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Mind. Blown.

No honey, the dress isn't what makes your ass look fat

BillCo: "It's not the dress."

I'll be on the couch.

Yes, it's the fat that makes you look fat.

Honestly, oftentimes women look fat because they try to squeeze themselves into too small of clothes. Suck it up, buy the 10 and look good rather than pouring yourself into that 8, and you'll be much happier. I promise.

/proud size 10
//never asked a man that question in my life

If you keep hitting reload it'll eventually go through, but here's the article:
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Yes, That Dress Does Make You Look Fat

There are certain questions that guys can answer honestly at only great peril. The most famous example of this is when your girlfriend or wife asks, "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?" That is not a question, it is a trap and you had better lie and lie convincingly if you prefer your ankle intact.

A former colleague told me he'd found a way to spring the trap. He called it the "like a whale" exception. He explained, his wife - who I think was with child at the time - had put on a sun dress and asked him the dread question and I guess he was feeling suicidal that day. "Like a whale," he said. There was a pregnant pause and then she burst out laughing - and never asked him that question again.

If only Abe Lincoln had thought of that.
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Your blog sucks.

Yes this is dog: Your blog sucks.

Virtually all of them do.

"It's your fat butt that makes you look fat."

/I don't remember anything else that happened that day . . .

kiwimoogle84: Honestly, oftentimes women look fat because they try to squeeze themselves into too small of clothes. Suck it up, buy the 10 and look good rather than pouring yourself into that 8, and you'll be much happier. I promise.

Or, instead of that, you could put down the fork and lose some weight.

MoronLessOff: My experience:

Me: Do you want me to tell you the truth, or do you want me to tell you want you want to hear?

Her: I want you to be honest

Me: It's not very flattering

Her: You're supposed to make me feel good!

WTFBBQ?

Love, the right way to handle it is "whether it does or doesn't, I think you're beautiful anyway". Unless you're sick of her biatching and don't find her beautiful anymore, then you could go with my friend's method- "I can hear you getting fatter while you eat".

Yeah, that girl gained 30 lbs in the year they dated. *shudder* I was glad he dumped her.

WhippingBoy: kiwimoogle84: Honestly, oftentimes women look fat because they try to squeeze themselves into too small of clothes. Suck it up, buy the 10 and look good rather than pouring yourself into that 8, and you'll be much happier. I promise.

Or, instead of that, you could put down the fork and lose some weight.

That too.

/on a diet now, getting a kick

vegas_greaser: kiwimoogle84: BillCo: "It's not the dress."

I'll be on the couch.

Yes, it's the fat that makes you look fat.

Honestly, oftentimes women look fat because they try to squeeze themselves into too small of clothes. Suck it up, buy the 10 and look good rather than pouring yourself into that 8, and you'll be much happier. I promise.

/proud size 10
//never asked a man that question in my life

You are definitely in the minority...I always hated when I got asked that question..any answer I gave would be wrong...learned to say something like "If you like the way you look in it, then wear it.."

That's a great answer :)

"Do I look fat" is not the worst one. "Would you tell me if you didn't" is.

"Would you tell me if you didn't" is versatile, and can be used with almost any question.

- Do you like my new dress?
- Do you love me?
- Did you like what I cooked?

"Yes"

"Would you tell me if you didn't?"

It's also infinitely more unavoidable. "Fat" is instantly recognizable, and you can go Shields Up/Battle Stations and nip it in the bud. "Would you tell me if you didn't" draws you into the conversation with a question that you will answer yes to probably 99% of the time.

There's also no right answer. Obviously if you answer "No" you're a liar and she cannot trust anything else you ever say. But if you answer yes, you also cannot be believed, because obviously you're just saying that, what else would you say? You cannot stay silent, because your silence will speak volumes. If you're really unlucky, you'll get further argument along the lines of "No, really, I want you to be honest with me".

It's essentially the Kobayashi Maru of relationships.

jayhawk88: "Do I look fat" is not the worst one. "Would you tell me if you didn't" is.

"Would you tell me if you didn't" is versatile, and can be used with almost any question.

- Do you like my new dress?
- Do you love me?
- Did you like what I cooked?

"Yes"

"Would you tell me if you didn't?"

It's also infinitely more unavoidable. "Fat" is instantly recognizable, and you can go Shields Up/Battle Stations and nip it in the bud. "Would you tell me if you didn't" draws you into the conversation with a question that you will answer yes to probably 99% of the time.

There's also no right answer. Obviously if you answer "No" you're a liar and she cannot trust anything else you ever say. But if you answer yes, you also cannot be believed, because obviously you're just saying that, what else would you say? You cannot stay silent, because your silence will speak volumes. If you're really unlucky, you'll get further argument along the lines of "No, really, I want you to be honest with me".

It's essentially the Kobayashi Maru of relationships.

Yeah, I feel bad for you men sometimes. Women insecurities is why I could never be a lesbian. "omg I gained a pound I need lipo!!" puhleeze. How about you actually enjoy that chocolate truffle and relish your life and all the delicious foods it has to offer rather than worry about every ounce. Of course don't turn into a waddling fat mass, (you know you hit it when waist becomes bigger than boobs/hips) but don't stress.

/endrant

The Flexecutioner: turn it around on them. "Honey, does my beer belly make my dick look small?"

and then not care when they give an answer.

That depends heavily on whether you're a shower or a grower.

Most of us men are dumb, dim-witted creatures who really are good guys at heart. We recognize that, historically, women have gotten the short end of the stick, and we are completely supportive of full gender equality. The problem is that talking with women about equality is like trying to nail jello to the wall. For example, if one of our guy friends were to ask us if something made him look fat, we would unequivocally and instantly tell him the truth. However, the trouble arises when we try to treat women "equally" in this regard...

/so very confused

tlchwi02: Yes this is dog: Your blog sucks.

the only time blogs are good is when they are about something specific (woodworking, some sort of craft, etc.)

Also as data dumps. It's a great, easy interface for linking to content on the storage-and-download websites. Of course, Hollywood and the like are aware of this and are constantly trying to get the entire thing shut down but eventually settling for the offending blogs.

Craptastic: Clearly the only answer to such a question is to jump out the nearest window and run away as fast as you can. when you finally return, tell her "Superhero business."

Oh that's amazing. I lol'd.

/but what if you live on the third floor?

I usually just give a preemptive "Don't you think you're a little too fat to be wearing that?"

/Yes I'm single... why do you ask?

zamboni: I usually just give a preemptive "Don't you think you're a little too fat to be wearing that?"

/Yes I'm single... why do you ask?

I just yell "WHOA!!!" and run out of the room.

Actually, the correct answer to the question is "No honey, it doesn't make you look fat, but all those shallow biatches at the party will think it does".

/no one hates women quite as much as other women

Do women actually ask this question of boyfriends/husbands? I thought it was a retarded stereotype.

I'll ask my mom or a good friend if something is flattering, because I want to know the truth. But I would never ask someone I'm farking, and never phrase it in such an inflammatory way.

In my experience its mainly smaller-dicked guys who are cocerned with a woman's weight. A heavier woman wills make their microjunk look even smaller, whereas a waifish girl will make it seem almost average.

MoronLessOff: kiwimoogle84: Craptastic: Clearly the only answer to such a question is to jump out the nearest window and run away as fast as you can. when you finally return, tell her "Superhero business."

Oh that's amazing. I lol'd.

/but what if you live on the third floor?

Set up a sturdy trampoline in your landing zone. That way it might look like your actually flying away.

Or you'd just kill yourself, which might be an acceptable alternative.

Ha! Oh man, I'm getting flashbacks of all the trampoline related injuries I accumulated as a child

MoronLessOff: kiwimoogle84: MoronLessOff: kiwimoogle84: Craptastic: Clearly the only answer to such a question is to jump out the nearest window and run away as fast as you can. when you finally return, tell her "Superhero business."

Oh that's amazing. I lol'd.

/but what if you live on the third floor?

Set up a sturdy trampoline in your landing zone. That way it might look like your actually flying away.

Or you'd just kill yourself, which might be an acceptable alternative.

Ha! Oh man, I'm getting flashbacks of all the trampoline related injuries I accumulated as a child

Here's a song about trampolines.

I love Ludo!!!

I wish I could favorite you again. Blue cool with you?

Craptastic: kiwimoogle84: Craptastic: Clearly the only answer to such a question is to jump out the nearest window and run away as fast as you can. when you finally return, tell her "Superhero business."

Oh that's amazing. I lol'd.

/but what if you live on the third floor?

A) Be sure that you're an actual superhero before jumping.
B) Take the stairs.

Favorite. You made my day.

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: In my experience its mainly smaller-dicked guys who are cocerned with a woman's weight. A heavier woman wills make their microjunk look even smaller, whereas a waifish girl will make it seem almost average.

Just how experienced are you with smaller-dicked guys?

MoronLessOff: kiwimoogle84: I love Ludo!!!

For serious? Kiwi, I like you more and more with each post.

I assume you've heard Broken Bride. Save Our City tears me up everytime.
The mayor's ruined head. The boy steps to the window and cries out from the ledge to the people below.
This part helps me get through the blue times.

Also, there's a video for it.


kiwimoogle84: Blue cool with you?
It's my favorite color.

Saw them open for PUSA in '08. I dig Laundry Girl and Please the best.


/dark green plz

Crazy Lee: jayhawk88

There's also no right answer. Obviously if you answer "No" you're a liar and she cannot trust anything else you ever say. But if you answer yes, you also cannot be believed, because obviously you're just saying that, what else would you say? You cannot stay silent, because your silence will speak volumes. If you're really unlucky, you'll get further argument along the lines of "No, really, I want you to be honest with me".

On the few occasions when smooch pet went all `Is it svelte?' Szell, I had some success `singing the bull to sleep' by striking a thoughtful pose while looking her up and down. "Pull it up from the hem, in front, just a bit; just a bit more, a bit more... Hmmm, turn around and let me look at the dress as you're walking away; stop. Maybe if it was just a tad shorter" as I lift the dress up from behind, using the same hand to slide up between her thighs.

Can't guarantee hand won't get clamped down on the journey but, the focus shifts the logic train off onto the `he's a dog, but he still finds me attractive in the manner of a dog' siding.

/provide `believable', not actionable, `intelligence'

You win the internets today. Absolutely. That's the perfect response.

/I'll be in my bunk

Wodan11:
A better question is why the fark do Big & Tall stores only cater to big & tall gents? What's the issue with stocking clothes for the Big OR Tall market?

/Only 6'5" and I have to special order shirts or deal with wearing a frigging tent? Give me a break.

It's like that for everyone. Fat people are the majority now so clothes are made for them.
I'm 5'9 and sometimes have better luck in the boy's (opposed to men's) section. Hooray!

To Blow Pop Girl, you rock.

To Dear Jerk, I wish more men acted like you. Really. Nice one :)

loonatic112358: Wodan11: wildcardjack: Here's one for ya... Why do they only stock horizontal striped polos at the Big & Tall stores?

A better question is why the fark do Big & Tall stores only cater to big & tall gents? What's the issue with stocking clothes for the Big OR Tall market?

/Only 6'5" and I have to special order shirts or deal with wearing a frigging tent? Give me a break.

Well, it is called Casualmale XL, but you'd think Lane Bryant or someone would have clothes for taller ladies

And I'd like more big and tall, less Tall and skinny, or short and squatty in my stores, it's a biatch to find pants in the 36-38 leg length with larger waists

don't get me started on finding shoes in a size 16

You know what they say about men with big shoes...

Your...socks...must be enormous.

And yeah, try being 5'10, female, and 2/3rds legs. It's like they assume you can't be long legged without being fat. I have to order EVERYTHING extra long. Lucky jeans are the only ones who get it right (you pick your inseam length- I'm a 34 long-yes, really) but they're damned expensive.

loonatic112358: kiwimoogle84: You know what they say about men with big shoes...Your...socks...must be enormous.And yeah, try being 5'10, female, and 2/3rds legs. It's like they assume you can't be long legged without being fat. I have to order EVERYTHING extra long. Lucky jeans are the only ones who get it right (you pick your inseam length- I'm a 34 long-yes, really) but they're damned expensive.

Of course, a How're you doin should go right there

and yea, it seems like it's worse for women who go out of the absolute median range in size

Not even kidding.

/was going to "how you doin" you first
//but I overuse it as it is

INeedAName: The fiance and I are working on this whole 'We get to say the truth thing.' So far so good!

You're not asking the right questions.

Jon iz teh kewl: define fat
it's a gay word
meaning u can be fat and not fat at the same time

Wouldn't such a word be bi?

Does this dress make me look fat?



No, it's your ass.

ladyfortuna: ambercricket: 42

Damnit, you beat me to it.

I don't ask my husband that question because he is always honest about such things, plus I know I'm fat. Pisses me off that I was just getting into an exercise regime again when I got rear-ended last week. Neck still hurts but we'll see how things go next week while we're camping.

Take your time and use lots of lube. Everything will hurt less.

BarkingUnicorn: ladyfortuna: ambercricket: 42

Damnit, you beat me to it.

I don't ask my husband that question because he is always honest about such things, plus I know I'm fat. Pisses me off that I was just getting into an exercise regime again when I got rear-ended last week. Neck still hurts but we'll see how things go next week while we're camping.

Take your time and use lots of lube. Everything will hurt less.

You owe me a new keyboard.

Well done.

NotARocketScientist: And yeah, try being 5'10, female, and 2/3rds legs. It's like they assume you can't be long legged without being fat. I have to order EVERYTHING extra long. Lucky jeans are the only ones who get it right (you pick your inseam length- I'm a 34 long-yes, really) but they're damned expensive.

Former 28X34 here with my solution. Buy men's pants. They are cheaper, better made/more durable, fit better (no extra space around the hips, not ultra short, and ultra tight waist) and come in more reasonable sizes than women's pants. (Just so men out there know why we are biatching - standard inseam for women's pants is 29")

If I ever asked hubby this he would tell me flat out that my fat made me look fat.

Thanks for the suggestion! They don't really flatter the arse the way women's do, though for every day jeans I may not care :) I've found my solution in Lucky's for dress jeans though.

There's never a correct answer to any question a woman asks.

Even a seemingly simple question has layers and layers of subtext that no man will ever unravel.

You can't even think "What is it she wants me to say?" because it's never not a trap.

Here's how to cope:

1. STFU
2, If you must respond, mumble.
3. If you can't get away with mumbling, answer her question with a question.
4. Return to Step 1 and repeat until the sweet release of death

The Flexecutioner: kiwimoogle84: loonatic112358: Wodan11: wildcardjack:
You know what they say about men with big shoes...

Your...socks...must be enormous.

And yeah, try being 5'10, female, and 2/3rds legs. It's like they assume you can't be long legged without being fat. I have to order EVERYTHING extra long. Lucky jeans are the only ones who get it right (you pick your inseam length- I'm a 34 long-yes, really) but they're damned expensive.

*snerk* Sounds like yer legs go all the way up.

/sry
//i always thought that line was stupid

Yep, my legs go all the way up my stairs every day.

/I'll be here all week

loonatic112358: Six_By_Nine: To be slightly on topic, though, it's good to see some enlightened farkers in this thread, both men and women. I hope this 'battle of the sexes' crap dies in my lifetime.

should just be reduced to the rasslin match of the sexes?

I'm down.

"men always think with their weiners!"

"all he cares about is football"

"omg he checked out our waitress and must therefore die"

"why do you watch so much porn?"

"hold my purse while I pee"

Etc etc etc

Just point at your wedding band and ask, "Does this ring make me look stupid?

Tell her she looks better naked.

I can't even believe people still "blog" about this.

Here's some advice from a chick who has been with the same guy for 15 years as of yesterday: Stop being pussies, guys, and just answer truthfully should this question even arise. And, it will. I've asked it simply because I want to know if I've outgrown an outfit after having 2 kids. If the answer is, "Yeah, fatty," then I take the item off and try something else. I fully appreciate his honesty because I don't wanna leave the house looking like a chubby jackass in something that fit well a few years ago, but no longer can contain the mom-belly.

I think I'm gonna go off now and blog about guys asking if their penises are of a good size, and what the women should answer. OMG WAT WILL THE INTERNET THINK OF MY NEW AND INNOVATIVE QUESTION?!