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(Business News Daily)   1) Friends with Drew Curtis on Facebook 2) Nominated for Fark.com Headline of the Week 3) LVL 85 Paladin   (businessnewsdaily.com) divider line 38
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2975 clicks; posted to Business » on 01 Jun 2012 at 6:33 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-06-01 04:20:31 PM  
BS in Applied Game Theory with minors in Female Anthopology Studies and Hydroponic Agriculture...
 
2012-06-01 04:25:55 PM  
Really? A slideshow about resume preparation? Fark you.
 
2012-06-01 05:09:35 PM  
I do a lot of interviewing... a LOT of interviewing. The quality of the average resume out there is farking horrendous.

0. If you're interviewing for a technical job, and the name at the top of your resume doesn't return any relevant results via Google search, you're not getting an interview.
1. Does anyone still say that they have to be limited to one page? Either way, anything beyond two years old can be left without bullet point details, unless it was something truly amazing.
2. Bullet points can either be sentence fragments or full sentences, but pick one and stick with it.
3. Don't put something on your resume unless you're comfortable answering interview questions about it.
4. A resume is a sales document. You're selling you, to prove you're better than the others and worth an interview. You'll get maybe 30 seconds before an impression is made, and not by just HR. Proofread & lay things out accordingly.
 
2012-06-01 05:10:14 PM  
I sent Drew a friend request like a year ago and he never responded. Sometimes I just sit in my shower and cry...
 
2012-06-01 05:40:04 PM  

James!: I sent Drew a friend request like a year ago and he never responded. Sometimes I just sit in my shower and cry...


And yet you still got hired. This place has gone to hell.
 
2012-06-01 06:04:48 PM  
"Objective" is listed twice - once on slide 1 and again on slide 3.

1: An objective. Résumés are meant to describe work history, job progression and accomplishments. The objective is clear: You're looking for a job.

3: An objective. Objectives are summaries of what you want to get from the company. It doesn't make sense to start selling yourself by telling the reader what you hope to get out of him. Replace your objective with a three- to four-bullet summary of the rest of the résumé.


Is redundancy the implied no-no or do I just get pass the test and get the job?
 
2012-06-01 06:26:54 PM  

dugitman: James!: I sent Drew a friend request like a year ago and he never responded. Sometimes I just sit in my shower and cry...

And yet you still got hired. This place has gone to hell.


Obviously I am here to make enemies. MUA MUAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA... I'm kidding please love me.
 
2012-06-01 07:06:07 PM  
Level 85 Paladin? So he pops his bubble at the first sign of danger and runs away?
 
2012-06-01 07:07:17 PM  

proteon: "Objective" is listed twice - once on slide 1 and again on slide 3.

1: An objective. Résumés are meant to describe work history, job progression and accomplishments. The objective is clear: You're looking for a job.

3: An objective. Objectives are summaries of what you want to get from the company. It doesn't make sense to start selling yourself by telling the reader what you hope to get out of him. Replace your objective with a three- to four-bullet summary of the rest of the résumé.


Is redundancy the implied no-no or do I just get pass the test and get the job?


Each slide is from a different "expert" you fail for reading comprehention, I fail for spelling.
 
2012-06-01 07:14:47 PM  
My dog attempted to friend Drew on FB and was resoundingly rejected. Talk about two-faced.
 
2012-06-01 07:36:40 PM  

ThatGuyGreg: I do a lot of interviewing... a LOT of interviewing. The quality of the average resume out there is farking horrendous.

0. If you're interviewing for a technical job, and the name at the top of your resume doesn't return any relevant results via Google search, you're not getting an interview.


WTF????

Not all tech jobs involve attention whoring or creating web pages you farking moran. And no, I do NOT have a Facebook page and I don't use my real name on slashdot or fark.

I stopped reading your idiocy right there.

I can administer the shiat out of a database though and I can program my way out of a paper bag too, but I wouldn't want to work for a douchebag like you.
 
2012-06-01 07:55:24 PM  

ThatGuyGreg: I do a lot of interviewing... a LOT of interviewing. The quality of the average resume out there is farking horrendous.

0. If you're interviewing for a technical job, and the name at the top of your resume doesn't return any relevant results via Google search, you're not getting an interview.
1. Does anyone still say that they have to be limited to one page? Either way, anything beyond two years old can be left without bullet point details, unless it was something truly amazing.
2. Bullet points can either be sentence fragments or full sentences, but pick one and stick with it.
3. Don't put something on your resume unless you're comfortable answering interview questions about it.
4. A resume is a sales document. You're selling you, to prove you're better than the others and worth an interview. You'll get maybe 30 seconds before an impression is made, and not by just HR. Proofread & lay things out accordingly.


Your zero is farking retarded. Especially if.the person is a veteran of DoD technology which rarely has whitepapers end up on Google, you have to go to the relevant site. Your zero is in fact really retarded. Oooh someone made their own website, that means they are tech experts!
 
2012-06-01 08:02:48 PM  

MyRandomName: ThatGuyGreg: I do a lot of interviewing... a LOT of interviewing. The quality of the average resume out there is farking horrendous.

0. If you're interviewing for a technical job, and the name at the top of your resume doesn't return any relevant results via Google search, you're not getting an interview.
1. Does anyone still say that they have to be limited to one page? Either way, anything beyond two years old can be left without bullet point details, unless it was something truly amazing.
2. Bullet points can either be sentence fragments or full sentences, but pick one and stick with it.
3. Don't put something on your resume unless you're comfortable answering interview questions about it.
4. A resume is a sales document. You're selling you, to prove you're better than the others and worth an interview. You'll get maybe 30 seconds before an impression is made, and not by just HR. Proofread & lay things out accordingly.

Your zero is farking retarded. Especially if.the person is a veteran of DoD technology which rarely has whitepapers end up on Google, you have to go to the relevant site. Your zero is in fact really retarded. Oooh someone made their own website, that means they are tech experts!


Uh. . . this. How many people are you throwing away because of their discretion?
 
2012-06-01 08:16:32 PM  
Subby has clearly never interviewed for a tech job in the SF Bay Area. Those three will get you at least a phone call, although as part of the interview/hazing, you will still have to be able to apply the Tower of Hanoi to safe food handling or something similarly stupid.
 
2012-06-01 08:19:24 PM  
1. Know who and for what you are applying.
2. Be better than the other applicants.
3. Show this by way of your resume.
4. Follow up.
 
2012-06-01 08:20:10 PM  

ThatGuyGreg: I do a lot of interviewing... a LOT of interviewing. The quality of the average resume out there is farking horrendous.

0. If you're interviewing for a technical job, and the name at the top of your resume doesn't return any relevant results via Google search, you're not getting an interview.
1. Does anyone still say that they have to be limited to one page? Either way, anything beyond two years old can be left without bullet point details, unless it was something truly amazing.
2. Bullet points can either be sentence fragments or full sentences, but pick one and stick with it.
3. Don't put something on your resume unless you're comfortable answering interview questions about it.
4. A resume is a sales document. You're selling you, to prove you're better than the others and worth an interview. You'll get maybe 30 seconds before an impression is made, and not by just HR. Proofread & lay things out accordingly.


see you at the gym in 26, sport-o
 
2012-06-01 08:37:07 PM  

BronyMedic: Level 85 Paladin? So he pops his bubble at the first sign of danger and runs away?


AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!

Great Caesar's ghost, I'm a nerd.

\Would still destroy you with my Warlock
\\sigh
 
2012-06-01 09:07:42 PM  
:D
 
2012-06-01 09:22:59 PM  

ThatGuyGreg: 1. Does anyone still say that they have to be limited to one page? Either way, anything beyond two years old can be left without bullet point details, unless it was something truly amazing.


Yes. The first thing we do is throw out any that are longer than one page. If you can't highlight the major points of your career on one page you're either padding your resume or unable to edit. We also chuck anything on color paper, or irregular sized paper. Though to be fair we don't get many paper resumes anymore, everything is email.
 
2012-06-01 09:53:46 PM  

ThatGuyGreg: I do a lot of interviewing... a LOT of interviewing. The quality of the average resume out there is farking horrendous.

0. If you're interviewing for a technical job, and the name at the top of your resume doesn't return any relevant results via Google search, you're not getting an interview.
1. Does anyone still say that they have to be limited to one page? Either way, anything beyond two years old can be left without bullet point details, unless it was something truly amazing.
2. Bullet points can either be sentence fragments or full sentences, but pick one and stick with it.
3. Don't put something on your resume unless you're comfortable answering interview questions about it.
4. A resume is a sales document. You're selling you, to prove you're better than the others and worth an interview. You'll get maybe 30 seconds before an impression is made, and not by just HR. Proofread & lay things out accordingly.


I have a patent, 2 in process, and am reference as an author on at least 10 papers. My name doesn't appear on the top 10 google search. Going to have to agree that you are an idiot if you really limit by google searching.
 
2012-06-01 09:57:59 PM  

To The Escape Zeppelin!: ThatGuyGreg: 1. Does anyone still say that they have to be limited to one page? Either way, anything beyond two years old can be left without bullet point details, unless it was something truly amazing.

Yes. The first thing we do is throw out any that are longer than one page. If you can't highlight the major points of your career on one page you're either padding your resume or unable to edit. We also chuck anything on color paper, or irregular sized paper. Though to be fair we don't get many paper resumes anymore, everything is email.


God damn you HR people are lazy as hell. Way to reinforce the stereotype.
 
2012-06-01 10:13:02 PM  

Brontes: I have a patent, 2 in process, and am reference as an author on at least 10 papers. My name doesn't appear on the top 10 google search. Going to have to agree that you are an idiot if you really limit by google searching.


How can you have 10 papers and your name not appear in the top 10 google search? Shouldn't you have a university homepage or a Google Scholar citations page or something?
 
GOB
2012-06-01 10:31:37 PM  
Yeah I wouldn't put paladin on there - death knights are clearly the superior tank atm.
 
2012-06-01 10:35:38 PM  
Couldn't we all technically put 'Time's Person of the Year, 2006' on our resumés?
 
2012-06-01 10:38:46 PM  

skazzytl: Brontes: I have a patent, 2 in process, and am reference as an author on at least 10 papers. My name doesn't appear on the top 10 google search. Going to have to agree that you are an idiot if you really limit by google searching.

How can you have 10 papers and your name not appear in the top 10 google search? Shouldn't you have a university homepage or a Google Scholar citations page or something?


My name comes up in Google scholar, but so does someone else with my name. I have all my papers listed on my resume, which puts my resume over 2 pages, but I only have a BS, which doesn't lend itself to a C.V. It is just a stupid and lazy way to filter people, when all you have to do is read resumes.
 
2012-06-01 10:44:47 PM  

MyRandomName: ThatGuyGreg: I do a lot of interviewing... a LOT of interviewing. The quality of the average resume out there is farking horrendous.

0. If you're interviewing for a technical job, and the name at the top of your resume doesn't return any relevant results via Google search, you're not getting an interview.
1. Does anyone still say that they have to be limited to one page? Either way, anything beyond two years old can be left without bullet point details, unless it was something truly amazing.
2. Bullet points can either be sentence fragments or full sentences, but pick one and stick with it.
3. Don't put something on your resume unless you're comfortable answering interview questions about it.
4. A resume is a sales document. You're selling you, to prove you're better than the others and worth an interview. You'll get maybe 30 seconds before an impression is made, and not by just HR. Proofread & lay things out accordingly.

Your zero is farking retarded. Especially if.the person is a veteran of DoD technology which rarely has whitepapers end up on Google, you have to go to the relevant site. Your zero is in fact really retarded. Oooh someone made their own website, that means they are tech experts!



Yup.
 
2012-06-01 10:56:02 PM  

ThatGuyGreg: I do a lot of interviewing... a LOT of interviewing. The quality of the average resume out there is farking horrendous.

0. If you're interviewing for a technical job, and the name at the top of your resume doesn't return any relevant results via Google search, you're not getting an interview.
1. Does anyone still say that they have to be limited to one page? Either way, anything beyond two years old can be left without bullet point details, unless it was something truly amazing.
2. Bullet points can either be sentence fragments or full sentences, but pick one and stick with it.
3. Don't put something on your resume unless you're comfortable answering interview questions about it.
4. A resume is a sales document. You're selling you, to prove you're better than the others and worth an interview. You'll get maybe 30 seconds before an impression is made, and not by just HR. Proofread & lay things out accordingly.


This is pretty much exactly why the entire thing is a farking sham and a circus.
 
2012-06-01 11:17:43 PM  

Brontes: God damn you HR people are lazy as hell. Way to reinforce the stereotype.


Have you ever had to read 400 of the same thing? It gets old quickly. We filled an entry level biology research position 3 years ago and had more than 400 people apply. (2000 or so actually, but you can apply for multiple positions with one app) We cut to 400 based on the online questions, then did another cut based on resume. Have advanced degree? Cut. Have lots of experience in a completely unrelated field? Cut. Resume takes way too long to figure out who you are? Cut. etc.

Now, I don't work in HR, so maybe they have longer attention spans for this, but I found it insanely monotonous. We spent most of the time trying to quickly find the people that we thought A) would do a good job B) would be open to training and learning C) would be trainable D) wouldn't get bored. With that many resumes we had about 30 seconds a person. (And even that meant 3.5 hours reading them) We culled a few people out for interviews, and 90% of the final decision was based on that.

Based on that experience, when I make a resume for myself, I think hard about what I think the HR or reviewer is going to be looking for. On a 1-page resume, you have about 4 shots at it. Second, always put the important shiat at the front. If you lose the second page of my resume, I still look about 80% as good as I would with both pages.
 
2012-06-02 12:11:54 AM  
"Meaningless self-assessments like "I'm a hard worker" or "I work well on a team." Everyone says those things, so they have no meaning. Instead, the bullets for each position on your résumé should give examples and evidence of these assertions."

When why do job listings keep demanding these meaningless self-assessments?
 
2012-06-02 12:13:10 AM  
"Meaningless words. Do not say that you are "ethical," "a hard worker" or "energetic." These are things that others should be saying about you or that you can illustrate through examples during your interview."

Of course, a business man would find this word meaningless...
 
2012-06-02 02:54:11 AM  
heh, if an interviewer wants to view my portfolio, all they have to do is ask and I'll send them my site address, links to public work I've done, and the link to my github account. None of which include my real name.

Dear god no, I don't even blog under my real name.

About the only thing that's actually me that shows up in a search would be my linkedin account.

Guess I'm farked!
 
2012-06-02 03:14:33 AM  

ThatGuyGreg: I do a lot of interviewing... a LOT of interviewing. The quality of the average resume out there is farking horrendous.

0. If you're interviewing for a technical job, and the name at the top of your resume doesn't return any relevant results via Google search, you're not getting an interview.


Bahahahaha.
BAHAHAHAHAA!

Oh man. You can find out a LOT more about me by googling my Fark handle than my real name (as I use it across multiple sites), though perhaps nothing work-relevant except that I can be a snarky bastard. I have the opposite problem, I have a super common set of first and last names. You'd be inundated with hits. Even looking for my name in my profession of choice, there's multiple guys with my name in both software and game development. Some are audio guys, some are graphics guys, some are coders. I'm just another guy with AWeenersme, British-surname.
 
2012-06-02 03:16:24 AM  
.

starsrift: ...I'm just another guy with AWeenersme, British-surname.


Best filterpwn ever.

The 12 dudes that followed Christ around in the bible. One of those names. :)
 
2012-06-02 09:42:38 AM  

Happy Hours: ThatGuyGreg: I do a lot of interviewing... a LOT of interviewing. The quality of the average resume out there is farking horrendous.

0. If you're interviewing for a technical job, and the name at the top of your resume doesn't return any relevant results via Google search, you're not getting an interview.

WTF????

Not all tech jobs involve attention whoring or creating web pages you farking moran. And no, I do NOT have a Facebook page and I don't use my real name on slashdot or fark.

I stopped reading your idiocy right there.

I can administer the shiat out of a database though and I can program my way out of a paper bag too, but I wouldn't want to work for a douchebag like you.


That reads like the first paragraph of my resume.
 
2012-06-02 12:36:35 PM  
And don't forget the ethics test:

"Have you ever stolen from an employer?"

No. I had to give it back in the parking lot, which is NOT stealing.
 
2012-06-02 12:43:31 PM  
Hey, you guys are giving ThatGuyGreg a lot of trouble, but he does a LOT of interviewing, which means that he's a lot smarter and more accomplished than any of us, so we'd be best to heed his words.
 
2012-06-03 10:33:43 AM  
Alright, Fark HR experts. Resume question.

I'm 34 years old. When I was a yute I didn't know what I wanted to do. I switched majors a few times. I also paid my own way through college because I didn't qualify for aid and I didn't want to ask my parents for money. I didn't get out of college until I was 27. I've been working the same "real job" (one employer; two positions due to a promotion) for six years now.

Do I bother putting my college job on my resume? It was ten years at a retailer, during which I did everything from cashier to cart guy to overnight stocker to team leader. Right now I have a throw-away line saying something like "Worked FT and PT hours on every shift while paying my way through college. Most time spent as cashier, stocker and team leader." I included that because of a similar tip checklist like this one.

I'm in the web content/traffic/maintenance business, and retail is obviously not related. My 6 years of professional work should be enough to get a better job. My age isn't on the resume, but high school/graduation dates are. Will a company see a six year work history after graduating high school 15 years ago and assume I'm a lazy slacker who didn't do anything for a decade, or is it worse to 'wow' them with my crud college job?

/I have an OK job, but I'm starting to look for a better one
/I already sent out a resume saying my address was ### West 145th Avenue Street, so I'm getting a kick out of the typo "tip"
 
2012-06-03 08:43:05 PM  

skrame: Alright, Fark HR experts. Resume question.

I'm 34 years old. When I was a yute I didn't know what I wanted to do. I switched majors a few times. I also paid my own way through college because I didn't qualify for aid and I didn't want to ask my parents for money. I didn't get out of college until I was 27. I've been working the same "real job" (one employer; two positions due to a promotion) for six years now.

Do I bother putting my college job on my resume? It was ten years at a retailer, during which I did everything from cashier to cart guy to overnight stocker to team leader. Right now I have a throw-away line saying something like "Worked FT and PT hours on every shift while paying my way through college. Most time spent as cashier, stocker and team leader." I included that because of a similar tip checklist like this one.

I'm in the web content/traffic/maintenance business, and retail is obviously not related. My 6 years of professional work should be enough to get a better job. My age isn't on the resume, but high school/graduation dates are. Will a company see a six year work history after graduating high school 15 years ago and assume I'm a lazy slacker who didn't do anything for a decade, or is it worse to 'wow' them with my crud college job?

/I have an OK job, but I'm starting to look for a better one
/I already sent out a resume saying my address was ### West 145th Avenue Street, so I'm getting a kick out of the typo "tip"


Nobody gives a fark when or where you graduated from high school, unless you're working for a DoD contractor and you went to The Citadel before going to one of the Academies. Even if you went to something like IMSA or NCSSM or Simon's Rock, they still don't care. Take it the hell off of there. Also, don't give dates of attendance, just graudation. Take the retail job off unless you're applying for a job that's specifically retail related and then just bullet point it - 10 years of front-line retail experience. As an IT worker on the web/dev side, six years of post-graduation professional experience are pretty much exactly what you want to show. There's a definite bias towards youth in developers (especially in big tech markets like SF) and putting 10 years of unrelated work on your resume just makes you look old and slow.

As far as general organization, remember, 90% of the time you have to get past a HR drone or piece of software that scans for keywords before you get anywhere close to someone who can understand your technical description of your work. If the job description says "AS/400 development experience" and your resume says "iSeries development", you're getting skipped over. You don't need to demonstrate you know more than the writer of the job description, because I assure you that the first hurdle you have to get past doesn't know that your years of experience "developing web applications in a LAMP environment" means you know PHP.

With only one post-graduation employer, you want to focus on your accomplishments there and describe them in single simple sentences that target the specific job you're applying for. Make sure that if the job description mentions a specific technology, you address it as a bullet point - don't bury it on page 3 as part of a 10-sentence paragraph on the shopping cart you wrote five years ago. Ignore chronology. If I've got six things I want you to have experience in, and they're not in the top seven, I'm probably not moving on to number eight. If I've got six things I want you to have experience in, I also want to hear most about them, not:

Bullet point to target job requirement #1
Bullet point to target job requirement #2
Paragraph about something not related to the posted requirements but that you're really proud of
Bullet point to target job requirement #3

Yes, I've said the same thing a couple times in a couple ways. I'll say it again: target the job, and don't try to show you're smarter than the machine or person screening your resume.

Also, don't make your cover letter more important than your resume. I'm probably barely glancing at your resume, and probably not reading your cover letter if your resume doesn't have what I'm looking for.
 
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