FARK.com: (7159310) 2 DUIs + 3 tires = 0 cat food

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		2 DUIs + 3 tires = 0 cat food (salemnews.com)		46
		More: Dumbass, Amelia Poisson, HSI, Christ Church, Logan International Airport, court officer

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6395 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Jun 2012 at 8:11 PM | Favorite | share:

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Ed Finnerty		2012-06-12 06:19:01 PM

FTFA: Amelia Poisson, 42, of 30 Folly Pond Road

This is a joke, right?

Apos		2012-06-12 06:21:47 PM

Attempting an 007 car stunt is never advisable-doubly so if you're inebriated.

bigredwrench		2012-06-12 08:14:23 PM

If you have a farked up name, might as well do farked up things.

some_beer_drinker		2012-06-12 08:14:43 PM

your math, i don't get it.

Tiiba		2012-06-12 08:15:04 PM

Please feed my cat.

AverageAmericanGuy		2012-06-12 08:15:50 PM

Only farked up people keep cats.

6655321		2012-06-12 08:16:30 PM

Another crazy cat lady.

nimeye		2012-06-12 08:17:53 PM

I was told there would be no math.

Fano		2012-06-12 08:18:03 PM

Ed Finnerty: FTFA: Amelia Poisson, 42, of 30 Folly Pond Road

This is a joke, right?

allthingsclassicfilm.files.wordpress.com

Soitanly!

cleveoh		2012-06-12 08:20:18 PM

Ed Finnerty: FTFA: Amelia Poisson, 42, of 30 Folly Pond Road

This is a joke, right?

There's a "Look What The Cat Dragged In" joke in there somewhere...

If I have my Hair Metal band right?

fluffy2097		2012-06-12 08:24:37 PM

This is just a MADD conspiracy and an excuse for small town cops to go on witch hunts for people driving 3 wheeled cars.

Anyways, this is only the second time she got on the highway piss drunk and missing a tire. She's obviously good to drive.

WTFDYW		2012-06-12 08:25:52 PM

i are serious about mah kittehs well being

LeroyBourne		2012-06-12 08:27:10 PM

Reminds me of my brother and I rolling through the neighborhood in our Big Wheels when we were kids. I had the dukes of hazard he had knight rider, we weren't drunk, but you couldn't tell difference by the hell we thought we were raising. And yes goddammit, we were cool.

LeafyGreens		2012-06-12 08:29:48 PM

Hope the cats will be okay =)

just passing through		2012-06-12 08:30:51 PM

I know we've all driven when we shouldn't, but how many times do you have to get a dui before you decide maybe you should stop?

maxx2112		2012-06-12 08:31:15 PM

Did the kitteh get fed?

www.petnanny.ch

/ dnrta

fluffy2097		2012-06-12 08:36:07 PM

just passing through: I know we've all driven when we shouldn't, but how many times do you have to get a dui before you decide maybe you should stop?

Driving drunk is a constitutional right. The king of beers said so, and now it is God's law. It's right in the Beerble. Carbonation 3:16 - And lo the lord sayeth unto the stumbling man, "brosef, thou cannot walk. It is better that thine drive."

ZAZ		2012-06-12 08:39:44 PM

Additional charges include driving after suspension and having defective equipment.

It was night, but you can still get a ticket for a broken headlight in the daytime in Massachusetts. Somebody was driving with one headlight in the daytime and police used that as the pretext to stop the car. Courts couldn't construe the law narrowly to make sense because that would mean throwing out a conviction.

duffblue		2012-06-12 08:40:57 PM

ZAZ: Additional charges include driving after suspension and having defective equipment.

It was night, but you can still get a ticket for a broken headlight in the daytime in Massachusetts. Somebody was driving with one headlight in the daytime and police used that as the pretext to stop the car. Courts couldn't construe the law narrowly to make sense because that would mean throwing out a conviction.

America!

Allen. The end.		2012-06-12 08:42:19 PM

"The cat was fine..."

Fluorescent Testicle		2012-06-12 08:42:25 PM

Sheogorath math?

Sheogormath?

Ryker's Peninsula		2012-06-12 08:44:13 PM

XX Chromosome people problems

fluffy2097		2012-06-12 08:45:25 PM

duffblue: America!

Massachusetts!

You'll be fine so long as you don't get pulled over by a state trooper.

Sir them a lot. They like that, sir.

scrumpox		2012-06-12 08:48:57 PM

She may be in more trouble than she thinks^...

WTFDYW		2012-06-12 08:57:43 PM

fluffy2097: just passing through: I know we've all driven when we shouldn't, but how many times do you have to get a dui before you decide maybe you should stop?

Driving drunk is a constitutional right. The king of beers said so, and now it is God's law. It's right in the Beerble. Carbonation 3:16 - And lo the lord sayeth unto the stumbling man, "brosef, thou cannot walk. It is better that thine drive."

nice touch there. I LMAO

Ken VeryBigLiar		2012-06-12 09:03:02 PM

fluffy2097: Anyways, this is only the second time she got on the highway piss drunk and missing a tire. She's obviously good to drive.

In Wisconsin you can drive a bus full of kids in that condition.

JonZoidberg		2012-06-12 09:05:55 PM

FTFA: Amelia Poisson, 42, of 30 Folly Pond Road

What would you call it the next time this idjit goes driving and splatters her brains all over the pavement? (Other than a win for the rest of us)

A Poisson distribution!

LordOfThePings		2012-06-12 09:06:36 PM

Precision Boobery		2012-06-12 09:06:44 PM

Apos: Attempting an 007 car stunt is never advisable-doubly so if you're inebriated.

i.telegraph.co.uk

productplacementandmovies.files.wordpress.com

Is there any other way?

lerxst2112		2012-06-12 09:09:06 PM

When pulled over for such a transgression, its not appropriate to look out your window, notice the missing tire and say in front of the officer:

"Oh for f*ck's sake, AGAIN!?"

sk8r		2012-06-12 09:17:06 PM

I cringe when I see the offender is around my age. Epic DUI at 22, awful idea but almost a rite of passage. Epic DUI at 42, cat lady got some issues. Bet her kids are proud.

WTF though- how do you not process that a missing wheel is a problem? The 'cat food' she had finally run though was her vodka stash. No liquior stores that make deliveries?

Klippoklondike		2012-06-12 09:34:30 PM

rf134a		2012-06-12 09:46:34 PM

Why would she need to go buy cat food? Cats love eating poisson!

Liz Lemon		2012-06-12 09:57:02 PM

Mom?

WordyGrrl		2012-06-12 09:57:52 PM

Can you imagine all the hijinks that will ensue when "self-driving car" technology is "perfected" for use? It's gonna be Drunky McDrunkerson Expressway out there, leading to an extra-long line at the Taco Bell drive-thru.

Day_Old_Dutchie		2012-06-12 10:26:54 PM

One man's fish is another man's Poisson.

FooDog		2012-06-12 10:29:25 PM

That's a couple of towns over from where I live. Will have to keep an eye open for drunk cat ladies.

MaudlinMutantMollusk		2012-06-12 10:59:05 PM

FooDog: That's a couple of towns over from where I live. Will have to keep an eye open for drunk cat ladies.

She'll be walking

Goimir		2012-06-12 11:11:39 PM

Red Green unavailable for comment.

Jirafa		2012-06-13 01:36:51 AM

Wait... who said the cat food was to be eaten by actual cats? This lady is crazy; she drives with 3 tires, which is something most people would notice even while drunk. Maybe the cat food is for her.

sk8r: The 'cat food' she had finally run though was her vodka stash. No liquior stores that make deliveries?

Or that.

/really hope there's no starving kitties trapped in her house

MattyBlast		2012-06-13 02:39:45 AM

I guess that "buy three tires, get the fourth one free" promotion ended.

over_and_done		2012-06-13 04:16:51 AM

MattyBlast: I guess that "buy three tires, get the fourth one free" promotion ended.

Okay, that's pretty damn funny. Maybe not "+1 internets" funny, but I'd easily award +0.85 internets.

ransack.		2012-06-13 04:42:03 AM

LordOfThePings:

What the hell is this thing??

LordOfThePings		2012-06-13 04:56:30 AM

ransack.: What the hell is this thing??

MAG Concept car

hagopiar		2012-06-13 03:11:12 PM

"Anyways, this is only the second time she got on the highway piss drunk and missing a tire"

Sounds like it was the third time... FTA:

still a second offense because there has been no conviction stemming from Wednesday's arrest

/loophole FTW!

fluffy2097		2012-06-13 05:17:57 PM

hagopiar: "Anyways, this is only the second time she got on the highway piss drunk and missing a tire"

Sounds like it was the third time... FTA:

still a second offense because there has been no conviction stemming from Wednesday's arrest

/loophole FTW!

The first time she was drunk as shiat and had all 4 tires. ;)

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