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30599 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 May 2012 at 11:24 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-05-22 08:12:24 PM  
He sounds like a candidate for the bullet ant glove..a male rite of passage

content.artofmanliness.com

the ants are woven into the glove with their stingers facing inside the glove....the object is to remain as quiet as possible throughout the ordeal. And apparently, even though the glove comes off after 10 minutes, the stinging pain continues for 24 hours afterwards.

If I were a male living in the Satere-Mawe tribe I'd stay a boy forever.
 
2012-05-22 08:14:58 PM  
No Box Jelly? The jellyfish that can kill a roomfull of 25 full grown men?

www.oceanwideimages.com
 
2012-05-22 08:26:23 PM  

Jamdug!: No Box Jelly? The jellyfish that can kill a roomfull of 25 full grown men?

[www.oceanwideimages.com image 550x365]


4.9: Salty, redolent of dried fish and seaweed. Like having your balls savaged by a pack of naked mole rats created from Dave's Insanity Sauce and lava.
 
2012-05-22 08:58:25 PM  
This was originally published as a thinly veiled fetish wish-list for his next birthday.
 
Pud
2012-05-22 09:39:10 PM  
It's an old Cracked article. But it seems to fit.

The 5 most horrifying bugs in the world
 
2012-05-22 09:40:03 PM  
Ow*smack*, Ow*smack*, Ow*smack*, Ow*smack*...
 
2012-05-22 09:43:34 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Ow*smack*, Ow*smack*, Ow*smack*, Ow*smack*...


yeah... just like that. mmmm smokey
 
2012-05-22 09:44:13 PM  
 
2012-05-22 10:29:42 PM  
Oh please, wimpy boy, a yellow jacket is like having a cigar out out on your tongue? Meh.

/whar scorpion sting, whar?
//have had many yellow jackets sting me before
///hornet was worse
////but that scorpion, the little f*cker, that stung like a big dog
 
2012-05-22 10:33:31 PM  

Pud: It's an old Cracked article. But it seems to fit.

The 5 most horrifying bugs in the world


This may not be a very high bar to set, but I still think that is perhaps the best Cracked article of all time. The part about the Japanese hornets is outstandingly written. Choice quote: They then descend upon the beehive like an unholy plague of hell-born death engines and proceed to make this world a scary goddamned place.

:D
 
2012-05-22 11:19:06 PM  
I got stnung by a paper wasp when i was a kid. I swear I can still feel the pain 30 years on.

Farking insects. Useless things.
 
2012-05-22 11:31:13 PM  
The fire ant's bite isn't the bad part, it's the festering wound it leaves behind.

Got bit by a single ant and still have the scar on my hand.
 
2012-05-22 11:34:25 PM  

Evenbiggerknickers: He sounds like a candidate for the bullet ant glove..a male rite of passage

[content.artofmanliness.com image 300x225]

the ants are woven into the glove with their stingers facing inside the glove....the object is to remain as quiet as possible throughout the ordeal. And apparently, even though the glove comes off after 10 minutes, the stinging pain continues for 24 hours afterwards.

If I were a male living in the Satere-Mawe tribe I'd stay a boy forever.


I watched some Christian missionary "real life" show with these two guys delving into the jungles of South America. When they got to the village they were targeting, one of them decided to undergo the bullet ant glove ritual. Watching him scream and writhe on the ground was amusing, especially since a major portion of the ritual is for the initiate to show no emotion or pain as the ants bite him.
 
2012-05-22 11:35:21 PM  

Gleeman: The fire ant's bite isn't the bad part, it's the festering wound it leaves behind.

Got bit by a single ant and still have the scar on my hand.


I'm not sure what fire ant bit him but it doesn't appear that it was the South Carolina variety that feels to me like a cigarette being doused on my toe, followed by a painful, itchy welt. I mean the guy got a bullet ant bite, so he's for freaking real but fire ants are pretty damn bad.
 
2012-05-22 11:36:09 PM  
silvarso.info

When's it gonna be my turn?
 
2012-05-22 11:38:24 PM  
Did he try having his ego stung by rejection from homo sapiens (female). Because, when done right, that can take you out for days in existential crisis.
 
2012-05-22 11:38:36 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Ow*smack*, Ow*smack*, Ow*smack*, Ow*smack*...


Anyone else read that as "*Smack*Ow, *Smack*Ow, *Smack*Ow, *Smack*Ow..." ?

Just me?

Is it warm in here?
 
2012-05-22 11:38:47 PM  
I've inadvertently eaten Portuguese Man O'War. Bracing, like receiving two dozen novocaine shots with rusty needles all at once.
 
2012-05-22 11:39:43 PM  
A friend of mine winters in Panama, and described an encounter there with a tarantula hawk. It had buzzed into his living room, where he tried to capture it in a tupperware container. He got the thing pinned between the lip of the tupperware container and the wall; he didn't want to kill it, being a compassionate sort, but he felt he had no choice. My friend is immensely strong, and was still unable to crush it. He finally managed to manoeuvre it into the tupperware container, and just threw the whole thing out in the yard. It flew away without a trace of injury, no doubt looking for a tank to fark.

I move that we as a species determine to rid the world of this awful creature. Maybe we should just nuke Panama from orbit, and any other country likely to host it.
 
2012-05-22 11:39:45 PM  

Gleeman: The fire ant's bite isn't the bad part, it's the festering wound it leaves behind.

Got bit by a single ant and still have the scar on my hand.


My mom brought me to Florida as an early teen. I was walking around barefoot one day when I stepped in an anthill. I didn't think too much of it, as my experience had been limited to things like harmless sugar ants. A few moments later, I felt the amazing pain of dozens of the fire ants biting and stinging me. I ran for the pool and plunged my legs in, wiping them off as fast as I could. Next day, of course, there were scores of pustules all over my feet and lower legs. Mom was a bit embarrassed that she'd forgotten to inform me about fire ants.
 
2012-05-22 11:39:50 PM  
I think this one could give you a jolt too if you ever get bitten by THEM
www.classichorrorcampaign.com
 
2012-05-22 11:41:00 PM  

LockeOak: I've inadvertently eaten Portuguese Man O'War. Bracing, like receiving two dozen novocaine shots with rusty needles all at once.


Am curious to know how one might inadvertently eat something like that? Please explain, so that the same fate may be avoided by other Farkers.
 
2012-05-22 11:41:31 PM  
#2 is a goddamn Cazador! I effin HATE cazadors!
 
2012-05-22 11:42:44 PM  
I hate bugs, they have too many powers. And seriously, wtf is a tarantula hawk?
 
2012-05-22 11:43:17 PM  
I got a sting from a fire ant on the top of my foot once. It left a lump that is visible 40 years later. My body created a circle of something all around it and it stays to this day. The original sting almost caused me to lose control of my bladder. So salty in the wound feeling with a distinct after taste that lasts a life time.

I finally got rid of the little bastards by pouring gas into the mound and setting fire to it. This kills the colony and purifies the earth so it will take grass (or weeds) again. Do it quick or you will burn the hair off your legs. As spoken by an experienced fire ant killer.
 
2012-05-22 11:47:23 PM  

Mambo Bananapatch: LockeOak: I've inadvertently eaten Portuguese Man O'War. Bracing, like receiving two dozen novocaine shots with rusty needles all at once.

Am curious to know how one might inadvertently eat something like that? Please explain, so that the same fate may be avoided by other Farkers.


I was working off of Key Largo on snorkel and swam through the tentacles, which are essentially invisible and extend just under the surface for many feet/yards. The tentacles stretched across my lips/jawline from one side of my face to the other and hurt like hell. I dived, saw the main body of it bobbing at the surface and swam back to the boat. After hanging on the ladder, cursing and getting my shiat together for a couple of minutes, I put the snorkel back in my mouth... and discovered that I had ripped off a bunch of tentacles, which were wrapped around the mouthpiece and now in my mouth. I was stung on the tongue/side of the mouth, but I remember mostly being concerned about a tentacle going down my throat. To be honest, the lip stings hurt a lot worse, but the mouth was scarier. Everything tingled for a few days afterward, like a lingering novocaine shot. Coral reef biology is awesome but has its hazards.
 
2012-05-22 11:47:59 PM  

LeroyBourne: I hate bugs, they have too many powers. And seriously, wtf is a tarantula hawk?


Remeber that Calvin & Hobbes strip where at dinner he's describing a wasp that paralyzes tarantulas, lays an eggs on it, and the larva eats the spider from thr inside-out? That's the wasp.

/note to those wondering why scorpion and other animals' stings weren't included: Schmidt Pain Index only covers Hymenoptera, i.e., ants, wasps, and bees
 
2012-05-22 11:50:23 PM  
www.thiel-a-vision.com

"It's a giant spider invasion of savings, at Menards!"
 
2012-05-22 11:50:55 PM  
I got wrapped up by a bluebottle jellyfish when I was ten. Twice around the waist, three times around my right arm.

There have been two times in my life I've screamed in pain. The other was when I broke my arm in ten places.

/ten days before my tenth birthday
//guess my lucky number
 
2012-05-22 11:52:10 PM  
I once got bit by a ground hornet while mowing the lawn and didn't see their nest. It bit me on the index finger and my entire arm puffed up to the shoulder and my joints were burning. The Dr. said put meat tenderizer on my arm and then hot compresses as hot as you can stand to help work the poison out threw the pores. A few days later a massive boil showed up on my opposite leg where I guess the poison congealed. That was the most pain I have ever felt.
 
2012-05-22 11:52:22 PM  
i.dailymail.co.uk

TARANTULA HAWK

this can't be happening to me
 
2012-05-22 11:52:34 PM  

Evenbiggerknickers: He sounds like a candidate for the bullet ant glove..a male rite of passage

[content.artofmanliness.com image 300x225]

the ants are woven into the glove with their stingers facing inside the glove....the object is to remain as quiet as possible throughout the ordeal. And apparently, even though the glove comes off after 10 minutes, the stinging pain continues for 24 hours afterwards.

If I were a male living in the Satere-Mawe tribe I'd stay a boy forever.


Steve-O and Pontius did this on their show Wildboyz. I apologize for the shiat quality.
 
2012-05-22 11:53:16 PM  
Wildboyz ...


www.mtv.com


static3.channels.com
 
2012-05-22 11:55:48 PM  
I got nailed by a paperwasp for having the gall to clean the gutters. It hit me right on the elbow and knocked my entire right arm out of commission for hours. Do not recommend.
 
2012-05-22 11:56:03 PM  
They had this bee in New Guinea, looked scary as hell. It was about an inch and a half long, black except for a wide orange stripe around the abdomen. Fortunately, they were extremely docile, and I never got stung by one. But my friends who had said it was way way worse than the scorpions and centipedes, and that you would most likely lose control of your bodily functions. One of my friends had a big mound of scar tissue on his shoulder, about the size of a quarter and maybe 1/3 inch raised from being stung from one years earlier. When you sprayed them with wasp killer, they would writhe around spraying poison all over the place. No clue what they were. Maybe they have been classified scientifically, maybe they haven't but at any rate I can't just type in "red ass bee" into Google like they called it in New Guinea.
 
2012-05-22 11:56:17 PM  
Sweat bee - local, haven't been stung, or I didn't notice.
Fire ants - local, once stood on a mound barefoot when I was a kid. Didn't notice until they were ALL OVER MY DAMN LEGS, BITING.
Bald faced hornet - local, hurts like hell.
Yellowjacket - local, and THEY DON'T STOP STINGING OH GOD
Honeybee - local, but the normal variety are docile enough, only stung once
Paper Wasp - see Yellowjacket. Mean bastards too.
Tarantula Hawk - local, haven't been stung.

So... 7/10 are local, been bitten/stung by 5/10. I would say the yellowjackets were the worst, mainly because I got stung over a hundred times when I accidentally collapsed a nest.
 
2012-05-22 11:56:53 PM  

LeroyBourne: I hate bugs, they have too many powers. And seriously, wtf is a tarantula hawk?


Nasty buggers.
http://www.desertusa.com/mag01/sep/papr/thawk.html
 
2012-05-22 11:58:43 PM  
A single fire ant isn't bad, but how often is it just one. I swear those farkers will coordinate their attacks. Worst was I was weed eating the used and hit a mound. I had bites all over, literally asshole to elbows. Also this guy forgot chiggers. The bite doesn't hurt but goddamn if they don't itch like a mofo for weeks.
 
2012-05-22 11:59:25 PM  

LeroyBourne: I hate bugs, they have too many powers. And seriously, wtf is a tarantula hawk?


A tarantula hawk is another name for the embodiment flying evil.
 
2012-05-22 11:59:53 PM  

Dumb-Ass-Monkey: #2 is a goddamn Cazador! I effin HATE cazadors!


The only way I've found to deal with them is to travel with a sniper and a robot. All of you have scoped rapid firing laser weapons.

Good luck.
 
2012-05-23 12:00:06 AM  

LincolnLogolas: Fire ants - local, once stood on a mound barefoot when I was a kid. Didn't notice until they were ALL OVER MY DAMN LEGS, BITING.


Yeah. This is what I hate about fire ants. It's not like they'll just bite you right away to warn you away from their nest. Oh no. They'll first swarm all over you, and then, as if on a signal, all start biting at the same time.

I farking hate fire ants.
 
2012-05-23 12:02:44 AM  

chopit: Dumb-Ass-Monkey: #2 is a goddamn Cazador! I effin HATE cazadors!

The only way I've found to deal with them is to travel with a sniper and a robot. All of you have scoped rapid firing laser weapons.

Good luck.


Believe it or not, shooting their wings is very effective. It causes them to drop to the ground. Then, it also helps to have a friend from the Brotherhood of Steel wearing full power armor to go smash them when they hit the ground after being shot in the wing.

I find a good brush rifle can be pretty effective against them.
 
2012-05-23 12:04:53 AM  
I once put my foot in a shoe with a wasp in it. I couldn't walk right for a couple of days afterwards.
 
2012-05-23 12:05:13 AM  
Schmidt Sting Pain Index

www.glamour.com

Where does "broken penis" rank on the list?


Mambo Bananapatch: LockeOak: I've inadvertently eaten Portuguese Man O'War. Bracing, like receiving two dozen novocaine shots with rusty needles all at once.

Am curious to know how one might inadvertently eat something like that? Please explain, so that the same fate may be avoided by other Farkers.


I remember hearing a story about how someone (a lifeguard, possibly) once found a jellyfish at the beach. They put in a water bottle to save it, for some reason, somebody else drank it. I think the guy died.
 
2012-05-23 12:06:14 AM  
No mention of Black Widow spiders?
 
zez
2012-05-23 12:06:18 AM  

factoryconnection: Gleeman: The fire ant's bite isn't the bad part, it's the festering wound it leaves behind.

Got bit by a single ant and still have the scar on my hand.

I'm not sure what fire ant bit him but it doesn't appear that it was the South Carolina variety that feels to me like a cigarette being doused on my toe, followed by a painful, itchy welt. I mean the guy got a bullet ant bite, so he's for freaking real but fire ants are pretty damn bad.


When I visited my friend in San Antonio there were these little annoying ants that made your skin itch when they crawled on your feet. She said they were fire ants and that they are really annoying. When I got back I told my friend about it (who used to live in Texas) and he said those weren't fire ants otherwise we'd have big welts and other problems.
 
2012-05-23 12:07:12 AM  
I've been nailed by four of the ten. Go me?

Fire ants (several times actually) singular aren't to bad, it's the fact that by they swarm and then all sting at once. So you're fine and then all of a sudden your legs/arms are on fire as they all start biting/stinging in unison. Still the initial attack while painful usually isn't too bad. As other said, the itching puss welts you get over afterwards that really sucks. I also don't get any permanent marks from these guys.

Yellow Jacket (once), hard to gauge this one as i stepped on the thing and it curled and nailed me under the nail of my big toe. Maybe wouldn't have been so bad somewhere less sensitive.

Honey Bee (Lots), it's hard to gauge the pain as I've been stung mostly by these guys when I was little and haven't been stung recently. I do remember at the time that I was strangely use to it, during summer when I played outdoors (often bare foot) I would actually get stung quite a bit, sometimes 3-8 times a week (on weekends I could catch two stings in a single day).

Paper Wasp, (once) it was brutal. It got me in the meaty part of my calf and it was just piercing, agonizing pain. I think I limped for like a weak after being nailed as it actually made the muscles in my leg ache.
 
2012-05-23 12:09:07 AM  
I stay away from bees, hornets, wasp and any of their incarnation. I'm not deathly allergic to them, just mildly allergic, but what that means is anywhere that they sting me swells up like crazy; For example one of the two times I was ever stung by their evil creation was in the ear. And my ear had swollen up so badly that my older brothers and sisters called me Darren Stevens after the time on Bewitched when Darren had his ears cursed, If you don't remember that here is a visual and this is what my right ear did look like for a week.

t0.gstatic.com

The second time I was stung I was minding my own business walking down the street and was attack by a swarm. One of them stung me in the back of the head and it swollen up so big it look like I had been pumpkin headed.
 
2012-05-23 12:13:11 AM  

LincolnLogolas: Sweat bee - local, haven't been stung, or I didn't notice.
Fire ants - local, once stood on a mound barefoot when I was a kid. Didn't notice until they were ALL OVER MY DAMN LEGS, BITING.
Bald faced hornet - local, hurts like hell.
Yellowjacket - local, and THEY DON'T STOP STINGING OH GOD
Honeybee - local, but the normal variety are docile enough, only stung once
Paper Wasp - see Yellowjacket. Mean bastards too.
Tarantula Hawk - local, haven't been stung.

So... 7/10 are local, been bitten/stung by 5/10. I would say the yellowjackets were the worst, mainly because I got stung over a hundred times when I accidentally collapsed a nest.


The biting is pretty bad too. Fire ants grab you with their mandibles and then lever their stings into you with all their might. I worked in an ant lab a while back studying the little bastards and remember feeding them hot dogs. They would sting the hot dogs just out of sheer evil, or maybe to keep in practice.
 
2012-05-23 12:15:10 AM  
I've been stung by most of those (and I'm really getting a kick, yadda yadda...), but none are as bad as the Cow Killer/Velvet Ant. Not as bad as the Irukandji or the Box Jelly, I'm sure, but I avoid those locales.
 
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