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(Shutterstock)   If you ever did win the lottery, would you give it away or surprise people with it in fun ways?   (image.shutterstock.com) divider line 202
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4274 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Jun 2012 at 5:37 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-06-03 07:27:12 AM  
No.
 
2012-06-03 07:27:18 AM  
C: Neither

/The answer is always C.
 
2012-06-03 07:32:13 AM  
I'd buy homes in rich Republican neighborhoods, the snootier the better. Then move a poor family into that home. The bigger the family the better, and of course minorities preferred.

The inner city black mom with 9 kids, or the huge Asian family just off the boat, or of course the extended family of Mexican migrant workers.

Just for the lulz

/of course I'd also help support each family and set up scholarships for the kids
 
2012-06-03 07:39:59 AM  
Of course you've got your standard options that would have to be dealt with first - mortgage payoff, trust funds, pre-pay college/retirement/nursing home, etc. There are a couple friends down on their luck that would see sudden infusions of cash. After that, I think annual group trips to other countries for the friends that don't suck would be in order. We throw great parties and it would be a blast to "take them on the road".

As for family, my parents are doing fine on their own so no need to help them. My brother would get nothing (two-faced conniving ass). Wife's family would get help where they need it, but only the ones that don't piss me off.
 
2012-06-03 07:42:48 AM  

BigBooper: I'd buy homes in rich Republican neighborhoods, the snootier the better. Then move a poor family into that home. The bigger the family the better, and of course minorities preferred.

The inner city black mom with 9 kids, or the huge Asian family just off the boat, or of course the extended family of Mexican migrant workers.

Just for the lulz

/of course I'd also help support each family and set up scholarships for the kids


And the kids would then in turn vote Republican. The Aristocrats!
 
2012-06-03 07:49:20 AM  
I'd buy a house a new car and furnish the house with all kinds of neat things like TVs and a computer, would put the remaining money in a bank and live off the interest. After that I would probably just sit on my comfy chair and surf fark like i do now.

/would also get a total fark account.
 
2012-06-03 07:49:36 AM  
i'd write a jiant check to salvation army and forgive my debts.

then write a check to the govt. for $50,000 to cover my last bankruptcy.

then with the $1 left i'd buy a pack of Yakisoba ramen and microwave it
in my 800 W

shiat shoulda bought a 1100 W one with my millions but it's too late
 
2012-06-03 07:52:54 AM  

Kingly Weevil: Travel the planet would come after I bought a smallish house, a newish car, and went back to school for 3-5 masters and/or doctoral degrees.


You'd only need one at that point... finance.
 
2012-06-03 07:59:06 AM  

BigBooper: I'd buy homes in rich Republican neighborhoods, the snootier the better. Then move a poor family into that home. The bigger the family the better, and of course minorities preferred.

The inner city black mom with 9 kids, or the huge Asian family just off the boat, or of course the extended family of Mexican migrant workers.

Just for the lulz

/of course I'd also help support each family and set up scholarships for the kids


George?

Link
 
2012-06-03 08:09:43 AM  
I once drove by a camo painted pickup truck. Had I seen the same truck but was also very wealthy I would have rammed into the guy and said, "Fark dude, I didn't see you there. You were damn near invisible!" I guess what I'm saying is I would tell very expensive jokes.
 
2012-06-03 08:10:41 AM  
www.dailyrumpypumpy.com

/it would be a surprise for my wife
 
2012-06-03 08:13:20 AM  
Take care of my family,then run off to a tropical island and surround myself with naked women.
 
2012-06-03 08:13:56 AM  

angrymacface: I'd buy a major sports team and shut it down.


Who knew Mitt Romney had a Fark handle?
 
2012-06-03 08:14:06 AM  
Assuming a genuinely huge amount of cash, like many tens of millions, I'd set up college funds for my nieces, pay off and fix up my house, pay off and mod the crap out of my car, donate to cancer and medical research, donate to aid organizations, take my friends out to eat all the time, and I think go crazy on Kickstarter. Fully fund some projects and products I'd genuinely like to see or use, and maybe fund a few extra weird and outlandish things just for fun...
 
2012-06-03 08:14:44 AM  
Beyond all the great stuff (family, selective altruism), I would have a masseuse on call 24-7-365, my own jet, and a pilot on my personal staff. Personal trainers to get me off my lazy ass. All the best equipment. Set up high-paying gigs for my favorite obscure musicians (Dixieland jazz ones mostly). Hire DEVO for my next birthday party, and MAKE them rehire Alan Myers or get a damn good reason why not. OH boy, I could go on and on.
 
2012-06-03 08:16:08 AM  

Deacon Blue: I'd have Van Halen play at my birthday party


I think all you need is a hundred bucks and some hot dogs and Van Halen would play your birthday party. No lottery winnings needed.
 
2012-06-03 08:16:54 AM  
Keep 6 mil for myself. Spend 1 and invest the other 5 to live off the interest. The rest would go into similar accounts for family and close friends
 
2012-06-03 08:19:48 AM  
Split it among the immediate family. Parents and brothers no longer need to work.

Buy a really nice place up near the family homestead in northeast Georgia. Travel the world again, this time not breaking people's stuff, or other asocial things like I did last time.

Then, it would be my PhD in physics just to get that check box done. And I'd probably still design stuff. Only it wouldn't have to pay, so I'd pull out that list of ca-razy design ideas I've never been able to build a business case for.

Oh, and $100K to the 9th and Bucher Memorial Sendoff Beer Fund.
 
2012-06-03 08:25:18 AM  

Weaver95: I'd by my sister a house, square some debts and buy myself...hmm....paizo publishing or WoTC. maybe both.


Please buy WoTC and make them stop creating lousy products!
 
2012-06-03 08:26:10 AM  

Katolu: Weaver95: I'd by my sister a house, square some debts and buy myself...hmm....paizo publishing or WoTC. maybe both.

Please buy WoTC and make them stop creating lousy products!


wheel of time C? what's the C for? Cameyln?
 
2012-06-03 08:33:50 AM  
Besides the usual, pay off house, debts, live off the interest, if I had a huge roll, id like to pay back all the people who have truly been kind to me, in whatever way I could, for fun, id carry at least a G on me at all times, and anytime i'm shopping, id pay for peoples stuff, like in line before me, at the grocery store, restaurants, things like that.... Or if I saw people that looked like they could use it, id walk up behind them and hand them $100 bill, and say, excuse me, you dropped this
 
Rie
2012-06-03 08:38:55 AM  
Honeybuns.

Now, hear me out.

Pay several hundred people to go around a state and buy every single honeybun they can find and bring them to me. Essentially eradicate the honeybun from the area market, requiring someone who wanted one to drive at least 200 miles in order to purchase one. Preferably in an area where they can't be restocked in a short amount of time, like the Midwest.

As everyone starts to wonder "What the hell happened to the honeybuns?" I will suddenly appear with my honeybun stand, selling them at a substantial markup, but not too outrageous. I make my money back; everyone hails me as a hero for bringing back their favorite snack; nobody suspects at this point that I would already be rich because, well, who the fark goes through this much trouble to make a buck? He must be broke. Live in open obscurity.

PS: Or just pay a local reporter to publish a false article about how I blew all my money buying orphans jet planes. That way I get to keep my money, still look good, and people stop bugging you for money because they think you're broke.
 
2012-06-03 08:41:42 AM  
*ring*...*ring*
"JOHNSON here, well not really, I'm not here. I moved - surprise!
And this phone is now just a voicemail box with no physical location that I won't be checking - surprise!
If you really are a good friend or true family you will know where to find me.
Otherwise, leave a message."

*BEEP*

"This person's voice mailbox is full, please try your call again later"

*click*
 
2012-06-03 08:48:09 AM  

jimb213: Assuming a genuinely huge amount of cash, like many tens of millions, I'd set up college funds for my nieces, pay off and fix up my house, pay off and mod the crap out of my car, donate to cancer and medical research, donate to aid organizations, take my friends out to eat all the time, and I think go crazy on Kickstarter. Fully fund some projects and products I'd genuinely like to see or use, and maybe fund a few extra weird and outlandish things just for fun...


Shoot, I forgot the most important part! I'd also buy a few different cameras (Canon 5D mkIII, Sony FS700, Red Scarlet) and take my dog with me on an extended roadtrip across the US to photograph and video awesome stuff all over.
 
2012-06-03 08:50:39 AM  
I really have no idea what I would do if I ever happened to come into a large sum of money. I'd like to get a house, but it's impossible to spend more than $1mil in Omaha and I really don't see myself in that large of a place anyway.

I think I'd want to rent a sports car just to get the feeling of go fast out of my system and then enjoy my life without worries.
 
2012-06-03 08:50:52 AM  
I'd get my penis enlarged, over and over again.
 
2012-06-03 08:52:31 AM  
Depends on how much the lottery was.

Besides paying stuff off and getting some needed remodeling I wouldn't have any big plans for myself. I wouldn't tell anybody, but I would surprise people with things. I'd also make some charitable contributions. The reason I wouldn't tell anybody is because you'd get everybody and their dog coming by with their hand out.
 
2012-06-03 08:54:48 AM  
My friends and I have a pact, if it's over a couple hundred million, we buy plane tickets to and from Europe. Enought tickets for our entire group. Then open up a bank account and give everybody a debit card (with a spending limit of course) and use that money to finance every aspect of the vacation.
 
2012-06-03 09:05:56 AM  

BigBooper: I'd buy homes in rich Republican neighborhoods, the snootier the better. Then move a poor family into that home. The bigger the family the better, and of course minorities preferred.

The inner city black mom with 9 kids, or the huge Asian family just off the boat, or of course the extended family of Mexican migrant workers.

Just for the lulz

/of course I'd also help support each family and set up scholarships for the kids


After a few years the lulz would be mine after said families destroy the house, and never once sincerely thank or take to heart all the help you've given them.

Helping people is a great thing, giving bad people a free ride in life is terrible. I've seen it first hand. Parents have given my sister over 25k in the past 5 years because they felt sorry for her. (Twice married , three kids by two dads, uneducated selfish biatch)

She's never expressed gratitude or tried to fix her bad attitude and poor choices in life. She's exactly the type you could give a million dollars to and a year later she would be broke with absolutely nothing to show for it.
 
2012-06-03 09:05:58 AM  
I'd spend it all as soon as possible, and Ina way that doesn't leave me saddled with a ton of regular expenses after he money's gone.

Easy come, easy go.
 
2012-06-03 09:07:08 AM  
/in a, that is

//seriously, autocorrect, who's using "Ina" all the time?
 
2012-06-03 09:10:10 AM  
People suck.

As soon as one person knows about the winnings.. you're entire life changes socially. Every good deed is suspect, every conversation a chance to work in a request. Some are good at sugar-coating the favor request, others down right bullish. The curse of money is evil. Don't tell a single person. Don't change your habits. Sit back, and enjoy the security. Keep working. A nice car hear, a nice house there. Lie through your teeth about how you got them though. Say you're renting the house, say you took a loan on the car. Guard your riches.

/People suck

//CSB
 
2012-06-03 09:14:23 AM  
Impending Broom: and took the $700k lump sum.

And the feds and state took their cut, leaving her with $388k, YMMV depending on the state.

// unless the $700k lump sum already had the tax taken out (I doubt it).

// $388k won't even buy a decent 2BR house in a decent hood in this state (but at least now they're closer to the 400k mark than the 700k mark they were at during the real estate boom).
 
2012-06-03 09:18:32 AM  
1). Put enough away for an "emergency" fund to keep me going for three years.
2). Pay off all debts.
3). Invest enough to live off of the interest so I can quit working at the time of my choosing, and still bring income.
4). I would then buy a 2013 V8 Mustang (I know I'm aiming low for the money, but I like Mustangs), buy all of the parts I need to squeeze every last drop of torque and horsepower I can so that I can spend years working on it myself.
5). Start my own business with the money so that I have something to pass down to my children so they can secure the estate as a legacy. Hire family members to work there instead of just giving them money.
6). Finance the best home music studio money can buy with every instrument I could possibly want.
7). Donate to a cause of my choice. Or start a cause. Probably start one, preferably something helping homeless men get back on their feet through rehab, education, grants, etc.
8). Hookers, blow, and food.


In that order.

Definitely wouldn't actually do step 8.

I would also want to keep working (at my business), because as much as I enjoy my hobbies, part of the reason I enjoy them so much is that I can't indulge myself in them whenever I want.
 
2012-06-03 09:20:51 AM  

spentmiles: I'd get my penis enlarged, over and over again.


You already did when you acquired the money.
 
2012-06-03 09:27:37 AM  
I show them my magic trick where I farkin disappear.

/Poof!
 
2012-06-03 09:31:28 AM  
1) Set up trust funds for all the nieces/nephews for education (with a liberal definition of "education", i.e., "I want to wander around Europe for a year" is IMHO likely to be educational);

2) Get parents into a nice retirement condo where they don't have to worry about a THING;

3) Start working on a design for the perfect (for us) house (will include a greenhouse, observatory, bowling alley);

4) Set up a foundation to do cool things;

5) Totally make life absolutely MISERABLE for every person associated with NOM: first, hire a team who will very visibly and thoroughly refute anything any of them says; second, match $ for $ every donation they get and use the aforementioned team to actively promote whoever is running against their preferred candidates with complete media blitzes. Basically any time that Maggie Srivastav (nee Gallagher) or Brian Brown open their mouths there WILL be a fact-checking team and refutation press release.
 
2012-06-03 09:32:50 AM  
Hookers and blow.

No drugs. Just more hookers.
 
2012-06-03 09:33:03 AM  
Have you ever seen Indecent Proposal?


I'd sign back up for netflix and rent that movie.
 
2012-06-03 09:39:36 AM  
Aside from the very few family members I actually trust, I would tell nobody. And the first thing I would do, is pack a few things and leave town for a few months.

Because you know the next day, there's going to be a line 10 miles long out your front door, with people wanting hand-outs
 
2012-06-03 09:48:10 AM  
After taking the appropriate precautions like getting a lawyer, enforcing anonymity, etc.:

1. Visit my wife's parents, take them out to dinner, and at the end of dinner, give them $25,000 and thank them for all the help they've given during the rough times. Tip the server at least $1000.
2. Repay a Canadian friend of mine for his financial assistance when I was recently hospitalized... a minimum of ten-fold.
3. Donate exactly $58,440 to Far Lands or Bust (which goes to Child's Play)
4. Donate exactly $292,202 to Far Lands or Bust tip jar, just to blow Kurt's mind.
5. On hot days, rent a refrigerated truck to take into downtown Dallas loaded with ice-cold liter-bottles of water and sodas to hand out to folks. Also have cold hoagies available, free.
6. Hand folks asking for change a 5-stack of $20's and say, "Here, it's what I can spare." And walk away before they can thank me or turn me down. (Whether they buy food, booze, drugs, or a room for the night I don't care.)
7. Go to random diners, order a single cup of coffee, and leave a $100 tip.

Yes, I'd be broke again in no time, but what's the fun of hoarding money when you can spread goodwill?

/ also, in case you're wondering: Far Lands or Bust Kurt's a funny guy, and a space geek.
 
2012-06-03 09:51:37 AM  
triciahelfer.biz

Spanky McStupid: Well, there's this four-slice toaster I've had my eye on ...

[lh5.googleusercontent.com image 220x220]

Ummmm - toast!


Yo dawg, I heard you like toast so I got you a hot toaster to toast your bread in your hot toaster.
 
2012-06-03 10:13:16 AM  
I'd buy the most ridiculously expensive and powerful street legal militarized truck I could find, install an ice-cream music box and then park it randomly around town.

With the music box on all the time.
 
2012-06-03 10:25:03 AM  
Neither.
 
2012-06-03 10:31:20 AM  

atlfarkette: Tell no one. Hire the best people to help me handle that amount of money. Hook up my family on the low down. Travel the planet.


Fixed this for me.
 
2012-06-03 10:33:10 AM  
New clubs, extensive golf lessons, new golf gear and plans to play all the iconic golf courses in the world.

Oh and help my family and poor people and shiat
 
2012-06-03 10:34:19 AM  
I won the lottery once. I just used it to buy another ticket.
 
2012-06-03 10:45:28 AM  
C)
 
2012-06-03 10:51:17 AM  
I'd buy new computers for the household, though I'd spend a lot more on the production machines for our web comic than the non-production ones. Depending on how much the lottery is, and how much is left, I'd either put a down on a large house, or buy the house outright. Then I'd buy a new vehicle outright. I'd invest the rest.
 
2012-06-03 10:54:32 AM  

HaywoodJablonski: New clubs, extensive golf lessons, new golf gear and plans to play all the iconic golf courses in the world.

Oh and help my family and poor people and shiat


would u buy me a 1000 w microwave?
my 800 w takes 1 minute too long to make the meals
 
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