FARK.com: (7129918) I'm thinking of using a non-sequitor to greet various people. I was thinking something like "Brother" or "Boss". Maybe "Man". What non-sequitors do you use or have used on you?

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		I'm thinking of using a non-sequitor to greet various people. I was thinking something like "Brother" or "Boss". Maybe "Man". What non-sequitors do you use or have used on you? (fark.com)		378
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2848 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 May 2012 at 8:58 PM | Favorite | share:

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SkerriNinja		2012-05-27 09:19:44 PM

Bub, dude, man, and the occasional Stinky Whizzleteats.

Fall in Light		2012-05-27 09:19:59 PM

Holmes, kids. Also, girl- regardless of gender or age. One of my roommates is a drag queen and it's the standard greeting and general exclamation at the house. Now I can't help but say it all the damn time.

100 Watt Walrus		2012-05-27 09:20:03 PM

theorellior: "Sparky" is good. "Old Bean" or "Old Shoe" gives you some of the Olde Englande feel. My father has a whole suite of now-obscure character names he uses for people: Parnelli Jones, Clem Kadiddlehopper, Office Krupke, Mr. McBoingboing, Whittaker Walt.

I have a friend with whom I play a game in which we call each other "old [fill in the blank randomly], old [fill in the blank again]," and try to crack each other up before the other one.

ME: "John, you old soup tureen, you old condom dispenser! How are you?"
HIM: "Walrus, you old chimney stack, you old gas station lavatory, I'm dandy. Yourself?"

antiFodder		2012-05-27 09:20:46 PM

Fun fact: Inmates call prison guards "boss". This means any law enforcement related person is going to think you're an ex con if you call them "boss."

BarkingUnicorn		2012-05-27 09:21:05 PM

"Dear" makes women feel pretty. "Lad" makes men feel young.

FuturePastNow		2012-05-27 09:21:13 PM

I want to answer the phone "ahoy-hoy" like Mr. Burns, but I keep forgetting to.

AbbeySomeone		2012-05-27 09:21:27 PM

No David Allen Coe references? For shame

/darlin'

KarmicDisaster		2012-05-27 09:23:11 PM

Scrote!

StinkyFiddlewinks		2012-05-27 09:23:12 PM

I rarely use a drawn out "What's up, Loooord Humungus", when I'm feeling cocky drunk or both.

TheShavingofOccam123		2012-05-27 09:23:17 PM

I always liked Broheme. Or Broheem.

TheOther		2012-05-27 09:23:35 PM

Worst Name I Ever Heard: TheOther:'Chief' me and I'll mess your life up.

Lighten up, Chief.

EZ Money chimes in.

natmar_76		2012-05-27 09:23:40 PM

Sir, for guys I don't know. Man, for most guys I know. Guys, for a group of girls. Hey, or you, for girls I know. First name, for girls I like. Dude, buddy, bud, bubba, for buddies. Very rarely, a "bro", for guys who insist on using the term "bro", which I don't really like, because I have one brother and the rest of you aren't him.

Ogre840		2012-05-27 09:23:48 PM

I call everyone Babou.

'Cause they're all fox-eared assholes.

RassilonsExWife		2012-05-27 09:24:07 PM

Hey.. has anyone pointed out that subby doesn't know what the fark a non sequitur is yet?

Owangotang		2012-05-27 09:24:57 PM

Ladies: Sassafras

Men: Partna

Anagrammer		2012-05-27 09:25:18 PM

Note: Try to avoid calling anyone "Boss", unless they're your actual boss. Referring to people as "Boss" who aren't your boss basically tells people that you've spent time in a Texas prison.

Oafmeel		2012-05-27 09:25:43 PM

I once called a Swede Jefe.

He didn't get it. He thought I called him a heifer.

Good times.

/csb

TheShavingofOccam123		2012-05-27 09:25:45 PM

RassilonsExWife: Hey.. has anyone pointed out that subby doesn't know what the fark a non sequitur is yet?

Forget it. He's on a roll.

/Who's with me now? AAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

nocturn		2012-05-27 09:26:02 PM

I like quietly staring people in the eye and forcing just enough urine to darken the front of my pants. Works wonders.

kidsizedcoffin		2012-05-27 09:26:05 PM

FuturePastNow: I want to answer the phone "ahoy-hoy" like Mr. Burns, but I keep forgetting to.

I do actually answer the phone this way, and it catches a lot of people off guard.

That being said, in person, a good cup check is always fun.

Donnchadha		2012-05-27 09:27:08 PM

I usually go with "[Insert First name] Gambolputty-de-von-Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crass-cren-bon-fried-d igger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple- banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumbl emeyer-spelter-wasser-kurstlich-himble-eisen-bahnwagen-guten-abend-bit te-ein-nürnburger-bratwürstel-gespurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-g umberaber-schönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittleraucher-von-Hautkopft of Ulm."

It just rolls off the tongue.

Scaevola		2012-05-27 09:27:15 PM

FuturePastNow: I want to answer the phone "ahoy-hoy" like Mr. Burns, but I keep forgetting to.

I do this.

bmfderek		2012-05-27 09:27:28 PM

I find myself using "slick" a lot lately. I'm a fan of "cool breeze" as well.

Anagrammer		2012-05-27 09:27:52 PM

RassilonsExWife: Hey.. has anyone pointed out that subby doesn't know what the fark a non sequitur is yet?

Actually, no, my vest has never had sleeves.

Desmo		2012-05-27 09:27:53 PM

RassilonsExWife: Hey.. has anyone pointed out that subby doesn't know what the fark a non sequitur is yet?

Of course l put cucumbers on the grill, where do you polka?

yelmrog		2012-05-27 09:28:05 PM

For a positive reaction, call'em "Cap'n".

For a negative, you can't get much better than "Bozo".

my lip balm addiction		2012-05-27 09:28:24 PM

I have been known to refer to people as Boss or Dude frequently. Sometimes as Beavis if I can't remember a name. If I can't think of a womans name in conversation, I say "What's her Muff".

TheShavingofOccam123		2012-05-27 09:29:01 PM

nocturn: I like quietly staring people in the eye and forcing just enough urine to darken the front of my pants. Works wonders.

peelslowlynsee.files.wordpress.com

Is this you?

theorellior		2012-05-27 09:29:21 PM

FuturePastNow: I want to answer the phone "ahoy-hoy" like Mr. Burns, but I keep forgetting to.

For quite some time I would answer the phone, "Bueno!" as they do in Mexico, until I got a call from a Mexican person and they proceeded to hit me with a string rapid-fire Spanish. I had to quickly explain that I knew no Español and they had the numero rongo.

Then I switched to "Bert's Taco Palace".

McManus_brothers		2012-05-27 09:29:22 PM

If he's familiar with you - family, friends, regular customers in his store - my old man will greet you with "There (s)he is", and an obscure play on words with the person's name.

I don't have a regular greeting (non-sequitur or otherwise), I just use unique greetings for each person. Though I have been reading the aforementioned Jeeves and Wooster stories lately, and some of Wooster's greetings are right smashing.

mikdeetx		2012-05-27 09:29:37 PM

Pucker up Buttercup
Jelly Bean
Homeslice
Fuzzball
And for the ladies...Juicy

BHK		2012-05-27 09:30:16 PM

Tovarich

Donnchadha		2012-05-27 09:30:16 PM

StinkyFiddlewinks: I rarely use a drawn out "What's up, Loooord Humungus", when I'm feeling cocky drunk or both.

Works best when said to chicks

whatshisname		2012-05-27 09:30:35 PM

Wouldn't a non sequitur greeting have to be personalized for the recipient?
Like calling a fat guy "Slim" etc?

Tziva		2012-05-27 09:30:47 PM

I call pretty much everyone "dude" or "man." Less commonly, I will go for "homes" or "sir."

I use "man" and "sir" on women with about the same frequency.

LockeOak		2012-05-27 09:31:11 PM

Chuckie Baby.

Donya (older ladies only).

Thelonius.

KrispyKritter		2012-05-27 09:31:18 PM

JasonOfOrillia: No words, just a nice, full-body hug.

that is sweet and wonderful. the world needs more people like you.

fuligin		2012-05-27 09:31:31 PM

If I don't remember your name, I'm callin' you buddy. This can go for friends or enemies, depending on the amount of sarcasm present.

Mr Talbot		2012-05-27 09:31:36 PM

My dad always called people hot rod. I call every female I meet hun for some reason

barefoot in the head		2012-05-27 09:31:43 PM

AcneVulgaris: "Old Sock" is a favorite.

Felix Amadeus Benvenuto von Gaigern, I presume?

badhatharry		2012-05-27 09:31:53 PM

rotsky: I'm not racist, but I always find myself calling black people "man". I can't NOT do it. It's weird.

I think "man" is ok. Better than "bro". Always remember that if it's a young person, never use "son" or "boy".

Deddude9988		2012-05-27 09:33:03 PM

Big Guy. Regardless of gender.

sandbar67		2012-05-27 09:33:20 PM

Lovechunks
Cupcake
Lamb Chop
Homeskillet
Freakmaster
Digga (German slang - not a substitute for the N word)

Donnchadha		2012-05-27 09:33:30 PM

badhatharry: rotsky: I'm not racist, but I always find myself calling black people "man". I can't NOT do it. It's weird.

I think "man" is ok. Better than "bro". Always remember that if it's a young person, never use "son" or "boy".

If you preface it with an "I say I say" said in a southern accent, then they'll think you're a cartoon chicken and it'll be okay.

Huskadoodle		2012-05-27 09:33:34 PM

RassilonsExWife: Hey.. has anyone pointed out that subby doesn't know what the fark a non sequitur is yet?

So calling someone dawg is sequiter?