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Jihad Me Elmo, butthole monocles, and stank-tainted confetti: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 6/3 - 6/9 
Posted by Unfreakable at 2012-06-13 1:00:47 PM (4 comments) | Permalink
More: FarkBlog, Farkers

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3982 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Jun 2012 at 1:00 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



This got put off a couple days after we used the normal slot to announce the Fark notification app on Monday, but here are some of our favorite headlines. Enjoy

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-06-03 to Sat 2012-06-09:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Passenger jet crashes into apartment building in Nigerian capitol. Over 150 princes, bank officials, widows, and generous cancer-stricken millionaires feared dead    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Taco Bell sells 100 million Doritos Locos Tacos in 10 weeks. Sales reach an amazing 8.0 on the sphincter scale    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  As a condition of stripping at T's Lounge, Octomom won't be going bottomless. Because when a man peers into that dark, dank bottomless hole it shreds his soul into stank-tainted confetti    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  "Hello everyone thank you for coming, I realize it's been a bit a rough year here at Al-Qaeda, which is why we're thrilled to announce our new #2 man Abu Yaha al...oh sonovabiatch not again"    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Enterprise damaged enroute to Intrepid. This is not a repeat from 2947.3  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Ikea hires translators to avoid sexually explicit product names. Subby will miss cleevlündsteemer duvet and cover sets    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Al Qaeda is down to one senior leader; once al-Zawahiri is killed, they'll have to bring someone up from AAAl Qaeda    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  US Navy confirms that fire on nuclear sub USS Miami which caused $400 million in damage was started by a vacuum cleaner. Oh god, I have one of those in my house    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  U.S. ends funding for Pakistani version of Sesame Street. Doll factories immediately cancel plans for Jihad Me Elmo    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Man accidentally shoots self in head after his manhood was challenged on internet. Wait a minute... who's not here today?    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Homeless man arrested for camping. Not sure if its called "camping" at that point    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Sports:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  NFL officially locks out referees. This sounds good until you remember this means Ed Hochuli now has nothing but time on his hands and a world full of rulebreakers that need tickets to the gun show    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  I'll Have Another year without a Triple Crown winner    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Maria Sharapova wins French Open to capture a career Grand Slam. Let us all celebrate her glorious body...... of work    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Geek:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  FBI didn't steal Megaupload evidence because it's "digital". Wait, what is their case based on again?    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Prosecutors: Norwegian gunman Anders Breivek played World of Warcraft for up to seven hours straight for months on end. Farkers: Is that a lot?    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Louis Theroux wonders if the porn industry can continue to discharge product in the face of ever growing internet competition    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Entertainment:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Kristen Stewart calls Farkers and people with taste "'voracious, starving sh*t eaters" for criticizing what she calls acting. Not once did her expression change during her tirade    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Sheryl Crow has a brain tumor. It's like RAAAIIIIINNNNNN    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Lindsay Lohan hospitalized after a train wreck...scratch that, after a car wreck    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Politics:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Republican spokesman who suggested throwing acid at female Democrats steps down. Guess it didn't go well with the base    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Mitt Romney secretly attended the Bilderberg conference last week according to hotel staff. Kind of ruins it knowing the winner in advance, doesn't it?    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Good grief Kwame Brown    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Business:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Coinstar to produce Starbucks coffee dispensing machines after taking 10.9% of the coffee out of each cup    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Taco Bell introducing a new line of 'upscale' and 'gourmet' menu items. Order your butthole monocles now    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Politics is killing the stock market. Why can't it be a murder-suicide?    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]
· · ·
(view entire blog)


4 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2012-06-13 02:10:45 PM  
The butthole monocles headline is my favorite so far.
 
2012-06-13 03:09:00 PM  
i thought Enterprise damaged enroute to Intrepid. This is not a repeat from 2947.3
should have been "Spaceship crashes into NYC bridge"
 
2012-06-13 03:56:40 PM  
"Republican spokesman who suggested throwing acid at female Democrats steps down. Guess it didn't go well with the base"

That one took a couple seconds to sink in.
 
2012-06-13 06:22:05 PM  
Considering how often it occurs, I have to go with the Triple Crown headline.
 
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