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(IFC)   If you can lie to a child, you'd do well here (sponsored link)   (bs.serving-sys.com) divider line 61
    More: Amusing, Kumail Nanjiani  
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10706 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Jun 2012 at 4:35 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-06-08 01:02:38 PM  
If you can't lie to a child, you need counseling.

/Children are so trusting...
 
2012-06-08 01:03:44 PM  
This is normal.
This won't hurt.
Your parents will hate you if you don't keep the secret.

/van
 
2012-06-08 01:05:04 PM  
everyone lies to children all the time

god
santa claus
you can be anything when you grow up
wrestling
stork
fridge pics
ill tell you when youre older
it's ok to be gay
not to mention the mountains of apocryphal bullshiat parents spread or make up every second
 
2012-06-08 01:05:55 PM  
I can lie to everybody. Isn't that the American way?

/no, there are NO fees....
//we expect loyalty and we'll be loyal to you, as an employee.....
///no, I didn't screw that guy.........
 
2012-06-08 01:06:13 PM  
I cannot remember the last time I told a child the truth on any matter of any importance. A five-year-old could ask me why they're moving Community to Fridays and I'd come up with something involving evil wizards.
 
2012-06-08 01:09:45 PM  
I'm raising my child as a devout Christian. The only thing is, I've swapped Santa Claus and Jesus Christ. I even had some Bibles printed up with the big jolly fat man replacing the bearded hippie. Should be a hoot when he finally goes to school.
 
2012-06-08 01:10:06 PM  
A Sunday school teacher?
 
2012-06-08 01:10:51 PM  

semiotix: A five-year-old could ask me why they're moving Community to Fridays and I'd come up with something involving evil wizards.


I KNEW IT!
 
2012-06-08 01:13:29 PM  

moothemagiccow: everyone lies to children all the time

god
santa claus
you can be anything when you grow up
wrestling
stork
fridge pics
ill tell you when youre older
it's ok to be gay
not to mention the mountains of apocryphal bullshiat parents spread or make up every second



You forgot:

Minorities are just as good as whites
This world is a sadder place without Adolph Hitler had won
It's not your fault your fat and society won't care
Everyone is a winner in their own special way
and Your parent Moothemagiccow does not suffer from mental retardation.
 
2012-06-08 01:18:18 PM  
I got bored watching the 2 minute advertisement for the show. I highly doubt I'll be able to make it through a full half-hour episode.
 
2012-06-08 01:21:46 PM  
It's great that they keep the kids in little cages for the show. I'm going to extend this part of the concept to my own home.
 
2012-06-08 01:22:47 PM  

moothemagiccow: everyone lies to children all the time

god
santa claus
you can be anything when you grow up
wrestling
stork
fridge pics
ill tell you when youre older
it's ok to be gay
not to mention the mountains of apocryphal bullshiat parents spread or make up every second


You must have had a horrific childhood.
 
2012-06-08 01:23:10 PM  
I thought it was a promo for The Killing. She's a pretty horrid parent.
 
2012-06-08 01:23:24 PM  

Honest Bender: If you can't lie to a child, you need counseling.

/Children are so trusting...


I agree totally.

/My rates are reasonable.
 
2012-06-08 01:25:31 PM  

cowgirl toffee: /My rates are reasonable.


I have $7.50 in my pocket. Will that get me an hour?
 
2012-06-08 01:25:51 PM  
Lie Bot, what is the saddest thing?
 
2012-06-08 01:27:50 PM  

BurnShrike: cowgirl toffee: /My rates are reasonable.

I have $7.50 in my pocket. Will that get me an hour?


No. $7.58 or you find yourself another therapist. :P
 
2012-06-08 01:28:12 PM  
The Catholic Church?
 
2012-06-08 01:28:17 PM  

cowgirl toffee: BurnShrike: cowgirl toffee: /My rates are reasonable.

I have $7.50 in my pocket. Will that get me an hour?

No. $7.58 or you find yourself another therapist. :P


You can bite my ass!
 
2012-06-08 01:29:06 PM  
I'm pretty sure not lying to children will get your ass kicked or thrown in prison, so better start practicing.

/I always lie
 
2012-06-08 01:29:38 PM  

BurnShrike: cowgirl toffee: BurnShrike: cowgirl toffee: /My rates are reasonable.

I have $7.50 in my pocket. Will that get me an hour?

No. $7.58 or you find yourself another therapist. :P

You can bite my ass!


That costs quite a bit more.
 
2012-06-08 01:30:19 PM  
DISH is dropping IFC.

Considering how IFC is lighting money on fire promoting this garbage on Fark, it's hard to believe that DISH would drop IFC.

Bunk is worse than SuperDeluxe.
 
2012-06-08 01:30:23 PM  

BurnShrike: cowgirl toffee: BurnShrike: cowgirl toffee: /My rates are reasonable.

I have $7.50 in my pocket. Will that get me an hour?

No. $7.58 or you find yourself another therapist. :P

You can bite my ass!


Now you're talking big bucks.
 
2012-06-08 01:30:35 PM  

Arkanaut: Lie Bot, what is the saddest thing?


To be crushed your enemies, to fall at their feet -- to have your horses and goods taken and hear the lamentation of your women.
 
2012-06-08 01:30:49 PM  

moothemagiccow: everyone lies to children all the time

god
santa claus
you can be anything when you grow up
wrestling
stork
fridge pics
ill tell you when youre older
it's ok to be gay
not to mention the mountains of apocryphal bullshiat parents spread or make up every second


What the fark are fridge pics?
 
2012-06-08 01:31:38 PM  

cowgirl toffee: BurnShrike: cowgirl toffee: BurnShrike: cowgirl toffee: /My rates are reasonable.

I have $7.50 in my pocket. Will that get me an hour?

No. $7.58 or you find yourself another therapist. :P

You can bite my ass!

Now you're talking big bucks.


What kind of the rapist are you anyway?! Usually you don't have to pay for that kind of thing.
 
2012-06-08 01:32:32 PM  

holdmybones: What the fark are fridge pics?


Nobody ever told you about the fridge pic monster?
 
2012-06-08 01:32:57 PM  

PowerSlacker: DISH is dropping IFC.

Considering how IFC is lighting money on fire promoting this garbage on Fark, it's hard to believe that DISH would drop IFC.

Bunk is worse than SuperDeluxe.


I got the whiny 'Dish won't get it' message, but the trailer did not play. I'm not signing up to watch a commercial. Did it play for anyone else who did not sign up? Ah, who really cares? It will probably be as funny as that show with the 3 douchebags who dare each other to do embarassing shiate, but they can't keep a straight face and just end up looking like complete morans.
 
2012-06-08 01:36:29 PM  

holdmybones: moothemagiccow: everyone lies to children all the time

god
santa claus
you can be anything when you grow up
wrestling
stork
fridge pics
ill tell you when youre older
it's ok to be gay
not to mention the mountains of apocryphal bullshiat parents spread or make up every second

What the fark are fridge pics?


I believe that they are saying that the pictures that proud parents hang of little ones' artwork, suggest that they think they are worthy of praise, when in fact, they really think that are hideous collisions of crayon and paper.

Of course, this must be a trollin', since both the church and gays were thrown into the lot. I took the bait because I haven't eaten breakfast.
 
2012-06-08 01:37:39 PM  

BurnShrike: cowgirl toffee: BurnShrike: cowgirl toffee: BurnShrike: cowgirl toffee: /My rates are reasonable.

I have $7.50 in my pocket. Will that get me an hour?

No. $7.58 or you find yourself another therapist. :P

You can bite my ass!

Now you're talking big bucks.

What kind of the rapist are you anyway?! Usually you don't have to pay for that kind of thing.


I do take most major insurance plans.

Does that help?
 
2012-06-08 01:38:03 PM  
So a show that tries to mimic being funny (but forced)...

Thanks, but I'll stick to my seasons of "Who's line is it anyways", at least they are having fun and ARE funny, and not aren't looking around to see if someone is laughing.


imprimere: moothemagiccow: everyone lies to children all the time

god God (proper noun, grammar, learn it... this was covered a few days ago in another thread). Teaching a kid about religion doesn't mean to have him join a cult ya know... might have a few stories worth telling, listening to.
santa claus Again, proper noun, Santa Claus... there's nothing much to lie about here, he's a "mascot", a representation of the spirit of Christmas.
you can be anything when you grow up why is this a lie? A kid that wants to be something, unless physical or mental limitations, hard work can get anyone their goals in life
wrestling you wouldn't survive 5 minutes in a rink, even if stages, it's still physically challenging
stork not everyone can have children, adoption for example
fridge pics I always enjoyed putting kid stuff on my fridge, there's probably still some, I know I have some at my word office after 10 years
ill tell you when youre olderI've told the kids just about everything that I could think of as they got older
it's ok to be gay I've had plenty of friends that are, never been an issue
not to mention the mountains of apocryphal bullshiat parents spread or make up every second (guess you had shiatty parents)


You forgot:

Minorities are just as good as whites me and the family have had friends and such from just about everywhere in the world or of every race... not once was there anything about who was better.
This world is a sadder place without Adolph Hitler had won makes no sense
It's not your fault your fat and society won't care how about aiming to be healty
Everyone is a winner in their own special way kids get told that they are dumbasses when they are dumbasses and then told to smarten up
and Your parent Moothemagiccow does not suffer from mental retardation.


You guys live in a sad sad world...as I never lied to my kids but most of your suggestions seems to have lot of anger behind them.

There's a difference in lying and stories to help children learn something about life and morals....
 
2012-06-08 01:38:47 PM  

cowgirl toffee: I do take most major insurance plans.

Does that help?


I don't think my insurance covers the rape.
 
2012-06-08 01:40:05 PM  

BurnShrike: cowgirl toffee: I do take most major insurance plans.

Does that help?

I don't think my insurance covers the rape.


You need to expand your coverage. :P
 
2012-06-08 01:40:59 PM  

imfallen_angel: So a show that tries to mimic being funny (but forced)...

Thanks, but I'll stick to my seasons of "Who's line is it anyways", at least they are having fun and ARE funny, and not aren't looking around to see if someone is laughing.


imprimere: moothemagiccow: everyone lies to children all the time

god God (proper noun, grammar, learn it... this was covered a few days ago in another thread). Teaching a kid about religion doesn't mean to have him join a cult ya know... might have a few stories worth telling, listening to.
santa claus Again, proper noun, Santa Claus... there's nothing much to lie about here, he's a "mascot", a representation of the spirit of Christmas.
you can be anything when you grow up why is this a lie? A kid that wants to be something, unless physical or mental limitations, hard work can get anyone their goals in life
wrestling you wouldn't survive 5 minutes in a rink, even if stages, it's still physically challenging
stork not everyone can have children, adoption for example
fridge pics I always enjoyed putting kid stuff on my fridge, there's probably still some, I know I have some at my word office after 10 years
ill tell you when youre olderI've told the kids just about everything that I could think of as they got older
it's ok to be gay I've had plenty of friends that are, never been an issue
not to mention the mountains of apocryphal bullshiat parents spread or make up every second (guess you had shiatty parents)


You forgot:

Minorities are just as good as whites me and the family have had friends and such from just about everywhere in the world or of every race... not once was there anything about who was better.
This world is a sadder place without Adolph Hitler had won makes no sense
It's not your fault your fat and society won't care how about aiming to be healty
Everyone is a winner in their own special way kids get told that they are dumbasses when they are dumbasses and then told to smarten up
and Your parent Moothemagiccow does no ...


He forgot: "No matter what you do, Mommy will always love you."
 
2012-06-08 01:43:24 PM  

Honest Bender: If you can't lie to a child, you need counseling.

/Children are so trusting...


It's precious. They'll run right out in the road if you throw a dollar coin.
 
2012-06-08 01:45:11 PM  

imfallen_angel: So a show that tries to mimic being funny (but forced)...

Thanks, but I'll stick to my seasons of "Who's line is it anyways", at least they are having fun and ARE funny, and not aren't looking around to see if someone is laughing.


imprimere: moothemagiccow: everyone lies to children all the time

god God (proper noun, grammar, learn it... this was covered a few days ago in another thread). Teaching a kid about religion doesn't mean to have him join a cult ya know... might have a few stories worth telling, listening to.
santa claus Again, proper noun, Santa Claus... there's nothing much to lie about here, he's a "mascot", a representation of the spirit of Christmas.
you can be anything when you grow up why is this a lie? A kid that wants to be something, unless physical or mental limitations, hard work can get anyone their goals in life
wrestling you wouldn't survive 5 minutes in a rink, even if stages, it's still physically challenging
stork not everyone can have children, adoption for example
fridge pics I always enjoyed putting kid stuff on my fridge, there's probably still some, I know I have some at my word office after 10 years
ill tell you when youre olderI've told the kids just about everything that I could think of as they got older
it's ok to be gay I've had plenty of friends that are, never been an issue
not to mention the mountains of apocryphal bullshiat parents spread or make up every second (guess you had shiatty parents)


You forgot:

Minorities are just as good as whites me and the family have had friends and such from just about everywhere in the world or of every race... not once was there anything about who was better.
This world is a sadder place without Adolph Hitler had won makes no sense
It's not your fault your fat and society won't care how about aiming to be healty
Everyone is a winner in their own special way kids get told that they are dumbasses when they are dumbasses and then told to smarten up
and Your parent Moothemagiccow does no ...


You fail at reading comprehension. Don't say 'you guys' when I was chastising the OP through sarcasm and a fairly direct (in the vein of lying) insult at the end.

/also, forgot to erase "had won" after the Hitler line - whoops
 
2012-06-08 01:48:40 PM  
Oh, it's a TV show..... I was going to guess The White House.
 
2012-06-08 01:48:48 PM  
qph.cf.quoracdn.net
 
2012-06-08 01:50:56 PM  

imfallen_angel: So a show that tries to mimic being funny (but forced)...

Thanks, but I'll stick to my seasons of "Who's line is it anyways", at least they are having fun and ARE funny, and not aren't looking around to see if someone is laughing.


imprimere: moothemagiccow: everyone lies to children all the time

god God (proper noun, grammar, learn it... this was covered a few days ago in another thread). Teaching a kid about religion doesn't mean to have him join a cult ya know... might have a few stories worth telling, listening to.
santa claus Again, proper noun, Santa Claus... there's nothing much to lie about here, he's a "mascot", a representation of the spirit of Christmas.
you can be anything when you grow up why is this a lie? A kid that wants to be something, unless physical or mental limitations, hard work can get anyone their goals in life
wrestling you wouldn't survive 5 minutes in a rink, even if stages, it's still physically challenging
stork not everyone can have children, adoption for example
fridge pics I always enjoyed putting kid stuff on my fridge, there's probably still some, I know I have some at my word office after 10 years
ill tell you when youre olderI've told the kids just about everything that I could think of as they got older
it's ok to be gay I've had plenty of friends that are, never been an issue
not to mention the mountains of apocryphal bullshiat parents spread or make up every second (guess you had shiatty parents)


You forgot:

Minorities are just as good as whites me and the family have had friends and such from just about everywhere in the world or of every race... not once was there anything about who was better.
This world is a sadder place without Adolph Hitler had won makes no sense
It's not your fault your fat and society won't care how about aiming to be healty
Everyone is a winner in their own special way kids get told that they are dumbasses when they are dumbasses and then told to smarten up
and Your parent Moothemagiccow does no ...


umad?
 
2012-06-08 01:51:29 PM  

thisisyourbrainonFark: [qph.cf.quoracdn.net image 400x266]


And why does it rain?
 
2012-06-08 01:54:23 PM  

imfallen_angel: So a show that tries to mimic being funny (but forced)...

Thanks, but I'll stick to my seasons of "Who's line is it anyways", at least they are having fun and ARE funny, and not aren't looking around to see if someone is laughing.


imprimere: moothemagiccow: everyone lies to children all the time

god God (proper noun, grammar, learn it... this was covered a few days ago in another thread). Teaching a kid about religion doesn't mean to have him join a cult ya know... might have a few stories worth telling, listening to.
santa claus Again, proper noun, Santa Claus... there's nothing much to lie about here, he's a "mascot", a representation of the spirit of Christmas.
you can be anything when you grow up why is this a lie? A kid that wants to be something, unless physical or mental limitations, hard work can get anyone their goals in life
wrestling you wouldn't survive 5 minutes in a rink, even if stages, it's still physically challenging
stork not everyone can have children, adoption for example
fridge pics I always enjoyed putting kid stuff on my fridge, there's probably still some, I know I have some at my word office after 10 years
ill tell you when youre olderI've told the kids just about everything that I could think of as they got older
it's ok to be gay I've had plenty of friends that are, never been an issue
not to mention the mountains of apocryphal bullshiat parents spread or make up every second (guess you had shiatty parents)


You forgot:

Minorities are just as good as whites me and the family have had friends and such from just about everywhere in the world or of every race... not once was there anything about who was better.
This world is a sadder place without Adolph Hitler had won makes no sense
It's not your fault your fat and society won't care how about aiming to be healty
Everyone is a winner in their own special way kids get told that they are dumbasses when they are dumbasses and then told to smarten up
and Your parent Moothemagiccow does ...


Weeners of the day so far. The first guy seemed to be trying to be funny and the second guy seemed like he attempted to hate on that first guy. So, double fail?
 
2012-06-08 01:58:38 PM  

imprimere: thisisyourbrainonFark: [qph.cf.quoracdn.net image 400x266]

And why does it rain?


Couldn't find that one.

wdnewton.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-06-08 02:04:01 PM  

imfallen_angel: god God (proper noun, grammar, learn it... this was covered a few days ago in another thread). Teaching a kid about religion doesn't mean to have him join a cult ya know... might have a few stories worth telling, listening to.


img822.imageshack.us
 
2012-06-08 02:06:43 PM  

thisisyourbrainonFark: imprimere: thisisyourbrainonFark: [qph.cf.quoracdn.net image 400x266]

And why does it rain?

Couldn't find that one.

[wdnewton.files.wordpress.com image 640x204]


Oh, it wasn't C&H (pure cane sugar, that's the one). It was Jack Handy

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying". And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did".
 
2012-06-08 02:11:23 PM  

holdmybones: What the fark are fridge pics?


I assume it's something like this:
www.self.com

Or maybe this:
slickpanda.com
 
2012-06-08 02:32:19 PM  

imfallen_angel: god God (proper noun, grammar, learn it.


god (common noun): one of several deities, especially a male deity

God (proper noun): a very specific god

English: learn it.
 
2012-06-08 02:35:48 PM  

profplump: holdmybones: What the fark are fridge pics?

I assume it's something like this:
[www.self.com image 296x385]

Or maybe this:
[slickpanda.com image 525x787]


That last one is gonna need some Arm & Hammer.
 
2012-06-08 02:36:50 PM  

ArcadianRefugee: imfallen_angel: god God (proper noun, grammar, learn it.

god (common noun): one of several deities, especially a male deity

God (proper noun): a very specific god

English: learn it.


He was being specific enough, but I guess you have to find something to fell superior about today, and I guess that's good for you.

Butthurt, you appear to have it.
 
2012-06-08 02:41:48 PM  

imfallen_angel: ArcadianRefugee: imfallen_angel: god God (proper noun, grammar, learn it.

god (common noun): one of several deities, especially a male deity

God (proper noun): a very specific god

English: learn it.

He was being specific enough, but I guess you have to find something to fell superior about today, and I guess that's good for you.

Butthurt, you appear to have it.


Oh, the horses are oh-so-high in this thread...
 
2012-06-08 02:45:49 PM  

Santa's Knee: Oh, the horses are oh-so-high in this thread...


oarenj.com
 
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