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(610 WIOD)   State worker who faked triplets so boyfriend could have extra food stamps to sell for cash sentenced to 10 days per fake baby   (610wiod.com) divider line 116
    More: Followup, Illinois State, food stamps, Illinois  
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5905 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Jun 2012 at 1:10 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-06-12 12:59:08 PM  
See, the problem here is that she didn't think big enough. Instead of faking triplets for her boyfriend, she should have faked triplets for everyone. Just given everyone in the State a set of triplets that they could claim for tax purposes or food stamps or whatever else they needed. Having triplets would become the new normal; people everywhere would marvel at Illinois' sudden population boom. Congressional seats would be added; additional Federal revenue streams would be secured; new housing, construction, and infrastructure projects would erupt all across the state. When having triplets was no longer sufficient to sustain the newly enriched lifestyles to which citizens had become accustomed, a fourth child could be added. A fifth. Other states would begin to take notice. More and more Americans across the country would begin to enjoy the benefits of having hypothetical litters of children. Nations would look enviously at our projected growth rate and begin to emulate the practice. Entire industries -- childcare, tutoring, nursing, toymaking -- would grow up around servicing a vast new generation. Thousands upon thousands of jobs would be created.

And when it all finally burst, when some idiot at a party took out his fake photo of his fake kid to show to his buddy and then realized that his buddy's fake photo was the same one copied from the same website, that they were looking at the same fake kid; when everybody realized at once that there actually were no children, that it was all just a lie they thought they'd been pulling off on their own but had really been sharing in together, well, what would happen? It would all be too big at that point, too big to fail. There would be too much at stake. The Federal government would step in, set some new, stringent mandates regarding the generation of hypothetical children. It would prop the new companies that had been created to save some jobs and hope that actual births someday began to catch up to hypothetical ones. It would reason that what was important now was to spend money to invest in the future. After all, couldn't hypothetical children become real children someday? And, best of all, nobody would have to go to jail.
 
2012-06-12 01:13:07 PM  
Illinois still uses paper stamps? Kentucky gives me a debit card kind of thing.
 
2012-06-12 01:14:04 PM  
I read that as "farked triplets".
/no babby pron
 
2012-06-12 01:16:39 PM  
I also read this as farked triplets. A quick GIS yields some fine results, BTW...
 
2012-06-12 01:18:11 PM  

ChipNASA: I read that as "farked triplets".
/no babby pron


How is babby pron formed?

/please, to Christ, don't answer that
 
2012-06-12 01:18:16 PM  
And now she's out of a job, and will get more from welfare than working.

Reward the fail...this is what happens.
 
2012-06-12 01:19:21 PM  
You don't even need to click the link. You know already.
 
2012-06-12 01:20:04 PM  

fringedmyotis: I also read this as farked triplets. A quick GIS yields some fine results, BTW...


Be advised the results are fine only for some. NTTIAWWBGBIDNTSI
 
2012-06-12 01:20:47 PM  

Richard Freckle: ChipNASA: I read that as "farked triplets".
/no babby pron

How is babby pron formed?

/please, to Christ, don't answer that


4chan or /b/
 
2012-06-12 01:21:23 PM  

Dixie_Wrecked: You don't even need to click the link. You know already.


No. Click on the link just for her name.
 
2012-06-12 01:22:08 PM  

Dixie_Wrecked: You don't even need to click the link. You know already.


And I get vacations for hate speech :P
 
2012-06-12 01:22:57 PM  

Pocket Ninja: See, the problem here is that she didn't think big enough. Instead of faking triplets for her boyfriend, she should have faked triplets for everyone. Just given everyone in the State a set of triplets that they could claim for tax purposes or food stamps or whatever else they needed. Having triplets would become the new normal; people everywhere would marvel at Illinois' sudden population boom. Congressional seats would be added; additional Federal revenue streams would be secured; new housing, construction, and infrastructure projects would erupt all across the state. When having triplets was no longer sufficient to sustain the newly enriched lifestyles to which citizens had become accustomed, a fourth child could be added. A fifth. Other states would begin to take notice. More and more Americans across the country would begin to enjoy the benefits of having hypothetical litters of children. Nations would look enviously at our projected growth rate and begin to emulate the practice. Entire industries -- childcare, tutoring, nursing, toymaking -- would grow up around servicing a vast new generation. Thousands upon thousands of jobs would be created.

And when it all finally burst, when some idiot at a party took out his fake photo of his fake kid to show to his buddy and then realized that his buddy's fake photo was the same one copied from the same website, that they were looking at the same fake kid; when everybody realized at once that there actually were no children, that it was all just a lie they thought they'd been pulling off on their own but had really been sharing in together, well, what would happen? It would all be too big at that point, too big to fail. There would be too much at stake. The Federal government would step in, set some new, stringent mandates regarding the generation of hypothetical children. It would prop the new companies that had been created to save some jobs and hope that actual births someday began to catch up to hypothetical ones. It would reason that what was important now was to spend money to invest in the future. After all, couldn't hypothetical children become real children someday? And, best of all, nobody would have to go to jail.


You're so awesome.
 
2012-06-12 01:23:21 PM  

SevenizGud: And now she's out of a job, and will get more from welfare than working.

Reward the fail...this is what happens.


Don't worry, there's more 1%'ers out there to tax in order to pay for it all.
 
2012-06-12 01:23:56 PM  
duffblue: Dixie_Wrecked: You don't even need to click the link. You know already.

And I get vacations for hate speech :P

I don't hate people from Illinois. I just knew.
 
2012-06-12 01:25:24 PM  
Well, come on, you can tell from the picture that she really needed more food.
 
2012-06-12 01:25:48 PM  
The One True TheDavid
Illinois still uses paper stamps? Kentucky gives me a debit card kind of thing.


Illinois has the LINK card. It gets refilled every month. If you are looking for a deal, go down to the Walmart parking lot. Someone there will offer you a LINK card and a pin for about half of what is supposedly on the card.

Stood behind a lady at the Circle K and watched her go through about four of the cards looking for one "That had stuff on it" (Her words). The clerk didn't say a word.
 
2012-06-12 01:26:35 PM  

Pocket Ninja: See, the problem here is that she didn't think big enough. Instead of faking triplets for her boyfriend, she should have faked triplets for everyone. Just given everyone in the State a set of triplets that they could claim for tax purposes or food stamps or whatever else they needed. Having triplets would become the new normal; people everywhere would marvel at Illinois' sudden population boom. Congressional seats would be added; additional Federal revenue streams would be secured; new housing, construction, and infrastructure projects would erupt all across the state. When having triplets was no longer sufficient to sustain the newly enriched lifestyles to which citizens had become accustomed, a fourth child could be added. A fifth. Other states would begin to take notice. More and more Americans across the country would begin to enjoy the benefits of having hypothetical litters of children. Nations would look enviously at our projected growth rate and begin to emulate the practice. Entire industries -- childcare, tutoring, nursing, toymaking -- would grow up around servicing a vast new generation. Thousands upon thousands of jobs would be created.

And when it all finally burst, when some idiot at a party took out his fake photo of his fake kid to show to his buddy and then realized that his buddy's fake photo was the same one copied from the same website, that they were looking at the same fake kid; when everybody realized at once that there actually were no children, that it was all just a lie they thought they'd been pulling off on their own but had really been sharing in together, well, what would happen? It would all be too big at that point, too big to fail. There would be too much at stake. The Federal government would step in, set some new, stringent mandates regarding the generation of hypothetical children. It would prop the new companies that had been created to save some jobs and hope that actual births someday began to catch up to hypothetical ones. I ...


You've honestly explained the bailouts, big business, the market, and so much more to me better than it ever has been...and I don't even know if you were trying. Add me to the tide of PN likers.
 
2012-06-12 01:26:46 PM  

ChipNASA: I read that as "farked triplets".
/no babby pron


I read that at first too. Glad I'm not the only one.
 
2012-06-12 01:27:09 PM  

SevenizGud: And now she's out of a job, and will get more from welfare than working.

Reward the fail...this is what happens.


You would think they would not let her have any benefits since she commited fraud.
 
2012-06-12 01:27:57 PM  
The One True TheDavid:

Illinois still uses paper stamps? Kentucky gives me a debit card kind of thing.

I posted too soon: Illinois does use a "Link card."

cbsstlouis.files.wordpress.com

So you don't sell food stamps because there is no such thing. What you do is, e.g., use the card to buy a $10 T-bone you sell for $5 cash.

I deplore the spread of such inaccurate information by reporters who can't bother to get their facts straight. But then this radio station coped the story from FOX News, and it is better than I'd expect from them.
 
2012-06-12 01:28:00 PM  
And she's a caseworker.

Comforting
 
2012-06-12 01:28:20 PM  
But she'll still have her AFSCME state job when she gets through serving her sentence.

Once you're in the Union, the Union is always in you.
 
2012-06-12 01:28:20 PM  
PN is the first farker I've fave'd. This thread is another example of why...
 
2012-06-12 01:30:00 PM  
If she got 30 days then I suppose the boyfriend got 2 years because equality.
 
2012-06-12 01:30:10 PM  
My triplets are Vampires. I need extra money because they have to have blood. Blood! Also, I can't show you a photograph of my kids because Vampires don't photograph and I can't bring them here in the daylight, because, well you know why.

So, unless you want to keep the welfare office open past sundown, just make the switch on your computer thingie there and charge up my card.

You know, that just might work.
 
2012-06-12 01:30:50 PM  
Sentance her to a swim in Lake Calumet.
 
2012-06-12 01:31:31 PM  

ChipNASA: Richard Freckle: ChipNASA: I read that as "farked triplets".
/no babby pron

How is babby pron formed?

/please, to Christ, don't answer that

4chan or /b/


Proof there is no God.
 
2012-06-12 01:31:51 PM  

Pocket Ninja: See, the problem here is that she didn't think big enough. Instead of faking triplets for her boyfriend, she should have faked triplets for everyone. Just given everyone in the State a set of triplets that they could claim for tax purposes or food stamps or whatever else they needed. Having triplets would become the new normal; people everywhere would marvel at Illinois' sudden population boom. Congressional seats would be added; additional Federal revenue streams would be secured; new housing, construction, and infrastructure projects would erupt all across the state. When having triplets was no longer sufficient to sustain the newly enriched lifestyles to which citizens had become accustomed, a fourth child could be added. A fifth. Other states would begin to take notice. More and more Americans across the country would begin to enjoy the benefits of having hypothetical litters of children. Nations would look enviously at our projected growth rate and begin to emulate the practice. Entire industries -- childcare, tutoring, nursing, toymaking -- would grow up around servicing a vast new generation. Thousands upon thousands of jobs would be created.

And when it all finally burst, when some idiot at a party took out his fake photo of his fake kid to show to his buddy and then realized that his buddy's fake photo was the same one copied from the same website, that they were looking at the same fake kid; when everybody realized at once that there actually were no children, that it was all just a lie they thought they'd been pulling off on their own but had really been sharing in together, well, what would happen? It would all be too big at that point, too big to fail. There would be too much at stake. The Federal government would step in, set some new, stringent mandates regarding the generation of hypothetical children. It would prop the new companies that had been created to save some jobs and hope that actual births someday began to catch up to hypothetical ones. I ...


j.wigflip.com

/just for you PN cause you're my hero.
 
2012-06-12 01:32:14 PM  

Pocket Ninja: See, the problem here is that she didn't think big enough. ...


Bravo! Just, Bravo!

www.act-sf.org
 
2012-06-12 01:32:14 PM  
Is it just me, or is 21k in food assistance a hell of a lot for 3 kids.
 
2012-06-12 01:34:25 PM  

ChipNASA: I read that as "farked triplets".
/no babby pron


Glad I'm not the only one
 
2012-06-12 01:34:56 PM  

LineNoise: Is it just me, or is 21k in food assistance a hell of a lot for 3 kids.


True. The article says less than a year, too. If it was 9 months that's like $27/day per kid!
 
2012-06-12 01:35:44 PM  
The couple also sold some food stamps to friends and family members at half price.

Oh, now everybody hates capitalism.
 
2012-06-12 01:35:56 PM  
Good thing IL has no oversight on these things. Because, there's never fraud. Never ever. Her case is on the Illinois Executive Inspector General website as well.
 
2012-06-12 01:36:33 PM  

LineNoise: Is it just me, or is 21k in food assistance a hell of a lot for 3 kids.


Yeah that seems like an absurd number.
 
2012-06-12 01:37:01 PM  
Kill her - publicly.

I am so sick of this crap.

I would pay up to $100 to watch her be executed.
 
2012-06-12 01:37:05 PM  

LineNoise: Is it just me, or is 21k in food assistance a hell of a lot for 3 kids.


Have you seen the price of Skittles lately?
 
2012-06-12 01:37:05 PM  

The One True TheDavid: The One True TheDavid:

Illinois still uses paper stamps? Kentucky gives me a debit card kind of thing.

I posted too soon: Illinois does use a "Link card."

[cbsstlouis.files.wordpress.com image 300x225]

So you don't sell food stamps because there is no such thing. What you do is, e.g., use the card to buy a $10 T-bone you sell for $5 cash.

I deplore the spread of such inaccurate information by reporters who can't bother to get their facts straight. But then this radio station coped the story from FOX News, and it is better than I'd expect from them.


I watched a guy the other day buy like 20 packs of gum on his NJ equivalent card the other day. Obviously he was going to resell it, but what dumbfounded me about the whole thing was:

1. The card actually let him buy gum. I'm all for helping hungry people eat, but I think they can go without some stride if its on my dime.
2. The guy was buying the individual packs at the register, when he could have just went to the candy aisle and bought the same stuff in a 20 pack for like 1/3rd of the price.
 
2012-06-12 01:37:16 PM  
Pocket Ninja [TotalFark]
2012-06-12 12:59:08 PM
(favorite: Fun and Scholarly)

Well, sh**. Thread didn't have a chance after that.
 
2012-06-12 01:37:22 PM  
Id do 30 days for $21k,

HotWingConspiracy: The couple also sold some food stamps to friends and family members at half price.

Oh, now everybody hates capitalism.


Thats not capitalism, thats the free market.
 
2012-06-12 01:37:47 PM  
So far....Farkers that read the headline as Babby Pron ( "Farked Triplets" ) = 4

/do I hear 5,
//My bet is that it goes to 10 at least.....for those that will admit it and comment.
 
2012-06-12 01:38:59 PM  

Pocket Ninja: See, the problem here is that she didn't think big enough. Instead of faking triplets for her boyfriend, she should have faked triplets for everyone. Just given everyone in the State a set of triplets that they could claim for tax purposes or food stamps or whatever else they needed. Having triplets would become the new normal; people everywhere would marvel at Illinois' sudden population boom. Congressional seats would be added; additional Federal revenue streams would be secured; new housing, construction, and infrastructure projects would erupt all across the state. When having triplets was no longer sufficient to sustain the newly enriched lifestyles to which citizens had become accustomed, a fourth child could be added. A fifth. Other states would begin to take notice. More and more Americans across the country would begin to enjoy the benefits of having hypothetical litters of children. Nations would look enviously at our projected growth rate and begin to emulate the practice. Entire industries -- childcare, tutoring, nursing, toymaking -- would grow up around servicing a vast new generation. Thousands upon thousands of jobs would be created.

And when it all finally burst, when some idiot at a party took out his fake photo of his fake kid to show to his buddy and then realized that his buddy's fake photo was the same one copied from the same website, that they were looking at the same fake kid; when everybody realized at once that there actually were no children, that it was all just a lie they thought they'd been pulling off on their own but had really been sharing in together, well, what would happen? It would all be too big at that point, too big to fail. There would be too much at stake. The Federal government would step in, set some new, stringent mandates regarding the generation of hypothetical children. It would prop the new companies that had been created to save some jobs and hope that actual births someday began to catch up to hypothetical ones. I ...


I had to start a slow clap in the office for this one.
 
2012-06-12 01:39:31 PM  

Mr. Potatoass: LineNoise: Is it just me, or is 21k in food assistance a hell of a lot for 3 kids.

Have you seen the price of Skittles lately?


i.qkme.me
 
2012-06-12 01:39:59 PM  
doh
 
2012-06-12 01:40:04 PM  
Harry Freakstorm:

Illinois has the LINK card. It gets refilled every month. If you are looking for a deal, go down to the Walmart parking lot. Someone there will offer you a LINK card and a pin for about half of what is supposedly on the card.

Someone should tell them that you keep the goose and sell the golden eggs.

Anyway that's a good way to get caught: if the sold card is confiscated, as I bet a lot are, they know just who to look for and just where to find you.

Me, I can't be bothered to risk my SNAP benefit like that: having grown up poor and stayed poor (meaning potatoes and beans, and not much of those) I'm too happy eating better than I ever have. (But hey, was T-bone always so damn bland?)
 
2012-06-12 01:40:58 PM  

ChipNASA: So far....Farkers that read the headline as Babby Pron ( "Farked Triplets" ) = 4

/do I hear 5,
//My bet is that it goes to 10 at least.....for those that will admit it and comment.


To be fair, I thought it was a woman farking adult triplets before getting to the end of the headline.
 
2012-06-12 01:42:16 PM  
Is saying I knew she was black racist?
 
2012-06-12 01:42:39 PM  
content.clearchannel.com
"Is dat be wrong? Shoulds I'z not be doing dat?"
 
2012-06-12 01:43:20 PM  

jack_sawyer75: Is saying I knew she was black racist?


Yes, you is saying it.
 
2012-06-12 01:47:28 PM  

Clemkadidlefark: But she'll still have her AFSCME state job when she gets through serving her sentence.

Once you're in the Union, the Union is always in you.


Not she won't. The crime was directly related to and committed at her job. They put her on "administrative leave" because they couldn't fire her until she was convicted of such, the union can only protect her that far. Now that she has been convicted? She can kiss that job goodbye.

And quite frankly I'm appauled at the fact that she only got 30 days... in NY, "falsifying state documents" is a huge, huge offence. (Had a boss once tell me it was a felony, but I got nothing to back that up.) The fact that she was only charged with "theft of government services" really is shocking to me.

/state employee, obviously
 
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