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(Patheos)   The answer to one of mankind's greatest mysteries has finally been revealed   (patheos.com) divider line 143
    More: Hero  
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30056 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Jun 2012 at 10:53 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-06-02 08:20:56 AM
"It's not the dress."

I'll be on the couch.
 
2012-06-02 10:54:37 AM
Farked already?
 
2012-06-02 10:55:00 AM
Error establishing a database connection

Mind. Blown.
 
2012-06-02 10:55:02 AM
Error establishing a database connection
 
2012-06-02 10:55:07 AM

Longtooth: Farked already?


yuuuup
 
2012-06-02 10:56:31 AM
No honey, the dress isn't what makes your ass look fat
 
2012-06-02 10:56:46 AM
Here's one for ya... Why do they only stock horizontal striped polos at the Big & Tall stores?
 
2012-06-02 10:57:46 AM

Longtooth: Farked already?


appears so... but if mankinds greatest mystery is how many penis' can subby's mom fit at once. the answer is 7, but I thought everyone knew that.
 
2012-06-02 10:58:14 AM

BillCo: "It's not the dress."

I'll be on the couch.


Yes, it's the fat that makes you look fat.

Honestly, oftentimes women look fat because they try to squeeze themselves into too small of clothes. Suck it up, buy the 10 and look good rather than pouring yourself into that 8, and you'll be much happier. I promise.

/proud size 10
//never asked a man that question in my life
 
2012-06-02 10:58:21 AM
If you keep hitting reload it'll eventually go through, but here's the article:
--------------------------------------------------------------------- - ----------------------------------------------
Yes, That Dress Does Make You Look Fat

There are certain questions that guys can answer honestly at only great peril. The most famous example of this is when your girlfriend or wife asks, "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?" That is not a question, it is a trap and you had better lie and lie convincingly if you prefer your ankle intact.

A former colleague told me he'd found a way to spring the trap. He called it the "like a whale" exception. He explained, his wife - who I think was with child at the time - had put on a sun dress and asked him the dread question and I guess he was feeling suicidal that day. "Like a whale," he said. There was a pregnant pause and then she burst out laughing - and never asked him that question again.

If only Abe Lincoln had thought of that.
--------------------------------------------------------------------- - ----------------------------------------------
 
2012-06-02 10:58:57 AM
Your blog sucks.
 
2012-06-02 10:59:52 AM

Yes this is dog: Your blog sucks.


Virtually all of them do.
 
2012-06-02 11:00:08 AM
Take off the dress dear.
Now look in the full length mirror.
Do you think that mirror makes you look fat?
 
2012-06-02 11:00:44 AM
My experience:

Me: Do you want me to tell you the truth, or do you want me to tell you want you want to hear?

Her: I want you to be honest

Me: It's not very flattering

Her: You're supposed to make me feel good!

WTFBBQ?
 
2012-06-02 11:00:58 AM

wildcardjack: Here's one for ya... Why do they only stock horizontal striped polos at the Big & Tall stores?


Horizontal stripes are perceived as slimming, contrary to the popular belief that vertical stripes should be.
 
2012-06-02 11:01:25 AM
The fiance and I are working on this whole 'We get to say the truth thing.' So far so good!
 
2012-06-02 11:02:43 AM
"It's your fat butt that makes you look fat."

/I don't remember anything else that happened that day . . .
 
2012-06-02 11:03:27 AM

Yes this is dog: Your blog sucks.


the only time blogs are good is when they are about something specific (woodworking, some sort of craft, etc.)
 
2012-06-02 11:03:39 AM

kiwimoogle84: Honestly, oftentimes women look fat because they try to squeeze themselves into too small of clothes. Suck it up, buy the 10 and look good rather than pouring yourself into that 8, and you'll be much happier. I promise.


Or, instead of that, you could put down the fork and lose some weight.
 
2012-06-02 11:03:58 AM

Kome: wildcardjack: Here's one for ya... Why do they only stock horizontal striped polos at the Big & Tall stores?

Horizontal stripes are perceived as slimming, contrary to the popular belief that vertical stripes should be.


These guys look like they're in great shape!
static.guim.co.uk
 
2012-06-02 11:04:13 AM

MoronLessOff: My experience:

Me: Do you want me to tell you the truth, or do you want me to tell you want you want to hear?

Her: I want you to be honest

Me: It's not very flattering

Her: You're supposed to make me feel good!

WTFBBQ?


Love, the right way to handle it is "whether it does or doesn't, I think you're beautiful anyway". Unless you're sick of her biatching and don't find her beautiful anymore, then you could go with my friend's method- "I can hear you getting fatter while you eat".

Yeah, that girl gained 30 lbs in the year they dated. *shudder* I was glad he dumped her.
 
2012-06-02 11:04:36 AM
This is why I have a job 150 miles away from home, and a locked room in the basement for those times when I am at home.
 
2012-06-02 11:05:06 AM
define fat
it's a gay word
meaning u can be fat and not fat at the same time
 
2012-06-02 11:05:29 AM

WhippingBoy: kiwimoogle84: Honestly, oftentimes women look fat because they try to squeeze themselves into too small of clothes. Suck it up, buy the 10 and look good rather than pouring yourself into that 8, and you'll be much happier. I promise.

Or, instead of that, you could put down the fork and lose some weight.


That too.

/on a diet now, getting a kick
 
2012-06-02 11:07:22 AM

WhippingBoy: kiwimoogle84: Honestly, oftentimes women look fat because they try to squeeze themselves into too small of clothes. Suck it up, buy the 10 and look good rather than pouring yourself into that 8, and you'll be much happier. I promise.

Or, instead of that, you could put down the fork and lose some weight.


Fark you, a 10 is nice.
 
2012-06-02 11:07:26 AM
It works. I have warned girlfriends and then my wife about it. Ask that question or any variant of it and the answer will always be "yes", or perhaps "gargantuan" or "titanic".

One asked anyway, and was surprised when she actually got that response. She admitted she was just testing me. Then she asked what I thought of her new mascara, and I told her it made her eyes look fat. Then she started laughing. Problem solved.
 
2012-06-02 11:09:05 AM

kiwimoogle84: Unless you're sick of her biatching and don't find her beautiful anymore


Perhaps the latter is a symptom of the former.
 
2012-06-02 11:09:40 AM

wildcardjack: Here's one for ya... Why do they only stock horizontal striped polos at the Big & Tall stores?


They stock horizontal and vertical stripes at the fat and freakish store, trust me
 
2012-06-02 11:10:24 AM
42
 
2012-06-02 11:10:50 AM
That's not fair. He was dealing with the abnormal version of girl: a pregnant girl. That version of girl us crazy to the Nth degree. No scientific data observed can be counted as accurate.
 
2012-06-02 11:11:14 AM
"No. But it does make you look like A FILTHY WHORE!"
 
2012-06-02 11:12:10 AM
Wife: Does this article of clothing make my ass look fat?
Me: I'm sorry, did you say something? 'Cause that article of clothing makes your boobs look HUGE, and I was kinda distracted by them.
 
2012-06-02 11:12:38 AM
She: Does this dress make me look fat?:

I: (not looking up from my work) What size is it?

She: ..........

Never heard that question again.
 
2012-06-02 11:13:41 AM

MoronLessOff: My experience:

Me: Do you want me to tell you the truth, or do you want me to tell you want you want to hear?

Her: I want you to be honest

Me: It's not very flattering

Her: You're supposed to make me feel good!

WTFBBQ?


img195.imageshack.us
t3.gstatic.com

Women! Can't live with em, pass the beer nuts.
 
2012-06-02 11:13:53 AM

WhippingBoy: Yes this is dog: Your blog sucks.

Virtually all of them do.


Funny thing. Up until very recently I thought that "blog" was a euphemism for penis. It caused a lot of confusion for me. It even ended up getting me fired once. On the upside, now that I know what it really is, it turns out that I am not being hit on daily by gay dudes like I thought.

/Have you seen my blog? / Check out my blog. / I think you'd really like my blog. / That's an interesting point. You know, I have a blog for guys just like you. / etc.
 
2012-06-02 11:15:02 AM

ambercricket: 42


Damnit, you beat me to it.

I don't ask my husband that question because he is always honest about such things, plus I know I'm fat. Pisses me off that I was just getting into an exercise regime again when I got rear-ended last week. Neck still hurts but we'll see how things go next week while we're camping.
 
2012-06-02 11:16:12 AM
chzmemebase.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-06-02 11:19:18 AM

kiwimoogle84: BillCo: "It's not the dress."

I'll be on the couch.

Yes, it's the fat that makes you look fat.

Honestly, oftentimes women look fat because they try to squeeze themselves into too small of clothes. Suck it up, buy the 10 and look good rather than pouring yourself into that 8, and you'll be much happier. I promise.

/proud size 10
//never asked a man that question in my life


You are definitely in the minority...I always hated when I got asked that question..any answer I gave would be wrong...learned to say something like "If you like the way you look in it, then wear it.."
 
2012-06-02 11:20:46 AM
I must be blessed with a great girl that has wonderful self esteem and doesn't need false reassurance by asking such explosive questions.
 
2012-06-02 11:21:35 AM
Pisses me off that I was just getting into an exercise regime again when I got rear-ended last week.

(snicker)
I'm sorry, I hope you're okay because...
(chuckle)
...because that can be pretty serious.
(snort)
How is your car? Could you drive it home or did you have to..
(giggle)
...back that thing up?

I am so sorry.
 
2012-06-02 11:21:39 AM
No, you make the dress look small.
Weeble wobble weeble wobble
Fark you for asking
 
2012-06-02 11:21:51 AM
"What, are you gonna eat the dress too?"
 
2012-06-02 11:22:21 AM

MoronLessOff: WhippingBoy: kiwimoogle84: Honestly, oftentimes women look fat because they try to squeeze themselves into too small of clothes. Suck it up, buy the 10 and look good rather than pouring yourself into that 8, and you'll be much happier. I promise.

Or, instead of that, you could put down the fork and lose some weight.

Fark you, a 10 is nice.


I'm told, today's 10 equals 1980's 12 and equals 1940's 14 - smart manufactures.
 
2012-06-02 11:22:57 AM
Lie your ass off, lie like you've never lied before, then get ready to lie some more. Or you know, make a sarcastic comment if she has a good sense of humor.
 
2012-06-02 11:23:07 AM

vegas_greaser: kiwimoogle84: BillCo: "It's not the dress."

I'll be on the couch.

Yes, it's the fat that makes you look fat.

Honestly, oftentimes women look fat because they try to squeeze themselves into too small of clothes. Suck it up, buy the 10 and look good rather than pouring yourself into that 8, and you'll be much happier. I promise.

/proud size 10
//never asked a man that question in my life

You are definitely in the minority...I always hated when I got asked that question..any answer I gave would be wrong...learned to say something like "If you like the way you look in it, then wear it.."


That's a great answer :)
 
2012-06-02 11:23:21 AM
"Do I look fat" is not the worst one. "Would you tell me if you didn't" is.

"Would you tell me if you didn't" is versatile, and can be used with almost any question.

- Do you like my new dress?
- Do you love me?
- Did you like what I cooked?

"Yes"

"Would you tell me if you didn't?"

It's also infinitely more unavoidable. "Fat" is instantly recognizable, and you can go Shields Up/Battle Stations and nip it in the bud. "Would you tell me if you didn't" draws you into the conversation with a question that you will answer yes to probably 99% of the time.

There's also no right answer. Obviously if you answer "No" you're a liar and she cannot trust anything else you ever say. But if you answer yes, you also cannot be believed, because obviously you're just saying that, what else would you say? You cannot stay silent, because your silence will speak volumes. If you're really unlucky, you'll get further argument along the lines of "No, really, I want you to be honest with me".

It's essentially the Kobayashi Maru of relationships.
 
2012-06-02 11:23:29 AM
Now had she asked whether she looked pretty instead would you respond in so dooshlike a manner?

That's right, gentlemen, belittle her anxieties. I'll pick her up on the rebound (though I might need help picking her up if she really is that fat...)
 
2012-06-02 11:28:35 AM

jayhawk88: "Do I look fat" is not the worst one. "Would you tell me if you didn't" is.

"Would you tell me if you didn't" is versatile, and can be used with almost any question.

- Do you like my new dress?
- Do you love me?
- Did you like what I cooked?

"Yes"

"Would you tell me if you didn't?"

It's also infinitely more unavoidable. "Fat" is instantly recognizable, and you can go Shields Up/Battle Stations and nip it in the bud. "Would you tell me if you didn't" draws you into the conversation with a question that you will answer yes to probably 99% of the time.

There's also no right answer. Obviously if you answer "No" you're a liar and she cannot trust anything else you ever say. But if you answer yes, you also cannot be believed, because obviously you're just saying that, what else would you say? You cannot stay silent, because your silence will speak volumes. If you're really unlucky, you'll get further argument along the lines of "No, really, I want you to be honest with me".

It's essentially the Kobayashi Maru of relationships.


Yeah, I feel bad for you men sometimes. Women insecurities is why I could never be a lesbian. "omg I gained a pound I need lipo!!" puhleeze. How about you actually enjoy that chocolate truffle and relish your life and all the delicious foods it has to offer rather than worry about every ounce. Of course don't turn into a waddling fat mass, (you know you hit it when waist becomes bigger than boobs/hips) but don't stress.

/endrant
 
2012-06-02 11:29:26 AM
turn it around on them. "Honey, does my beer belly make my dick look small?"

and then not care when they give an answer.
 
GBB
2012-06-02 11:29:43 AM
My response: Yeah, fat enough to fark.

/no, not a chubby chaser.
 
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