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(Short List)   Not news: man divorces wife over her cats. Fark: she has 550 of them   (shortlist.com) divider line 83
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4886 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 May 2012 at 11:51 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-05-25 10:10:54 AM
I want you to picture yourself laying down and covered with 550 kittens.
 
2012-05-25 10:19:13 AM
Even Hugh Hefner would agree that that is far too much to endure at one time.
 
2012-05-25 10:22:23 AM
That's dumb...he thinks he can find more pussy somewhere else?
 
2012-05-25 11:39:39 AM
www.paklinks.com
 
2012-05-25 11:52:37 AM
What's her Fark handle?

/oblig
 
2012-05-25 11:54:43 AM
He said "Get meow't of here!"
 
2012-05-25 11:54:53 AM
a household is allowed 3 cats. The 4th indicates a 50% chance of madness, 5th indicates a 25% chance, 6 an 87.5, and so on.
 
2012-05-25 11:55:10 AM
How is it even possible to have 550 cats? The logistics of that seem...daunting, to say the least.
 
2012-05-25 11:55:51 AM
He divorced her because too much pussy?
 
2012-05-25 11:57:21 AM

fireclown: a household is allowed 3 cats. The 4th indicates a 50% chance of madness, 5th indicates a 25% chance, 6 an 87.5, and so on.


So you get less crazy with the addition of a 5th cat?
 
2012-05-25 11:57:40 AM

dittybopper: He divorced her because too much pussy?


I mean could have neen worse, she could have had 500 cocks.
 
2012-05-25 11:58:26 AM

WhippingBoy: What's her Fark handle?

/oblig


Genevieve Marie ??

/I keed, I keed.
 
2012-05-25 11:59:01 AM
What would Erwin Schrödinger do?
 
2012-05-25 12:00:28 PM
Several years ago I lived with my girlfriend and our six cats. We were "the cute couple with all the cats." We eventually broke up, I moved out and my ex became "the crazy lady with all the cats."
 
Skr
2012-05-25 12:05:38 PM
I'm all about the pussy jokes but 550 is insane. Feline Leukemia would frelling decimate them in short order. Just one Typhoid Mittens and that whole kabosh is kaput.
 
2012-05-25 12:05:55 PM

sweetmelissa31: fireclown: a household is allowed 3 cats. The 4th indicates a 50% chance of madness, 5th indicates a 25% chance, 6 an 87.5, and so on.

So you get less crazy with the addition of a 5th cat?


Or less mathematically inclined.

On the plus side, the house probably didn't have any mice.

On the minus side, her chance of having toxoplasmosis approaches 100 percent.

/Probably the reason she has so many cats. Like an infected rat, she's attracted to the smell of cat pee.
 
2012-05-25 12:06:48 PM
So he would have been okay with 500? 525? But 550 is too damn many. Guess you have to draw the line somewhere.
 
2012-05-25 12:07:04 PM
Wow, I wonder how she can see out the back window of her car with those family stickers.
 
2012-05-25 12:07:06 PM

fireclown: a household is allowed 3 cats. The 4th indicates a 50% chance of madness, 5th indicates a 25% chance, 6 an 87.5, and so on.


This only applies if you're not in teh process of blending two households. We had 4 once everybody was together.

It also does not apply to farms. Farm kitties are a necessity.
 
2012-05-25 12:07:34 PM

Skr: I'm all about the pussy jokes but 550 is insane. Feline Leukemia would frelling decimate them in short order. Just one Typhoid Mittens and that whole kabosh is kaput.


Yeah, and where would you find 550 hats anyway?
 
2012-05-25 12:09:29 PM
Who had to count them? Or did they weigh them and take the average?
 
2012-05-25 12:09:43 PM
The only pussy I want in my house is the one between the wife's legs.
 
Skr
2012-05-25 12:10:10 PM

Grobbley: Skr: I'm all about the pussy jokes but 550 is insane. Feline Leukemia would frelling decimate them in short order. Just one Typhoid Mittens and that whole kabosh is kaput.

Yeah, and where would you find 550 hats anyway?


You'd find them on Etsy of Course
 
2012-05-25 12:10:35 PM

Grobbley: How is it even possible to have 550 cats? The logistics of that seem...daunting, to say the least.


Solution to this mystery: they don't have to be all alive at the same time.

Otherwise, the point is moot. For example, if you take 550 cats away from a crazy cat hoarder, how do you know if they all belong to the hoarder? You can not possibly know this for certain in almost all cases. Some of them might be guest cats, visiting friends or family, attracted by a female in heat, or simply turning up for a free lunch and a cat parliament.

Like winds, cats listeth whither they will.

The only ways to be certain that the cats all belong to the hoarder is to do genetic tests on all of the cats or consult a careful and exact genealogy of the cats in question.

Clearly it is a presumption or short-hand to say that a cat hoarder has x cats. 550 cats were found and taken away, therefore the hoarder had 550 cats. This is not good logic, it is a fallacy of some sort (I will name it the Heisenberg's cat fallacy--namely the false belief that a cat exists when you are not looking at it, and can thus be counted without possibility of error). But 550 cats were counted, and therefore there were 550 cats.

In all probability the hoarder owned even more than 550 cats, or no cats at all, or any given number of cats. It is only by looking that you can determine the existence and location of a cat. Otherwise, the wave function of the cat or cats in question is spread thinly over the universes of space and time.

This is how cats manage to move mysteriously between distant places and times, showing up after an absence of seven years, say, or in the North West Territories after disappearing from a home in, say, Kentucky.

This is also the basis of the quantum cat drive which enables aliens to travel between distant star systems. The quantum cat drive uses the power of cats to be everywhere and nowhere in the same way that the Infinite Probability Drive that powers the Heart of Gold in HHGTTG uses probiliity to stretch itself from one place to all places and times and then contract back to another place and time.

The temptation to hoard cats must be very great if you know that you can use cats to be anywhere or anywhen you wish to be, but sadly, the precise trick is not easy to discover because the damn cats are too tight-lipped to divulge their secrets, especially their secret fishing holes from which cats, and only cats, can always obtain a free lunch, quantum mechanically speaking.
 
2012-05-25 12:12:54 PM
550!

My local shelter only has capacity for 60 animals; and they are always hitting me up for food donations.
 
2012-05-25 12:13:17 PM
550? Really? That was the breaking point? 549 is fine, but 1 more and I'm out!
 
2012-05-25 12:13:37 PM

Grobbley:
Yeah, and where would you find 550 hats anyway?


img.photobucket.com
Almost there already.
 
2012-05-25 12:13:55 PM
Cats. How the fark do they work?

Nobody really knows. Not Bill O'Reilly, and not Juggalos. Not even God comprendeth the ways of a cat.
 
2012-05-25 12:14:20 PM

RexTalionis: I want you to picture yourself laying down and covered with 550 kittens.


That would be complete awesome for about 20 minutes.

But then you'd have to start thinking about all the poop, inevitable puking (if 5% of them puke once a day...), and OMG you'd have to have cat food delivered by the pallet once a week.

My wife got up to four cats at one point. Now down to too and honestly it's me more than her that wants to get a third.
 
2012-05-25 12:15:09 PM

Smeggy Smurf: fireclown: a household is allowed 3 cats. The 4th indicates a 50% chance of madness, 5th indicates a 25% chance, 6 an 87.5, and so on.

This only applies if you're not in teh process of blending two households. We had 4 once everybody was together.

It also does not apply to farms. Farm kitties are a necessity.


Especially on a catnip farm.
 
2012-05-25 12:15:13 PM
KITTIES!

brantgoose: Grobbley: How is it even possible to have 550 cats? The logistics of that seem...daunting, to say the least.

Solution to this mystery: they don't have to be all alive at the same time.

Otherwise, the point is moot. For example, if you take 550 cats away from a crazy cat hoarder, how do you know if they all belong to the hoarder? You can not possibly know this for certain in almost all cases. Some of them might be guest cats, visiting friends or family, attracted by a female in heat, or simply turning up for a free lunch and a cat parliament.

Like winds, cats listeth whither they will.

The only ways to be certain that the cats all belong to the hoarder is to do genetic tests on all of the cats or consult a careful and exact genealogy of the cats in question.

Clearly it is a presumption or short-hand to say that a cat hoarder has x cats. 550 cats were found and taken away, therefore the hoarder had 550 cats. This is not good logic, it is a fallacy of some sort (I will name it the Heisenberg's cat fallacy--namely the false belief that a cat exists when you are not looking at it, and can thus be counted without possibility of error). But 550 cats were counted, and therefore there were 550 cats.

In all probability the hoarder owned even more than 550 cats, or no cats at all, or any given number of cats. It is only by looking that you can determine the existence and location of a cat. Otherwise, the wave function of the cat or cats in question is spread thinly over the universes of space and time.

This is how cats manage to move mysteriously between distant places and times, showing up after an absence of seven years, say, or in the North West Territories after disappearing from a home in, say, Kentucky.

This is also the basis of the quantum cat drive which enables aliens to travel between distant star systems. The quantum cat drive uses the power of cats to be everywhere and nowhere in the same way that the Infinite Probability Drive that powers the Heart of Gold ...


... wtf did i just read
 
2012-05-25 12:15:46 PM

Mr. Potatoass: What would Erwin Schrödinger do?


He would stay, or he would leave. We don't know.
 
2012-05-25 12:17:33 PM

LeroyBourne: 550? Really? That was the breaking point? 549 is fine, but 1 more and I'm out!


There is always a straw that breaks the camel's back.

For some ailurophobic men, one cat is too many. For other, more cat-tolerant men, 550 would be nothing. They would secretly cook a few every day in the garage and sell the skins to the fur trade, thus making a tidy profit without their wife's knowledge.

In this case, the poor man had grounds for divorce, namely insanity and possible mental cruelty.
 
2012-05-25 12:19:29 PM

LeroyBourne: 550? Really? That was the breaking point? 549 is fine, but 1 more and I'm out!


If they aren't spayed/neutered, that number would change daily.



Here's her eHarmony dating video:

youtube
 
2012-05-25 12:20:02 PM
Trivia Jockey


Mr. Potatoass: What would Erwin Schrödinger do?

He would stay, or he would leave. We don't know.


If he stays there will be trouble
if he leaves it will be double
 
2012-05-25 12:21:18 PM
Caturday thread has started earlier than anticipated...
 
2012-05-25 12:24:32 PM

brantgoose: Grobbley: How is it even possible to have 550 cats? The logistics of that seem...daunting, to say the least.

Solution to this mystery: they don't have to be all alive at the same time.

Otherwise, the point is moot. For example, if you take 550 cats away from a crazy cat hoarder, how do you know if they all belong to the hoarder? You can not possibly know this for certain in almost all cases. Some of them might be guest cats, visiting friends or family, attracted by a female in heat, or simply turning up for a free lunch and a cat parliament.

Like winds, cats listeth whither they will.

The only ways to be certain that the cats all belong to the hoarder is to do genetic tests on all of the cats or consult a careful and exact genealogy of the cats in question.

Clearly it is a presumption or short-hand to say that a cat hoarder has x cats. 550 cats were found and taken away, therefore the hoarder had 550 cats. This is not good logic, it is a fallacy of some sort (I will name it the Heisenberg's cat fallacy--namely the false belief that a cat exists when you are not looking at it, and can thus be counted without possibility of error). But 550 cats were counted, and therefore there were 550 cats.

In all probability the hoarder owned even more than 550 cats, or no cats at all, or any given number of cats. It is only by looking that you can determine the existence and location of a cat. Otherwise, the wave function of the cat or cats in question is spread thinly over the universes of space and time.

This is how cats manage to move mysteriously between distant places and times, showing up after an absence of seven years, say, or in the North West Territories after disappearing from a home in, say, Kentucky.

This is also the basis of the quantum cat drive which enables aliens to travel between distant star systems. The quantum cat drive uses the power of cats to be everywhere and nowhere in the same way that the Infinite Probability Drive that powers the Heart of Gold ...


So what you're saying is, the cleanup solution is to stick 'em all in a box with a vial of poison gas and a hammer controlled by a Geiger counter, and observe what happens after about 550 hours.
 
2012-05-25 12:29:44 PM
Submitted yesterday with a better headline.
 
2012-05-25 12:32:55 PM

uber humper: LeroyBourne: 550? Really? That was the breaking point? 549 is fine, but 1 more and I'm out!

If they aren't spayed/neutered, that number would change daily.



Here's her eHarmony dating video:

youtube


My penis just ran out the door and stole my car.
 
2012-05-25 12:34:17 PM
So when she dies alone surrounded by those cats, how long do you think it will take for them to skeletonize her body?
 
2012-05-25 12:38:31 PM

Wade_Wilson: So when she dies alone surrounded by those cats, how long do you think it will take for them to skeletonize her body?


She'd probably be happy knowing her body became part of the cats.
 
2012-05-25 12:38:38 PM
s1.guyism.com
 
2012-05-25 12:39:17 PM
Good God! That's about 6.23 BFCs1 of cats.

1. BFC (British Fat Chick) noun
A unit of weight and mass equal to 63 stone, or 400.06 kilograms.
 
2012-05-25 12:39:35 PM

LeroyBourne: uber humper: LeroyBourne: 550? Really? That was the breaking point? 549 is fine, but 1 more and I'm out!

If they aren't spayed/neutered, that number would change daily.



Here's her eHarmony dating video:

youtube

My penis just ran out the door and stole my car.


I think of that video everything I browse a caturday thread.
 
2012-05-25 12:39:43 PM

Snarfangel: sweetmelissa31: fireclown: a household is allowed 3 cats. The 4th indicates a 50% chance of madness, 5th indicates a 25% chance, 6 an 87.5, and so on.

So you get less crazy with the addition of a 5th cat?

Or less mathematically inclined.

On the plus side, the house probably didn't have any mice.

On the minus side, her chance of having toxoplasmosis approaches 100 percent.

/Probably the reason she has so many cats. Like an infected rat, she's attracted to the smell of cat pee.


Would you just shut your face about the toxoplasmosis you threadshiatter!

No one gives a flying fark!
 
2012-05-25 12:41:30 PM
"Obligatory sticking it in crazy comment"
 
2012-05-25 12:41:30 PM

Wade_Wilson: So when she dies alone surrounded by those cats, how long do you think it will take for them to skeletonize her body?



91mins (estimated running time of Sleepwalkers)
 
2012-05-25 12:43:58 PM
Obvious tag busy puking in shoes?
 
2012-05-25 12:43:59 PM
img252.imageshack.us
 
2012-05-25 12:46:02 PM
Maybe slightly relevant...

Had to take my kid to the "Doc-in-the-box" last night because a dog bit her on the hand. (she works at a grooming salon) The doctor on duty who cleaned it up and wrote a script for some anti-biotics told us that with a dog bite there is usually a 5-10% chance of infection setting in, but with cats that number climbs to about 95% Something to do with the shape of their teeth and the normal bacteria present in the saliva.

So this guy could just claim he is getting out of there for safety reasons.

/yeah, like I got time to kill a farkin cat - Sam Kinison
 
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