aquigley: ...what, no Hagar fans here? C'mon, that was excellent

I've had the song stuck in my head since reading it.

_{F*CK OFF}

Lundyn: Hating OU is what got you out of that one.

Yep. I have no doubt of that. Of course, this was the second year of the Big XII and I had a bunch of Nebraska stuff all over the back of my truck. Had it happened a little later int he Big XII's existence, I'm pretty sure I would have received a ticket.

I got clocked doing 140. Young and dumb. Cop took license and registration and went back to his car. My friends and I started adding our money up to see if we had enough for bail. Cop comes running back to my car, throws the registration and license back into my car, and runs back to his car. He hits the lights and siren, and speeds off in the opposite direction. I'm assuming something big came up.
/I know, csb.

I was walking around in a park at a baseball tournament, drunk, with open liquor and nude. I hugged the cop for just making me poor the booze out and go back to my camp site and get clothes.

I was heading home around midnight so it was pretty dark, and this car came outta nowhere and started tailgating me. So I put my brakes on, slowed down to about 10, and hung my middle finger out the window.

T'was a cop.

He lol'd and gave me a warning.

Early 1990's. Doing 85 mph through Oklahoma after a weekend partying. Had a couple of duffels full of my Army crap visible in the back of my car. Cop pulls me over and threatens to take me to jail for "driving with intent to kill" or some such BS. I motioned toward the stuff in my car and said I had to be in Fort Sill for an emergency overseas deployment and my unit was waiting. He let me off with a warning and a thanks for my service. I had never been to Fort Sill and wasn't even sure if I was heading in that general direction. Drove back to Fort Hood at the same pace.

BTW, I wasn't weaving in and out of traffic. It was Oklahoma. I didn't see anybody for miles at a time.

Also got pulled over for speeding in a school zone. It was a posted sign and I thought school was out. He cool and understanding so the cop gave me a ticket instead for not wearing my seat belt...even though I had it on. No children were hurt in the making of this story.

Got pulled over for going 78 in a 55 and he searched us and made it stand on the highway about 200 hundred yards apart. Made me get in the car and we talked. He liked me. I made him laugh. He gave me a ticket for 66 in a 55.

Got pulled over for tail gaiting in STL. He searched me. Was pissed he didn't find anything. Got a ticket.

Got pulled over for speeding by a cop on foot holding a stop sign. Most embarrassing ticket ever.

I once got a "5 over on an expressway" ticket while doing 60+ in a 25mph. The "lady" cop cut me a monstrous break on that one. I just don't think she wanted to do the paperwork to take me to jail. Also it was in an office park at 10pm, not a neighborhood. Regardless I went to court to plead 'guilty with explanation' since she didn't indicate speed on the ticket and they reduced it to 'blockading' which is a non-moving violation with no points. Saw the light after that one - woke that stupid college kid up for sure.

I have gotten out of far more tickets that I ever deserved. Here is Rent Party's sure fire way to give the cop the most opportunities to let you go.

1. Understand the dynamic. The cop controls everything. He has wide discretion on whether to cite you or not. Your job is to give him all the opportunities in the world to not.

2. Have all your shiat straight. You have a drivers license, right? And it's on you, right? Car is insured, too, right? Paper is in the car, right? If the answer to any of those questions is "no," correct them before reading further.

When you get lit up, do the following:

1. Pull over as soon as it is safe to do so. If it is night, try to pull into a parking lot or other well lit area.

2. Stop the car, put on the emergency brake, turn on the dome light, put both hands on the steering wheel in plain sight, and wait. Do not get out of the car. Do not roll down the window. Do not lean over and get into the glove box to get your paperwork. Wait for the cop. The goal of all of this is "Make the cop feel safe." Traffic stops kill a lot of cops, and you want Mr. Officer to know you're not a bad guy, you're a good guy.

3. Cop will ask you to roll down your window, which you will do. He will ask you for your license and insurance, which you will provide.

4. Cop will ask you "Do you know why I pulled you over?" The ONLY answer to this is "No, sir." I don't care if you were going 120 through a school zone dropping meth out the window. You do not know why he pulled you over. If you do know why he pulled you over and you tell him, he now has a confession. The goal here is to not give the cop any additional evidence and help him make his case. "No, I do not know why you pulled me over." You don't have to be a dick about it. You should be nice about it. So one more time, "No, sir" is the only acceptable answer to this questions.

5. If you were speeding, he might ask you if you know what the speed limit is. If you do, tell him. If he asks you "Do you know how fast you were going" do not fudge. You tell him you were going the speed limit. This is the same reasoning as #4. You do not get bonus points for being honest. Being honest just helps the cop make his case.

6. The cop will tell you what you did. Under no circumstance do you argue with him. Just look surprised and say "really?" or make some other non-committal affirmation that you understand what you were just told.

7. If he asks you where you were going or something similar, the answer is "Home." or "Work." or "My buddies house." Don't be a dick about this, either.

At this point, you have demonstrated that you are a responsible driver by having your paperwork in order, not a dick by not being a dick, and given the cop no additional evidence to support his accusation. That is about as good as you can do.

If he does cite you, do not argue with him. Go home, call a lawyer that specializes in traffic law, and turn it over to him.

Carry on, citizen.

I got pulled over in 2002 by a cop heading the opposite direction.
Turns out, a friend of his had a black Jeep with a PARROTHEAD front tag too.
He thought I was him and wanted to chit chat.

It was 10pm on a Tuesday night and I got pulled over for expired registration. I played dumb, "Officer! I had no idea it expired last month!" Given the late hour, he asked me why I was driving around at 10 on a Tuesday. "I'm on my way home from choir practice."
"Yeah, right," he said. "Everybody says that." He was reaching for the handle of my truck to pull me out for a field sobriety and I said, "No, really. Here's my music."

Sigh. It was awesome.

I don't really know how I do it, but I get a TON of warnings. I would estimate I've gotten at least 20 warnings in my driving lifetime (35+ years). I've only had 6 tickets. I definitely have a lead foot.

A couple months ago I had two warnings in less than a week and then got my 6th ticket later on the same day as the 2nd warning!

Three of the warnings were very lucky. One was 30 years ago and I prolly would've blown a .20 (I don't drink and drive any more). The guy that pulled me over was a guy I played golf with the previous week. He asked for my registration and I dug through my glove box and gave him the first piece of pink paper I could find. I didn't realize until the next morning that I had given him an old receipt stub for my motorcycle registration. Anyway, he brought the stub back and told me to drive safe and hit 'em straight!

Two other times I was saved by other criminals. Once I got pulled over for speeding and as I was getting my paperwork together for the officer, he got called to a robbery in progress! Similar situation a couple years ago when I got pulled over for 81 in a 65. I've been told if the cop tells you how fast you were going, you're not getting a warning, you're getting a ticket. That has always held up in my experience (so you don't ever want to ask how fast they clocked you). He told me he clocked me going 81 and took my license, insurance and registration back to his car. No sooner than he got in the car, he got back out and ran up to my car, handed me my paperwork and said "It's your lucky day, I have to go work a fatality accident!" I felt a little guilty, but I got over it.

In general, I always try to be overly friendly and cooperative and also act a little scared and nervous, fumbling for the paperwork, etc. If they ask if I know how fast I was going I say "About X" where X is about 6MPH less than I was actually going. If they ask if I know what the posted speed limit is, I say 10MPH less than what it actually was. They then tell me the correct answer and I act completely dumbfounded and apologetic for not knowing the correct answer.

And oral sex. Always offer oral sex. And/or donuts.

Speeding.

I pretended I was hyperventilating. Near panic attack.

Got off with a warning.

Woohoo!

If you are driving a red sports car, forget it.

My first year of law school in Northern KY, my roommate and I went to a Bengals football game. We tailgated before, drank inside, and continued drinking after, throwing the cans in the backseat as we didn't think to bring a trash bag. We drove home, drunk (bad, I know), then decided to go joyriding as we passed home. Shortly thereafter, he lost control on a curve, and we crashed, wedging the front end of his car under a guardrail.

After failed attempts to dislodge it, several police cars eventually showed. We told the truth as to what we had been doing. One cop asked my roommate if he had a concussion, as it looked like he peed his pants. He said, "no sir, I just spilled my beer in the crash." They found all the beer cans in the back seat, and loaded us in the police cruiser after taking all our information.

They then drove us home and told us where we could pick the car up in the morning. Only warning was to not do that again. Luckiest moment I have ever witnessed personally. He submitted the car to insurance, and used the payout to buy a jeep.

I do NOT condone drunk driving, but... I did "talk" my way out of a DUI once. I was driving through one of the near suburbs of Boston pretty well lit up, and they were shooting a TV episode in the town square which blocked off the route I was intending to take. So I banged a left without really looking and ended up going uphill the wrong way on a one-way street. Down the hill comes a bicycle cop who speeds down to me and slams on his brakes (loudest noise I ever heard a bicycle make) and orders me out of the car. Barked at me for my papers, and tells me he's going to give me the field sobriety test.

Now, fortunately, way beck when I was 12 or so, my dad had taught me the FST so I sort of knew what was coming, plus I knew enough to show absolute respect. When he ordered me onto the sidewalk i said "Yes sir." and stepped up. He barked out "Farther!" and I said "Yes sir!" and stepped in a foot more.

"Toe-to-toe, walk forward in a straight line."... accomplished. "Backwards"... done. "Lean your head back and touch your nose."... nailed it. "Lean back farther!"... now I'm staring at the sky, tapping my nose as fast as I could.

Being a bike cop he obviously didn't have a breathalyzer on him, so I pretty much lucked out. He said "I can't tell if you're drunk or not, but I have two things to say to you: Get the hell out of here, and don't come back!"

Phew.

In Opp Alabama, the Good-Ole-Boy sheriff pulled me over for speeding (Yes, I was) and asked: "Son, you're flyin' pretty low through my town, let me see your pilots license." So I pulled it out (yes, I had one) and showed it to him. He looked at it for about 5 minutes and finally said "Well, you take it a little easier driving through 'MY' town." and let me go.

Oh yeah, I forget some of these stories. I got into DC around 10 at night. My friends and I went to some bar in Bethesda as thats where we were staying the night before waking up to go to Virginia Beach. I had approx 3 beers and a shot over the course of about 3 hours (I'm 6'5 220, so no big deal). They were both shiatcanned so I got to be the lucky driver. Beings as I had never been in this town and it was around 1 am I started driving on the wrong side of the road, thinking that it was a one way. Cop pulls me over gives me shiat about being on the wrong side of the road. I explain I just landed and blah blah blah. He asks me to get out of the car and I do. I pass his roadside sobriety test, he says to me he thinks I'm not drunk but wants me to blow anyway. I blow and apparently I was cool because he let me go.

Another time I was throwing a party at my parents house while they were away. Our nosy neighbor called the cops due to some chicks being loud and screamy on the trampoline. Cops show up, see there are only like 10 kids there and lift the keg. It was still very full as it was still early in the night. They ask me if the keg is empty and I say yes. They ask me if they will have to come back here later and I say no. They then tell me that I learned a valuable lesson that a little respect goes a long way and left.

I've been pulled over a *lot* for speeding. Usually about once a year for the past decade. Most times on Interstate-highways, the GSP or the NJTP. Most times by NJ State Troopers. I have had many tickets for not wearing my seat-belt. Fun-fact: I *always* wear my seat-belt.

The key is to not be a douchebag to the cop...they are people too and they tend not to like sarcasm or any kind of hostility, just answer their questions, don't lie to them and try not to make any excuses. Yes he knows you're in a hurry - no shiat?

Rent Party: I have gotten out of far more tickets that I ever deserved. Here is Rent Party's sure fire way to give the cop the most opportunities to let you go.

1. Understand the dynamic. The cop controls everything. He has wide discretion on whether to cite you or not. Your job is to give him all the opportunities in the world to not.

2. Have all your shiat straight. You have a drivers license, right? And it's on you, right? Car is insured, too, right? Paper is in the car, right? If the answer to any of those questions is "no," correct them before reading further.

When you get lit up, do the following:

1. Pull over as soon as it is safe to do so. If it is night, try to pull into a parking lot or other well lit area.

2. Stop the car, put on the emergency brake, turn on the dome light, put both hands on the steering wheel in plain sight, and wait. Do not get out of the car. Do not roll down the window. Do not lean over and get into the glove box to get your paperwork. Wait for the cop. The goal of all of this is "Make the cop feel safe." Traffic stops kill a lot of cops, and you want Mr. Officer to know you're not a bad guy, you're a good guy.

3. Cop will ask you to roll down your window, which you will do. He will ask you for your license and insurance, which you will provide.

4. Cop will ask you "Do you know why I pulled you over?" The ONLY answer to this is "No, sir." I don't care if you were going 120 through a school zone dropping meth out the window. You do not know why he pulled you over. If you do know why he pulled you over and you tell him, he now has a confession. The goal here is to not give the cop any additional evidence and help him make his case. "No, I do not know why you pulled me over." You don't have to be a dick about it. You should be nice about it. So one more time, "No, sir" is the only acceptable answer to this questions.

5. If you were speeding, he might ask you if you know what the speed limit is. If you do, tell ...


I've found 1 and 2 to be key. If you're pulling over on the side of a freeway make sure to angle your car towards the side so that the office is not exposed to traffic while talking to you. They will notice and appreciate your concern for your welfare. Secondly DO NOT RUMMAGE FOR YOUR STUFF and leave your hands in plain sight on the wheel. You're absolutely right - when the cop asks for your paperwork say "it's in my wallet (or glovebox whatever), can I get it out?" Ask for permission and tell them exactly what you are going to do. This will again demonstrate your concern for their welfare. All it takes are those little things and you will notice a marked difference in the officers behavior. I've gotten out of many tickets by just following those two simple rules.

I was really lucky one time, had been drinking, was only driving a block from friends house back to mine in a mostly woody area. (No excuse, but not completely crazy) Had recently rained, lost it in turn 1, went into the woods. Couldn't get it to back out. Randomly a police car drove by and saw my lights. An hour and 6 patrol cars later, was in the front seat with whoever was the head officer.

Told him there was no way I would pass any tests, but swore up and down if he let me walk home and towed the car, they would never see my ass again. They let me walk home.

/I moved
//I've got other stories, but that's all I'm sayin on the net

Pretty much as others have mentioned, own up to it, be sorry wihtout sniveling, and they are usually cool.

Oh, and I've driven drunk three times. I would never condone it. All three of the trips were to the same area, from my home, to pick my brother up. About a seven block trip. One of those times I was pretty well wasted, so I smartly kept my (slowly blurring) vision on the road after registering what the limit was and sticking to it. Changing the lane (to turn left) was the worst part, I think. My brother was more drunk than I was that time, so I did the same thing on the way back.

I think I'm just really lucky. There was another time I was making sexy time in a car and a cop drove by. Me and the girl just kinda ducked and acted as if our car was just another one of the parked cars nearby as he drove around and left.

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Rent Party: I have gotten out of far more tickets that I ever deserved. Here is Rent Party's sure fire way to give the cop the most opportunities to let you go.

1. Understand the dynamic. The cop controls everything. He has wide discretion on whether to cite you or not. Your job is to give him all the opportunities in the world to not.

2. Have all your shiat straight. You have a drivers license, right? And it's on you, right? Car is insured, too, right? Paper is in the car, right? If the answer to any of those questions is "no," correct them before reading further.

When you get lit up, do the following:

1. Pull over as soon as it is safe to do so. If it is night, try to pull into a parking lot or other well lit area.

2. Stop the car, put on the emergency brake, turn on the dome light, put both hands on the steering wheel in plain sight, and wait. Do not get out of the car. Do not roll down the window. Do not lean over and get into the glove box to get your paperwork. Wait for the cop. The goal of all of this is "Make the cop feel safe." Traffic stops kill a lot of cops, and you want Mr. Officer to know you're not a bad guy, you're a good guy.

3. Cop will ask you to roll down your window, which you will do. He will ask you for your license and insurance, which you will provide.

4. Cop will ask you "Do you know why I pulled you over?" The ONLY answer to this is "No, sir." I don't care if you were going 120 through a school zone dropping meth out the window. You do not know why he pulled you over. If you do know why he pulled you over and you tell him, he now has a confession. The goal here is to not give the cop any additional evidence and help him make his case. "No, I do not know why you pulled me over." You don't have to be a dick about it. You should be nice about it. So one more time, "No, sir" is the only acceptable answer to this questions.

5. If you were speeding, he might ask you if you know what the speed limit is. If y ...

2, plus make sure you turn your car off.

Pulled over for going 43MPH in a posted minimum 45 zone.

I explained I had just had new wider, smaller tires on the car, and my speedometer was displaying 45, cruise control. He looked at the 60R13 tires to confirm this. I Apologized and said I would not do it again, now that I knew of the problem.

I got pulled over about 10 times before I got my first and only speeding ticket. The cop actually apologized and said he had to give me one because of all the other times I didn't or he'd get in trouble.

Best defense - Just got off a double shift, driving 3 hours to see folks for the weekend, really tired but have to pass a prison with signs that say aren't allowed to stop. Too scared to stop. Oh and I'm a girl. Muahaha.

Also was given a breathalyzer once, I forgot to turn my headlights on at night. I was literally driving to see my folks after working a double shift. I had made it to my dad's work to pick up keys to get in the house and forgot to turn them back on after starting the drive to my parents house. I told the cop I wasn't drunk and just really really tired. He inisisted on the breathalyzer and got really pissed when it came back negative. Didn't get any ticket that time either.

Was going through Malfunction Junction in Tampa one rush hour morning. I avoided rear-ending a pickup by trying to wedge my car between the wall and his truck. But I barely clipped his bumper. The cop who was behind me put on his lights. The guy in the truck got out and we were looking at his bumper which had a 2 inch scratch on it. The officer was going back to his car to write me up for following too closely when a work truck slammed into the back of the cruiser. He turned back towards us and said that we could leave if we wanted to. The driver I hit said, "Hey man, it's just a scratch. Have a good one." We shook hands and got back on our way to work.

animal900: tweek46420: animal900: I transported some illegal weed killer over an international border this weekend. I managed to please ignorance and the border agent let me through with it because it wasn't too much (about 3 litres/quarts).

I don't feel that what I've done is a crime. And I think it's illogical and irresponsible for you to sentence me to prison. Because, when you think about it, what did I really do? I crossed an imaginary line with a bunch of plants. I mean, you say I'm an outlaw, you say I'm a thief, but where's the Christmas dinner for the people on relief? Huh? You say you're looking for someone who's never weak but always strong, to gather flowers constantly whether you are right or wrong, someone to open each and every door, but it ain't me, babe, huh? No, no, no, it ain't me, babe. It ain't me you're looking for, babe. You follow?



Except in Blow, Johnny Depp was growing weed, I'm trying to kill it.

minor details

Is there a limit on the number of characters that get quoted now? I've noticed in this this thread it doesn't paste the whole number. Am I behind the times in Fark and just didn't notice a change?

I'm 37. Never had a speeding ticket, never been in a wreck, no criminal record of any kind. I like to think that my spotless record will save my ass if I ever get caught doing wrong. Also, I've never owned a car without a radar detector.

I just don't understand the thickness of people who speed constantly without a radar detector and regularly get speeding tickets.

Once got pulled over at 2-3a (which is when bars close in Boston)...I was stuck behind someone who kept jamming on his breaks at random and not signaling, basically clearly lost. Because I'm honestly a bit of an angry driver who also really wanted to get home, I was tailgating.

Officer pulled me over for following too closely. I got out of it because when he asked "where are you coming from / going to" I answered that I was dropping my cat off at my friends house for cat sitting (at 2:30am) and that I was heading home and leaving for a trip the next day. It apparently blew his mind that someone would be dropping off a cat in the wee hours rather than be drunk driving. He laughed at me and let me go.

So my advice is to ramble on about your cat.

Kyro: atlfarkette: I got pulled over doing like 20mph over.

In Atlanta? That's nothing and you know it.

/speed limits here are speed minimums

Seriously, everyone was gladly doing 85 this morning on my way to work.

Got my license in 1976, and have yet to receive my first ticket.
God knows, I must deserve one by now, don't I???

I've avoided tickets 5 times (out of 11 attempts)

3 of those times I talked my way out of it. This may have been police simply realizing the guy they pulled over was vanilla.

2 of those times I got away. Yes, seriously.

I also had a cop once pass me on the road, pointing his finger at me. When he got my attention, he pointed down at his dash board. I slowed down, and he gave me a thumbs up.

80 in a 40, 3 AM, no proof of insurance or registration, got a verbal warning.

I apologized, cop told me to slow down, watch for deer.