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(Jewish Daily Forward)   Conservative Jewish leaders issue guidance on same-sex marriage ceremonies. W/ helpful pic of Jewish lesbians, or maybe I should have just started the headline with that   (forward.com ) divider line
    More: Interesting, Conservative Jewish, Jewish, Jewish laws, same-sex marriages, lesbians  
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14471 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Jun 2012 at 9:02 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-06-02 03:38:11 AM  
What's up with the rabbi holding the painting? Is that part of the Jewish wedding ceremony?
 
2012-06-02 04:10:03 AM  

ox45tallboy: What's up with the rabbi holding the painting? Is that part of the Jewish wedding ceremony?


Perhaps it's a painting the couple gave the Rabbi.
 
2012-06-02 04:23:18 AM  

Bathia_Mapes: ox45tallboy: What's up with the rabbi holding the painting? Is that part of the Jewish wedding ceremony?

Perhaps it's a painting the couple gave the Rabbi.


I'm betting they're all models at a stock photograph photo session plagued by delays when the lighting technician got stuck in traffic, and they all happened to meander over to the catering table at the same time.
 
2012-06-02 04:25:18 AM  
So... they both have headaches every night?
 
2012-06-02 04:31:28 AM  

ox45tallboy: Bathia_Mapes: ox45tallboy: What's up with the rabbi holding the painting? Is that part of the Jewish wedding ceremony?

Perhaps it's a painting the couple gave the Rabbi.

I'm betting they're all models at a stock photograph photo session plagued by delays when the lighting technician got stuck in traffic, and they all happened to meander over to the catering table at the same time.


listverse.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-06-02 04:36:53 AM  

FirstNationalBastard: So... they both have headaches every night?


That depends - is that question homophobic, misogynistic, or ethnic stereotyping?
 
2012-06-02 04:54:01 AM  

Bathia_Mapes: ox45tallboy: Bathia_Mapes: ox45tallboy: What's up with the rabbi holding the painting? Is that part of the Jewish wedding ceremony?

Perhaps it's a painting the couple gave the Rabbi.

I'm betting they're all models at a stock photograph photo session plagued by delays when the lighting technician got stuck in traffic, and they all happened to meander over to the catering table at the same time.

lolwut.jpg


No, you see, all of those stock photographs you find on the Internet from places like Shutterstock", they actually have to have photo sessions at some point to create photographs which someone has asked for or will probably want at some point. This is why when you do a GIS for "person in _____ suit holding a ________ and _______" you can often come pretty close.

I try to envision what some of these sessions might be like, and what comes into my head is something along the lines of

farm5.staticflickr.com

"Dammit, you little sh*t, I said SMILE! Come on, I'm 15 minutes behind on Jewish Lesbians Dressed In Opposite Gender Styles And Looking Longingly Into Each Other's Eyes, and if I don't have 35 shots of Rabbi Perusing Artwork Thoughtfully by 12:30, I can kiss this account goodbye! And where the fark is my lighting guy? Now one hand on the vacuum cleaner, the other on the aardvark and SMILE GOD DAMN YOU!!!"

 
2012-06-02 04:55:25 AM  
Mazel tov!
 
2012-06-02 04:56:11 AM  

ox45tallboy: FirstNationalBastard: So... they both have headaches every night?

That depends - is that question homophobic, misogynistic, or ethnic stereotyping?


I prefer not to answer that question, so if this goes green, everyone can take offense equally.
 
2012-06-02 05:09:05 AM  

ox45tallboy: Bathia_Mapes: ox45tallboy: Bathia_Mapes: ox45tallboy: What's up with the rabbi holding the painting? Is that part of the Jewish wedding ceremony?

Perhaps it's a painting the couple gave the Rabbi.

I'm betting they're all models at a stock photograph photo session plagued by delays when the lighting technician got stuck in traffic, and they all happened to meander over to the catering table at the same time.

lolwut.jpg

No, you see, all of those stock photographs you find on the Internet from places like Shutterstock", they actually have to have photo sessions at some point to create photographs which someone has asked for or will probably want at some point. This is why when you do a GIS for "person in _____ suit holding a ________ and _______" you can often come pretty close.

I try to envision what some of these sessions might be like, and what comes into my head is something along the lines of

[farm5.staticflickr.com image 614x640]

"Dammit, you little sh*t, I said SMILE! Come on, I'm 15 minutes behind on Jewish Lesbians Dressed In Opposite Gender Styles And Looking Longingly Into Each Other's Eyes, and if I don't have 35 shots of Rabbi Perusing Artwork Thoughtfully by 12:30, I can kiss this account goodbye! And where the fark is my lighting guy? Now one hand on the vacuum cleaner, the other on the aardvark and SMILE GOD DAMN YOU!!!"


lulz :-D
 
2012-06-02 07:48:12 AM  
I actually have "attend Jewish Lesbian Wedding" crossed off my bucket list.

/Why yes I am the most interesting man in the world
 
2012-06-02 07:49:48 AM  

sammyk: I actually have "attend Jewish Lesbian Wedding" crossed off my bucket list.

/Why yes I am the most interesting man in the world


Just out of curiosity, what prompted putting it on there in the first place?
 
2012-06-02 07:51:05 AM  
And here, folks, is an article that will encourage some goober to write a triumphant and crappy blog post claiming a vast Jewish conspiracy to undermine Christian values.

That goober will ignore the apparently complex evolution of Jewish rituals for gay marriage and instead make it all about Christian endangerment.

Free TF sponsorship from me for the first liter who sources an article that specifically claims this and posts it here.
 
2012-06-02 07:58:43 AM  
Neither template includes kiddushin, a step in the ceremony in which the groom presents his bride with a ring. It is regarded by most traditionally observant Jews as the essence of the ceremony that constitutes it as an act of marriage.

So, you created a wedding ceremony that excludes the act of marriage. I'm sure people won't be offended by that at all.
 
2012-06-02 08:14:00 AM  

DO NOT WANT Poster Girl: And here, folks, is an article that will encourage some goober to write a triumphant and crappy blog post claiming a vast Jewish conspiracy to undermine Christian values.

That goober will ignore the apparently complex evolution of Jewish rituals for gay marriage and instead make it all about Christian endangerment.

Free TF sponsorship from me for the first liter who sources an article that specifically claims this and posts it here.


Shut your Jew lesbian mouth.
 
2012-06-02 09:08:09 AM  
Deliciously ironic. Christians are so obsessed with hating gays, and yet the Christian half of the Bible doesn't say anything about it. The Jewish part of the Bible calls for killing gay people, and yet the Jews here are creating official methods for gay marriage ceremonies.
 
2012-06-02 09:11:48 AM  

rebelyell2006: Deliciously ironic. Christians are so obsessed with hating gays, and yet the Christian half of the Bible doesn't say anything about it. The Jewish part of the Bible calls for killing gay people, and yet the Jews here are creating official methods for gay marriage ceremonies.


Real Jews or American Jews? American Jews are like American Catholics. Anyway the Jews in the article may be conservative............. but it was only last year that a certain Jew publication got a global beatdown for erasing Hillary and the Other Chick from the Situation Room picture during the Bin Laden raid. These folks don't represent all Jews in the same way that church in Indiana from yesterday's link doesn't represent all Christians.
 
2012-06-02 09:12:24 AM  

ox45tallboy: What's up with the rabbi holding the painting? Is that part of the Jewish wedding ceremony?


Yes. It's probably the Ketubah.
 
2012-06-02 09:13:29 AM  
... "Rabbi Menachem Creditor"

I told you they own all the banks! It's right there!
 
2012-06-02 09:13:41 AM  

DO NOT WANT Poster Girl: And here, folks, is an article that will encourage some goober to write a triumphant and crappy blog post claiming a vast Jewish conspiracy to undermine Christian values.

That goober will ignore the apparently complex evolution of Jewish rituals for gay marriage and instead make it all about Christian endangerment.

Free TF sponsorship from me for the first liter who sources an article that specifically claims this and posts it here.



does it still count if we're the author of said article or blog post?
 
rpl
2012-06-02 09:15:57 AM  

ox45tallboy: What's up with the rabbi holding the painting? Is that part of the Jewish wedding ceremony?


Looks like a "ktuvah", it's part of the ceremony - somewhere between wedding vows and a prenup.
 
2012-06-02 09:19:10 AM  
As a man whose last girlfriend (of 9 years) was Jewish...

what's worse than 1 Jewish Princess? *2*...

/oh yeah, that's gonna come up when I run for Congress...
 
2012-06-02 09:19:55 AM  
I always wondered if this conversation ever takes place before a lesbian wedding:

Lesbian #1: So, what type of dress are you going to wear to our ceremony?
Lesbian #2: Dress? I'm not wearing a dress, I thought you were wearing the dress
Lesbian #1: Why would I wear a dress? I'm the man in this couple!
Lesbian #2: You? No way, I am.
Lesbians #1 and #2: Wait. Are we even lesbians?
 
2012-06-02 09:23:01 AM  

ox45tallboy: Bathia_Mapes: ox45tallboy: Bathia_Mapes: ox45tallboy: What's up with the rabbi holding the painting? Is that part of the Jewish wedding ceremony?

Perhaps it's a painting the couple gave the Rabbi.

I'm betting they're all models at a stock photograph photo session plagued by delays when the lighting technician got stuck in traffic, and they all happened to meander over to the catering table at the same time.

lolwut.jpg

No, you see, all of those stock photographs you find on the Internet from places like Shutterstock", they actually have to have photo sessions at some point to create photographs which someone has asked for or will probably want at some point. This is why when you do a GIS for "person in _____ suit holding a ________ and _______" you can often come pretty close.

I try to envision what some of these sessions might be like, and what comes into my head is something along the lines of

[farm5.staticflickr.com image 614x640]

"Dammit, you little sh*t, I said SMILE! Come on, I'm 15 minutes behind on Jewish Lesbians Dressed In Opposite Gender Styles And Looking Longingly Into Each Other's Eyes, and if I don't have 35 shots of Rabbi Perusing Artwork Thoughtfully by 12:30, I can kiss this account goodbye! And where the fark is my lighting guy? Now one hand on the vacuum cleaner, the other on the aardvark and SMILE GOD DAMN YOU!!!"



oh my dog
oooh long john
ooooh long johnson
oh don piaaano
 
2012-06-02 09:23:11 AM  
Yawn. Wake me up for the gay Muslim wedding. I imagine there'll be fireworks at that one.

Explosions, anyway.
 
2012-06-02 09:27:19 AM  

rebelyell2006: Deliciously ironic. Christians are so obsessed with hating gays, and yet the Christian half of the Bible doesn't say anything about it. The Jewish part of the Bible calls for killing gay people, and yet the Jews here are creating official methods for gay marriage ceremonies.


This.

And conservative Jewish rabbis rule for doing this.
 
2012-06-02 09:27:33 AM  

r1niceboy: Yawn. Wake me up for the gay Muslim wedding. I imagine there'll be fireworks at that one.

Explosions, anyway.


q:how can u tell someone is a muslim lesbian?

a:if they tell u they were raped
 
2012-06-02 09:28:58 AM  

KiplingKat872: rebelyell2006: Deliciously ironic. Christians are so obsessed with hating gays, and yet the Christian half of the Bible doesn't say anything about it. The Jewish part of the Bible calls for killing gay people, and yet the Jews here are creating official methods for gay marriage ceremonies.

This.

And conservative Jewish rabbis rule for doing this.


but the Christian religion is based loosely on Judaism. Meaning we can interpret the text however WE want
cause we didn't write it

/GAY
 
2012-06-02 09:32:00 AM  

henryhill: I always wondered if this conversation ever takes place before a lesbian wedding:

Lesbian #1: So, what type of dress are you going to wear to our ceremony?
Lesbian #2: Dress? I'm not wearing a dress, I thought you were wearing the dress
Lesbian #1: Why would I wear a dress? I'm the man in this couple!
Lesbian #2: You? No way, I am.
Lesbians #1 and #2: Wait. Are we even lesbians?


That post was bad and you should feel bad.
 
2012-06-02 09:33:40 AM  

DO NOT WANT Poster Girl: And here, folks, is an article that will encourage some goober to write a triumphant and crappy blog post claiming a vast Jewish conspiracy to undermine Christian values.

That goober will ignore the apparently complex evolution of Jewish rituals for gay marriage and instead make it all about Christian endangerment.

Free TF sponsorship from me for the first liter who sources an article that specifically claims this and posts it here.


Um, not necessarily related to gay marriage, but this shiat's been around for a long time Link given the sense of some extremists that anyone not just like them somehow takes away from them.

I'm sure we'll have to wait a week or so before we get one more specific to gay marriage.
 
2012-06-02 09:35:34 AM  

ExperianScaresCthulhu: rebelyell2006: Deliciously ironic. Christians are so obsessed with hating gays, and yet the Christian half of the Bible doesn't say anything about it. The Jewish part of the Bible calls for killing gay people, and yet the Jews here are creating official methods for gay marriage ceremonies.

Real Jews or American Jews? American Jews are like American Catholics. Anyway the Jews in the article may be conservative............. but it was only last year that a certain Jew publication got a global beatdown for erasing Hillary and the Other Chick from the Situation Room picture during the Bin Laden raid. These folks don't represent all Jews in the same way that church in Indiana from yesterday's link doesn't represent all Christians.


Yeah, American conservative is like Israeli prorgressive =)
 
2012-06-02 09:37:02 AM  
sure there's gay marriage but what about bi marriage.
like get married and also have a "third wheel"

media.screened.com
 
2012-06-02 09:39:59 AM  

ox45tallboy: misogynistic


I would guess misogynistic.
 
2012-06-02 09:42:43 AM  

ox45tallboy: FirstNationalBastard: So... they both have headaches every night?

That depends - is that question homophobic, misogynistic, or ethnic stereotyping?


You've never heard of 'lesbian bed death' have you.
 
2012-06-02 09:44:19 AM  
From my understanding Jews find sodomy to be a symptom of a lack of kindness (Chesed).

Sodom's main crime was a lack of kindness to strangers; they would not provide housing/security to travelers (which is unacceptable in desert cultures), starve the poor for the lulz, and would rape travelers.

The Jewish definition of sodomy is probably closer to rape than homosexual monogamy, and therefore they are more accepting of gay marriage.

Also the Jewish conservatism scale goes:
(Most liberal) Reformed -> Conservative -> Orthodox -> Tatsuma (Most conservative)
 
2012-06-02 09:46:40 AM  
Looking at the pic, I'm more curious about what the guidelines are for identical twins to marry each other.
 
2012-06-02 09:48:06 AM  

bugmn99: Looking at the pic, I'm more curious about what the guidelines are for identical twins to marry each other.


This. Probably just the glasses though.
 
2012-06-02 09:50:42 AM  
How has this not turned into a thread with pics of chicks from Israel's army? For shame farkers. For shame.
 
2012-06-02 09:50:58 AM  

DO NOT WANT Poster Girl: And here, folks, is an article that will encourage some goober to write a triumphant and crappy blog post claiming a vast Jewish conspiracy to undermine Christian values.

That goober will ignore the apparently complex evolution of Jewish rituals for gay marriage and instead make it all about Christian endangerment.

Free TF sponsorship from me for the first liter who sources an article that specifically claims this and posts it here.


This dicksmack thinks all jewish rabbis are gay: Link

Holy shiat, this is insane

Why do these whackos all think rabbis are gay?

I feel dirty now.
 
2012-06-02 09:52:25 AM  

ruinevil: Tatsuma (Most conservative)


img4-1.cookinglight.timeinc.net

I never knew that they had any sort of political leanings.
 
2012-06-02 09:53:27 AM  
Photoshopping the same head on all three bodies in a picture is soooo 1998.
 
2012-06-02 09:54:43 AM  

dr_blasto: I feel dirty now.


As much as I'd like a free month of TF, I couldn't possibly wade through all of the miasma of hatred out there on the internet in this general vein. I did try, but...gadzooks, did I feel dirty.
 
2012-06-02 09:55:13 AM  

rebelyell2006: Deliciously ironic. Christians are so obsessed with hating gays, and yet the Christian half of the Bible doesn't say anything about it. The Jewish part of the Bible calls for killing gay people, and yet the Jews here are creating official methods for gay marriage ceremonies.


There's no "Christian half" of the bible. The "New Testament" is just a continuation/refinement of the old shiat, in their eyes. Like the Muslims consider their shiat a refinement of old Jew shiat. Or how the Mormons consider their shiat "new."

It's farking stupid all around. Jews, Muslims and Christians are all beholden to a stupid goddamn book written by goat farkers, swindlers and cheats from 2-3,000 years ago.
 
2012-06-02 09:56:49 AM  

DO NOT WANT Poster Girl: Free TF sponsorship from me for the first liter who sources an article that specifically claims this and posts it here.


LOL...not me. My wife just wants to know where the hell was that egalitarian template when we got married lo those many years ago.
 
2012-06-02 09:58:00 AM  
I worked for a moving company for a while. One of those fly-by-night outfits you see advertised in the local neighborhood newsletters. This particular one had adverts in one of the local gay lifestyle ones in town so most of the customers were gay folks. The best customers were the new couples that were consolidating and moving in together and the old ones that had been together for 30 years or some shiat. Nice people, good customers.

The worst? I swear, the Jewish lesbian couples. Nitpickers, chronic freakoutters and panic mongers. They would spend the whole day either screaming at each other or whining about and criticizing every little motion we'd make during the course of the move.

Sigh.
 
2012-06-02 09:59:13 AM  
Those two chicks are ugly.
 
2012-06-02 10:00:55 AM  
Helpful for what? To realize that most lesbians are unlike how they are portrayed in porn?

/already knew that
 
2012-06-02 10:01:09 AM  

dr_blasto: DO NOT WANT Poster Girl: And here, folks, is an article that will encourage some goober to write a triumphant and crappy blog post claiming a vast Jewish conspiracy to undermine Christian values.

That goober will ignore the apparently complex evolution of Jewish rituals for gay marriage and instead make it all about Christian endangerment.

Free TF sponsorship from me for the first liter who sources an article that specifically claims this and posts it here.

This dicksmack thinks all jewish rabbis are gay: Link

Holy shiat, this is insane

Why do these whackos all think rabbis are gay?

I feel dirty now.


Someone should tell them about the whole "rabbi sucking the blood out of baby penises" thing just to watch their heads explode.
 
2012-06-02 10:02:10 AM  
This is great! It's good to see that some conservative religions have accepted the inevitable...
 
2012-06-02 10:13:54 AM  

bugmn99: dr_blasto: DO NOT WANT Poster Girl: And here, folks, is an article that will encourage some goober to write a triumphant and crappy blog post claiming a vast Jewish conspiracy to undermine Christian values.

That goober will ignore the apparently complex evolution of Jewish rituals for gay marriage and instead make it all about Christian endangerment.

Free TF sponsorship from me for the first liter who sources an article that specifically claims this and posts it here.

This dicksmack thinks all jewish rabbis are gay: Link

Holy shiat, this is insane

Why do these whackos all think rabbis are gay?

I feel dirty now.

Someone should tell them about the whole "rabbi sucking the blood out of baby penises" thing just to watch their heads explode.


That whole blood libel thing is some crazy shiat. Seriously, at some point, there was one asshole that came up with that. What kind of spectacularly sick person thinks shiat like that up? "Hmm, I hate these people a whole lot. I now need to find a reason to convince everyone else."
 
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