I tried following Cosmo's romantic tips once with the girl I was attracted to. Did the whole thing: rose petals leading up the stairs to her bed, lots of candles, champagne on ice, soft incense, and me wearing nothing but silk boxers and a smile. But Cosmo never said how I was supposed to introduce myself to her.

FTFA: His Summer Dream Girl is Someone Who... 1. Wears a dress 2. Has a sexy laugh 3. Smells like the beach.

I can't speak for all men, but I have never *once* even thought about a person "smelling like the beach" much less desiring it. In fact, I have no idea what "smells like the beach" is even supposed to mean.

Dead fish? Homeless people? Burning trash?

Bedstead Polisher: I remember reading one of those 50 things guys secretly love articles. This one guy said he LOVES when a girl licks his armpit. Could you imagine testing that one out?

Better than testing the 'He really loves it when you whack his balls like a bottle of ketchup' one, or any other cringe inducing testicular penile torture.

The tip about women being attracted to the smell of male sweat might have some merit. I once dated a girl who told me repeatedly that I smelled "sexy" after I worked out; and sometimes she'd drag me into the bedroom before I could take my post-workout shower.

But just a note to other farkers: the article no doubt means that women are attracted to the smell of fresh sweat. So while a woman might think you smell good when after you just finished working out at the gym, she probably won't like the smell of your Firefly t-shirt that has week-old sweat stains that haven't been washed out.

The rest of the article was pretty much a train wreck.

Reading my mothers Cosmo's made me gay. As I couldn't imagine all the fark'n bullshiat women "wanted" or "needed" was worth it to marry or even date one.

If she nuzzles your balls under the table in a fancy restaurant there is a good chance you will be getting oral

Ed Finnerty: FTFA: His Summer Dream Girl is Someone Who... 1. Wears a dress 2. Has a sexy laugh 3. Smells like the beach.

I can't speak for all men, but I have never *once* even thought about a person "smelling like the beach" much less desiring it. In fact, I have no idea what "smells like the beach" is even supposed to mean.

Dead fish? Homeless people? Burning trash?

This guy already had the idea for a "beach scent":

Women's magazines are all driven by the innate fears that every woman has; You're fat (so check out our new weight loss tips!), you can't cook (so here's some easy summer recipies for your next fabulous house party!) and you suck in bed (so here's five moves he just *can't* resist!)

That women buy this shiat is reason number one why they shouldn't be allowed to vote.