sex with a woman, that's exactly what I'd want to be looking at.

That was a far more horrible experience than the funeral.

/yeah, I know...csb
 
2012-06-13 07:42:37 PM  
cdn.fd.uproxx.com

Renesmee? More like mayonaise-may. Amirite?
 
2012-06-13 07:51:05 PM  

Jizz Master Zero: "The cat got defensive and just suddenly attacked me out of nowhere!"

Something tells me that she's leaving out the part where she was trying to manhandle the kittens like they were Littlest Pet Shop figures and pissed mama right the fark off. A perfectly healthy cat doesn't just fly off the handle to that degree without being provoked. People like her are idiots. They treat their pets like crap and are surprised when a living creature gets weary of it and proves it's not a toy or accessory by lashing out. Now an animal will likely be killed for simply protecting its babies against a perceived danger and that moron will get to keep going on, business as usual.


Something other than TFA told you wrong.
 
2012-06-13 08:14:33 PM  

Dahnkster: [cdn.fd.uproxx.com image 640x396]

Renesmee? More like mayonaise-may. Amirite?


Renee'sButtermilkRanchDressingmee
 
2012-06-13 08:29:53 PM  

BarkingUnicorn: Jizz Master Zero: "The cat got defensive and just suddenly attacked me out of nowhere!"

Something tells me that she's leaving out the part where she was trying to manhandle the kittens like they were Littlest Pet Shop figures and pissed mama right the fark off. A perfectly healthy cat doesn't just fly off the handle to that degree without being provoked. People like her are idiots. They treat their pets like crap and are surprised when a living creature gets weary of it and proves it's not a toy or accessory by lashing out. Now an animal will likely be killed for simply protecting its babies against a perceived danger and that moron will get to keep going on, business as usual.

Something other than TFA told you wrong.


The article says that, a few days after the cat had kittens, she went up and tried to grab it while it was doing typical cat-with-litter shiat (hissing at the windows, etc). I'd actually say that his imaginary friend had it about right, anyone with even the slightest clue of how animals work knows never to do anything like that.

//I actually don't have a beef with the cat name, it's actually better to give your dog or cat a stupid or at least uncommon name. If your dog is named "Dave", you're going to have it begging for food every time your friend David comes over for a beer. Always used to name mine shiat like Bernoulli and Yggdrasil, because when we tried just giving them object names like "Peg" the neighbors inevitably named their kid that as well.
 
2012-06-13 08:45:25 PM  

Jizz Master Zero: "The cat got defensive and just suddenly attacked me out of nowhere!"

Something tells me that she's leaving out the part where she was trying to manhandle the kittens like they were Littlest Pet Shop figures and pissed mama right the fark off. A perfectly healthy cat doesn't just fly off the handle to that degree without being provoked. People like her are idiots. They treat their pets like crap and are surprised when a living creature gets weary of it and proves it's not a toy or accessory by lashing out. Now an animal will likely be killed for simply protecting its babies against a perceived danger and that moron will get to keep going on, business as usual.


THIS. I'm usually a "humans first" kind of guy, but this is a clear cut case of idiot owner.
 
2012-06-13 09:03:57 PM  
\

Jizz Master Zero: "The cat got defensive and just suddenly attacked me out of nowhere!"

Something tells me that she's leaving out the part where she was trying to manhandle the kittens like they were Littlest Pet Shop figures and pissed mama right the fark off. A perfectly healthy cat doesn't just fly off the handle to that degree without being provoked. People like her are idiots. They treat their pets like crap and are surprised when a living creature gets weary of it and proves it's not a toy or accessory by lashing out. Now an animal will likely be killed for simply protecting its babies against a perceived danger and that moron will get to keep going on, business as usual.


While in this case, you are likely correct, I would point out that yes, cats can and do just "fly off the handle" for no reason that makes any sense outside their tiny little brains.

Petting my cousin's tabby while it dozes on my lap, happily purring and drooling its little heart out, until SHAZAM! Bites and clamps down on my hand, then attempts to shred my arm. Note: I hadn't so much as altered the speed, direction or firmness of my stroke. Cat just decided that I was a mortal enemy. Probably had a bad dream, followed by an impact with the far wall.

One of Wife's cats, sitting to my right on the end table, won't let me stop petting it. About ten minutes later it decides it has had enough and does the same exact thing: clamp down on my hand and shred my arm. This cat was wide-awake, so no nightmare excuse this time. Again, I made no odd motions. There had never been any issue with this cat prior or since. Cat just lost his damn mind for a minute.

No issues with pretty much any other cat I've ever been around (attacking me, I mean - they still go apeshiat randomly). However, cats do go insane every once in a while and turn violent for no goddamn reason whatsoever. It's part of their nature.

/no longer have any cats - wife is allergic
//got an awesome dog though
///Akitas FTW
 
2012-06-13 09:18:41 PM  

Honest Bender: I'm a huge fan of the Twilight movies. Twilight + Rifftrax = hilarity. For the love of Glob, do NOT attempt to watch any Twilight movies without Rifftrax.


The Rifftraxs make the whole thing worth it.

/line?
 
2012-06-13 09:28:28 PM  

Torqueknot: "But the cat had already made its mark. Jackie was left with 35 bite marks and 15 bruises."

Damn lady, were you trying to have sex with the cat and it objected? Also, it's a farking cat! He's 10 to 15 lbs at the most.Throw the farker away from you and kick it if he tries to come back for more.


I've helped with animal rescue. That 10lb cat can do a LOT of damage in a short amount of time. I've seen a group of 5 people try to manage 1 ferrell cat & the cat still kind of won. They might be small but they're feisty little farkers.

I'd rather deal with a pissed off Pit Bull any day than a ferrell cat.
 
2012-06-13 09:42:26 PM  
Renesmee? How the hell do you even pronounce that? Reensmee? Wren-is-mee? Wren-aiz-mee? Frank?

/Esmerelda Weathermax is not amused
//Girl-child should have a proper name like Gytha or Esk or Magrat
///If you want to be fancy, Esmerelda Margaret Note Spelling
 
2012-06-13 09:44:23 PM  

nimawai: Torqueknot: "But the cat had already made its mark. Jackie was left with 35 bite marks and 15 bruises."

Damn lady, were you trying to have sex with the cat and it objected? Also, it's a farking cat! He's 10 to 15 lbs at the most.Throw the farker away from you and kick it if he tries to come back for more.

I've helped with animal rescue. That 10lb cat can do a LOT of damage in a short amount of time. I've seen a group of 5 people try to manage 1 ferrell cat & the cat still kind of won. They might be small but they're feisty little farkers.

I'd rather deal with a pissed off Pit Bull any day than a ferrell cat.


You mean Farrell's cat, right? Once you get a cat hooked on ice cream they can get vicious if they don't get their fix.
 
2012-06-13 09:55:30 PM  
I'm already on record as anything but a fan of the author in question.. My wife came across an article on humans with this name that had a link to the Urban Dictionary entry for Renesmee. An LOL was had a few times in this house...
 
2012-06-13 10:20:09 PM  
Wait a minute... what happened to the kittens when momma went to the shelter?
 
2012-06-13 10:26:56 PM  
And her husband?

Wow, that's the biggest surprise of the whole article. Poor guy.
 
2012-06-13 10:32:10 PM  
Lot of internet tough guys with GED's in veterinary science in here. My ex-wife had an half-feral rescue that had kittens in our bedroom closet. Cat got reallllly possessive of the apartment, okay. Cat got realllly hissy at...everything. Okay. Cat lunged for me a few times if I went in the bedroom....okay...ish. A week or so after the kittens were born I was two rooms over in the kitchen, stubbed my toe, and yelled, "Ow, fark!" I heard "Mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooowwrrr-hiiissssssssssssssssssssss" from the bedroom, turned just in time to see a furry missile streak towards me then make a jump for the jugular that made it to about chest level where it latched onto the arm I'd raised to defend myself. No amount of shaking, pulling, yanking, or anything short of bashing it against a wall seemed to be able to dislodge it, and well...it's some kittens mother, I wasn't quite willing to go that far. Meanwhile it's clawing, kicking, and biting over and over again, somehow never losing it's death grip. I made it out the door of the apartment, managed to fling the cat back inside, and did not go back in till she'd been relocated to a happy farm where she could play and romp and be evil incarnate for the rest of her days.
 
2012-06-13 10:33:10 PM  

BarkingUnicorn: Wait a minute... what happened to the kittens when momma went to the shelter?


i.imgur.com
i.imgur.com

/actually feel bad posting this
//cat person
 
2012-06-13 10:35:21 PM  

Happy Hours: nimawai: Torqueknot: "But the cat had already made its mark. Jackie was left with 35 bite marks and 15 bruises."

Damn lady, were you trying to have sex with the cat and it objected? Also, it's a farking cat! He's 10 to 15 lbs at the most.Throw the farker away from you and kick it if he tries to come back for more.

I've helped with animal rescue. That 10lb cat can do a LOT of damage in a short amount of time. I've seen a group of 5 people try to manage 1 ferrell cat & the cat still kind of won. They might be small but they're feisty little farkers.

I'd rather deal with a pissed off Pit Bull any day than a ferrell cat.

You mean Farrell's cat, right? Once you get a cat hooked on ice cream they can get vicious if they don't get their fix.


Ice cream is evil. I've been hooked on that stuff myself. When I came off of it... Well let's just say it wasn't a pretty picture. *Oh the humanity*

/end sarcasm
//For those that don't get written sarcasm

Twilight is what happens you sexually repress & take away caffeine from a crapton of people.

/You can take my credit cards but you'll never take my CAFFEINE!
 
2012-06-13 10:39:35 PM  

LowbrowDeluxe: Lot of internet tough guys with GED's in veterinary science in here. My ex-wife had an half-feral rescue that had kittens in our bedroom closet. Cat got reallllly possessive of the apartment, okay. Cat got realllly hissy at...everything. Okay. Cat lunged for me a few times if I went in the bedroom....okay...ish. A week or so after the kittens were born I was two rooms over in the kitchen, stubbed my toe, and yelled, "Ow, fark!" I heard "Mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooowwrrr-hiiissssssssssssssssssssss" from the bedroom, turned just in time to see a furry missile streak towards me then make a jump for the jugular that made it to about chest level where it latched onto the arm I'd raised to defend myself. No amount of shaking, pulling, yanking, or anything short of bashing it against a wall seemed to be able to dislodge it, and well...it's some kittens mother, I wasn't quite willing to go that far. Meanwhile it's clawing, kicking, and biting over and over again, somehow never losing it's death grip. I made it out the door of the apartment, managed to fling the cat back inside, and did not go back in till she'd been relocated to a happy farm where she could play and romp and be evil incarnate for the rest of her days.


Excuse me while I stop laughing... Not done... Still not done... *coughing fit from laughter*... Still not done.... Ok I think I'm done... Not yet, still laughing... OK I'm done.

Unless people have had experience with a ferrell cat they just don't understand how dangerous those little farkers are. We had 1 ferrell cat at the rescue that
 
2012-06-13 10:43:46 PM  

nimawai: LowbrowDeluxe: Lot of internet tough guys with GED's in veterinary science in here. My ex-wife had an half-feral rescue that had kittens in our bedroom closet. Cat got reallllly possessive of the apartment, okay. Cat got realllly hissy at...everything. Okay. Cat lunged for me a few times if I went in the bedroom....okay...ish. A week or so after the kittens were born I was two rooms over in the kitchen, stubbed my toe, and yelled, "Ow, fark!" I heard "Mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooowwrrr-hiiissssssssssssssssssssss" from the bedroom, turned just in time to see a furry missile streak towards me then make a jump for the jugular that made it to about chest level where it latched onto the arm I'd raised to defend myself. No amount of shaking, pulling, yanking, or anything short of bashing it against a wall seemed to be able to dislodge it, and well...it's some kittens mother, I wasn't quite willing to go that far. Meanwhile it's clawing, kicking, and biting over and over again, somehow never losing it's death grip. I made it out the door of the apartment, managed to fling the cat back inside, and did not go back in till she'd been relocated to a happy farm where she could play and romp and be evil incarnate for the rest of her days.

Excuse me while I stop laughing... Not done... Still not done... *coughing fit from laughter*... Still not done.... Ok I think I'm done... Not yet, still laughing... OK I'm done.

Unless people have had experience with a ferrell cat they just don't understand how dangerous those little farkers are. We had 1 ferrell cat at the rescue that


NO ONE would touch. I was the only person who could manage to clean it's cage without getting attacked & even I wouldn't pick that sucker up. I love animals & I'll do just about anything to help them out but I WON'T mess with ferrells. Think Britney Spears + Lindsay Lohan times 1000. That's the crazy wattage on those farkers.

/accidentally tabbed when I should have shifted & the spacebar made it post. :/ Oops
 
2012-06-13 10:44:00 PM  

nimawai: LowbrowDeluxe: Lot of internet tough guys with GED's in veterinary science in here. My ex-wife had an half-feral rescue that had kittens in our bedroom closet. Cat got reallllly possessive of the apartment, okay. Cat got realllly hissy at...everything. Okay. Cat lunged for me a few times if I went in the bedroom....okay...ish. A week or so after the kittens were born I was two rooms over in the kitchen, stubbed my toe, and yelled, "Ow, fark!" I heard "Mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooowwrrr-hiiissssssssssssssssssssss" from the bedroom, turned just in time to see a furry missile streak towards me then make a jump for the jugular that made it to about chest level where it latched onto the arm I'd raised to defend myself. No amount of shaking, pulling, yanking, or anything short of bashing it against a wall seemed to be able to dislodge it, and well...it's some kittens mother, I wasn't quite willing to go that far. Meanwhile it's clawing, kicking, and biting over and over again, somehow never losing it's death grip. I made it out the door of the apartment, managed to fling the cat back inside, and did not go back in till she'd been relocated to a happy farm where she could play and romp and be evil incarnate for the rest of her days.

Excuse me while I stop laughing... Not done... Still not done... *coughing fit from laughter*... Still not done.... Ok I think I'm done... Not yet, still laughing... OK I'm done.

Unless people have had experience with a ferrell cat they just don't understand how dangerous those little farkers are. We had 1 ferrell cat at the rescue that


Holy shiat, I think the cat got him
 
2012-06-13 10:46:59 PM  
nimawai
Unless people have had experience with a ferrell cat they just don't understand how dangerous those little farkers are. We had 1 ferrell cat at the rescue that

NO ONE would touch. I was the only person who could manage to clean it's cage without getting attacked & even I wouldn't pick that sucker up. I love animals & I'll do just about anything to help them out but I WON'T mess with ferrells. Think Britney Spears + Lindsay Lohan times 1000. That's the crazy wattage on those farkers.


Two things...

1. It's FERAL. Feral, dammit.

2. Cage? I think I may have found the problem...
 
2012-06-13 11:02:03 PM  
I'm betting the cat just couldn't resist the smell of all the buttery food she wallows in.
 
2012-06-13 11:05:53 PM  
My cat's name is The Dude and he abides.
 
2012-06-13 11:06:22 PM  

nimawai: NO ONE would touch. I was the only person who could manage to clean it's cage without getting attacked & even I wouldn't pick that sucker up. I love animals & I'll do just about anything to help them out but I WON'T mess with ferrells. Think Britney Spears + Lindsay Lohan times 1000. That's the crazy wattage on those farkers.


i.imgur.com

What a Ferrell cat might look like.
 
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