I am now going to try and use "kinky farkery" in everyday usage. Such an awesome phrase.

Budd Dwyer and a revolver is a better love story than Twilight.

mhd: So, it's Lady Chatterley's Lover meets My Immortal?

There are no "goffs" to speak of

ladyhawk: Still boggles my mind that the majority of Farkers hate Twilight yet they keep talking about it. If you don't like it, why not let it just drop and move on?

I know, I know. I'll go welcometofark.jpg myself.

About ten or eleven years ago I used to work near a mall whose theater would show older movies for like $3. For a time, I would go after work every day to see Battlefield Earth. I've probably seen the movie over a dozen times.

When people found out, they looked like they'd throw up. "WHY?!" they'd cry.

Because there was something so oddly fascinating about how horrible that movie was. It was like a case study of Goofus from Highlights magazine if Goofus were writer. Like the Chernobyl of human effort going green and resplendent by sole virtue of how awful it was.

The movie itself wasn't entertaining but picking it apart is! Twilight's claim to infamy is how bland it is. It's horrifically mediocre. The biggest thrills come from flirting with not being mediocre.

Examples:

Exciting: A vampire.
Reeling that in: He sparkles, so it's okay, he's safe.

Exciting: Another lover.
Even more exciting: He's a wolfman! (commence "doggy style" jokes)
Reeling that in: whatserface instantly puts him on the friend-ladder, killing any real possibility of a love triangle. But HEY, that means he's totally available for you, the teenage girl reader/movie viewer to have a guilt-free crush on!

Exciting: Enemy vampires are out to kill her!
Reeling that in: Between her superpowered boyfriend, her superpowered puppydog, her own superpowers, and utterly lazy and remarkably gullible villains, she is at no point in any believable danger.

Exciting: Sex with sparkledick might kill her!
Reeling that in: Just kidding (which they found out after they got married, of course).

Exciting: But there's totally a sex scene, right?
Reeling that in: Remember that Family Guy British sex joke? It was pretty much like that.

/The same reason I kept shelling out good money to see the Star Wars prequels
//Although for grade A awful you should really see Tommy Wiseau's "The Room"

kxs401: Still a better love story than Twilight.

Triumph of the Will was a better romance than Twilight.

/godwinned

imgod2u: I'll listen to the audiobook of this. Particularly, as read by Gilbert Gottfried.

Anything Gilbert does is comedy gold.

kxs401: SweetSilverBlues: PizzaJedi81: Fluorescent Testicle: kxs401: Nutella and pretzels is a better love story than Twilight.

GW Bush and pretzels is a better love story than Twilight.

GW Bush and a shoe is a better love story than Twilight.

A shoe and Margaret Thatcher is a better love story than Twilight.

Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Regan is a better love story than Twilight.

Wasn't there a Spitting Image ep about that?

/my lawn
//you know the drill

kxs401: SweetSilverBlues: PizzaJedi81: Fluorescent Testicle: kxs401: Nutella and pretzels is a better love story than Twilight.

GW Bush and pretzels is a better love story than Twilight.

GW Bush and a shoe is a better love story than Twilight.

A shoe and Margaret Thatcher is a better love story than Twilight.

Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Regan is a better love story than Twilight.

Ronald Reagan and the airline workers was a better love story than Twilight.

kxs401: SweetSilverBlues: PizzaJedi81: Fluorescent Testicle: kxs401: Nutella and pretzels is a better love story than Twilight.

GW Bush and pretzels is a better love story than Twilight.

GW Bush and a shoe is a better love story than Twilight.

A shoe and Margaret Thatcher is a better love story than Twilight.

Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Regan is a better love story than Twilight.

Bill O'Reilly and Greta Van Susteren is a better love story than "Twilight".

kxs401: SweetSilverBlues: PizzaJedi81: Fluorescent Testicle: kxs401: Nutella and pretzels is a better love story than Twilight.

GW Bush and pretzels is a better love story than Twilight.

GW Bush and a shoe is a better love story than Twilight.

A shoe and Margaret Thatcher is a better love story than Twilight.

Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Regan is a better love story than Twilight.

Margaret Thatcher and a cold day is a better love story than Twilight.

I thought you couldn't profit off of Fan fiction?

Saborlas: kxs401: Still a better love story than Twilight.

Goodnight Moon is a better love story than Twilight.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
no snark intended

I can't imagine it is better than the Story of O

Jim from Saint Paul: xenophon10k: And if anyone can recognize bad writing...

/Also works with Dan Brown

Serious Black: Good use of the ironic tag, subby.

raptusregaliter: Coming from someone whose writing kills brain cells... wow.

//go away, Stephenie

Yay! I GET TO BE "THAT GUY"!

*ahem*

Know how I know you didn't RTFA?

Not liking Twilight is absolutley fine. I tried reading the first book and it made me feel like I was 13 again, rifling through my mom's romance books for sex secnes again (except there was no payoff like in mom's books). It was terrible.

Ripping someone for something they in no way did, no matter what subbby says, is just plain retarted and dickheaded.

/basically, buisness is at its lazy and usual self around here

I'll bet that a couple of years ago when that guy got killed by a bear his family and friends may have said he had a tender heart but the bear didn't. How could such a blantant lie in a headline be tolerated? It's almost like Fark places more importance on humor than on journalistic integrity in these things.

She wad a hell of a lot more composed and polite than I would have been, I'll give her that.

Guidette Frankentits: I thought you couldn't profit off of Fan fiction?

You can if:

Your material is sufficently different enough (no direct or indirect references to specific characters, locations, etc) to qualify as not having any real bearing on or material from the original work.

You buy licensing rights.

You're granted licensing rights by the owner of the original work.

It's a farce, satire or parody of the original work.

A lot of it depends on the owner of the original work, too. Meyer probably could make a stink if she really wanted to, but she seems pleased to have inspired it instead.
There's a ton of legalspeak, but boiled down there it is. 50 Shades qualifies as different enough.

SweetSilverBlues: Now, if it had been named Fifty Shades of Glittering Grey that would have been entirely different.

This thread is now an attempt to write that unholy mash-up.

/Gogogogo!

Serious Black: Good use of the ironic tag, subby.

Her comments are not really ironic if they're completely fabricated.

BohemianGraham: Meyer's opinions mean little to me. I almost didn't read The Hunger Games because she though it was "amazing."

Sounds like they mean more to you than you give them credit for, if her opinion of a book could almost sway you away from reading it.

We live in a very interesting time when FAN FICTION can become a best seller, granted it's leapfrogging off of Twilight's success (great marketing move).

Not deriding fan fiction, I think it's a great way to help fledgling writers get practice and I'm raining not on anyone's parade.

I highly doubt this could have happened in the past.

VRaptor117: Has anyone here read it? Some morning show was talking about a few weeks ago, it sounded pretty hot.

Go read the Amazon reviews. Some of them are hilarious.

shortymac: We live in a very interesting time when FAN FICTION can become a best seller

It's not actually fan fiction. It was changed prior to publication to be its own thing, just like Dennis McKiernan's unofficial Lord of the Rings sequel in the 1980s and many others. Over the years there has been LOADS of fiction, especially genre fiction, that began as an unofficial sequel to something else.'

And that doesn't even get into stuff like Scarlet, which is the very definition of successful fan fiction. It made the best seller list in 1991, was turned into a miniseries, and remains in print to this day.

shortymac: We live in a very interesting time when FAN FICTION can become a best seller

The most interesting thing is that this seems to have crossed over in the mainstream market. Other than that, there's a thin border between fan fiction and genre literature. Half of fantasy is thinly veiled Tolkien wannabes (the other half consists of REH pastiches, "this is what happened at my role-playing table" and magical horsies). Sci-Fi is basically retelling Dune and Starship Troopers all over again and let's not even get into crime or horror fiction...

And sometimes, weirder things happen...

Jim from Saint Paul: Ashtrey: Jim from Saint Paul: xenophon10k: And if anyone can recognize bad writing...

/Also works with Dan Brown

Serious Black: Good use of the ironic tag, subby.

raptusregaliter: Coming from someone whose writing kills brain cells... wow.

//go away, Stephenie

Yay! I GET TO BE "THAT GUY"!

*ahem*

Know how I know you didn't RTFA?

Not liking Twilight is absolutley fine. I tried reading the first book and it made me feel like I was 13 again, rifling through my mom's romance books for sex secnes again (except there was no payoff like in mom's books). It was terrible.

Ripping someone for something they in no way did, no matter what subbby says, is just plain retarted and dickheaded.

/basically, buisness is at its lazy and usual self around here

I'll bet that a couple of years ago when that guy got killed by a bear his family and friends may have said he had a tender heart but the bear didn't. How could such a blantant lie in a headline be tolerated? It's almost like Fark places more importance on humor than on journalistic integrity in these things.

It's almost like I was ripping the people who didn't RTFA or something.

Fair enough. I skimmed your post since I was on lunch and jumped too quick, sorry.

Guess I attacked you for something you did not say, thereby illustrating your point. So you're welcome?

/did RTFA
//don't always

shoegaze99: shortymac: We live in a very interesting time when FAN FICTION can become a best seller

It's not actually fan fiction. It was changed prior to publication to be its own thing, just like Dennis McKiernan's unofficial Lord of the Rings sequel in the 1980s and many others. Over the years there has been LOADS of fiction, especially genre fiction, that began as an unofficial sequel to something else.'

And that doesn't even get into stuff like Scarlet, which is the very definition of successful fan fiction. It made the best seller list in 1991, was turned into a miniseries, and remains in print to this day.

Oh wow! I never knew that, I was a kid when scarlett came out so that's probably why I don't remember it. Reading the plot on wiki it does read like bad fan fiction.

shoegaze99: It's not actually fan fiction. It was changed prior to publication to be its own thing, just like Dennis McKiernan's unofficial Lord of the Rings sequel in the 1980s and many others. Over the years there has been LOADS of fiction, especially genre fiction, that began as an unofficial sequel to something else.'

Thankyou, for some reason the other day I was trying to remember this guy's name. I thought that was actually more heavy going than the source material.

Mangoose: Allansfirebird: Budd Dwyer and a revolver is a better love story than Twilight.

That's why I say hey man, nice shot.

Seriously, how the fark did you manage to misquote that?

VRaptor117: Has anyone here read it? Some morning show was talking about a few weeks ago, it sounded pretty hot.

I prefer the audio book as read by Gilbert Gottfried.

/ No, really, it's real. Google "Gilbert Gottfried Shades of Grey"

Lollipop165: My main complaint about 50 Shades is that the same uptight lame friends who thought it was so horrible of me to have a decent erotica collection are the same ones who are reading it and enjoying it and acting like they are in the "know" now that they have read it.

I'd be impressed if you actually managed to find enough decent material at all for a decent erotica collection. I'm not squeamish about explicit content at all, but most conventional (read: published) writers are either extremely squeamish and/or downright awful at it, and among amateurs it's just not worth sifting through the chaff.

ladyhawk: Still boggles my mind that the majority of Farkers hate Twilight yet they keep talking about it.

MusicMakeMyHeadPound: Because there was something so oddly fascinating about how horrible [Battlefield Earth] was.

Yeah, it's why I've watched every Plinkett review. Twilight is almost a perfect case study in how not to write a story. I really, really want Pinkett to review the Twilight movies.

If you want to drown yourself in bad writing, teach high school English. But Twilight stands out for its popularity. It's as if someone managed to find the perfect combination of ingredients & marketing that could get the masses to eat dog shiat. You really don't feel special for not buying into it; if anything it's disturbing. But protesting doesn't get you anywhere so instead there's this morbid fascination that develops in how millions of people can eat dog shiat, completely convinced that it's not only enjoyable, but quality stuff.

Read all three. Some of the worst writing ever. But it is nice that soccer moms can feel good about the light bdsm they do in private. Not all books need to be brilliant sometimes escapism is fun.

/prefer the masters of shadow land series for my romantic erotica.

No_Good_Name: Not all books need to be brilliant sometimes escapism is fun.

Oh, I'm all for escapism, but isn't this kind of like going to McDonald's for a burger fix when you can get better burgers for the same price? Unlike just about everything else in life, better writing doesn't cost more.

dragonchild: No_Good_Name: Not all books need to be brilliant sometimes escapism is fun.

Oh, I'm all for escapism, but isn't this kind of like going to McDonald's for a burger fix when you can get better burgers for the same price? Unlike just about everything else in life, better writing doesn't cost more.

For the McDonald's price they are the best. Writing good erotica (makes it sound nice doesn't it. I prefer to call it smut) is hard. It seems that those who can write a good sex scene can't write a good plot. And vice versa.

Fifty Shades came very close. Especially when aiming at an audience who would not be comfortable with more hardcore scenes I think her writing sucked The characters mumbled and sighed everything. The sex scenes were ridiculous. But they obviously spoke to some people.

Millennium: BohemianGraham: Meyer's opinions mean little to me. I almost didn't read The Hunger Games because she though it was "amazing."

Sounds like they mean more to you than you give them credit for, if her opinion of a book could almost sway you away from reading it.

Nope. I should have been clearer perhaps. When I see a book in a store jammed between Twilight and some other Twilight knock-offs, and see Meyer's name on the cover saying it's good, I file this under meaningless information. Those opinions do mean very little to me, as I see them as fluffy and shallow, as all she did was say it was amazing, but not why she thought so. However, when I saw that Stephen King (who can be a bit of a hack at times) and several other people with opinions that have a higher value of meaning to me, in comparison to Stephanie Meyer, say The Hunger Games is actually a good book and has been woefully mis-categorised, and fully explain why they liked it, then I decided to read it. In the grand scheme of things, Meyer's opinion still means little to me in comparison to the opinions of others.

It's like comparing a Michael Bay film to a Stanley Kubrick film. Meyer is the Bay film, empty and shallow with very little meaning, while others are like Kubrick, popular with some schlock thrown in, but far more meaning than Bay 9/10 times.

Trocadero: I am now going to try and use "kinky farkery" in everyday usage. Such an awesome phrase.

Good point, well made.