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(The Raw Story)   The CDC has officially declared that no zombie outbreak is underway. "Itchy, tasty," a spokesman added   (rawstory.com) divider line 137
    More: Scary, zombie apocalypse, teachable moment  
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9470 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Jun 2012 at 6:59 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-06-01 07:48:32 PM
If it ever did happen Mansato will be the cause of it.
 
2012-06-01 07:50:08 PM
Theres a zombie fly on my patio now. Swatted it dead 30 mins ago...i thought it was dead...nope its starting to move. Yep it's definitely moving! Awwwww jeez I'm outa here!!!!
 
2012-06-01 07:50:26 PM

drjekel_mrhyde: If it ever did happen Mansato will be the cause of it.


You mean Monsanto?
 
2012-06-01 07:50:51 PM
Tl;dr shot neighbor just in case
 
2012-06-01 07:51:54 PM

LarryDan43: [25.media.tumblr.com image 498x580]


Awesome.

Also:

25.media.tumblr.com

/the drinking, that is
//even though still at work
///though maybe the zombie apocalypse as well.
////T-Dawg, where art thou?
 
2012-06-01 07:52:00 PM
Okay, who's been letting Umbrella conduct experiments?
 
2012-06-01 07:52:39 PM
Idiot does bath salts and bigger idiots think zombies are real.
 
2012-06-01 07:53:07 PM

XGoldenDragon514: Tl;dr shot neighbor just in case


Flanders was a zombie ?
 
2012-06-01 07:53:29 PM

texdent: Okay, who's been letting Umbrella conduct experiments?


Oh god, now I can bust out my Alfred Ashford voice again. My grandfathrwasafoudning memberof Ummmmbrella Inc.
 
2012-06-01 07:54:17 PM
Also, Nurgle is pleased.
 
2012-06-01 07:59:20 PM
Note: said CDC official was high on bath salts at the time...
 
2012-06-01 08:01:06 PM

SlothB77: [4.bp.blogspot.com image 489x365]


Hook those up to a generator and you've got a source of power that should last you right through the apocalypse!
 
2012-06-01 08:02:03 PM

PonceAlyosha: drjekel_mrhyde: If it ever did happen Mansato will be the cause of it.

You mean Monsanto?


Yes. I was thinking about that horrible movie Mansquito
 
2012-06-01 08:03:00 PM

XGoldenDragon514: Tl;dr shot neighbor just in case


lol.
 
2012-06-01 08:08:11 PM
Reavers
 
2012-06-01 08:09:13 PM
Ok, nobody panic. First thing's first, we need to find Carl. Last I saw him he was in the house.
 
2012-06-01 08:09:30 PM

SwiftFox: No murderous invisible ghosts have been sighted


Aren't they usually Japanese?
 
2012-06-01 08:12:40 PM
Shows over, Shakespeare!

i.ytimg.com

//to the book depository!
 
2012-06-01 08:12:43 PM
Has anyone mentioned where Carl might be yet?
 
2012-06-01 08:12:55 PM
cdn.screenrant.com

/Dammit, stay in the house, Carl!
 
2012-06-01 08:15:22 PM

d-fens99: There's also a case in Maryland, and another one in Texas. Believe the Maryland one made fark yesterday.


Hadn't heard about the Texas one....

*Googles*

OMFG! WTunholyF???
 
2012-06-01 08:15:53 PM

stimpington: One Bad Apple: [i1.squidoocdn.com image 319x438]

Don't worry it's just a rash

That's one dam good comic. Twisted and sick, but a really good read.


Indeed. Some of the sickest shiat I've read in a comic, and I was a fan of "Faust".

Got "Crossed" from the LIBRARY, of all places.


One Bad Apple: OtherLittleGuy: Sybarite: The CDC official was also heard to say *whisper whisper whisper*.

Lori's pregnant?

If they're following the comic book (even though the CDC wasn't in it) Dr Smallpox whispers that the zombie virus is airborne and EVERYONE that dies comes back bite or no bite.


You would also know that if you watched the season 2 finale.
 
2012-06-01 08:17:08 PM

OtherLittleGuy: Sybarite: The CDC official was also heard to say *whisper whisper whisper*.

Lori's pregnant?


Have you seen Carl?
 
2012-06-01 08:18:10 PM

CygnusDarius: Also, Nurgle is pleased.


images.dakkadakka.com
 
2012-06-01 08:22:15 PM

ArcadianRefugee: d-fens99: There's also a case in Maryland, and another one in Texas. Believe the Maryland one made fark yesterday.

Hadn't heard about the Texas one....

*Googles*

OMFG! WTunholyF???


Dammit, I just had to google it after reading your post.

Sonofabiatch.....


/not you, just in general
 
2012-06-01 08:26:09 PM
So maybe Zimmerman can be acquitted on the "It was a zombie!" defense tactic?

/someone needs to make a Trayvon-zombie pic. This is Fark, and I would do it but I dun have ze skeelz
 
2012-06-01 08:27:21 PM
Yay for Resident Evil references!
Now, to push a statue aside...
 
2012-06-01 08:27:37 PM
When the CDC saw it did they ask "What *is* it?"

/WESKERRRRRRR
 
2012-06-01 08:28:44 PM
Fark, and I am like 5 miles away from the Maryland Outbreak.


Im going to go get some shotgun ammo, brb
 
2012-06-01 08:29:21 PM
www.rifleshootermag.com

20 round box mag. .308 round. Adjustable stock. Rail system. Folks we have the perfect Zombie Survival Gun.
 
2012-06-01 08:30:39 PM

The Asshole Guy: Idiot does bath salts and bigger idiots think zombies are real.


Lighten up, Francis.
 
2012-06-01 08:32:04 PM
Begun the Zombie War has!

Somebody had to be the first to say it. Why let the little green troll have all the fun?

But seriously. I wonder if maybe all this zombie culture over the last few years hasn't triggered a few loonies.

Insanity has a cultural component. In the XVIIIth century a lot of people thought they were made of porcelaine; in the XIXth century, Napoleons and Christs were a dime a dozen as the Arch-Duchess Anastasia was in the XXth century (one lived downstairs from me for a few years), and now there are people who believe they are being secretly filmed for reality shows. This is not to say that porcelaine figurines or Napoleon caused insanity--they merely gave the insanity its "content".

Memes run amuck, like viruses. And equating Zombies to victims of a virus (as has been the case in the last few decades) would increase the strength of the analogy and thus the mental abberation. Earlier zombies were situated in the culture of Voodoo and in a culture of fear of non-whites and the dangerous classes. Now it is "medicalized" and thus can be caused by drugs or viruses rather than that old black magic. Not that the dangerous classes, immigrants and other "social problems" haven't been medicalized in the past: marginal populations are always blamed for plagues from the Black Death to HIV and beyond.

Charles Fort was a chronicaler of "outbreaks" of similar news stories and understood how the press culture turns odd stories into small or large panics by repeating odd stories or taking up similar stories, thus creating self-fulfilling prophecies for the old maxim that "things come in threes".
 
2012-06-01 08:33:25 PM

SithLord: The Asshole Guy: Idiot does bath salts and bigger idiots think zombies are real.

Lighten up, Francis.


Link
 
2012-06-01 08:33:25 PM
It's raining again outside. Just a thought: do zombies have enough sense to come in out of the rain?
 
2012-06-01 08:34:11 PM
Carl is NEVER in the house.

Got it?
 
2012-06-01 08:36:37 PM

theMagni: CygnusDarius: Oh, BTW, the Phalanx vaccine is available.

Nah, spend your money on a suppressed .22 with a laser sight and lots of subsonic ammo. Cheap, effective, and so easy that a Zack could use it. Plus, you can recycle a .44 shell into 4-5 .22 S/S rounds, and that's going to raise your RKR significantly.


It's a shame they stopped making PentaPoints. Those were awesome.
 
2012-06-01 08:40:24 PM
Well, the last Newsflesh book just came out. Started out a bit like this, and look at where the CDC ends up.
 
2012-06-01 08:41:10 PM
I think the first order of business would be to move to a higher floor. Like old school Daleks, zombies don't seem to be able to climb stairs very well. Shut off the elevators, barracade first story doors and windows, and move to upper floors, the attic if necessary (those pull-up stairs should be perfect zombie-defense).

And then wait. Because I don't think rotting corpses would last very long, especially if the rats, cats and dogs get at them. Even if the rats, cats and dogs became zombies themselves, they'd tend to tear each other to death, along with the human zombies. And presumably dead rats would reproduce more slowly as zombies than they would as living rats. Eventually the population would crash.

This is why the rabies-theory is scary. We know a lot of animals can get rabies. If they can catch zombie as well, we'd be in trouble, but if not, they could kill the zombies in a matter of weeks at most.

There are a lot more rats in any place than you know or can imagine, and once we stopped feeding them garbage, they'd starve pretty fast. Zombies would be helpless against them.
 
2012-06-01 08:43:45 PM

johnson442: theMagni: CygnusDarius: Oh, BTW, the Phalanx vaccine is available.

Nah, spend your money on a suppressed .22 with a laser sight and lots of subsonic ammo. Cheap, effective, and so easy that a Zack could use it. Plus, you can recycle a .44 shell into 4-5 .22 S/S rounds, and that's going to raise your RKR significantly.

It's a shame they stopped making PentaPoints. Those were awesome.


The problem I have with that is the lack of actual range. If you know there are several Zack in the area take them out from farther away.
 
2012-06-01 08:45:24 PM
Hold on a sec. My crazy neighbor is knocking on my door. He's wearing a saucepan as a helmet and babbling incoherently about selling me seeds.
 
2012-06-01 08:48:35 PM

globalwarmingpraiser: [www.rifleshootermag.com image 420x257]

20 round box mag. .308 round. Adjustable stock. Rail system. Folks we have the perfect Zombie Survival Gun.


It moved.
 
2012-06-01 08:50:24 PM

chuggernaught: globalwarmingpraiser: [www.rifleshootermag.com image 420x257]

20 round box mag. .308 round. Adjustable stock. Rail system. Folks we have the perfect Zombie Survival Gun.

It moved.


Adjust for windage...
 
2012-06-01 08:51:24 PM
globalwarmingpraiser: SithLord: The Asshole Guy: Idiot does bath salts and bigger idiots think zombies are real.

Lighten up, Francis.

Link


Someone should welcome you to the year of 2012.

Zombies are not real and never will become real.
 
2012-06-01 08:51:29 PM
They always deny until it is too late. We can't have the end of the world if we are organized and prepared properly.
 
2012-06-01 08:58:20 PM

drjekel_mrhyde: If it ever did happen Mansato will be the cause of it.


Hey, it'd achieve the goal of alleviating global food problems.
 
2012-06-01 09:02:37 PM

The Asshole Guy: globalwarmingpraiser: SithLord: The Asshole Guy: Idiot does bath salts and bigger idiots think zombies are real.

Lighten up, Francis.

Link

Someone should welcome you to the year of 2012.

Zombies are not real and never will become real.


You knopw considering there were a lot of experiments already done with this idea, I wouldn't say never. Who knows what is hidden in the research different countries militaries had performed?
 
2012-06-01 09:09:45 PM

The Asshole Guy: globalwarmingpraiser: SithLord: The Asshole Guy: Idiot does bath salts and bigger idiots think zombies are real.

Lighten up, Francis.

Link

Someone should welcome you to the year of 2012.

Zombies are not real and never will become real.


The funny thing is, you think he's an idiot for believing in zombies...

When you're actually the idiot for not realizing he doesn't actually believe in zombies...

My apologizes if you are actually autistic and simply lack the ability to discern sarcasm.
 
2012-06-01 09:11:58 PM

The Asshole Guy: globalwarmingpraiser: SithLord: The Asshole Guy: Idiot does bath salts and bigger idiots think zombies are real.

Lighten up, Francis.

Link

Someone should welcome you to the year of 2012.

Zombies are not real and never will become real.


npinopunintended.files.wordpress.com

Tax cuuuuuuuts
 
2012-06-01 09:21:27 PM
zombie apocalypse is spelled "m-a-s-s-h-y-s-t-e-r-i-a"

Wish that NASA would state that a large asteroid is headed towards us next week, and will destroy us, so all the crazies will kill themselves or each other off. Meanwhile all the level headed people would use their telescopes and see a sign hanging on a satellite where the asteroid is supposed to be that says "Shhh, don't tell the idiots, let 'em burn!"

/guaranteed national week off
//So fire the scientist, his name is Hayvad Djablomi
///zombie outbreak may be spelled m-o-o-n
 
2012-06-01 09:28:07 PM

Lattices aren't Distributive: Newsflesh


I just finished that series. I really hope that's not where we're heading. I believe we already have enough gun-totin' vision-impaired incestuous bloggers.
 
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