FARK.com: (7141152) New book is full of girls in their bedrooms, will be read by people who need to have a seat right over there

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		New book is full of girls in their bedrooms, will be read by people who need to have a seat right over there (slate.com)		185
		More: Strange, Rania Matar

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fusillade762		2012-06-03 05:13:27 PM

Gleeman		2012-06-03 05:14:52 PM

Issues, smissues...

jmr61		2012-06-03 05:18:27 PM

Somacandra: I'm willing to bet 99% of this thread's readers have never even thought about young girls trying to make their way towards their own identity while growing up in successive generations of Palestinian refugee camps, much less actually seen a young person's bedroom in such a place. For that reason alone this thread will be a good thing.

[i.imgur.com image 250x387]

Essential "fiction" reading for anyone wanting to understand the dilemma of a young person in a Palestinian camp.

No one in the US cares about anything in the Middle East except Jews.

Nuclear Monk		2012-06-03 05:22:04 PM

WhyteRaven74: BigJake: For once in your life just shut the fark up

It's so cute how utterly insecure some people are. Like you.

Nuclear Monk: no...it's about writing on the walls. That habit should've been nipped in the bud when she was three.

Why? It's her room, and it's not like it's hard to get rid of when the time comes. Hell odds are she'll get rid of it herself before long.

Why? Because while there is value in letting kids partake in decorating their room, it should be accompanied by lessons in design and respect for property. A juvenile sex joke written in crayon on a wall is no more 'self expressed creativity' than a facefull of piercingly and a chin tattoo is to 'individuality'.

Providing guidance and limits is as important an aspect to raising a kid as giving them freedom. Too much of either side is bad, and this particular case is an example.

SharkTrager		2012-06-03 05:23:46 PM

WhyteRaven74: Why? It's her room, and it's not like it's hard to get rid of when the time comes. Hell odds are she'll get rid of it herself before long.

I take it more as a sign mom and dad have a real PITA daughter on their hands.

BigJake		2012-06-03 05:23:46 PM

Nuclear Monk: Providing guidance and limits is as important an aspect to raising a kid as giving them freedom. Too much of either side is bad, and this particular case is an example.

YOU FASCIST!!!

jim32rr		2012-06-03 05:24:48 PM

jmr61: Somacandra: I'm willing to bet 99% of this thread's readers have never even thought about young girls trying to make their way towards their own identity while growing up in successive generations of Palestinian refugee camps, much less actually seen a young person's bedroom in such a place. For that reason alone this thread will be a good thing.

[i.imgur.com image 250x387]

Essential "fiction" reading for anyone wanting to understand the dilemma of a young person in a Palestinian camp.

No one in the US cares about anything in the Middle East except Jews.

Yeah if we wanted to get upset about the affairs of teenaged girls, we could simply look at the ones living on Indian reservations in the U.S. Poverty, alcoholism and on and on

signaljammer		2012-06-03 05:35:44 PM

I gotta come out basically in favor of WR74 here, even though it kinda makes me want to take a shower to write it. Expressions of libido by young girls do not threaten the civic order. People need living space.

Authoritarians who think they can just dictate their desired outcome to their unfortunate children are beyond conversation.

The expressed desire to shout down WR74 indicates that in your heart, you know he is right.

Enigmamf		2012-06-03 05:40:34 PM

WhyteRaven74: Nuclear Monk: no...it's about writing on the walls. That habit should've been nipped in the bud when she was three.

Why? It's her room, and it's not like it's hard to get rid of when the time comes. Hell odds are she'll get rid of it herself before long.

Because kids should be made to felt insecure and subservient. Otherwise, how do they know their place?

/sarcasm

filter		2012-06-03 05:46:42 PM

Was the linkna trap? All I got was a 404.

Or is it befuddled by iphones?

mephisto6		2012-06-03 05:50:02 PM

fusillade762:

That's awesome & all, but the one thing I hate about "shape" mac & cheese: they just don't hold the powdered cheese sauce and butter like a regular tube-shaped noodle.
They're also a bit too chewy

Coco LaFemme		2012-06-03 05:50:52 PM

I was a teenage girl once. 12 years ago. On my walls, I had a map of New York City, a poster of the Brooklyn Bridge, a corkboard with pictures of my friends/family/ticketstubs and the like, and that was it. On my ceiling I had those little glow in the dark stars arranged to look like they were exploding out of one corner all over the rest of the ceiling. Very cool. At least I thought it was, anyway.

RDixon		2012-06-03 05:51:23 PM

I misread that.
I thought it said a girl and her broom.

/nvm

Coco LaFemme		2012-06-03 05:58:45 PM

As for the writing all over the walls discussion, had I written all over my walls in crayon, even if all I was writing was, "I love my parents!"......my dad would have taken the money for the paint to cover it up out of my allowance AND grounded me for behaving like a child, since teenagers are supposed to be too old to be scrawling all over the walls like a two-year-old let loose with a Sharpie.

My parents let me express myself by painting each wall a different color and getting me some fabric to create wall hangings. I had a neon blue wall with pink zebra stripe fabric hanging on it. It looked ridiculous, but but I liked it, and that's all that mattered.

weasil		2012-06-03 06:06:11 PM

Coco LaFemme: On my ceiling I had those little glow in the dark stars arranged to look like they were exploding out of one corner all over the rest of the ceiling. Very cool. At least I thought it was, anyway.

I bought my house from my sister, and my bedroom was her daughter's when her daughter was a young teen. She arranged her stars into constellations: Draco and Cassiopeia are the only ones still recognizable.

The only thing we kept was those stars. Now that we have small children, they love our room because of those stars.

bestie1		2012-06-03 06:06:38 PM

A kid that scrawls penis jokes on her bedroom wall is looking for attention. She wants someone to set boundaries. Using pop-psych happy feel good bullshiat to justify ignoring the problem just leads her to acting out more. Grow a pair and be a parent.

TuteTibiImperes		2012-06-03 06:07:15 PM

Enigmamf: WhyteRaven74: Nuclear Monk: no...it's about writing on the walls. That habit should've been nipped in the bud when she was three.

Why? It's her room, and it's not like it's hard to get rid of when the time comes. Hell odds are she'll get rid of it herself before long.

Because kids should be made to felt insecure and subservient. Otherwise, how do they know their place?

/sarcasm

Kids are supposed to be subservient. That isn't to say that they shouldn't be given room for personal expression, that their ideas and input shouldn't be taken into account, or that they should have no control of their own lives, but parents need to set boundaries in which all of those things take place. Parents need to use their own life experience and wisdom to provide structure and guidance to their kids who haven't had the chance to fully develop those experiences or critical thinking skills yet.

As far as that pertains to decorating a room, I suppose it would be a judgment call for each family how much freedom is allowed. Personally, I think that sexually explicit graffiti is stepping over the line. It doesn't mean that the parent needs to go into a heavy handed 'my house, my rules' speech, but it could be a good opening for a discussion about respect for personal property and that of others. It could also be useful for teaching how a public image like that effects how you will be viewed by others, and what first impressions they will have. Posing for a nationally released photo like that in front of sexually suggestive missives isn't that far off from posting drunken or sexual antics in skimpy clothes on facebook, which later in life can have real consequences when it comes to employment.

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom		2012-06-03 06:07:34 PM

My parents encouraged me to express myself by signing me up for guitar lessons, framing any decent artwork I created, and giving me their old camcorder to make short films. Guess they should have encouraged me to scrawl crude sayings on the drywall. Heh.

Seriously, that chick sounds like a prime candidate for art school.

onibara		2012-06-03 06:09:23 PM

My parents didn't let me make any decorating decisions for my room at their house when I was a teenager.

Of course, that might have been due to not having a room at their house, since they kicked me out when I was a teenager.

rebelyell2006		2012-06-03 06:11:46 PM

Coco LaFemme: taken the money for the paint to cover it up out of my allowance

I never received an allowance. I did what I was told to do, and my parents provided what I needed. And if I did something as stupid as draw on the walls, my parents would have given me the paint so I could repair the damage.

Kids these days

GoldSpider		2012-06-03 06:13:35 PM

IXI Jim IXI: last time I had anything close to the chance was when I was 33, with a technical virgin. I imagine it's a lot like playing a pickup basketball game for the first time years after high school. You still have most of the moves, but you don't remember the pace being that fast and later on, your back hurts

That or you re-discover what you're capable of! For me, it was like finding the fountain of youth.

/Her mom was as many years older than me as I was older than her.
//Nope, didn't happen.

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom		2012-06-03 06:14:55 PM

Coco LaFemme		2012-06-03 06:15:55 PM

rebelyell2006: Coco LaFemme: taken the money for the paint to cover it up out of my allowance

I never received an allowance. I did what I was told to do, and my parents provided what I needed. And if I did something as stupid as draw on the walls, my parents would have given me the paint so I could repair the damage.

Kids these days

Well, when you're not old enough to work yet, but you still want some pocket money for yourself, that's when an allowance comes in. It was based on my grades, so the better I did in school, the more money I'd get. It was an incentive to study and do your homework. I had chores and what not I needed to do every day, but I wasn't "paid" to do them; I wasn't a housemaid. It taught me how to handle money, how to work with a budget, and gave me a modicum of independence.

flaflaflowhigh		2012-06-03 06:24:08 PM

They should have called the book "Girls from Massachusetts and Lebanon in their Bedrooms." What about the rest of the world? It seems lame to base your whole impression of teenagers on those two locations.

WhippingBoy		2012-06-03 06:31:11 PM

bestie1: A kid that scrawls penis jokes on her bedroom wall is looking for attention. She wants someone to set boundaries. Using pop-psych happy feel good bullshiat to justify ignoring the problem just leads her to acting out more. Grow a pair and be a parent.

But if I do that, how will I prove how open minded and progressive I am?

WhippingBoy		2012-06-03 06:33:31 PM

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: My parents encouraged me to express myself by signing me up for guitar lessons, framing any decent artwork I created, and giving me their old camcorder to make short films. Guess they should have encouraged me to scrawl crude sayings on the drywall. Heh.

Seriously, that chick sounds like a prime candidate for art school.

Don't you know anything? You don't express yourself through creativity and contribution. You express yourself by coloring your hair red, or getting a tattoo.

Colin O'Scopy		2012-06-03 06:40:18 PM

Article title should be "A [lesbian] and Her Room".

calbert		2012-06-03 06:41:45 PM

for a more interesting 'read', try last year's:

'Where Children Sleep': A Round-the-World Tour of Bedrooms

imprimere		2012-06-03 06:45:29 PM

aerojockey		2012-06-03 06:54:09 PM

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: I never had an allowance and I've never met anyone who had an allowance. I'm halfway convinced that the whole allowance thing was just something out of tv shows and movies.

My parents actually took money from me. I hardly ever spent money; just an occasional computer game, so I never really had less than $200 in money collected from birthdays and stuff in my piggy bank. Several time I'd find $100 missing from my bank with an IOU from my mom, who never once paid me back.

/ok, they fed me for 18 years so I guess I can't complain

imprimere		2012-06-03 06:57:19 PM

aerojockey: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: I never had an allowance and I've never met anyone who had an allowance. I'm halfway convinced that the whole allowance thing was just something out of tv shows and movies.

My parents actually took money from me. I hardly ever spent money; just an occasional computer game, so I never really had less than $200 in money collected from birthdays and stuff in my piggy bank. Several time I'd find $100 missing from my bank with an IOU from my mom, who never once paid me back.

/ok, they fed me for 18 years so I guess I can't complain

That's nothin'. I had to go to work at age 14 (McDonald's) and give my check to "help the family". I rarely got to keep more than a 10 spot.

Vangor		2012-06-03 07:00:49 PM

bestie1: A kid that scrawls penis jokes on her bedroom wall is looking for attention.

A kid that scrawls penis jokes on her bedroom is a kid. My concern is if this could be washed off easily. No? She buys a small bucket of paint, sheet of plastic for the carpet, and some painter's tape to secure. She applies at least two coats over the area. Without a job or allowance saved, she can work some additional chores. After, she can scrawl the dick joke back on in something easily washed. Otherwise, I do not care.

You give them room as long as this does not cause themselves or others lasting harm to person or property.

rohar		2012-06-03 07:04:29 PM

rohar		2012-06-03 07:11:01 PM

Coco LaFemme: rebelyell2006: Coco LaFemme: taken the money for the paint to cover it up out of my allowance

I never received an allowance. I did what I was told to do, and my parents provided what I needed. And if I did something as stupid as draw on the walls, my parents would have given me the paint so I could repair the damage.

Kids these days

Well, when you're not old enough to work yet, but you still want some pocket money for yourself, that's when an allowance comes in. It was based on my grades, so the better I did in school, the more money I'd get. It was an incentive to study and do your homework. I had chores and what not I needed to do every day, but I wasn't "paid" to do them; I wasn't a housemaid. It taught me how to handle money, how to work with a budget, and gave me a modicum of independence.

Interesting. I don't tie grades to money. There are certain things that I expect of my children. Grades is one of them. They don't get paid to be courteous, they don't get paid to keep the house in some semblance of order. These things are the bare minimum in child life. They get paid when they go over and above.

I just dug the pluming in for my wife's new barn. 5' deep trench 12' long. As we were settling down toward bed, I mentioned that the plumbing is done and tomorrow I need to fill the trench.

I woke up at 8:00 (slept in for some damned reason) the trench is filled in and my son is standing there with a shovel and a shiat eating grin. He's 7.

I don't reward mediocre. He got paid.

PsiChick		2012-06-03 07:23:37 PM

Begoggle: dahmers love zombie: fickle floridian: I wonder if Mara would deep-throat a penis of cheese.

See, I look at what teens today wear, and how they act, and I think "WTF are their parents doing?" And apparently the answer is "absofarkinglutely nothing". If that was written on my daughter's wall, she'd have been painting it within an hour, and discussing boarding schools in VERY remote locations the hour after that.

FTFY.
Too many parents think their children can "own" something.

I can't speak about the thread, and after reading the comments don't particularly want to, but yes, your children do own things. The only people I've met who claim otherwise are so obsessed with MY THINGS MINE ALL MINE that they tend not to notice their actual kid. Amazingly enough, this doesn't ever turn into a valid parenting strategy.

WhippingBoy		2012-06-03 07:24:46 PM

PsiChick: Begoggle: dahmers love zombie: fickle floridian: I wonder if Mara would deep-throat a penis of cheese.

See, I look at what teens today wear, and how they act, and I think "WTF are their parents doing?" And apparently the answer is "absofarkinglutely nothing". If that was written on my daughter's wall, she'd have been painting it within an hour, and discussing boarding schools in VERY remote locations the hour after that.

FTFY.
Too many parents think their children can "own" something.

I can't speak about the thread, and after reading the comments don't particularly want to, but yes, your children do own things. The only people I've met who claim otherwise are so obsessed with MY THINGS MINE ALL MINE that they tend not to notice their actual kid. Amazingly enough, this doesn't ever turn into a valid parenting strategy.

How many children do you have?

Coco LaFemme		2012-06-03 07:28:21 PM

rohar: Coco LaFemme: rebelyell2006: Coco LaFemme: taken the money for the paint to cover it up out of my allowance

I never received an allowance. I did what I was told to do, and my parents provided what I needed. And if I did something as stupid as draw on the walls, my parents would have given me the paint so I could repair the damage.

Kids these days

Well, when you're not old enough to work yet, but you still want some pocket money for yourself, that's when an allowance comes in. It was based on my grades, so the better I did in school, the more money I'd get. It was an incentive to study and do your homework. I had chores and what not I needed to do every day, but I wasn't "paid" to do them; I wasn't a housemaid. It taught me how to handle money, how to work with a budget, and gave me a modicum of independence.

Interesting. I don't tie grades to money. There are certain things that I expect of my children. Grades is one of them. They don't get paid to be courteous, they don't get paid to keep the house in some semblance of order. These things are the bare minimum in child life. They get paid when they go over and above.

I just dug the pluming in for my wife's new barn. 5' deep trench 12' long. As we were settling down toward bed, I mentioned that the plumbing is done and tomorrow I need to fill the trench.

I woke up at 8:00 (slept in for some damned reason) the trench is filled in and my son is standing there with a shovel and a shiat eating grin. He's 7.

I don't reward mediocre. He got paid.

My parents expected A's out of me and my sister, which they got. Both of us graduated with honors from high school and college. However, if we did more than what was expected of us, we were rewarded for that. The reason we didn't get allowances for doing chores was because in my dad's mind, that was paying us for doing housework, which is what a maid is....and we weren't maids. Keeping our rooms tidy, doing our own laundry or at least helping with the laundry, taking care of the animals, doing dishes, taking out the garbage, helping rake leaves/shovel snow, vacuuming....all stuff we were expected to do, and we did.

However, they felt that if we did above and beyond with our scholastic endeavors, that should be rewarded. When my sister was inducted into her school's chapter of the National Honor Society, she got $100. Things like that. Getting an A wasn't enough, you had to excel at a high level. Truth be told, we both would have done the same grades-wise had they NOT given us money for it. Once we turned 18 though, that was it. We were both working summer jobs by then, so we had our own money, and there was no need for them to give it to us anymore.

Coco LaFemme		2012-06-03 07:32:19 PM

Jon iz teh kewl		2012-06-03 07:43:12 PM

Coco LaFemme: apartment/home

apartment/home
anagram fun time!!

amphetamnerot/

rohar		2012-06-03 07:54:21 PM

Coco LaFemme: My parents expected A's out of me and my sister, which they got. Both of us graduated with honors from high school and college. However, if we did more than what was expected of us, we were rewarded for that. The reason we didn't get allowances for doing chores was because in my dad's mind, that was paying us for doing housework, which is what a maid is....and we weren't maids. Keeping our rooms tidy, doing our own laundry or at least helping with the laundry, taking care of the animals, doing dishes, taking out the garbage, helping rake leaves/shovel snow, vacuuming....all stuff we were expected to do, and we did.

However, they felt that if we did above and beyond with our scholastic endeavors, that should be rewarded. When my sister was inducted into her school's chapter of the National Honor Society, she got $100. Things like that. Getting an A wasn't enough, you had to excel at a high level. Truth be told, we both would have done the same grades-wise had they NOT given us money for it. Once we turned 18 though, that was it. We were both working summer jobs by then, so we had our own money, and there was no need for them to give it to us anymore.

Well that's a whole different thing and obviously it worked!

You should see what I do for bonus structures for my team. The young guys, just out of college, think it's down right draconian.

/the boy made $30 this morning
//real man work, real man wages

Jon iz teh kewl		2012-06-03 07:58:18 PM

a heaveh heavy burtation. daris darrison!! . terrirost tase and close for the bit
they have to pay

ChubbyTiger		2012-06-03 08:07:31 PM

rohar: /the boy made $30 this morning
//real man work, real man wages

Your boy obviously isn't union.

PsiChick		2012-06-03 08:10:50 PM

Coco LaFemme: PsiChick: Begoggle: dahmers love zombie: fickle floridian: I wonder if Mara would deep-throat a penis of cheese.

See, I look at what teens today wear, and how they act, and I think "WTF are their parents doing?" And apparently the answer is "absofarkinglutely nothing". If that was written on my daughter's wall, she'd have been painting it within an hour, and discussing boarding schools in VERY remote locations the hour after that.

FTFY.
Too many parents think their children can "own" something.

I can't speak about the thread, and after reading the comments don't particularly want to, but yes, your children do own things. The only people I've met who claim otherwise are so obsessed with MY THINGS MINE ALL MINE that they tend not to notice their actual kid. Amazingly enough, this doesn't ever turn into a valid parenting strategy.

Yes, children own things. They don't own the walls in the family apartment/home, however. My parents' names were on the mortgage for the house, THEY owned it. Not me, not my sister. We were allowed to paint our room whatever color(s) we wanted (except black), but that's because they allowed us to. We weren't painting our own personal property. We were painting their property, with their permission.

Yeah, I know. That's not what I was referring to. Some parents claim everything the kid has, even things they made themselves (like my brother built a computer, and my dad claimed it belonged to him and mom) are theirs. That's usually the problem.

rohar		2012-06-03 08:23:57 PM

ChubbyTiger: rohar: /the boy made $30 this morning
//real man work, real man wages

Your boy obviously isn't union.

I thought I covered this when I said I don't reward mediocrity...

RibbyK		2012-06-03 08:34:00 PM

Brick-House: seat over there

Okay, please inform a non-n00b what the heck "seat over there" means? Never heard it before yesterday on Fark, then many times in the last 48 hours. No flames please because I got bronchitis and nobody got time for dat.

BigJake		2012-06-03 08:34:50 PM

rohar: I woke up at 8:00 (slept in for some damned reason)

Hey guys! I get up early even on weekends! Isn't that cool and impressive for some reason?

Serious Post on Serious Thread		2012-06-03 08:44:14 PM

BigJake: wallywam1: You think photographers should select non-photogenic subjects?

the fourth, fifth, and eighth images say they did

Dude, I just rubbed one out to eight. Eight is HAWT.

rohar		2012-06-03 08:45:40 PM

BigJake: rohar: I woke up at 8:00 (slept in for some damned reason)

Hey guys! I get up early even on weekends! Isn't that cool and impressive for some reason?

Hey guys! I have children and if I don't wake up before them they'll come up with some nefarious plan to destroy half the house!

Go fark yourself.

Tyrone Slothrop		2012-06-03 08:47:04 PM

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom		2012-06-03 08:47:31 PM

RibbyK: Brick-House: seat over there

Okay, please inform a non-n00b what the heck "seat over there" means? Never heard it before yesterday on Fark, then many times in the last 48 hours. No flames please because I got bronchitis and nobody got time for dat.

Chris Hansen

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