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(Mandatory)   "Chivalry isn't dead, you stupid biatch" and 50 other funniest tweets of all time   (mandatory.com) divider line 275
    More: Amusing  
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37025 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Jun 2012 at 1:55 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



275 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-06-01 11:09:14 AM
Whoa. What the hell, internet? The vast majority of those actually WERE funny.

If I actually have to start believing headlines, I'm not gonna have any way of knowing what's real, anymore.
 
2012-06-01 11:12:15 AM
I lolled several times.
 
2012-06-01 11:20:54 AM
"There's really no way of knowing whether a pile of laundry used to be a Jedi."

So the next time my girlfriend tells me to do the laundry, I'll say I can't because of religious reasons

/She doesn't believe in hokey religions
//A lot of those were pretty damn awesome
 
2012-06-01 11:26:08 AM
The hairless cat one killed me.
 
2012-06-01 11:27:21 AM
www.blogcdn.com

I laughed really, really hard. And the "tree blood" one.
 
2012-06-01 11:28:02 AM
Also, I sent this a buddy of mine, subject line "FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: ".
 
2012-06-01 11:28:30 AM
"Rap Math: I need to pour out 40 oz to honor a fallen hommie, but I only have 12 oz cans. How many cans will I need to mourn properly? Show your work."
 
2012-06-01 11:29:39 AM

TheDumbBlonde: "Rap Math: I need to pour out 40 oz to honor a fallen hommie, but I only have 12 oz cans. How many cans will I need to mourn properly? Show your work."


This article has sorely reminded me that I don't presently know any funny women.
 
2012-06-01 11:37:22 AM
Definitely one of the better "top ____ funniest whatevers".
 
2012-06-01 11:40:49 AM
Alright, those were way funnier than they had any right to be.
 
2012-06-01 11:48:01 AM
i798.photobucket.com

That one cracked me up.
 
2012-06-01 11:56:54 AM
I read a lot of those in Mitch Hedberg's voice.
 
2012-06-01 12:03:46 PM
www.blogcdn.com
 
2012-06-01 12:11:55 PM
www.blogcdn.com

I almost hacked up a lung.
 
2012-06-01 12:18:45 PM
Does anyone else have a big ad in the middle of it? I have ad block and no script.
 
2012-06-01 12:23:10 PM

Mugato: Does anyone else have a big ad in the middle of it? I have ad block and no script.


Only using Chrome. Works in Firefox for me.
 
2012-06-01 12:25:25 PM
"Poop is coming out"
 
2012-06-01 12:25:35 PM
Surprisingly, a lot of gold in there. The air bud one kills me.
 
2012-06-01 12:55:50 PM
"Of all time" being all of what, 5 or 6 years?
 
2012-06-01 12:58:09 PM

kingoomieiii: TheDumbBlonde: "Rap Math: I need to pour out 40 oz to honor a fallen hommie, but I only have 12 oz cans. How many cans will I need to mourn properly? Show your work."

This article has sorely reminded me that I don't presently know any funny women.


It's hard to find them on the Internet. They tend to be drowned out by women (and men) who are trying to be funny, but just end up coming off as bitter and/or angry.
 
2012-06-01 01:11:09 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: "Of all time" being all of what, 5 or 6 years?


Hello Deborah of Downington.
 
2012-06-01 01:19:59 PM

meow said the dog: Hello Deborah of Downington.


pendletonpanther.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-06-01 01:58:40 PM
I didn't laugh once. Apparently since you all did, I am dead inside. But that still doesn't change the fact that I didn't laugh once.
 
2012-06-01 02:03:51 PM

Three Crooked Squirrels: I didn't laugh once. Apparently since you all did, I am dead inside. But that still doesn't change the fact that I didn't laugh once.


Congratulations?
 
2012-06-01 02:05:17 PM
How can I pretend to work when I try to read through these?

www.blogcdn.com
 
2012-06-01 02:06:01 PM
F* k you, you worthless whore! You stole my heart, ripped it out, stomped on it. Die & go straight to hell.

/should I have saved that for valentine's day 2013?
 
2012-06-01 02:06:34 PM

Three Crooked Squirrels: I didn't laugh once. Apparently since you all did, I am dead inside. But that still doesn't change the fact that I didn't laugh once.


Can Cymbalta help?
 
2012-06-01 02:08:21 PM

TheBeastOfYuccaFlats: Congratulations?


Thanks!

LaraAmber: Can Cymbalta help?


Vodak, maybe
 
2012-06-01 02:09:16 PM

Three Crooked Squirrels: I didn't laugh once. Apparently since you all did, I am dead inside. But that still doesn't change the fact that I didn't laugh once.


That's probably because you're dead inside.
 
2012-06-01 02:09:40 PM

Three Crooked Squirrels: I didn't laugh once. Apparently since you all did, I am dead inside. But that still doesn't change the fact that I didn't laugh once.


I laughed at this.....while pointing at your post and thinking (while chuckling) about something funny I was going to post..and then I posted it while laughing at your misfortune
/TA DAAAAA! LOL!!!
 
2012-06-01 02:09:49 PM

KatjaMouse: How can I pretend to work when I try to read through these?

[www.blogcdn.com image 432x145]


Yeah, that one got me a couple of stares too.
 
2012-06-01 02:10:55 PM

stratagos: Three Crooked Squirrels: I didn't laugh once. Apparently since you all did, I am dead inside. But that still doesn't change the fact that I didn't laugh once.

That's probably because you're dead inside.


It's just gas.
 
2012-06-01 02:12:11 PM
Finally Twitter tackles the heavy issues

www.blogcdn.com
 
2012-06-01 02:12:31 PM

Mugato: I read a lot of those in Mitch Hedberg's voice.


To me they all read like "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey"
 
2012-06-01 02:12:47 PM

violentsalvation:
www.blogcdn.com
That one cracked me up.


I dunno about you, but I like the Tank Girl look.
P-p-p-pow!
 
2012-06-01 02:14:10 PM

ChipNASA: stratagos: Three Crooked Squirrels: I didn't laugh once. Apparently since you all did, I am dead inside. But that still doesn't change the fact that I didn't laugh once.

That's probably because you're dead inside.

It's just gas.


Look, my Father In Law is a mortician. I know the difference between decomposition and Taco Bell
 
2012-06-01 02:15:16 PM

TheBeastOfYuccaFlats: It's hard to find them on the Internet. They tend to be drowned out by women (and men) who are trying to be funny, but just end up coming off as bitter and/or angry.


meet

DrippinBalls: F* k you, you worthless whore! You stole my heart, ripped it out, stomped on it. Die & go straight to hell.

/should I have saved that for valentine's day 2013?

 
2012-06-01 02:15:34 PM

The Homer Tax: Mugato: I read a lot of those in Mitch Hedberg's voice.

To me they all read like "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey"


Yeah, those guys or steven wright.

Freddy Mercury Aidees cracked me up along with several others.
 
2012-06-01 02:17:36 PM
www.blogcdn.com
 
2012-06-01 02:17:49 PM
Well, that was a huge waste of time.
 
2012-06-01 02:18:28 PM

Ed Grubermann: Well, that was a huge waste of time.


Welcome to FARK.
 
2012-06-01 02:18:41 PM
www.blogcdn.com
/rock on
 
2012-06-01 02:19:53 PM

MaxxLarge: Whoa. What the hell, internet? The vast majority of those actually WERE funny.

If I actually have to start believing headlines, I'm not gonna have any way of knowing what's real, anymore.


Indeed, I was pleasantly surprised. I chuckled at many of them.
 
2012-06-01 02:20:12 PM
I"m only on the third page and i'm laughing pretty enthusiastically.
I blame weed.

/cuz i haven't had any today. if i had i would be giggling subdued...edly
 
2012-06-01 02:21:05 PM

stratagos: ChipNASA: stratagos: Three Crooked Squirrels: I didn't laugh once. Apparently since you all did, I am dead inside. But that still doesn't change the fact that I didn't laugh once.

That's probably because you're dead inside.

It's just gas.

Look, my Father In Law is a mortician. I know the difference between decomposition and Taco Bell


redundant??
 
2012-06-01 02:21:22 PM
www.blogcdn.com

That's farking funny right there.
 
2012-06-01 02:22:07 PM
Just follow @dril
 
2012-06-01 02:22:22 PM
Guy Fieri looks like he's playing the sun in a school play LOL OMG its so true.
 
2012-06-01 02:22:55 PM

stratagos: ChipNASA: stratagos: Three Crooked Squirrels: I didn't laugh once. Apparently since you all did, I am dead inside. But that still doesn't change the fact that I didn't laugh once.

That's probably because you're dead inside.

It's just gas.

Look, my Father In Law is a mortician. I know the difference between decomposition and Taco Bell


Does he have an ultimate set of tools? I bet you could fix it.
 
2012-06-01 02:23:01 PM

Three Crooked Squirrels: I didn't laugh once. Apparently since you all did, I am dead inside. But that still doesn't change the fact that I didn't laugh once.


I didn't find any of them funny either.
 
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