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(TMZ)   Fortunately, it looks as if we'll all be spared a Melissa Rivers porno   (tmz.com) divider line 87
    More: Spiffy, Melissa Rivers, Vivid Entertainment, splits  
•       •       •

13809 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 28 May 2012 at 10:10 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



87 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2012-05-29 09:04:02 AM  

ChubbyTiger: Severina Vučković.

The tape is spectacular (for the genre).


Oh wow. Thanks for this.

/bunk time
 
2012-05-29 09:08:37 AM  

stuhayes2010: The young, pre-plastic surgery Melissa was very bonable.

[news.makemeheal.com image 327x279]


i3.photobucket.com

No. No she wasn't.
 
2012-05-29 09:11:54 AM  

cygnusx13: Scottybobotty: Because People in power are Stupid: Oh grow up.

You fail, too


Ohhh, you're a big internet meanie!
 
2012-05-29 09:21:32 AM  
53 comments and no mention of Verne Troyer?


SFW article
 
2012-05-29 09:41:35 AM  
i48.tinypic.com

I'd probably watch it.
 
2012-05-29 10:03:56 AM  

wrenchboy: 53 comments and no mention of Verne Troyer?


SFW article


No, you would be the only one who's into male midget porn.
 
2012-05-29 10:45:33 AM  
I'd watch most anything but this one.

www.hellomagazine.com
 
2012-05-29 10:53:02 AM  
I'd watch it. If it didn't focus too much on the face, I might even fap. If it was girl on girl and Melissa wasn't the focus of the movie then I'd more likely fap.
 
2012-05-29 11:06:37 AM  
Pre plastic surgery yeah I would watch it. Post surgery naaaa pass, maybe a peek but no fap fap
 
2012-05-29 11:13:54 AM  

stuhayes2010: The young, pre-plastic surgery Melissa was very bonable.

[news.makemeheal.com image 327x279]


And, you know, the thing about the young, pre-plastic surgery Melissa... she's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When she comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living... until she bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'. The ocean turns red, and despite all the poundin' and the hollerin', they all come in and they... rip you to pieces. You know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men. I don't know how many Melissas, maybe a thousand. I know how many men, they averaged six an hour. On Thursday morning, Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player. Boatswain's mate. I thought he was asleep. I reached over to wake him up. He bobbed up, down in the water just like a kinda top. Upended. Well, he'd been bitten in half below the waist. Noon, the fifth day, Mr. Hooper, a Lockheed Ventura saw us. He swung in low and he saw us... he was a young pilot, a lot younger than Mr. Hooper. Anyway, he saw us and he come in low and three hours later a big fat PBY comes down and starts to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened... waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went in the water; 316 men come out and pre-plastic surgery Melissa Rivers took the rest, June the 29th, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb.
 
2012-05-29 11:35:57 AM  

McManus_brothers: nimawai: Old Man Winter: Dahnkster: PizzaJedi81: The_Sponge: spongeboob: Is there really any celebrity whose sex tape would have no takers?


Susan Boyle
Phyllis Diller
Hillary Clinton

Gabourey Sidibe

Carrot Top

Meh. I'd be interested in how the steroids hit his junk.

/met him in a bar once.
//he was not there for a show
///he was just sitting alone at an 8 person table.

That is one sad story. Just shows you money can't buy you everything.

Adding to the list:

Madonna - Saw her recent naked pics. It wasn't pretty.
Dog the Bounty Hunter & his wife Beth. - I shudder at that one.
Rush Limbaugh - Even if he wasn't a total douche he's still no prize.
Howard Stern

There are plenty of others but I don't want to even picture them having sex.

/off to go throw up now
//This thread is going to give me nightmares

Dunno if they're "celebrities" (maybe in the very loosest sense of the word) but I nominate Harry Knowles and Bruce Vilanch.


OT: I would so disappoint Murphy McManus. Now that is a tape I'd be willing to pay for. That man is sex on a stick.

On Topic: I don't think Harry Knowles really qualifies. He's more of a net celeb. I still wouldn't want to see him in a sex tape though.

Bruice Vilanch makes me hurl with his clothes on. Seeing him naked I'd probably pass out & not in a happy fun way. That man is disgusting.

/Off to go find some Murphy McManus eye bleach. :D
//Yes I know his real name is Norman Reedus
///I don't think I've ever seen a movie where he keeps his shirt on & I'm totally fine with that. :D
 
2012-05-29 11:43:40 AM  

buckeyebrain: spongeboob: The Fark ready headline was funny.

Is there really any celebrity whose sex tape would have no takers?


Challenge Accepted.


I'll see your Oprah Winfrey and raise you...

i227.photobucket.com

/That's her 'O' face. Have fun getting that image out of your head.
 
2012-05-29 12:02:06 PM  

BassmanBP: buckeyebrain: spongeboob: The Fark ready headline was funny.

Is there really any celebrity whose sex tape would have no takers?


Challenge Accepted.

I'll see your Oprah Winfrey and raise you...

[i227.photobucket.com image 450x284]

/That's her 'O' face. Have fun getting that image out of your head.


encrypted-tbn2.google.com
 
2012-05-29 12:07:32 PM  

buckeyebrain: spongeboob: The Fark ready headline was funny.

Is there really any celebrity whose sex tape would have no takers?

[rollingout.com image 560x375]
Challenge Accepted.


oh....id watch some hung white guy fark her in the pooper.
 
2012-05-29 12:35:41 PM  

nimawai: OT: I would so disappoint Murphy McManus. Now that is a tape I'd be willing to pay for. That man is sex on a stick.

On Topic: I don't think Harry Knowles really qualifies. He's more of a net celeb. I still wouldn't want to see him in a sex tape though.

Bruice Vilanch makes me hurl with his clothes on. Seeing him naked I'd probably pass out & not in a happy fun way. That man is disgusting.

/Off to go find some Murphy McManus eye bleach. :D
//Yes I know his real name is Norman Reedus
///I don't think I've ever seen a movie where he keeps his shirt on & I'm totally fine with that. :D


Congrats on getting the reference!
 
2012-05-29 01:14:03 PM  

smurfnazi: buckeyebrain: spongeboob: The Fark ready headline was funny.

Is there really any celebrity whose sex tape would have no takers?

[rollingout.com image 560x375]
Challenge Accepted.

oh....id watch some hung white guy fark her in the pooper.


Your Man Card, it's revoked.
 
2012-05-29 01:19:36 PM  
I misread that as "promo" but was equally repulsed.
 
2012-05-29 02:12:20 PM  

buckeyebrain: spongeboob: The Fark ready headline was funny.

Is there really any celebrity whose sex tape would have no takers?

[rollingout.com image 560x375]
Challenge Accepted.


Rule 34 renders your argument invalid.
 
2012-05-29 02:29:11 PM  

McManus_brothers: nimawai: Old Man Winter: Dahnkster: PizzaJedi81: The_Sponge: spongeboob: Is there really any celebrity whose sex tape would have no takers?


Susan Boyle
Phyllis Diller
Hillary Clinton

Gabourey Sidibe

Carrot Top

Meh. I'd be interested in how the steroids hit his junk.

/met him in a bar once.
//he was not there for a show
///he was just sitting alone at an 8 person table.

That is one sad story. Just shows you money can't buy you everything.

Adding to the list:

Madonna - Saw her recent naked pics. It wasn't pretty.
Dog the Bounty Hunter & his wife Beth. - I shudder at that one.
Rush Limbaugh - Even if he wasn't a total douche he's still no prize.
Howard Stern

There are plenty of others but I don't want to even picture them having sex.

/off to go throw up now
//This thread is going to give me nightmares

Dunno if they're "celebrities" (maybe in the very loosest sense of the word) but I nominate Harry Knowles and Bruce Vilanch.


Phil Collins
Robert Smith
and for the ladies I'd never want to see a sex tape of
Lisa Lampenelli
Marilyn Manson
Sally Fields.
 
2012-05-29 02:33:47 PM  
Jesus, people. "Oh, grow up" is Joan Rivers line, not a white-knighting. Sheesh.

/fark, I guess I'm old.
 
2012-05-29 03:56:18 PM  

skinink: I've maybe seen one celebrity sex tape that was worth it, and the rest have been horrible, out of focus, bad angles vanilla sex kind of tapes. The worst was Tonya Harding/Jeff Gillooly's wedding night tape. It was sexy only if you liked looking at Gillooly's taint and Tonya giving an uninspired bj.


So which was the one that was worth it?
 
2012-05-29 04:18:49 PM  

GuitarCozmo: skinink: I've maybe seen one celebrity sex tape that was worth it, and the rest have been horrible, out of focus, bad angles vanilla sex kind of tapes. The worst was Tonya Harding/Jeff Gillooly's wedding night tape. It was sexy only if you liked looking at Gillooly's taint and Tonya giving an uninspired bj.

So which was the one that was worth it?


It was mentioned earlier but the ones from foreign actresses are usually pretty good. I don't know if there were any American celebrity tapes that are legitimately fap worthy. Now if there was a Sofia Vergara + Mila Kunis + Me tape out there, I'd be a happy man. Hell if there was an event that didn't even involve a camera between us, I'd be a happy man.

On a semi related note, we've talked about sex tapes you don't want. What about tapes you do want?
 
2012-05-29 04:23:57 PM  
www3.pictures.zimbio.com


talk about man hands...
 
2012-05-29 04:49:12 PM  

Because People in power are Stupid: Oh grow up.


narwhaler.com

Seriously, am I the only one who got the not-at-all-obscure reference?
 
2012-05-29 06:35:46 PM  

PizzaJedi81: The_Sponge: spongeboob: Is there really any celebrity whose sex tape would have no takers?


Susan Boyle
Phyllis Diller
Hillary Clinton

Gabourey Sidibe


Paula Dean
 
2012-05-29 06:44:27 PM  

Thorny4Pie: PizzaJedi81: The_Sponge: spongeboob: Is there really any celebrity whose sex tape would have no takers?


Susan Boyle
Phyllis Diller
Hillary Clinton

Gabourey Sidibe

Paula Dean


Beth Ditto
 
2012-05-29 07:10:05 PM  

Apos: Thorny4Pie: PizzaJedi81: The_Sponge: spongeboob: Is there really any celebrity whose sex tape would have no takers?


Susan Boyle
Phyllis Diller
Hillary Clinton

Gabourey Sidibe

Paula Dean

Beth Ditto


whoopi goldberg
 
2012-05-29 07:11:28 PM  
on second thought: an all rug-munch episode of the View.

you're welcome, farkers.
 
2012-05-29 07:35:25 PM  

dumbobruni: on second thought: an all rug-munch episode of the View.

you're welcome, farkers.


i237.photobucket.com

I'll just leave this here...
 
2012-05-29 07:41:09 PM  

basemetal: The only good thing about Melissa possibly being in a porn, is that she would have to shut the hell up while a dick was in her mouth.


Dont know how, but somehow I just doubt it.
 
2012-05-29 07:49:59 PM  

dumbobruni: Apos: Thorny4Pie: PizzaJedi81: The_Sponge: spongeboob: Is there really any celebrity whose sex tape would have no takers?


Susan Boyle
Phyllis Diller
Hillary Clinton

Gabourey Sidibe

Paula Dean

Beth Ditto

whoopi goldberg


Rosie O'Donnell
Gary Busey
Boy George (even if he's thin again)
Kirstie Alley
Rick Santorum
CeeLo Green
 
2012-05-29 08:00:13 PM  
Cue the "How about No" bear
 
2012-05-29 09:06:47 PM  

robertus: stuhayes2010: The young, pre-plastic surgery Melissa was very bonable.

[news.makemeheal.com image 327x279]

And, you know, the thing about the young, pre-plastic surgery Melissa... she's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When she comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living... until she bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'. The ocean turns red, and despite all the poundin' and the hollerin', they all come in and they... rip you to pieces. You know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men. I don't know how many Melissas, maybe a thousand. I know how many men, they averaged six an hour. On Thursday morning, Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player. Boatswain's mate. I thought he was asleep. I reached over to wake him up. He bobbed up, down in the water just like a kinda top. Upended. Well, he'd been bitten in half below the waist. Noon, the fifth day, Mr. Hooper, a Lockheed Ventura saw us. He swung in low and he saw us... he was a young pilot, a lot younger than Mr. Hooper. Anyway, he saw us and he come in low and three hours later a big fat PBY comes down and starts to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened... waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went in the water; 316 men come out and pre-plastic surgery Melissa Rivers took the rest, June the 29th, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb.


I never get tired of this meme, no matter what the context.
 
2012-05-29 10:30:54 PM  

McManus_brothers: nimawai: OT: I would so disappoint Murphy McManus. Now that is a tape I'd be willing to pay for. That man is sex on a stick.

On Topic: I don't think Harry Knowles really qualifies. He's more of a net celeb. I still wouldn't want to see him in a sex tape though.

Bruice Vilanch makes me hurl with his clothes on. Seeing him naked I'd probably pass out & not in a happy fun way. That man is disgusting.

/Off to go find some Murphy McManus eye bleach. :D
//Yes I know his real name is Norman Reedus
///I don't think I've ever seen a movie where he keeps his shirt on & I'm totally fine with that. :D

Congrats on getting the reference!


That's a pretty easy reference to get. ;)
 
2012-05-29 11:31:51 PM  
What no Zappa reference?

Link

/my work here is done
 
2012-05-29 11:52:18 PM  

ParadisePornoTheater: dumbobruni: Apos: Thorny4Pie: PizzaJedi81: The_Sponge: spongeboob: Is there really any celebrity whose sex tape would have no takers?


Susan Boyle
Phyllis Diller
Hillary Clinton

Gabourey Sidibe

Paula Dean

Beth Ditto

whoopi goldberg

Rosie O'Donnell
Gary Busey
Boy George (even if he's thin again)
Kirstie Alley
Rick Santorum
CeeLo Green


Ernest Borgnine
Alf
Stephen Hawking
Ruben Studdard
 
2012-05-30 10:24:53 AM  

phedex: ParadisePornoTheater: dumbobruni: Apos: Thorny4Pie: PizzaJedi81: The_Sponge: spongeboob: Is there really any celebrity whose sex tape would have no takers?


Susan Boyle
Phyllis Diller
Hillary Clinton

Gabourey Sidibe

Paula Dean

Beth Ditto

whoopi goldberg

Rosie O'Donnell
Gary Busey
Boy George (even if he's thin again)
Kirstie Alley
Rick Santorum
CeeLo Green

Ernest Borgnine
Alf
Stephen Hawking
Ruben Studdard


Rin Tin Tin
Lassie
Greyfriars Bobby
Hooch
Jerry Lee

Who I'd like to see?
Charlize Theron
Sophie Marceau
Eva Green
Melissa Theuriau
Zoe Saldana
Cate Blanchett
 
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