Or you could get the plastic squeezy bottle. Or you could just not be a spazz and be able to get ketchup out of a bottle

That's not a euphemism for anything lewd

But.... it COULD be!

I find a good overhead swing gets all the ketchup down to the cap easy enough already... how long until we find out this "magic coating" causes cancer?

Only MIT nerds would invent a super slippery non-toxic substance and then use it to line the inside of a ketchup bottle.

When will I get my non-nutritive cereal varnish? Or my noncaloric silicon based kitchen lubricant?

Pants full of macaroni!!: That's not a euphemism for anything lewd

But.... it COULD be!

It is when you're hung like I am.

/57 millimeters

What does this do to you when it dissolves into your food and you eat it over time? Lubricate your insides so that they all out your ass?

Headline sucked like your mom

Steal packets from cafeterias and fast food places, problem solved.

Also the soviet space program used a pencil.

Goimir: Hand Banana: Why do they even make glass ketchup bottles anymore?

Because some of us dislike the taste of plastic and aren't spazzes.

Yeah, I thought glass bottles emptied out better than plastic, especially if you stand them upside down to get the last bit out.
Because of the euphemism talk here, may I say that I just spent an hour scrubbing love bugs off the front of my car, and my right arm is totally weak; I can hardly do a thing with it. I think I finally know what it must be like to be a man.

Whoa! That is way cool. Can I get a keyboard cover made out of that stuff?

Dead for Tax Reasons: Or you could get the plastic squeezy bottle. Or you could just not be a spazz and be able to get ketchup out of a bottle

Or they could just make ketchup a bit less thick. Or make the bottles with wider necks.

If that stuff is durable enough, I'd coat plates, bowls, and glasses with it.

Of course, you'd have to be careful with the plates, or your food would slide right onto the floor.

you mean whacking the 5.7

Gulper Eel: Dead for Tax Reasons: Or you could get the plastic squeezy bottle. Or you could just not be a spazz and be able to get ketchup out of a bottle

And at a certain point you can squeeze and hammer all you want and there will still be fifteen percent of the contents bitterly clinging to the container.

/has a six-year-old who goes through ketchup like farkers go through vodak vodka
/fixed that for you Mr Rotsky

The chemical probably causes autism, but it you put ketchup on your hotdog you already have that.

how will this lining affect the recycling stream?

We're missing the real point here folks. Heinz 57 and other such steak sauces should never be used. If your steak is so flavorless that you need to dump a bunch of goo on it, man up and address the real problem of your inferior meat. And if for some reason you really like the taste of these sauces, buy the cheapest meat you can find, but the quality won't matter anyways.

Hand Banana: Why do they even make glass ketchup bottles anymore?

They look better on the table. Also, some of the plastic bottles have that pressure sensitive "valve" to reduce leakage. So you squeeze with increasing intensity while nothing comes out...until it does, in a quantity 3 times larger than desired, and in one pile.

Hand Banana: Why do they even make glass ketchup bottles anymore?

Same reason people don't like beer from a can, I suppose. Or maybe less environment impact when lazy assholes toss it into a landfill.

/when I used to buy soda I only bought root beer / cream soda in glass bottles
//csb

A little girl peeks out of her bedroom window one night & sees her big sister in her boyfriend's car, doing something to her boyfriend's lap. later, she asks her big sis what she was doing. "I was giving him a handjob" her sister replies.
"What's a handjob?" she asks.
"Well, it sort of like getting ketchup out of a bottle." Her sister explains.

Years later, the little girl is grown up & has a boyfriend of her own. One night sitting on the porch as things were getting steamy, he asks her for a handjob. Remembering her sister's description, she takes his manhood in hand and proceeds to SLAP THE HELL OUT OF THE OF IT with the palm of her hand!

Nana's Vibrator: ...Or why don't we not use our food as a vessel for ketchup, mustard, relish, mayonaisse, salt, pepper, etc...and just make the food taste good to begin with?

How do you make food "taste good"?

WITH farkING SPICES, YOU IDIOT!!!

Nana's Vibrator: ...Or why don't we not use our food as a vessel for ketchup, mustard, relish, mayonaisse, salt, pepper, etc...and just make the food taste good to begin with?

/'cause this is 'Murica! That's why! Hell yeah! Pow!

I like the "Smart" "Funny" system, but posts like this one makes me wish there was a third button for "Dumbass"

schattenteufel: A little girl peeks out of her bedroom window one night & sees her big sister in her boyfriend's car, doing something to her boyfriend's lap. later, she asks her big sis what she was doing. "I was giving him a handjob" her sister replies.
"What's a handjob?" she asks.
"Well, it sort of like getting ketchup out of a bottle." Her sister explains.

Years later, the little girl is grown up & has a boyfriend of her own. One night sitting on the porch as things were getting steamy, he asks her for a handjob. Remembering her sister's description, she takes his manhood in hand and proceeds to SLAP THE HELL OUT OF THE OF IT with the palm of her hand!

was going to tell this same joke... somewhat differently...

Still leaves you with anticipation.

Nana's Vibrator: Really? Both of you? You can't buy high quality meat and cook it on a grill and eat it without drowning it in spices dumbass and condiments?
Enjoy your premature congestive heart failure, retards. I will not be weeping.

Who's talking about "drowning"?

And LOL at you trying to be the meat connoisseur when you don't even use pepper.

I though Subby was talking about nothing was sacred?? Oh you mean we weren't talking about rules of the internet??

Not in my house!

We will always whack the 57 on the 45!

Zotfripper: Goimir: Hand Banana: Why do they even make glass ketchup bottles anymore?

Because some of us dislike the taste of plastic and aren't spazzes.


You're not supposed to eat the bottle, spaz.

I can taste plastic in bottled water, as I imagine many people who have made an effort to banish plastic from their food also are able to taste it. We've done a good job of getting people used to the plastic content in our food and water that you can't even tell you're poisoning yourself anymore. Even aluminum water bottles have a plastic liner, which is why stainless steel is the popular type. Given the way non-sticks work, you are eating the lubricant in the bottle along with the ketchup.

The fortunate thing is that our bodies seem to have an amazing tolerance for chemical exposure but it's not worth using your body as an experiment to test it. The Romans died out before ever learning that their lead pipes drove them insane. If saving food is what they care about, what about bottle redesign to make it easier to retrieve the remaining ketchup or a device that would do the job?

Cloudchaser Sakonige the Red Wolf: Dead for Tax Reasons: Or you could get the plastic squeezy bottle. Or you could just not be a spazz and be able to get ketchup out of a bottle

Or they could just make ketchup a bit less thick. Or make the bottles with wider necks.

Or you could hit the bottle 'upwards' when it's tipped upside down, causing the glass to move away from the ketchup, and the ketchup to fall out.

Havokmon: Cloudchaser Sakonige the Red Wolf: Dead for Tax Reasons: Or you could get the plastic squeezy bottle. Or you could just not be a spazz and be able to get ketchup out of a bottle

Or they could just make ketchup a bit less thick. Or make the bottles with wider necks.

Or you could hit the bottle 'upwards' when it's tipped upside down, causing the glass to move away from the ketchup, and the ketchup to fall out.

Or you could put it in an aerosol can, like Easy Cheese.

If this substance is non-stick, how does it adhere to the bottle? YOU CAN'T EXPLAIN THAT.

Now get back to work on the Big Dig.

Nana's Vibrator: ...Or why don't we not use our food as a vessel for ketchup, mustard, relish, mayonaisse, salt, pepper, etc...and just make the food taste good to begin with?

/'cause this is 'Murica! That's why! Hell yeah! Pow!

Yes, I'm currently working on a system to make food out of no ingredients whatsoever.

So, they got some of this stuff and sprayed it in a ketchup bottle?

schattenteufel: A little girl peeks out of her bedroom window one night & sees her big sister in her boyfriend's car, doing something to her boyfriend's lap. later, she asks her big sis what she was doing. "I was giving him a handjob" her sister replies.
"What's a handjob?" she asks.
"Well, it sort of like getting ketchup out of a bottle." Her sister explains.

Years later, the little girl is grown up & has a boyfriend of her own. One night sitting on the porch as things were getting steamy, he asks her for a handjob. Remembering her sister's description, she takes his manhood in hand and proceeds to SLAP THE HELL OUT OF THE OF IT with the palm of her hand!

So this > Ketchup effect (new window) Might be NSFW

Froman: Zotfripper: Goimir: Hand Banana: Why do they even make glass ketchup bottles anymore?

Because some of us dislike the taste of plastic and aren't spazzes.


You're not supposed to eat the bottle, spaz.

I can taste plastic in bottled water, as I imagine many people who have made an effort to banish plastic from their food also are able to taste it. We've done a good job of getting people used to the plastic content in our food and water that you can't even tell you're poisoning yourself anymore. Even aluminum water bottles have a plastic liner, which is why stainless steel is the popular type. Given the way non-sticks work, you are eating the lubricant in the bottle along with the ketchup.

The fortunate thing is that our bodies seem to have an amazing tolerance for chemical exposure but it's not worth using your body as an experiment to test it. The Romans died out before ever learning that their lead pipes drove them insane. If saving food is what they care about, what about bottle redesign to make it easier to retrieve the remaining ketchup or a device that would do the job?

For science, have someone do a double blind study with you. I'll hypothesize your tasting the other additives (salt most likely), not the plastic in bottled water.

But it will probably give you cancer or lupus

Goimir: Froman:

Actually, you're wrong about the romans. There exists quite a bit of evidence that the effects of lead were known (even the medical term for lead poisoning is Saturnism). If any lesson is to be learned from the fall of Rome, let it be that industry and government cannot be counted on to express the vigilance that is required to keep a society flourishing.

Harumph, guffaw. You're both wrong...there is a well-established consensus among historical scholars that the fall of Rome was precipitated by enitirely too much buttsecks.

MoronLessOff: When will I get my non-nutritive cereal varnish? Or my noncaloric silicon based kitchen lubricant?

I wanna lube my snow saucer.