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Someone farked this?

I'm tired of people biatching about their kids. It's not my fault you didn't use your diaphragm. Stick to anal from now on.

Mugato: Someone farked this?

[www.slate.com image 568x346]

I'm tired of people biatching about their kids. It's not my fault you didn't use your diaphragm. Stick to anal from now on.

Mugato: I'm tired of people biatching about their kids. It's not my fault you didn't use your diaphragm.

THIS.

Where they come from is no longer a mystery. Use your farking brains for once!

Ah, and then the shill pitches her book right at the end of the "news article". Someone farked this story? Hope ya got paid.

FTA: mothers who don't do paid work are actually poorer, on average, than employed mothers. They also tend to be younger, Latina, and foreign-born, according to the latest census numbers. They're less likely to have graduated from high school or attained a bachelor's degree.

Childcare costs $. If you have no skills and/or education and you can't make enough working to cover childcare costs you might as well stay home. I don't get the frame of mind. I feel like if I had kids I was raising, I'd feel more important than I do now, where I sit in a cubicle all day wishing I didn't have to put my life on hold Monday through Friday. Grass is always greener I guess. In seriousness (and I speak as a SAHM who truly does LOVE being a SAHM): Our "job" has none of the normal "satisfactions" of a conventional paycheck-oriented job. If you go to work and you land a big new account or you bust your butt on a great new project, you'll usually at least get an "Attaboy" from your boss. Even if you get no reinforcement from anyone you work with, you can usually at least have the satisfaction of knowing that your work is "done", that your project is "complete", etc. For SAHMs, we get that when our kids are 18, 21, or older (if we're lucky). So during those years when we're "in the trenches", it's hard to feel like what you're doing is worthwhile. To add: When you go to work at your job, most of the time, you have (or SHOULD have) clear directives and guidelines. This memo must be formatted a specific way. The metrics on this project must exceed a certain percentage. You know what your goal is and you can work towards it. As a SAHM, we don't get that, and our "goals" are largely dependent on the whims and feelings of small children. So when my kids are having a great day, I feel GREAT! But when we have one of those days where the kids are fighting and the general mood in the house is rotten, then what? Sometimes kids just get into a bad mood and there's nothing you can do about it except set the clocks back a half-hour (so they'll think it's their bedtime earlier), have a glass of wine, and just give it another go in the morning. But when it's your "job" to keep everyone in the family happy and you can't do it? The sense of failure is a real problem. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE being a SAHM and wouldn't trade it for the world. But that doesn't mean that I don't experience a fair bit of anxiety & worry as a result of it. Frankly, the standards are just too high. I feel guilty - I feel like a "failure" as a Mom (and by extension, as a wife and as a woman) - if my kids aren't perfectly coiffed, the house spotless, the husband happy, the bills paid, the groceries bought, the dinner served promptly at 6 PM, the kids involved in 264 activities and clubs and teams, my hair done and clothes pressed, and a smile on my face. Intellectually, I know that's stupid. You just can't do all of that. But that's the "standard" that people expect of a SAHM. Is it any wonder that Ativan and Arbor Mist are my best friends? DrewCurtisJr: FTA: mothers who don't do paid work are actually poorer, on average, than employed mothers. They also tend to be younger, Latina, and foreign-born, according to the latest census numbers. They're less likely to have graduated from high school or attained a bachelor's degree. Childcare costs$. If you have no skills and/or education and you can't make enough working to cover childcare costs you might as well stay home.

I'm an almost 40 year old native born white male with a BS, and I'm a stay-at-home dad with a wife that makes enough to pay for everything we need and most things we want.

I love it.

I think you're on to something there.

/was making decent $in a tech field I enjoyed before the kid, btw //staying at home isn't for everyone though, I'm not trying to sell you the kool-aide if you're stuck home doing child care make it pay. watch other folks spawn at better rates than official licensed centers and everyone happy. cash is king, baby. /put on that diaper and make it pay DrewCurtisJr: FTA: mothers who don't do paid work are actually poorer, on average, than employed mothers. They also tend to be younger, Latina, and foreign-born, according to the latest census numbers. They're less likely to have graduated from high school or attained a bachelor's degree. Childcare costs$. If you have no skills and/or education and you can't make enough working to cover childcare costs you might as well stay home.

Yes and no. I have skills and education, but I still didn't make enough money to cover childcare costs and have enough left over to make it worthwhile. Ergo, I stayed home with the kids for the past few years.

I'm glad I was able to spend the extra time with my kids, but it kind of sucked feeling like the yardstick by which my worth was measured was whiter whites and a gleaming floor. But eh, that doesn't make me different from anyone else who biatches about the meaninglessness of their job. We can't all be in the Peace Corps. *shrug*

browntimmy: I don't get the frame of mind. I feel like if I had kids I was raising, I'd feel more important than I do now, where I sit in a cubicle all day wishing I didn't have to put my life on hold Monday through Friday. Grass is always greener I guess.

It's a matter of perspective. And the fact is that most women who ARE SAHMs do it for the reason you mentioned.

There aren't a lot of SAHMs that become SAHMs and leave behind a career as a doctor (where they're saving lives) or a lawyer (where they're fighting for civil rights) or something like that. Despite what the magazines would have you believe, women who abandon "important" or "meaningful" careers to be SAHMs are in the distinct minority.

Most SAHMs are doing it because the alternative is a crap job that brings them no real satisfaction. If I wasn't a SAHM, I'd be an admin assistant. I could do paralegal work if I could find it because that's actually where my training is, and I would actually greatly enjoy paralegal work. But admin assistant work? $10/hr to sit in a cubicle and file travel vouchers and W-2s? By the time I finish paying daycare, I'm left earning$200 a month (if I'm lucky!), and frankly, $200 a month isn't worth the hassle of working 40 hours a week and never getting to spend time with my family because every moment I'm not at work I'm cooking, cleaning, nagging, helping with homework, etc. Eugenics sits alone in a darkened corner, smiling to himself. "Soon." morgantx: Sometimes kids just get into a bad mood and there's nothing you can do about it except set the clocks back a half-hour (so they'll think it's their bedtime earlier), have a glass of wine, and just give it another go in the morning. Favoriting you because you're a goddamn genius for that setting back the clock trick. I wish I'd thought of that trick today when the kids were going bug nuts. We nerdy SAHMs gotta stick together. ;) As a current Stay At Home Dad with Summer approaching. I say "Llighten Up Francis". Get over it. Overwhelming at times. Not that difficult. If you had a litter more than 2 it's your own fault & handle it. morgantx: In seriousness (and I speak as a SAHM who truly does LOVE being a SAHM): Our "job" has none of the normal "satisfactions" of a conventional paycheck-oriented job. If you go to work and you land a big new account or you bust your butt on a great new project, you'll usually at least get an "Attaboy" from your boss. Even if you get no reinforcement from anyone you work with, you can usually at least have the satisfaction of knowing that your work is "done", that your project is "complete", etc. For SAHMs, we get that when our kids are 18, 21, or older (if we're lucky). So during those years when we're "in the trenches", it's hard to feel like what you're doing is worthwhile. To add: When you go to work at your job, most of the time, you have (or SHOULD have) clear directives and guidelines. This memo must be formatted a specific way. The metrics on this project must exceed a certain percentage. You know what your goal is and you can work towards it. As a SAHM, we don't get that, and our "goals" are largely dependent on the whims and feelings of small children. So when my kids are having a great day, I feel GREAT! But when we have one of those days where the kids are fighting and the general mood in the house is rotten, then what? Sometimes kids just get into a bad mood and there's nothing you can do about it except set the clocks back a half-hour (so they'll think it's their bedtime earlier), have a glass of wine, and just give it another go in the morning. But when it's your "job" to keep everyone in the family happy and you can't do it? The sense of failure is a real problem. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE being a SAHM and wouldn't trade it for the world. But that doesn't mean that I don't experience a fair bit of anxiety & worry as a result of it. Frankly, the standards are just too high. I feel guilty - I feel like a "failure" as a Mom (and by extension, as a wife and as a woman) - if my kids aren't perfectly coiffed, the house spotless, the husband happy, the bills paid, the groceries bought, the dinner served promptly at 6 PM, the kids involved in 264 activities and clubs and teams, my hair done and clothes pressed, and a smile on my face. Intellectually, I know that's stupid. You just can't do all of that. But that's the "standard" that people expect of a SAHM. Is it any wonder that Ativan and Arbor Mist are my best friends? I love you. I'm a SAH-Dad, it's pretty awesome. Acht, what crap. I've got an education, had a job and now a mum for 14 years. I have a disabled child to boot. If you take the self slobbering moments into account I'm sure it's tough. But really, get a sense of humor, appreciation for your situation and self worth. I like my kids. I like being home when they arrive Canning, baking and being the go to when someone needs a person thats always available. I love the hugs I like being able to make a meal every night, having an organized house and going to movies on pro-d days. It's a sweet deal and I'm priviledged. . gunsmack: I'm a SAH-Dad, it's pretty awesome. Don't people look at you suspiciously because you're a male hanging around children? morgantx: There aren't a lot of SAHMs that become SAHMs and leave behind a career as a doctor (where they're saving lives) or a lawyer (where they're fighting for civil rights) or something like that. Despite what the magazines would have you believe, women who abandon "important" or "meaningful" careers to be SAHMs are in the distinct minority. Most SAHMs are doing it because the alternative is a crap job that brings them no real satisfaction. If I wasn't a SAHM, I'd be an admin assistant. I could do paralegal work if I could find it because that's actually where my training is, and I would actually greatly enjoy paralegal work. But admin assistant work?$10/hr to sit in a cubicle and file travel vouchers and W-2s? By the time I finish paying daycare, I'm left earning $200 a month (if I'm lucky!), and frankly,$200 a month isn't worth the hassle of working 40 hours a week and never getting to spend time with my family because every moment I'm not at work I'm cooking, cleaning, nagging, helping with homework, etc.

I pretty much agree, but FWIW I have a good friend who is a Pharmacist and planning to go to part-time or not work at all when she has kids. Of course, her husband is in his surgical residency so it's a totally realistic option for her.

Like me, she's pretty dedicated to the idea of avoiding day care.

/DIY Kids!

sleeps in trees: Acht, what crap. I've got an education, had a job and now a mum for 14 years. I have a disabled child to boot.

If you take the self slobbering moments into account I'm sure it's tough. But really, get a sense of humor, appreciation for your situation and self worth. I like my kids. I like being home when they arrive Canning, baking and being the go to when someone needs a person thats always available. I love the hugs I like being able to make a meal every night, having an organized house and going to movies on pro-d days.

It's a sweet deal and I'm priviledged.

I don't disagree with you! But I think that all of us SAHPs can admit that it can be stressful at times.

You know, that's another thing I didn't mention earlier...

Most of us will never care as much about our employers or our co-workers as we will about our spouses and our children. When you're a SAHP, you're working with and for people that you love and adore. Their opinions MATTER to you because you love them. And that means that you sometimes experience the highest highs imaginable. But it also means that you sometimes get the lowest lows. I hear people talk about "loving their job", and I laugh. The level of emotional involvement that SAHPs have in their "jobs" leads to some very confusing emotional outcomes.

morgantx: In seriousness (and I speak as a SAHM who truly does LOVE being a SAHM):

Our "job" has none of the normal "satisfactions" of a conventional paycheck-oriented job. If you go to work and you land a big new account or you bust your butt on a great new project, you'll usually at least get an "Attaboy" from your boss. Even if you get no reinforcement from anyone you work with, you can usually at least have the satisfaction of knowing that your work is "done", that your project is "complete", etc. For SAHMs, we get that when our kids are 18, 21, or older (if we're lucky). So during those years when we're "in the trenches", it's hard to feel like what you're doing is worthwhile.

To add: When you go to work at your job, most of the time, you have (or SHOULD have) clear directives and guidelines. This memo must be formatted a specific way. The metrics on this project must exceed a certain percentage. You know what your goal is and you can work towards it. As a SAHM, we don't get that, and our "goals" are largely dependent on the whims and feelings of small children. So when my kids are having a great day, I feel GREAT! But when we have one of those days where the kids are fighting and the general mood in the house is rotten, then what? Sometimes kids just get into a bad mood and there's nothing you can do about it except set the clocks back a half-hour (so they'll think it's their bedtime earlier), have a glass of wine, and just give it another go in the morning. But when it's your "job" to keep everyone in the family happy and you can't do it? The sense of failure is a real problem.

Don't get me wrong - I LOVE being a SAHM and wouldn't trade it for the world. But that doesn't mean that I don't experience a fair bit of anxiety & worry as a result of it. Frankly, the standards are just too high. I feel guilty - I feel like a "failure" as a Mom (and by extension, as a wife and as a woman) - if my kids aren't perfectly coiffed, the house spotless, the husband happy, the bills paid, the groceries bought, the dinner served promptly at 6 PM, the kids involved in 264 activities and clubs and teams, my hair done and clothes pressed, and a smile on my face. Intellectually, I know that's stupid. You just can't do all of that. But that's the "standard" that people expect of a SAHM. Is it any wonder that Ativan and Arbor Mist are my best friends?

First rule, never tell them you are an at home mum. Stock answers to "What do you do?" are "trophy wife" or " nothing".

Maybe if society would nut up and slap the shiat out of their kid every once in a while when they needed it this wouldnt be a problem. Don't even try to explain to me why hitting a kid never works cause you are 100% wrong; if you apply physical discipline at the appropriate time, it always works

morgantx: In seriousness (and I speak as a SAHM who truly does LOVE being a SAHM):

Our "job" has none of the normal "satisfactions" of a conventional paycheck-oriented job. If you go to work and you land a big new account or you bust your butt on a great new project, you'll usually at least get an "Attaboy" from your boss. Even if you get no reinforcement from anyone you work with, you can usually at least have the satisfaction of knowing that your work is "done", that your project is "complete", etc. For SAHMs, we get that when our kids are 18, 21, or older (if we're lucky). So during those years when we're "in the trenches", it's hard to feel like what you're doing is worthwhile.

To add: When you go to work at your job, most of the time, you have (or SHOULD have) clear directives and guidelines. This memo must be formatted a specific way. The metrics on this project must exceed a certain percentage. You know what your goal is and you can work towards it. As a SAHM, we don't get that, and our "goals" are largely dependent on the whims and feelings of small children. So when my kids are having a great day, I feel GREAT! But when we have one of those days where the kids are fighting and the general mood in the house is rotten, then what? Sometimes kids just get into a bad mood and there's nothing you can do about it except set the clocks back a half-hour (so they'll think it's their bedtime earlier), have a glass of wine, and just give it another go in the morning. But when it's your "job" to keep everyone in the family happy and you can't do it? The sense of failure is a real problem.

Don't get me wrong - I LOVE being a SAHM and wouldn't trade it for the world. But that doesn't mean that I don't experience a fair bit of anxiety & worry as a result of it. Frankly, the standards are just too high. I feel guilty - I feel like a "failure" as a Mom (and by extension, as a wife and as a woman) - if my kids aren't perfectly coiffed, the house spotless, the husband happy, the bill ...

I was you 15 - 20 years ago. Wouldn't trade that time for anything, but it definitely had its share of ego-deflating and anxiety-producing moments. Plus side now: I get to brag about what I did "right" and people are mesmerized by the fact that I washed cloth diapers for two kids by hand. Or maybe they are grossed out. It's hard to tell.

From Slate's "I Pulled This Out Of My Ass" Fake Study Department

weaselette: I was you 15 - 20 years ago. Wouldn't trade that time for anything, but it definitely had its share of ego-deflating and anxiety-producing moments. Plus side now: I get to brag about what I did "right" and people are mesmerized by the fact that I washed cloth diapers for two kids by hand. Or maybe they are grossed out. It's hard to tell.

LMAO! I have a 2-year-old still in cloth diapers and this new baby on his way, so I'm washing cloth diapers for two kids myself right now! (And a few weeks ago when the sewer backed up on a Friday afternoon and I had to go three days without running water, I was doing them by hand, too!)

mjjt: [i48.tinypic.com image 465x371].

Thank you. I have a friend with 4 kids who is going to piss himself when I send it to him.

morgantx: sleeps in trees: Acht, what crap. I've got an education, had a job and now a mum for 14 years. I have a disabled child to boot.

If you take the self slobbering moments into account I'm sure it's tough. But really, get a sense of humor, appreciation for your situation and self worth. I like my kids. I like being home when they arrive Canning, baking and being the go to when someone needs a person thats always available. I love the hugs I like being able to make a meal every night, having an organized house and going to movies on pro-d days.

It's a sweet deal and I'm priviledged.

I don't disagree with you! But I think that all of us SAHPs can admit that it can be stressful at times.

You know, that's another thing I didn't mention earlier...

Most of us will never care as much about our employers or our co-workers as we will about our spouses and our children. When you're a SAHP, you're working with and for people that you love and adore. Their opinions MATTER to you because you love them. And that means that you sometimes experience the highest highs imaginable. But it also means that you sometimes get the lowest lows. I hear people talk about "loving their job", and I laugh. The level of emotional involvement that SAHPs have in their "jobs" leads to some very confusing emotional outcomes.

I'm not saying its easy. Don't misunderstand me. But, I did learned to embrace the crazy. I have a min of 3 therapists in and out of my house per day and a husband who works out of town 3 wks per month.

It took a lot to just say it is what it is.

morgantx: weaselette: I was you 15 - 20 years ago. Wouldn't trade that time for anything, but it definitely had its share of ego-deflating and anxiety-producing moments. Plus side now: I get to brag about what I did "right" and people are mesmerized by the fact that I washed cloth diapers for two kids by hand. Or maybe they are grossed out. It's hard to tell.

LMAO! I have a 2-year-old still in cloth diapers and this new baby on his way, so I'm washing cloth diapers for two kids myself right now! (And a few weeks ago when the sewer backed up on a Friday afternoon and I had to go three days without running water, I was doing them by hand, too!)

Dear god, I'd go buy disposables if I had to wash a cloth diaper by hand. I loved cloth diapering, but only because I could toss those nasty things into my washing machine.

\did the stay-at-home parent thing for nearly four years
\\it was torture
\\\work and grad school are far easier and far more pleasant

sleeps in trees: I'm not saying its easy. Don't misunderstand me. But, I did learned to embrace the crazy. I have a min of 3 therapists in and out of my house per day and a husband who works out of town 3 wks per month.

It took a lot to just say it is what it is.

I hear ya. My husband's been gone since January, so embracing the insanity is about the only way to survive. Like when you catch your son in the backyard, pants around his ankles, swinging from a rope on a tree branch and peeing... You can either freak out or you can just shake your head and laugh. (That was yesterday.)

Vermicious Knids: Dear god, I'd go buy disposables if I had to wash a cloth diaper by hand. I loved cloth diapering, but only because I could toss those nasty things into my washing machine.

In fairness, I don't normally wash them by hand. Extenuating circumstances!

Mugato: Someone farked this?

[www.slate.com image 568x346]

I'm tired of people biatching about their kids. It's not my fault you didn't use your diaphragm. Stick to anal from now on.

Actually, my diaphragm failed.

I had some medication issues and had to go off hormone-based birth control for a while. Ended up pregnant within two months, even though we used the effing diaphragm exactly as prescribed each and every time we farked.

\diaphragm is about as reliable as pulling out or the rhythm method
\\learn from my fail

gunsmack: I'm a SAH-Dad, it's pretty awesome.

You magnificent bastard! I wish I had that choice. I would love nothing more than to be a SAHD.

morgantx: weaselette: I was you 15 - 20 years ago. Wouldn't trade that time for anything, but it definitely had its share of ego-deflating and anxiety-producing moments. Plus side now: I get to brag about what I did "right" and people are mesmerized by the fact that I washed cloth diapers for two kids by hand. Or maybe they are grossed out. It's hard to tell.

LMAO! I have a 2-year-old still in cloth diapers and this new baby on his way, so I'm washing cloth diapers for two kids myself right now! (And a few weeks ago when the sewer backed up on a Friday afternoon and I had to go three days without running water, I was doing them by hand, too!)

Hang in there. You can tell the story in 20 years and people will be soooo impressed. Or they will look at you like you are nuts. Honestly, though, I didn't find it that big of a deal. Few more loads of laundry a week and they get to have comfy cotton against their little tushes instead of plastic. I cherish those days with my young'uns!

Kids are great but the wife does look like this from time to time.

morgantx: sleeps in trees: I'm not saying its easy. Don't misunderstand me. But, I did learned to embrace the crazy. I have a min of 3 therapists in and out of my house per day and a husband who works out of town 3 wks per month.

It took a lot to just say it is what it is.

I hear ya. My husband's been gone since January, so embracing the insanity is about the only way to survive. Like when you catch your son in the backyard, pants around his ankles, swinging from a rope on a tree branch and peeing... You can either freak out or you can just shake your head and laugh. (That was yesterday.)

Vermicious Knids: Dear god, I'd go buy disposables if I had to wash a cloth diaper by hand. I loved cloth diapering, but only because I could toss those nasty things into my washing machine.

In fairness, I don't normally wash them by hand. Extenuating circumstances!

I kind of love the crazy now. Took the youngest to the Avengers. He's a fan of Samuel L Jackson as he has the first two names himself. Now being autistic he doesn't quite get what is not socially acceptable to say outside of the house.

SLJ shows up on screen and my 10 year old yells "Mum, That's Samuel L Motherfarking Jackson!!". I started to laugh and by the end whenever he showed on screen someone would pipe up with the same line. It was a riot.

weaselette: Hang in there. You can tell the story in 20 years and people will be soooo impressed. Or they will look at you like you are nuts. Honestly, though, I didn't find it that big of a deal. Few more loads of laundry a week and they get to have comfy cotton against their little tushes instead of plastic. I cherish those days with my young'uns!

I agree with you. Plus, to be perfectly honest, going to the grocery store is a PITA with so many kids. I do grocery shopping about once a week or so and when I've used disposables in the past, I have ALWAYS lost track of how many I had left! Especially with toddlers, I don't carry a diaper bag, so I'll stuff a few diapers in my purse or in my car when we go to the park or something, so whenever my bag of disposable diapers ran low, I'd tell myself, "I can wait until tomorrow to go shopping because I know I probably have a few stashed in the car somewhere," not remembering that I used my car stash the LAST time my bag of diapers ran low. With the cloth, it's a lot easier. Wet bag is full? Wash it. Ta-da!

And I agree - it's only an extra few loads a week. We have four children and one adult in this house (right now). We do about 10-14 loads of laundry a week. 2-3 more isn't going to make much of a difference!

morgantx: weaselette: Hang in there. You can tell the story in 20 years and people will be soooo impressed. Or they will look at you like you are nuts. Honestly, though, I didn't find it that big of a deal. Few more loads of laundry a week and they get to have comfy cotton against their little tushes instead of plastic. I cherish those days with my young'uns!

I agree with you. Plus, to be perfectly honest, going to the grocery store is a PITA with so many kids. I do grocery shopping about once a week or so and when I've used disposables in the past, I have ALWAYS lost track of how many I had left! Especially with toddlers, I don't carry a diaper bag, so I'll stuff a few diapers in my purse or in my car when we go to the park or something, so whenever my bag of disposable diapers ran low, I'd tell myself, "I can wait until tomorrow to go shopping because I know I probably have a few stashed in the car somewhere," not remembering that I used my car stash the LAST time my bag of diapers ran low. With the cloth, it's a lot easier. Wet bag is full? Wash it. Ta-da!

And I agree - it's only an extra few loads a week. We have four children and one adult in this house (right now). We do about 10-14 loads of laundry a week. 2-3 more isn't going to make much of a difference!

Exactly. I don't know why people think it's such a big deal. It's not like you don't have to stick your hand in the poop just changing disposable diapers. What is one more step to put the diaper in the wash?
This time in your life seems so short when you look back. My boys are 21 and 23 now. Wouldn't change a thing!

gunsmack: I'm a SAH-Dad, it's pretty awesome.

Agreed. It is great!

morgantx: In seriousness (and I speak as a SAHM who truly does LOVE being a SAHM):

Our "job" has none of the normal "satisfactions" of a conventional paycheck-oriented job. If you go to work and you land a big new account or you bust your butt on a great new project, you'll usually at least get an "Attaboy" from your boss. Even if you get no reinforcement from anyone you work with, you can usually at least have the satisfaction of knowing that your work is "done", that your project is "complete", etc. For SAHMs, we get that when our kids are 18, 21, or older (if we're lucky). So during those years when we're "in the trenches", it's hard to feel like what you're doing is worthwhile.

To add: When you go to work at your job, most of the time, you have (or SHOULD have) clear directives and guidelines. This memo must be formatted a specific way. The metrics on this project must exceed a certain percentage. You know what your goal is and you can work towards it. As a SAHM, we don't get that, and our "goals" are largely dependent on the whims and feelings of small children. So when my kids are having a great day, I feel GREAT! But when we have one of those days where the kids are fighting and the general mood in the house is rotten, then what? Sometimes kids just get into a bad mood and there's nothing you can do about it except set the clocks back a half-hour (so they'll think it's their bedtime earlier), have a glass of wine, and just give it another go in the morning. But when it's your "job" to keep everyone in the family happy and you can't do it? The sense of failure is a real problem.

Don't get me wrong - I LOVE being a SAHM and wouldn't trade it for the world. But that doesn't mean that I don't experience a fair bit of anxiety & worry as a result of it. Frankly, the standards are just too high. I feel guilty - I feel like a "failure" as a Mom (and by extension, as a wife and as a woman) - if my kids aren't perfectly coiffed, the house spotless, the husband happy, the bill ...

QFT. I don't want to stop being a SAHM, but I can't deny that it comes with different sorts of stressors than an office job does. Some days are great, some days you feel like Sisyphus watching that rock tumbling down once again (today was one of the latter, unfortunately). Children are long-term projects, that's for sure, and I have had occasional days of wishing I could be talking with adults at an office. Then I remember that talking with the adults at my old office usually meant listening to their biatching about customers, biatching about their significant others, droning on about people on reality TV or being importuned for money for their kids' fundraisers. My six-year-old drawing spaceman comics, my three-year-old making up stories about being a turtle, and my two-month-old smiling and then proceeding to spit up all over my shirt are much, much better company.

Maybe as a nanny I feel over privileged, but if I had the opportunity to stay at home with my kids (I don't, and I'm not a parent) I would be stoked. Best thing I can hope for is of my mom can do the babysitting job for me when the time.comes, and I'm really just a more insecure version of her so everything will be ok, right?

Stay-at-home dad here. I am living overseas right now due to the wife's job as a Navy Nurse, so it automatically makes more than my paramedic gig ever did. But even if AI wanted to work I couldn't here in Spain. Not allowed to have a job in town per Status of Forces Agreement.

But I keep myself (somewhat) sane by signing up with the Red Cross and volunteering at the hospital on base. I run an EMT training program for them by virtue of being the most experienced medic they have, I avoid having a three year gap on my resume, and I avoid going crazy and killing my family.

Because for some of us SAHD's, there is a certain societal pressure to have a job. Even when we were in the states, I only worked part time so I could primarily take care of the kids. As said, Naval Officer makes more than a medic, and paying for daycare capable of flexible hours would have cost more than I made. But men in our society define and are expected to define themselves by their occupation. So while a woman can give up her job to take on full-time parenthood and be commended, a guy doing it can be suspicious to some people. Like we are lazy or can't hold down a "real" job. Even the wife sometimes acts like I sit around and play video games all day if she gets home and there's (gasp) dishes in the sink or unfolded clothes in the dryer.

Still, my kids are being raised by us, not daycare, so there's something to be said for that.

But even if AI wanted to work

Tablet auto correct strikes again.

Dear Sweet Baby Jeebus,

Please make this a MILF thread. I promise to clean my room and refill the wine glasses of any ladies-that-lunch...extra deep pour for anyone living in the TX Panhandle.

/EIP

IF you want to give it your all, and if you're willing to sacrifice monetarily (unless you're wealthy, of course) then it's worth the effort. The key is to find other smart, enthusiastic, fun mothers to socialize with while you're doing it or you will go insane.

At least the moms have a history of networking and social acceptance to go with. As a stay at home dad for the last 8 years, the hardest part is finding people to hang out with besides your kids.

I've been very lucky in this with mom's groups letting me and my kids join them, but I know a lot of other dads don't have it so easy.

Shadowknight: Stay-at-home dad here. I am living overseas right now due to the wife's job as a Navy Nurse, so it automatically makes more than my paramedic gig ever did. But even if AI wanted to work I couldn't here in Spain. Not allowed to have a job in town per Status of Forces Agreement.

But I keep myself (somewhat) sane by signing up with the Red Cross and volunteering at the hospital on base. I run an EMT training program for them by virtue of being the most experienced medic they have, I avoid having a three year gap on my resume, and I avoid going crazy and killing my family.

Because for some of us SAHD's, there is a certain societal pressure to have a job. Even when we were in the states, I only worked part time so I could primarily take care of the kids. As said, Naval Officer makes more than a medic, and paying for daycare capable of flexible hours would have cost more than I made. But men in our society define and are expected to define themselves by their occupation. So while a woman can give up her job to take on full-time parenthood and be commended, a guy doing it can be suspicious to some people. Like we are lazy or can't hold down a "real" job. Even the wife sometimes acts like I sit around and play video games all day if she gets home and there's (gasp) dishes in the sink or unfolded clothes in the dryer.

Still, my kids are being raised by us, not daycare, so there's something to be said for that.

Well let me just say thank you for everything you do! I have a dear friend who's a SAHD (here in the boondocks, nonetheless!), so he gets a lot of the same attitudes. Being a SAHP is a challenge. Being a military spouse is another challenge. Put them together and it can get CRAZY!

Best thing the hubby & I ever did: One summer, he was laid off. We knew we needed a SAHP, so we both started applying for jobs and just figured we'd let whichever one of us got hired first be the working parent. I got hired working about 60+ hours a week, so he got to be a SAHP for three children (I think all elementary-aged) for the summer. By August, we were both ready to change it! I honestly couldn't handle the stress of being the primary breadwinner. The long hours and the time away from the kids was killing me. And while he loved being home with the kids, he was tired of the constant and never-ending routine. But the great thing is that now we both had experience doing the other person's "job". He doesn't ask me why the dishes aren't done because he's been there and knows how hard it can be just to keep the kids from killing each other all day! And I don't get angry or jealous when he says he can't talk because he's gotta go do something work-related because I know how insanely stressful THAT can be. I HIGHLY recommend that whenever possible, parents switch roles for a month or so just to see how the other side lives!

I've often wondered if part of the problem is that it's such a rarity now. I mean there is not the social network that there used to be in neighbourhoods. We don't "drop in for a chat with the kids" anymore. No, can you take the chicks today and I'll take yours tomorrow? There is no let the kids just get mucky and hang because nowadays we have a scheduled activity to go to Parenting is almost a competitive sport.

Also social cocktails before dinner need to be mandatory.

weaselette: IF you want to give it your all, and if you're willing to sacrifice monetarily (unless you're wealthy, of course) then it's worth the effort. The key is to find other smart, enthusiastic, fun mothers to socialize with while you're doing it or you will go insane.

I refuse to do the husband play dates. I'll make friends myself, usually of the nerdy variety.

My wife is in nursing, so our community actually has a higher than usual concentration of us military spouses that happen to be male. But the "spouse's clubs," formally known as "Wive's Clubs," still operate as if us male spouses don't exist. Sure, we're welcome to come to their coupon parties, baby clothes swaps, and Scentcy parties, but I think I'll pass.

Oddly enough I found a local stay at home mum on fark and our kids now do sleep overs.

/ so do we as we often enjoy our alcohol

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