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(Miami Herald)   Only in Miami: Police shoot, kill naked man who was EATING A MAN'S FACE   ( divider line
    More: Florida, MacArthur Causeway, Miami, Fraternal Order of Police, Urban Beach Week, Miami Herald, off-ramp  
•       •       •

15917 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 May 2012 at 9:31 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-05-26 09:26:28 PM  
9 votes:
The creepiness of this story is really gnawing at me.
2012-05-26 09:38:38 PM  
8 votes:
Somebody should have made it clear that "delicious Cuban" meant a good sandwich
2012-05-26 09:39:36 PM  
7 votes:
Gorram reavers.
2012-05-26 09:25:56 PM  
7 votes:

It has begun!

2012-05-26 11:35:33 PM  
5 votes:
Someone left the face out in the rain.
2012-05-26 09:51:47 PM  
5 votes:
Sounds like the two men had a real... *sunglasses* face-off.
2012-05-26 11:30:03 PM  
4 votes:
It's getting angel dusty in here.
2012-05-26 10:17:26 PM  
4 votes:
"The attacker continued to eat the man, despite being shot, forcing the officer to continue firing."

I bet they are stupid enough to not lock up the morgue tonight, too.
2012-05-26 10:00:02 PM  
4 votes:
Who hasn't looked at another human being at least once and thought "free meal"?
2012-05-26 09:36:23 PM  
4 votes:
As if naked people don't have enough prejudice against them, this guy is going to ruin it for us all!
2012-05-26 09:36:14 PM  
4 votes:
He was looking for his inner chimpanzee
2012-05-26 10:51:00 PM  
3 votes:
If eating another man's face whilst naked is wrong, then I don't want to be right.
2012-05-26 09:37:20 PM  
3 votes:
How farked up on whatever do you have to be to keep eating face after you've been shot?
2012-05-26 09:27:43 PM  
3 votes:

Bathia_Mapes: PCP? Zombie? Zombie on PCP?

Mike Tyson?
2012-05-26 09:00:39 PM  
3 votes:
PCP? Zombie? Zombie on PCP?
2012-05-27 12:09:01 PM  
2 votes:

A Terrible Human: redsquid: I will never forget Natural Born Loosers. What has been seen cannot be unseen.

I really,really,really shouldn't have searched for that. Jesus christ what the fark is wrong with people? Face eating guy and whatever the fark that was is just too much.

Bathia_Mapes: Ugh! One brief visit was all it took for me to never go there again.

I was a kid when I saw the vast horrors that rotten had to offer.

Just searched for it.

2012-05-27 01:41:25 AM  
2 votes:

user68: Just think, there are a lot of people walking the streets that are repressing urges to do the same thing.

Seriously, I bet fifty bucks the "victim" was making duck lips into a cellphone camera and the other guy snapped.
2012-05-26 11:45:32 PM  
2 votes:

It's about damn time!
2012-05-26 11:39:40 PM  
2 votes:

SoCalSurfer: murder of tim McLean

Holy crap!!

You guys referenced it earlier so I regretfully looked it up

The killer's name was 李伟光. He was also called Lǐ Wěiguāng But that's just like, your pinyin, man.

smittyrn: timharrod: What is this "Only in Miami" when there are so many other areas in Florida?

Because there is Florida, and then there is Miami. Miami is to Florida as Florida is to the rest of the Farkverse.

As farked up as Miami is, on the basis of per-capita farked-uppedness, Fort Pierce/ Port St. Lucie wears the crown.
2012-05-26 11:02:54 PM  
2 votes:
Bart: "Dad, you killed the zombie Flanders!"

Homer: "He was a zombie?"
2012-05-26 10:59:08 PM  
2 votes:

Eugoogoolizer: jmr61: SumoJeb: Heh, quite timely since Canada just released that guy who decapitated and ate a guy on a Greyhound bus.

They did not? Really?

Please tell me that's not true.

Yeah he's out. But dont worry folks, we're Canadian, we know what we're doing.

We told him if he ever does something like this again to expect a very strongly worded letter from us, telling him just how mad at him we are
2012-05-26 10:00:38 PM  
2 votes:
I swear in this total police state of America, people cant do anything anymore without it being illegal.

When eating another man's face is illegal; only outlaws will be eating faces.
2012-05-26 09:59:13 PM  
2 votes:
angel dust is awesome
2012-05-26 09:42:48 PM  
2 votes:

I. R. Rottweiler: How farked up on whatever do you have to be to keep eating face after you've been shot?

IDK, but it's just the kind of single-minded determination that venture capitalist look for in the entrepreneurs they want to fund. Maybe this guy will be the next Zuckerberg.
2012-05-26 09:39:22 PM  
2 votes:

Wanna dance or would you rather just eat face?

2012-05-26 09:38:08 PM  
2 votes:
Of course it would be here.
I love this state
2012-05-26 09:37:20 PM  
2 votes:

Bathia_Mapes: PCP? Zombie? Zombie on PCP?

PCP or Sam Neill finally got the Event Horizon home.
2012-05-26 09:35:13 PM  
2 votes:

Salt Lick Steady: The creepiness of this story is really gnawing at me.

At least the zombie wasn't masticating... then it would be a sex-offender.
2012-05-26 09:17:36 PM  
2 votes:
*reads thread while sipping on a nice Chanti*
2012-05-27 01:52:52 PM  
1 vote:
2012-05-27 05:49:29 AM  
1 vote:

Jocundry: Bathia_Mapes: PCP? Zombie? Zombie on PCP?

PCP or Sam Neill finally got the Event Horizon home.

Adeptus Mechanicus reminder: Warp travel without the protection of a Gellar Field is unadvised. All praise to the Omnissiah.

2012-05-27 03:44:32 AM  
1 vote:

A Terrible Human: This. Why is it so hard to just favorite them in hot pink/grey 1 and move the hell on?

Ignore lists keep sanity.
2012-05-27 02:48:28 AM  
1 vote:

AverageAmericanGuy: AbbeySomeone: I've never understood the whole farkied thing and highlighting, etc. TFD is much worse for that. People like post about what color they have certain individuals highlighter in. Really? High school circle jerk.

I have AS farkied in white.

Purity of my soul and such.
2012-05-27 01:25:18 AM  
1 vote:

Bathia_Mapes: Back in the day you just waited for them to show up on sites like

Gaaah I still remember Summertime Bloat but Potatoes and Jelly is still hilarious.
2012-05-27 12:21:08 AM  
1 vote:

Sounds like a job for...
2012-05-27 12:10:15 AM  
1 vote:
I'm sure that there is a reasonable explanation.
2012-05-27 12:05:20 AM  
1 vote:
Pic from the scene
2012-05-27 12:02:24 AM  
1 vote:

9beers: Prosthetic Anus: Please don't quote 9beers. He's on widespread ignore here for good reason.

For trying to spread the truth?

You have chronicthreashiatteritis. The only cure is to mock and ignore you.
2012-05-26 11:42:20 PM  
1 vote:

cryinoutloud: BarkingUnicorn: Couple days ago, I submitted a story about a 5 year-old whose eyes were plucked out by his farking MOTHER in some drug-fueled ritual down in ol' Mexico. Can't understand why that wasn't greenlit.

I for one am sorry I missed that. You can never have too many of these kinds of stories.

Especially if you have kids who need to be kept in line.
2012-05-26 11:25:38 PM  
1 vote:

Busted. Busted. Bu... bu... b... busted.
2012-05-26 11:21:13 PM  
1 vote:
So did the victim give good face or not?
2012-05-26 10:58:10 PM  
1 vote:
What is this "Only in Miami" when there are so many other areas in Florida?
2012-05-26 10:38:33 PM  
1 vote:
Every time I meet a loon in Florida they are from Ohio or Jersey.
2012-05-26 10:36:35 PM  
1 vote:
This is another one of those crimes that would just go away if we legalized healthful, nutritious drugs.
2012-05-26 10:36:33 PM  
1 vote:

ole prophet: PCP is a helluva drug.

How to mow your yard on PCP (NSFW)
2012-05-26 10:33:24 PM  
1 vote:
Was it cooked? Because raw face would just be gross.
2012-05-26 10:25:44 PM  
1 vote:
2012-05-26 10:24:48 PM  
1 vote:
2012-05-26 10:23:55 PM  
1 vote:
regrettable choice for a last meal request....
2012-05-26 10:19:23 PM  
1 vote:

BarkingUnicorn: Bathia_Mapes: Ennuipoet: Bathia_Mapes: PCP? Zombie? Zombie on PCP?

Mike Tyson?

Or the "daddy ate my eyes" guy.


Gawd, I wish I hadn't Googled that phrase!

Yeah, Mike Tyson is awful, isn't he?
2012-05-26 10:16:38 PM  
1 vote:

Bathia_Mapes: PCP? Zombie? Zombie on PCP?

Nah... Just Dexter's next victim.
2012-05-26 10:08:28 PM  
1 vote:

2012-05-26 10:02:42 PM  
1 vote:
That's no way to go through life son.
2012-05-26 10:02:23 PM  
1 vote:
Were Skittles found at the scene?
2012-05-26 09:59:32 PM  
1 vote:

MHZ: Sounds like the two men had a real... *sunglasses* face-off.

2012-05-26 09:58:36 PM  
1 vote:
That's why I wear this with pride.

These colors don't run (cold water only) and we've got the sense not to cut off our dicks and eat them in America.
2012-05-26 09:55:56 PM  
1 vote:

Obergruppenfarker: I'll bet this sort of thing doesn't happen in Harmony, NC this weekend.

Meanwhile, in Eaton, IN...
2012-05-26 09:53:05 PM  
1 vote:
This thread is making me hungry.
2012-05-26 09:42:07 PM  
1 vote:
"One man was shot to death by Miami police, and another man is fighting for his life...his face allegedly half eaten, by a naked man on the MacArthur Causeway off ramp...
The bloodshed began about 2 p.m...."

And THIS is why we have a Florida tag. Suck it, all you Arizona tag wannabes.
No matter how 'crazy' you think your state can get, Florida is always willing to take it up a notch or five.
2012-05-26 09:41:38 PM  
1 vote:
"The body was blurred in the Adobe Photoshop photograph-scanning program".

This is what I would expect from someone that still works at a newspaper.
2012-05-26 09:39:55 PM  
1 vote:
I'm more grossed out by the fact that you can buy a copy of the photo of the guy laying dead on the side of the road. I mean, I understand that print media is dying, but jeez.
2012-05-26 09:36:18 PM  
1 vote:

HotWingAgenda: Sergeant Altarr Williams, supervisor of Miami police's Homicide Unit, said a man doesn't have to be armed to be dangerous.

"There are other ways to injure people,'' Williams said. "Some people know martial arts, others are very strong and can kill you with their hands.''

.... or their teeth.

Or is a robot.
2012-05-26 09:27:35 PM  
1 vote:
Just a normal day at the Urban Hip Hop Music Festival apparently.

Kids, drugs are bad. They will make you take off all your clothing and eat other people's faces.
2012-05-26 09:03:02 PM  
1 vote:
Yep. The ZOMPOC has begun.

/grabs shotgun
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