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(Scotsman)   "Slave master" husband, who severly beat wife over DS/SM marriage pact, quits as local charity director. (W/ creepy pic of what slave master husbands look like)   (scotsman.com) divider line 18
    More: Strange, treaty, slavery  
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18752 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Jun 2012 at 9:50 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-06-04 08:55:21 AM  
7 votes:
I may be completely crazy here, but it would seem like exploring sado-masochistic fantasies and adding a "slave/master" dynamic to your marriage is something you would do as a way of branching out in an already stable, enduring, healthy relationship. Not to save a 15-year marriage that's on the rocks.
2012-06-04 10:21:49 AM  
3 votes:
This is an example of problems I have with certain elements of BDSM "lifestyle" types of play, namely; when the Dom/Master/etc. uses it as an outlet for his own baggage and otherwise isn't in control enough of his own emotions to understand the depths of the harm he can cause, both physical and emotional. Once you stop having a relationship of equals that allows for open communication, you are stepping into territory that carries heavy burdens for the person on the Top because he/she needs to be aware enough and understanding enough to know WHEN to employ the, "You've been a bad little thing and deserve to be punished" attitude, and when to treat their submissive/slave with love and compassion. It's a tough thing to do do well... and it is NOT a fix for an already troubled relationship. The troubles are multiplied when the issue is a desire for a BDSM relationship from one of the partners and that lack of communication hasn't been discussed for a long time. Trust me when I say that not talking about it doesn't help.

Maybe some people can "throw the switch" in their heads and be cruel in one moment and then kind in the next... I am not one of them. Speaking only for myself, relationships have a particular (but always shifting) tone that is important. How we approach the relationship mentally and emotionally goes a long way to determine this tone. If yours is too radically out of pitch with your partners' tone, you will get very discordant sounds... in other words, the relationship will cause a lot of suffering in both people. This is why open, direct and honest communication is VITAL... you have to trust your partner to tell you the truth, and you have to tell the truth as well. If, after 15 years (for example from the article) of doing things one way, you attempt to radically shift tones, you are inviting ruin. Experimenting and working towards a commonly desired goal is one thing, telling lies about yourself (and to yourself, even) for years on end and then expecting your partner to be okay with the "new you" in a flash is just plain foolish. You aren't going to get what you want, no matter how much you want it.

My advice for anyone stuck in the cycle of deception is to let it come out, and then give your partner as many months as the relationship has been together for years. I.E. if you've been together for six years, expect six months of "adjustment" at least. Also, accept that the cost of your deception might very well be the loss of your relationship, no matter how old or young the relationship is. When we lie to ourselves by saying things like, "I'll get over it" or "It's just a phase" we end up lying to the people around us. Those lies rot away the very heart of a good relationship and that takes time to heal, if it can be healed at all. If you cannot give the person you love some months to adjust to these new ideas, then you need to examine how badly you actually want that relationship.

TL;DR, TALK TO YOUR PARTNER ABOUT THE SCARY STUFF! Do not keep secrets. Do not expect your partner to be totally okay with whatever your desires might be! Do not hold the relationship hostage and demand they do what you want, or else! Be a genuine human being first, and whatever else you want to be after that.

/Now, go out and have a kinky day!
2012-06-04 10:12:28 AM  
3 votes:

Pocket Ninja: I may be completely crazy here, but it would seem like exploring sado-masochistic fantasies and adding a "slave/master" dynamic to your marriage is something you would do as a way of branching out in an already stable, enduring, healthy relationship. Not to save a 15-year marriage that's on the rocks.


*nods agreement*

Master/slave relationships require trust and willingness, not fear and reprisals. Masters who act out of anger aren't in control, and therefor are terrible masters. Seems to me this particular nutmunch was just looking for an excuse to vent some anger rather than explore a new relationship dynamic. Sadomasochism isn't something you just decide to try out one day 'cause your sex life is a bit predictable. Try the beginner level floggings, first! Fists aren't for faces anyway, wink wink nudge nudge saynomore.

It's guys like this that give S&M a bad name. I have half a mind to get this woman-beating piece of sh*t on an A frame for a few days of re-education.
2012-06-04 10:18:24 AM  
2 votes:

Wendy's Chili: threatening her with violence, inducing her to remove her clothes, slapping her on the face and body, striking her on the body with a belt, seizing her by the hair, pushing her on to a couch and slapping her

I'd better lawyer up.


I know, right? I've done all of the above in the past week, most of them several times.

Aracnix: Pocket Ninja: I may be completely crazy here, but it would seem like exploring sado-masochistic fantasies and adding a "slave/master" dynamic to your marriage is something you would do as a way of branching out in an already stable, enduring, healthy relationship. Not to save a 15-year marriage that's on the rocks.

*nods agreement*

Master/slave relationships require trust and willingness, not fear and reprisals. Masters who act out of anger aren't in control, and therefor are terrible masters. Seems to me this particular nutmunch was just looking for an excuse to vent some anger rather than explore a new relationship dynamic. Sadomasochism isn't something you just decide to try out one day 'cause your sex life is a bit predictable. Try the beginner level floggings, first! Fists aren't for faces anyway, wink wink nudge nudge saynomore.

It's guys like this that give S&M a bad name. I have half a mind to get this woman-beating piece of sh*t on an A frame for a few days of re-education.


Exactly. Of course, if they weren't kinky before the "contract" was signed it was the worst thing they could do. If they were kinky, he should've known better than to send her to the hospital. This tool sounds like the worst kind of "Master Domly Dom" that there is, the type that the kink community generally considers dangerous.
2012-06-04 09:59:44 AM  
2 votes:
If the wife says "hey, I would like to try...", then at least get a signed consent agreement.

I used to do the D/s thing, and for some, the things they want done is only the "I consent to..." away from prosecution. Fantasy rape is a big thing I've said no to/dumped a woman for wanting.
2012-06-04 09:10:04 AM  
2 votes:

Pocket Ninja: I may be completely crazy here, but it would seem like exploring sado-masochistic fantasies and adding a "slave/master" dynamic to your marriage is something you would do as a way of branching out in an already stable, enduring, healthy relationship. Not to save a 15-year marriage that's on the rocks.


Though not much better, it's arguably preferable to having a child to save the marriage.
2012-06-04 08:56:41 AM  
2 votes:

Pocket Ninja: I may be completely crazy here, but it would seem like exploring sado-masochistic fantasies and adding a "slave/master" dynamic to your marriage is something you would do as a way of branching out in an already stable, enduring, healthy relationship. Not to save a 15-year marriage that's on the rocks.


She can't divorce you if she's tied up in the basement, secured in submissive sexual positions.
2012-06-04 05:29:14 PM  
1 votes:
It is things like this that keep my S&M activities limited instead of engaging in a full-fledged BDSM-based relationship. Misunderstandings happen, sometimes one person may not want to continue it but feels obligated to stay in it because the other person really enjoys it, or perhaps there are just times when things step over the line but because one or both partners are absorbed in the structure they are less likely to see it. And if that happens, sadly someone gets hurt far beyond what they can tolerate or desire. It's unfortunate. Having the ability to regularly step out of it and examine it from a slightly different perspective to keep it safe and stable is something that I find I need (at least, at this point in my life; who knows what the future holds), although I know several couples who have managed successful long-term D/s or M/s relationships for over a decade or two.
2012-06-04 02:56:24 PM  
1 votes:

JWideman: eople who practice Total Power Exchange


what a

media.giantbomb.com
2012-06-04 11:58:10 AM  
1 votes:

Exception Collection: thenewmissus: 50 Shades of Grey anyone..........???????????4

///haven't read the book
//plan on reading the book
//to see what all the fuss is about
//yep, sure, that's it!

I haven't read the book. But I've been told by those that have - kinky and non - that the writing's terrible. The kinky ones are also fairly offended by the way the relationship works; it's *not* a good D/s relationship. No discussion of limits, for example. Most of my friends consider the relationship described in the book to be little better than rape.


I did read all three books (they were indeed terrible, but once I started the first one I needed to finish the whole damned set). To be fair, they did discuss limits. Unfortunately he dismisses her hard limits as something they will build up to anyway so she'd better get used to it.
2012-06-04 11:03:35 AM  
1 votes:

Pocket Ninja: I may be completely crazy here, but it would seem like exploring sado-masochistic fantasies and adding a "slave/master" dynamic to your marriage is something you would do as a way of branching out in an already stable, enduring, healthy relationship. Not to save a 15-year marriage that's on the rocks.


B-I-N-GO B-I-N-GO Bi-ngo was it's name-o

Look peoples, fantasy is all well and good, but if you are signing a for reals "slave contract" or anything else like it, you aren't having a bit of sex fun with the missus, you are in fact a looney that's completely gone round the bend. Simple as that. And legally if there is no safeword, it's not foreplay, it's assault.

I've found myself in the postion of being advisor/mentor to a fair number of women who are exploring this side of their pysche, and my advice to them is invariable. If you start flirting with a top and he sends you a "list or rules", or a ten page quiz on your likes and dislikes, or any form of "contract" or demand to be addressed only as "master" or "sir" even in casual conversation? Run, don't walk away from the guy. Those are red flags that he either A) has never actually done this in real life and is lying about his experience or B) is self-absorbed and doesn't give a damn about what YOU want, just that he gets his rocks off

The only one of my "charges" who ignored this advice ended up with bruises that lasted six months because the asshole she played with "forgot" that she was deaf and a lip reader and so he needed to face her when asking questions, and that she used a non-verbal "safeword" because she couldn't speak well.

she refused to ever give me his real name or address, and I suspect that's a good thing as its kept me out of jail
2012-06-04 11:02:04 AM  
1 votes:
www.scotsman.com

topdrawertees.com

www.popcultureattack.com
2012-06-04 10:00:40 AM  
1 votes:
It's all fun and games until someone calls the constables.
2012-06-04 09:59:08 AM  
1 votes:

Pocket Ninja: I may be completely crazy here, but it would seem like exploring sado-masochistic fantasies and adding a "slave/master" dynamic to your marriage is something you would do as a way of branching out in an already stable, enduring, healthy relationship. Not to save a 15-year marriage that's on the rocks.


Depends on what's making it be "on the rocks". Trust issues? Oh hell no. Boredom? Sure, why not?

That said, there's gotta be more to the story than this.
2012-06-04 09:58:15 AM  
1 votes:
"Bet he's going to be a weasily little shiat who probably got beat up in highschool a lot."

*clicks link*

Yep.
2012-06-04 09:56:03 AM  
1 votes:
Women be desperate...

She signed a slave/beating contract with that guy to save the marriage?... that guy...
2012-06-04 09:54:44 AM  
1 votes:
In other news, 50% of male farkers look like creepy slave master husbands.
2012-06-04 09:53:39 AM  
1 votes:
Well he's not in Florida and he's not black so he is probably going to be ok.
 
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