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(Daily Mail)   Yo momma's so fat that when they tried to cremate her, she caused the crematorium to catch on fire. No, seriously   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 79
    More: Sick, the City of London, Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., Cheryl Hines, Tinkerbell, XXL, Japanese DOCK, Prince Philip, obesities  
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13128 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Jun 2012 at 12:27 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-06-07 12:02:33 AM  
What a retort.
 
2012-06-07 07:12:00 AM  
i.dailymail.co.uk

And I thought it was embarrassing to get cat fur on your clothes. These guys have fat lady on theirs.
 
2012-06-07 07:37:33 AM  
Fat tax problem solved
 
2012-06-07 09:03:28 AM  
i376.photobucket.com

Inconsolable.
 
2012-06-07 10:44:10 AM  
Somehow I don't foresee this becoming a less common problem.
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2012-06-07 11:58:36 AM  
Can't they just drain off the grease? Then make bio-diesel or something with it. (But not cooking oil)
 
2012-06-07 12:19:32 PM  
i.dailymail.co.uk

Only YOU can prevent fat lady fires!
 
2012-06-07 12:29:26 PM  
Was she hot?
 
2012-06-07 12:30:28 PM  

RibbyK: Was she hot?


Nice.
 
2012-06-07 12:30:39 PM  
epicdemotivational.com
 
2012-06-07 12:32:59 PM  

vpb: Can't they just drain off the grease? Then make bio-diesel or something with it. (But not cooking oil)


Why not? "I used your fat to make me fat" sounds like a pretty environmentally friendly bit of recycling to me.
 
2012-06-07 12:35:16 PM  

BurnShrike: [i.dailymail.co.uk image 468x477]

And I thought it was embarrassing to get cat fur on your clothes. These guys have fat lady on theirs.



I bet they smelled like french fries.
 
2012-06-07 12:38:58 PM  
Firemen whose clothing was left covered with a layer of sooty grease ...

Ew. Just ewww.
 
2012-06-07 12:39:29 PM  
Next time, cut her up into more manageable size pieces.
 
2012-06-07 12:40:35 PM  
Should've dumped her on the side of the road, critters gotta eat too.
 
2012-06-07 12:41:30 PM  
Submitted this with a more mature joke.

/but this is Fark after all...
 
2012-06-07 12:41:59 PM  

Prof. Frink: vpb: Can't they just drain off the grease? Then make bio-diesel or something with it. (But not cooking oil)

Why not? "I used your fat to make me fat" sounds like a pretty environmentally friendly bit of recycling to me.


/csb
When I worked in NE Arkansas, we'd visit the small town of Oil Trough, where the early settlers would hunt bear, render their fat and sell it to perfume manufacturers. Oil = bear fat, trough = hollowed-out log to collect/stoe/ship the fat. So, I wonder how she smelled? Link

It ain't over till the fat lady melts.
 
2012-06-07 12:42:30 PM  
Solution:

lasnark.com
 
2012-06-07 12:42:39 PM  
Here at the medical school where I work, they cremate the cadaver bodies after the med students are done with them. The especially large ones have to be cremated at night, or else there are complaints from all over campus about the smoke.
 
2012-06-07 12:44:51 PM  
I'm confused. I thought Americans were obese and Europeans were all healthy and stylishly thin.

Maybe she was an ex-pat.
 
2012-06-07 12:47:06 PM  
She's rendered that crematorium useless.
 
2012-06-07 12:48:36 PM  
Did anyone taste that soot?
 
2012-06-07 12:49:11 PM  
I'm the only one surprised Austrians don't build better ovens?
 
2012-06-07 12:50:26 PM  

RibbyK: It ain't over till the fat lady melts.


It ain't over 'till the fat lady's singed.

It's over for this creamtorium.
 
2012-06-07 12:52:20 PM  

Raging Thespian: She's rendered that crematorium useless.


I see what you did there.
 
2012-06-07 12:52:30 PM  
www.deansheatneat.com

The sidebar ad for cheese dip is amusingly relevant on several levels.
 
2012-06-07 12:54:21 PM  

OnlyM3: I'm the only one surprised Austrians don't build better ovens?


Germans build ovens, Austrians build hidden dungeons. There can be overlap, but the differences are important.
 
2012-06-07 12:55:31 PM  

hobnail: I'm confused. I thought Americans were obese and Europeans were all healthy and stylishly thin.

Maybe she was an ex-pat.


Perhaps you have never seen fat Germans.

2.bp.blogspot.com

BTW, whatever you do DO NOT G.I.S. "fat german" with safe search turned off. I warn you now! Do not do it!
 
2012-06-07 12:59:50 PM  

OnlyM3: I'm the only one surprised Austrians don't build better ovens?


Wow, it took over 20 posts for the first holocaust related joke. Perhaps there is hope for you Farkers yet.
 
2012-06-07 01:01:21 PM  
Like I always tell people remember the third body ALWAYS has to be a female.


This is why... Keep them fires HOT.
 
2012-06-07 01:01:54 PM  

ShadowLAnCeR: Submitted this with a more mature joke.

/but this is Fark after all...


Yes, it has happened to the best of us. In this case, I submitted this, and was slightly surprised they put it up. My only other yo momma headline did not get greenlit.

But now I want to know what your headline was!
 
2012-06-07 01:03:34 PM  
Reports say it smelled like fried fromunda cheese.
 
2012-06-07 01:09:56 PM  
That's nothing compared to what happened to William the Conqueror after he kicked the bucket.
 
2012-06-07 01:10:47 PM  
Thats Hot!
 
2012-06-07 01:10:55 PM  
Yo momma's so fat her blood type is gravy!
 
2012-06-07 01:15:32 PM  
We didn't light the fat biatch!
She was always burning since the world's been turning.

/You now have an earworm
 
2012-06-07 01:16:35 PM  
http://martybeckerman.com/no-more-fatties/
 
2012-06-07 01:17:21 PM  
If the place caught fire, the crematory operators are partly to blame. Simple temperature control takes care of the oil and the smoke. It just has to be watched and controled.
 
2012-06-07 01:18:39 PM  

RibbyK: Was she hot?


Dude she was smokin hot!
 
2012-06-07 01:23:50 PM  
Won't be a problem with the new George Foreman Crematorium!
 
2012-06-07 01:26:33 PM  

RibbyK: Prof. Frink: vpb: Can't they just drain off the grease? Then make bio-diesel or something with it. (But not cooking oil)

Why not? "I used your fat to make me fat" sounds like a pretty environmentally friendly bit of recycling to me.

/csb
When I worked in NE Arkansas, we'd visit the small town of Oil Trough, where the early settlers would hunt bear, render their fat and sell it to perfume manufacturers. Oil = bear fat, trough = hollowed-out log to collect/stoe/ship the fat. So, I wonder how she smelled? Link

It ain't over till the fat lady melts.


recycle.
 
2012-06-07 01:29:52 PM  
Two words: Human Napalm
 
2012-06-07 01:34:01 PM  
mmmmmmm now thats some down home cooking like mom used to make
 
2012-06-07 01:34:10 PM  

RibbyK: Prof. Frink: vpb: Can't they just drain off the grease? Then make bio-diesel or something with it. (But not cooking oil)

Why not? "I used your fat to make me fat" sounds like a pretty environmentally friendly bit of recycling to me.

/csb
When I worked in NE Arkansas, we'd visit the small town of Oil Trough, where the early settlers would hunt bear, render their fat and sell it to perfume manufacturers. Oil = bear fat, trough = hollowed-out log to collect/stoe/ship the fat. So, I wonder how she smelled? Link

It ain't over till the fat lady melts.


I've got family down there who used to live in Oil Trough. When I hear the words "work" and "Arkansas" together, I'm always surprised. :-P

/farmin', farmin', more farmin'
//At least it's not dry like White County
 
2012-06-07 01:41:14 PM  
They are Austrians......didn't they learn anything about ovens?
www.erichufschmid.net

Would think they would be extremely efficient.

/what about performing lypo on the bodies first?
 
2012-06-07 01:42:55 PM  
FTA: Christea Bogdan, of Gillman Undertakers, Tooting, south London, said he had never before in his career heard of such an event.

Ha ha there is a Tooting place...
 
2012-06-07 01:45:39 PM  
They should have just stuck a wick in her.
 
2012-06-07 01:48:12 PM  

big pig peaches: They should have just stuck a wick in her.


I'm not of a chubby-chaser myself, but if you want to dip your wick in that, go right ahead.
 
2012-06-07 01:56:03 PM  

Jack Kerouac: RibbyK: Prof. Frink: vpb: Can't they just drain off the grease? Then make bio-diesel or something with it. (But not cooking oil) Why not? "I used your fat to make me fat" sounds like a pretty environmentally friendly bit of recycling to me. /csb When I worked in NE Arkansas, we'd visit the small town of Oil Trough, where the early settlers would hunt bear, render their fat and sell it to perfume manufacturers. Oil = bear fat, trough = hollowed-out log to collect/stoe/ship the fat. So, I wonder how she smelled? Link
It ain't over till the fat lady melts.
I've got family down there who used to live in Oil Trough. When I hear the words "work" and "Arkansas" together, I'm always surprised. :-P
/farmin', farmin', more farmin'
//At least it's not dry like White County


Small world, cuz this was a summer job when I worked as a construction materials inspector at the large coal-fired power plant in Newark (pronounced NEW-ARK), located as you say in dry White County. Lived in Batesville. Link
 
2012-06-07 02:08:36 PM  
They forgot to read the 'If body is bigger than 250lbs you are required to dismember first into pieces no larger than 75lbs each' sticker on the side.
 
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