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(Fark)   I'm thinking of using a non-sequitor to greet various people. I was thinking something like "Brother" or "Boss". Maybe "Man". What non-sequitors do you use or have used on you?   (fark.com) divider line 378
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2859 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 May 2012 at 8:58 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-05-27 09:05:03 PM
The weirdest one was a woodshop teacher at Lakeville HS, he called all his students "dad". He said someone he knew in college did it and it stuck with him. He was in his mid 30's, but had patches of hair missing like he either had an accident or mental breakdown. Other than that I liked the guy.
 
2012-05-27 09:05:17 PM
No words, just a nice, full-body hug.
 
2012-05-27 09:05:17 PM
'Earthling'. It gets their attention.
 
2012-05-27 09:05:19 PM
You damn skippy got that right, sparky.
 
2012-05-27 09:05:20 PM
I just use dude. But all animals and children are 'buddy'.
 
2012-05-27 09:05:28 PM
Douchebag.

"Yeah, I'll have the double bacon burger, douchebag."

It really breaks the ice.
 
2012-05-27 09:05:54 PM
"Sparky" is good. "Old Bean" or "Old Shoe" gives you some of the Olde Englande feel. My father has a whole suite of now-obscure character names he uses for people: Parnelli Jones, Clem Kadiddlehopper, Office Krupke, Mr. McBoingboing, Whittaker Walt.
 
2012-05-27 09:06:08 PM
What's up Buttercup?
Howdy doo Buckaroo!
 
2012-05-27 09:06:21 PM
Tatertot, WD/whistledick, jefe.

'Chief' me and I'll mess your life up.
 
2012-05-27 09:06:24 PM
Nancy.
 
2012-05-27 09:06:38 PM

monty666: Try using a dictionary Wonderperson

/it's spelled non-sequitur

//the more you know...


So much this.

/Third person singular present indicative active, but deponent, so conjugated like a passive

//Does no one take Latin anymore?
 
2012-05-27 09:07:09 PM

rotsky: I'm not racist, but I always find myself calling black people "man". I can't NOT do it. It's weird.


I have the same kind of problem... but I always call them "Boy".

Fortunately... I'm in the construction industry... so I don't really ever meet black people.

To he point of the thread... "Brother" seems to be getting popular. Don't call me that. I'm not your f-ing brother you douche.

I suck at names, and quite honestly, can't be bothered to learn the names of people I know I will never see again... so I use: "Man", "Chief", "Boss", "Hoss", "Skippy", "Louie", "Dude" or "Derwood".
 
2012-05-27 09:07:19 PM
If I have one more young punk hold the door open for me and call me sir, I'm gonna beat the shiat out of him with my cane.

Or I could tell him "sir" implies gentleman, and I certainly wasn't one when I was bangin' your mom out behind the dumpster.
 
2012-05-27 09:07:22 PM
Look, if you're REALLY going to do the non sequitur correctly, it should be "Brother", "Boss", "Herring", "I rode a train once."
 
2012-05-27 09:07:43 PM
Take a cue from the movies of the 40's and call everyone "Mac."
 
2012-05-27 09:07:53 PM

RexTalionis: Greet everyone as if you're from a P.G. Wodehouse story.

"What ho, Jeeves?"
"Pip-pip, Tuppy, old chap."
"How goes it, aged relative of mine?"


And 'Tinker tonk' when breezing out.
 
2012-05-27 09:07:55 PM
When someone says, "Hi!", just say, "On life!" Not really a non-sequitur, but what the heck.
 
2012-05-27 09:08:11 PM
Dawg, at least at what I think that dribble says
 
2012-05-27 09:08:13 PM
At a restaurant last night, the total "bro" waiter was all over this. Over the space of a couple beers and a quick meal, I was referred to as, among others I can't remember: boss, chief, bro, buddy. But mostly "boss". I felt like I had inadvertently dressed like a plantation owner from the 1800's.
 
2012-05-27 09:08:45 PM
Old bean, old chap.

As in, 'hello old bean, old chap!'
 
2012-05-27 09:09:03 PM
If you are talking to an adult male, then how is "man" a non sequitur? Does it not follow that an adult human male is a man?
 
2012-05-27 09:09:16 PM
I use the following religiously: bros., turbo, governor, colonel, pork chop, hot sauce, boss, etc..
 
2012-05-27 09:09:17 PM
coont always works for me.
 
2012-05-27 09:09:34 PM

BlueDemon: Take a cue from the movies of the 40's and call everyone "Mac."


Or, "How's tricks?"
 
2012-05-27 09:10:11 PM
My 3 year old son is rather large (tall and broad) for his age; I call him 'meat'. I've taken to calling others that, as well.

What's up, Meat?

How goes it, Meat?

Mind not staring at my wife's tits, meat?
 
2012-05-27 09:11:02 PM
I do seriously say, "Mah nubian" and almost none of them are black.

okay. absolutely none of them are black.
 
2012-05-27 09:11:17 PM

Sid the Sexist: monty666: Try using a dictionary Wonderperson

/it's spelled non-sequitur

//the more you know...

So much this.

/Third person singular present indicative active, but deponent, so conjugated like a passive

//Does no one take Latin anymore?


Four years in college, and I use it everyday.
 
2012-05-27 09:11:22 PM
Shiathead for the guys, "tits" for the girls..
 
2012-05-27 09:11:40 PM
You should call everyone Doctor, Doctor.
 
2012-05-27 09:11:43 PM
I don't have one of these kind of greetings for my male friends, but I used to call many of my female friends "Sweets." When I was first dating my girlfriend of 12 years, she didn't realize I used that for everybody until we'd been dating for a couple months, and when she realized it wasn't my nickname just for her, she got such a cute little pained look on her face that I knew she was falling for me (as I was for her), so I told her it was hers from now on.

I haven't actually called her "Sweets" in years, mostly because she has so many other nicknames now. Monkey, Pie, Sugar Cookie, Smalls - but mostly Kitten.

/I liked calling girls "Sweets"
 
2012-05-27 09:11:49 PM
I use Dumbass with mixed Sucess.
 
2012-05-27 09:11:54 PM
If I'm referring to a woman I'm getting involved with, usually something like "sunshine" or "gorgeous".

If I'm talking a guy, I pretty much always use "what up money?" or "what up ****" where **** is their last name. I just love saying "what up money".
 
2012-05-27 09:12:08 PM
From my high school days, homie, holmes, homeslice, homescratch, G, and G-man works.

Or you could do what a friend of mine and I would do on the phone back in the day: if one of us answered "hey", the other would reply "wheat", which would lead to a volley of various obscure grains.
 
2012-05-27 09:12:55 PM
TheOther:'Chief' me and I'll mess your life up.

Lighten up, Chief.
 
2012-05-27 09:13:16 PM
I use "Big Money." As in: "Hey Big Money - do ya like corn?"
 
2012-05-27 09:13:41 PM

Clawhammer: You should call everyone Doctor, Doctor.


I prefer 'Cowboy'. Rolls off the tongue better than 'Construction Worker'.

/insert Brokeback joke here
 
2012-05-27 09:13:42 PM
Buddy, friend, guy
 
2012-05-27 09:13:48 PM

TheOther: RexTalionis: Greet everyone as if you're from a P.G. Wodehouse story.

"What ho, Jeeves?"
"Pip-pip, Tuppy, old chap."
"How goes it, aged relative of mine?"

And 'Tinker tonk' when breezing out.


Right ho, Jeeves.
 
2012-05-27 09:14:56 PM
I worked for a guy who we all called "Hoss" because that was the best that most people could do with his name.
 
2012-05-27 09:15:28 PM

Archimedes' Principal: 'Earthling'. It gets their attention.


I'm so stealing that.
 
2012-05-27 09:16:13 PM

burber: Buddy, friend, guy


I'm not your buddy, pal.
 
2012-05-27 09:16:30 PM
Sport or Champ
 
2012-05-27 09:16:52 PM
Comrade.
 
2012-05-27 09:17:03 PM
Dat's G
 
2012-05-27 09:17:42 PM
Brah.
 
2012-05-27 09:17:46 PM

LaughingRadish: I worked for a guy who we all called "Hoss" because that was the best that most people could do with his name.


I know what ya did.
 
2012-05-27 09:17:48 PM
I still call my brother "kid" or "kiddo". He's 36.
 
2012-05-27 09:18:07 PM
If you're Black you get "man" if you're white you get "yo" unless you happen to be a white girl named : Yolanda
 
2012-05-27 09:18:54 PM
Buckwheat.
 
2012-05-27 09:19:18 PM
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Conway Twitty.
 
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