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(Mandatory)   "Chivalry isn't dead, you stupid biatch" and 50 other funniest tweets of all time   (mandatory.com) divider line 56
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37029 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Jun 2012 at 1:55 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-06-01 11:09:14 AM
5 votes:
Whoa. What the hell, internet? The vast majority of those actually WERE funny.

If I actually have to start believing headlines, I'm not gonna have any way of knowing what's real, anymore.
2012-06-01 02:12:31 PM
4 votes:

Mugato: I read a lot of those in Mitch Hedberg's voice.


To me they all read like "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey"
2012-06-01 02:18:28 PM
3 votes:

Ed Grubermann: Well, that was a huge waste of time.


Welcome to FARK.
2012-06-01 02:17:49 PM
3 votes:
Well, that was a huge waste of time.
2012-06-01 02:05:17 PM
3 votes:
How can I pretend to work when I try to read through these?

www.blogcdn.com
2012-06-01 04:28:51 PM
2 votes:
cafewitteveen.files.wordpress.com
2012-06-01 02:31:31 PM
2 votes:

MoronLessOff: violentsalvation:
[www.blogcdn.com image 432x148]
That one cracked me up.

I dunno about you, but I like the Tank Girl look.

P-p-p-pow!


I hung out with a few girls in college that had the waffle iron shave thing going, one or two were sexy, but
I can't even think about tank girl b/c of Jet

www.kideternal.com
2012-06-01 12:58:09 PM
2 votes:

kingoomieiii: TheDumbBlonde: "Rap Math: I need to pour out 40 oz to honor a fallen hommie, but I only have 12 oz cans. How many cans will I need to mourn properly? Show your work."

This article has sorely reminded me that I don't presently know any funny women.


It's hard to find them on the Internet. They tend to be drowned out by women (and men) who are trying to be funny, but just end up coming off as bitter and/or angry.
2012-06-01 11:56:54 AM
2 votes:
I read a lot of those in Mitch Hedberg's voice.
2012-06-01 11:29:39 AM
2 votes:

TheDumbBlonde: "Rap Math: I need to pour out 40 oz to honor a fallen hommie, but I only have 12 oz cans. How many cans will I need to mourn properly? Show your work."


This article has sorely reminded me that I don't presently know any funny women.
2012-06-02 10:31:50 PM
1 votes:

James_Corn: "Pretty sure the lead actress from 'Precious' has a twin sister that works at every Wendy's I've ever been to" lmfao

if you didn't laugh at that one, you're dead inside.


Even if I have no farking idea what 'Precious' is?
2012-06-02 02:07:59 AM
1 votes:

Mr Talbot: LtDarkstar: I'm shocked this one isn't posted yet... of course only people who knew the back story behind this one cracked up at it...

[blogs-images.forbes.com image 640x359]

Whoa Geico used a Penny Arcade reference to woo a single customer on the internet? That is pretty freaking sweet


Or that guy works for Geico and it was a quick marketing setup, more likely.
2012-06-01 11:58:45 PM
1 votes:

Three Crooked Squirrels: I didn't laugh once. Apparently since you all did, I am dead inside. But that still doesn't change the fact that I didn't laugh once.


I'm with you brother. Obtuse and contrived. The all seemed forced, like a never ending Jay Leno bit.
2012-06-01 11:34:57 PM
1 votes:
OK, so now I have read this both sober and drunk, and still haven't found a damn thing funny about these tweets. I guess that is why they call people who use twitter "twats".
2012-06-01 09:43:12 PM
1 votes:

harbingerofdoom: /guy walks into a bar and says "ow".


i've always liked that one.

/Skeleton walks into a bar: 'I'll have a beer and a mop'
2012-06-01 08:11:45 PM
1 votes:
1. It's "a ukulele" because Americans pronounce it "Yoo koo lay lee" .... A Hawaiian should say "an oo-koo-lay-lay". Same with "uke".

2. You only have to pour out the first shot (or a long splash) for your dead homies, stupid. They're dead. It's not like they're going to kick your ass for being stingy. The shot is purely symbolic, like a toast or an offering to the spirits of the dead. Ghosts don't guzzle, except maybe in Ghostbuster movies.
2012-06-01 07:04:22 PM
1 votes:

omeganuepsilon: Any way you want to spin it, they're really not all that refined.


Oh so dane cook fans?

Mugato: He wasn't a stoner, show some respect. He was a heroine addict.


I know what he was, I just said what I thought he was trying to be, are you stoned right now?

Either way, he wasnt funny.
2012-06-01 06:42:11 PM
1 votes:
Meh. Maybe 10 of these were original, and of those only a couple were funny.
2012-06-01 06:26:02 PM
1 votes:

MaxxLarge: Whoa. What the hell, internet? The vast majority of those actually WERE funny.

If I actually have to start believing headlines, I'm not gonna have any way of knowing what's real, anymore.


How can this be funny? There's no LOLcats in it.
2012-06-01 06:06:14 PM
1 votes:

Mugato: I read a lot of those in Mitch Hedberg's voice.


That must be why none of those were funny to me, Hedberg always sounded like a stoner trying too hard to be funny.
2012-06-01 05:39:19 PM
1 votes:

BigLuca: Mikey1969: Guys, we are surrounded by some truly superior creatures, they may be the next evolutionary step of man. You can easily identify them because they are too "cultured" have even grinned at any of those tweets. If you show this to anyone in your office or your family and they find them to be "not funny", I suggest that you immediately bow down, because these are your new overlords.

/ I, for one, welcome our snarky overlords...

This. The hipster-douche is strong in this thread.


You feel about this thread how I felt about those comments so I guess we're pretty much the same.
2012-06-01 04:41:06 PM
1 votes:
Guys, we are surrounded by some truly superior creatures, they may be the next evolutionary step of man. You can easily identify them because they are too "cultured" have even grinned at any of those tweets. If you show this to anyone in your office or your family and they find them to be "not funny", I suggest that you immediately bow down, because these are your new overlords.

/ I, for one, welcome our snarky overlords...
2012-06-01 03:53:40 PM
1 votes:
Not to be a suck-up or anything, but the 50 funniest fark headlines would kick it's ass.
2012-06-01 03:30:40 PM
1 votes:
www.img404.com
2012-06-01 03:29:59 PM
1 votes:

omeganuepsilon: They see what's supposed to be funny and then laugh. It's a substitute for an actual sense of humor.


Agree completely. Years ago I had a roommate who held a gathering I wasn't invited to (neither was the 3rd roommate). From my room, I could only hear their laughter. It was like a laugh track -- I knew exactly, down to the second, when they were going to laugh. These were not people with keen senses of humor, either (poli sci grad students), so it's unlikely they were actually saying anything funny. Instead, over the years they'd been programmed by their televisions to insert laughter at socially appropriate times. Sorta creepy.

Humor is probably the most contentious taste issue out there (way more so than music). I recommend laughing at what you like and just accepting there's a lot of comedy that you're simply not going to find funny.
2012-06-01 03:29:59 PM
1 votes:

omeganuepsilon: And for another group, it is mood. People tend to laugh at comics / comedies because it's the whole excitement factor, the material builds the mood. Some of these kids are just in a perpetual state of comedic arousal, and spurt at the slightest hint of humor.


Or we have shiatty jobs or stressful lives.

And we don't overthink things that're intended to be mildly entertaining.
2012-06-01 03:29:37 PM
1 votes:

Debeo Summa Credo: Oh, and "Tegro" was funny too. When my kid watches it I'm going to nonchalantly refer to him as that, and when my wife corrects me act all appalled.


It should really be Bengal-American Tiger.
2012-06-01 03:25:35 PM
1 votes:
Don't forget these

i140.photobucket.com

cdn2.holytaco.com
2012-06-01 03:09:38 PM
1 votes:
My two lweast favorite things right now are "That awkard moment when..." and hashtag anything. 'That party was awesome. #gotsodrunkipuked'

Now then, get of my lawn.
2012-06-01 03:08:41 PM
1 votes:
img820.imageshack.us
2012-06-01 02:54:34 PM
1 votes:

LeroyBourne: Lebron James' ego twitter page has some hoots!
Link


They were ok, none of em quite had a ring to it though.
2012-06-01 02:45:26 PM
1 votes:

Three Crooked Squirrels: I didn't laugh once. Apparently since you all did, I am dead inside. But that still doesn't change the fact that I didn't laugh once.


Are you a zombie? I really laughed hard at some of them....you need to smoke a fatty or get laid or something! Maybe kroonermanblack can help you out.
2012-06-01 02:45:25 PM
1 votes:
s14.postimage.org
2012-06-01 02:43:24 PM
1 votes:
i.imgur.com
2012-06-01 02:41:57 PM
1 votes:
Well, that was a complete waste of time.

I mean, I laughed and everything, but it was a complete waste of time.

/amidoinitrite?
2012-06-01 02:36:52 PM
1 votes:
Too funny - one of the tweeters is a really good friend of mine.
2012-06-01 02:33:24 PM
1 votes:
I can't wait to read the other 48 side-splittingly hilarious reactions from those who didn't find them all that funny.

GREAT STUFF! KEEP 'EM COMING!!!
2012-06-01 02:32:30 PM
1 votes:

omeganuepsilon: Fark is just a huge gathering of that guy.


That guy, plus the other guy that doesn't find anything funny or impressive or moving... EVER.

At least the weird guy gets invited to lunch.
2012-06-01 02:27:13 PM
1 votes:

kroonermanblack: Three Crooked Squirrels: I didn't laugh once. Apparently since you all did, I am dead inside. But that still doesn't change the fact that I didn't laugh once.

I didn't find any of them funny either.


I found just the one used in the headline to be "funny". The others had elements of humour, but weren't very good.

I must be in bizarro world. Most days Fark is like a Humour Snob site, people pshawing anything that isn't straight from the Jester Bible written in 1600.

But all of a sudden everyone is guzzling the nuts of these tweets that invoke the reaction of "hmmp".
2012-06-01 02:26:14 PM
1 votes:

Three Crooked Squirrels: I didn't laugh once. Apparently since you all did, I am not so easily entertained like a girl counting to potato.


FTFY

Some clever little blurbs, but laugh out loud funny? Not so much.
Then again, it's fark, so I'm not all that surprised to see people guffaw outrageously at the slightest of jokes and even things that aren't funny, like the one weird guy at your office. Fark is just a huge gathering of that guy.

The Homer Tax: Mugato: I read a lot of those in Mitch Hedberg's voice.

To me they all read like "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey"


Me too initially. It eventually blended to somewhere between that and some Andy Rooney impersonator.
/did you ever notice..
2012-06-01 02:25:37 PM
1 votes:

kroonermanblack: Three Crooked Squirrels: I didn't laugh once. Apparently since you all did, I am dead inside. But that still doesn't change the fact that I didn't laugh once.

I didn't find any of them funny either.

+infinity
I thought "so that's what the writers of FarkTV are doing now"
2012-06-01 02:25:23 PM
1 votes:

Bonanza Jellybean: Just follow @dril


Nikki Walter is pretty funny too. Here's one of her Tweets: just went bonkos on my cat for chowin' the fark down on the other cat's food everyday is a winding road for me too Sheryl Crow so blessed

I lol'd
2012-06-01 02:24:08 PM
1 votes:

Ed Grubermann: Well, that was a huge waste of time.


How dare they interrupt your very profitable internetting by forcing you to read that, right?

Although I dare say, taking time to comment on it, only increased the amount of time wasted.
2012-06-01 02:23:59 PM
1 votes:
www.blogcdn.com
2012-06-01 02:21:22 PM
1 votes:
www.blogcdn.com

That's farking funny right there.
2012-06-01 02:19:53 PM
1 votes:

MaxxLarge: Whoa. What the hell, internet? The vast majority of those actually WERE funny.

If I actually have to start believing headlines, I'm not gonna have any way of knowing what's real, anymore.


Indeed, I was pleasantly surprised. I chuckled at many of them.
2012-06-01 02:18:41 PM
1 votes:
www.blogcdn.com
/rock on
2012-06-01 02:12:11 PM
1 votes:
Finally Twitter tackles the heavy issues

www.blogcdn.com
2012-06-01 01:58:40 PM
1 votes:
I didn't laugh once. Apparently since you all did, I am dead inside. But that still doesn't change the fact that I didn't laugh once.
2012-06-01 12:25:35 PM
1 votes:
Surprisingly, a lot of gold in there. The air bud one kills me.
2012-06-01 12:25:25 PM
1 votes:
"Poop is coming out"
2012-06-01 11:48:01 AM
1 votes:
i798.photobucket.com

That one cracked me up.
2012-06-01 11:27:21 AM
1 votes:
www.blogcdn.com

I laughed really, really hard. And the "tree blood" one.
2012-06-01 11:26:08 AM
1 votes:
The hairless cat one killed me.
2012-06-01 11:20:54 AM
1 votes:
"There's really no way of knowing whether a pile of laundry used to be a Jedi."

So the next time my girlfriend tells me to do the laundry, I'll say I can't because of religious reasons

/She doesn't believe in hokey religions
//A lot of those were pretty damn awesome
2012-06-01 11:12:15 AM
1 votes:
I lolled several times.
 
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