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(Houston Press)   Don't accuse someone of stealing your car keys unless you're very certain that he has your car keys, and also that he won't beat you to death and rape one of your friends after the accusation   ( divider line
    More: Sick, body counts, Baron Keith Armstrong, car keys, HPD, criminal accusation, rage  
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22244 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Jun 2012 at 8:38 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-06-11 08:42:57 PM  
5 votes:
Someone has anger issues.

Imagine how embarrassed he's gonna' be when he realizes he actually DID have the keys.
2012-06-11 08:51:54 PM  
3 votes:
So did they find the keys?
2012-06-11 08:41:04 PM  
2 votes:
Another clean batch of bath salts
2012-06-11 11:38:19 PM  
1 vote:

All I could think of was "BOOM - Headshot"

2012-06-11 10:27:42 PM  
1 vote:

mjjt: You just have to understand the situation.

I don't know if you caught the recent news story about the depraved necrophiliac penguins

The scientitians explanation was that the penguins, even ones who'd been dead a year or more, happened to be lying in the same way as a sexually receptive female, and the poor confused young penguins hadn't yet learned the 'right' way to ask these ladies to dance.

Well I mean, it's obvious, isn't it? Exactly the same thing happened to this guy.
I'm figuring this was a sporting household, so naturally they'd have baseball bats lying around, so in a momentary rush of blood he beat the crap out of that other (colored person) and prolly what happened was he accidentally caught one of the hoes on a backswing and when she fell she looked just like a dead penguin. No, I mean she just happened to fall in such a way that he just naturally assumed she was begging for it. I mean what's a guy supposed to do?

"'proly" has only one "l," friend. ;)
2012-06-11 10:07:05 PM  
1 vote:

elffster: Where is Zimmerman to defend these people in the name of justice?

Tainted1: He can only be summoned by placing skittles and iced tea upon the altar, and he can only be summoned at night

Zimmerman mostly comes at night. Mostly.
2012-06-11 09:56:59 PM  
1 vote:

Rapmaster2000: This is a bit too rapey for my liking.

How much rape is "just enough" for you Goldilocks ?

This never would have happened on Three's Company.

Just replace the murder weapon with a swinging kitchen door.
2012-06-11 09:14:56 PM  
1 vote:
The important thing here is that everyone was able to focus on what really matters: their political differences.
2012-06-11 09:10:28 PM  
1 vote:
From the other articles on the side:

"photos of a guy crapping in the press lot and it's aftermath."

Uh ok.
2012-06-11 09:03:49 PM  
1 vote:
"Whoops! My bad, everyone! They were in my pocket the whole time!"
2012-06-11 08:55:56 PM  
1 vote:
I dont understand. Why didn't the police immediately stop this and save everyone? I mean, thats why we should not be able to stand our ground, right?
2012-06-11 08:51:39 PM  
1 vote:

"Anyone with information on the whereabouts of suspect Johnathan Castaneda is urged to contact the HPD Homicide Division ...."

I'm going to assume that anyone else who has info on this guy's whereabouts has already been raped, murdered or both.

2012-06-11 08:41:36 PM  
1 vote:
Good advice, thanks Subby.

2012-06-11 08:41:15 PM  
1 vote:
Well, someone failed the "Proportionate Retribution" part of "Learning to be an Adult."
2012-06-11 08:40:59 PM  
1 vote:
The words "meth" and /or "crack cocaine" don't appear in TFA.

I bet they should.
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