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(TechEBlog)   How to make a perfect PB&J. You BASTARDS, you forgot to cut the crust. The whole thing is ruined   (techeblog.com ) divider line
    More: Fail, love child, PBS, peanut butter and jelly sandwich, crust, gelatins, condiments  
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4089 clicks; posted to Geek » on 21 May 2012 at 11:30 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



103 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2012-05-21 01:16:21 PM  

perigee: Fluffernutters.

Not just for fluffers.

Despite the sticky white stuff.


The cafeteria at my schools sells Fluff/peanut butter/banana sandwiches. I tried one. Got diabetes and a heart attack at the same time.
 
2012-05-21 01:22:10 PM  
step 1: create the universe.

step 2. cut a hole in the box.
 
2012-05-21 01:29:53 PM  

Fleet: The two keys to a perfect PB&J:

1) You must have a tall glass of chocolate milk to go along with it.

2) Someone else must prepare both the sandwich and chocolate milk. Anyone. I'm dead serious. This isn't a commentary on my culinary skills, or me trying to be funny and telling you to get back in the kitchen. It just works. Don't ask questions.


It is a law of the Universe that sandwiches always taste better when someone else makes them.

Salads, too.
 
2012-05-21 01:49:24 PM  

airsupport: For extra bonus awesomeness, sprinkle a few Fritos on the peanut butter before adding the top slice of bread. Press down hard to fragment the Fritos.

Enjoy.


I will let you know how much I enjoy this right after I scoop my brain back into my head. I anticipate my mind being blown.
 
2012-05-21 01:55:34 PM  
I had an $11 PB&J once at a cafe one time. I just wanted to see what an $11 PB&J was like. My waitress insisted it was like unto the second coming of Jesus.
And I have to say, she was not lying. Homemade Peanut and Cashew butter, a drizzle of honey, strawberries, strawberry preserves, bananas and served on a loaf of some kind of light, crusty bread.

I've been trying to recreate that sandwich ever since. Jimmy John's bread is a poor substitute for what I'm talking about, but it's the closest thing I've found.
 
2012-05-21 01:57:20 PM  
I prefer peanut butter and cane syrup sammiches. The cane syrup MUST be Steen's cane syrup (bottle or can is acceptable). In a bowl, you must add a couple tablespoons of peanut butter, then keep adding the syrup while stirring until you get a creamy mixtures that speads easily onto bread. But that may just be my cajun roots talking.
 
2012-05-21 01:57:37 PM  

likefunbutnot: I had an $11 PB&J once at a cafe one time. I just wanted to see what an $11 PB&J was like. My waitress insisted it was like unto the second coming of Jesus.
And I have to say, she was not lying. Homemade Peanut and Cashew butter, a drizzle of honey, strawberries, strawberry preserves, bananas and served on a loaf of some kind of light, crusty bread.

I've been trying to recreate that sandwich ever since. Jimmy John's bread is a poor substitute for what I'm talking about, but it's the closest thing I've found.


So what you're saying is that an $11 PBJ isn't a PBJ?
 
2012-05-21 02:09:08 PM  
I'm not big on the jelly. I like to double up on the peanut butter, then microwave it for 10 seconds on high - warm and gooey.
 
2012-05-21 02:10:46 PM  
Peanut butter belongs on both peices of bread with jelly in the middle!!!!!! Anything else is wrong.
 
2012-05-21 02:11:48 PM  
Fresh quinoa bread, crunchy peanut butter, and homemade grape jelly.

/Yum!
 
2012-05-21 02:12:39 PM  
Drunk + PB&J + IPA works and its only 3 steps!
 
2012-05-21 02:13:40 PM  
Hearty whole grain bread to give the sammich structure so you can add copious amounts of the good stuff.

Adam's or Maronatha stir-required peanut butter-- nice and gooey, no need to heat the bread. And the only thing in there is peanuts and some salt, none of the partially hydrogenated shiat or high fructose corn syrup you find in Jif and Skippy.

Strawberry preserves.


The thing that kills me is how calorie-dense PB & J sammiches are. On a diet? Gotta stick with deli sandwiches :-( sad.
 
2012-05-21 02:15:13 PM  
My perfect PBJ...

-Some trader joes Tuscan Pane... lightly toasted.
-Spread jelly of choice on one slice
-Spread PB (extra crunchy) on other

PB melts slightly from the warm bread, and the toasting gives the bread a nice crunch. Yes, the pane is filled with holes and the jelly will drip everywhere, but damn it's worth it...
 
2012-05-21 02:21:54 PM  
I like peanut butter and jelly with baked ruffles in the middle. Ooo now you guys are making me hungry for a damn good PB&J.
 
2012-05-21 02:29:24 PM  
Gourmet Grilled White Chocolate Peanut Butter and Four Fruits Preserves Sandwich

encrypted-tbn3.google.com

2 teaspoons Kerrygold Pure Irish Butter
2 slices Autumn Harvest Artisan Gourmet Wheatberry bread
1 teaspoon Peanut Butter & Co.White Chocolate Wonderful peanut butter
1/4 cup fresh or frozen pinkie feeder mice
2 teaspoons Bonne Maman Four Fruits Preserves

Directions

Heat griddle or skillet to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
Spread butter on one side of each slice of bread. Spread peanut butter on unbuttered side of one slice of bread, and preserves on the other. Arrange pinkies on peanut butter slice nose to tail. Place one slice, buttered side down on the griddle. Top with other slice, so that peanut butter and jelly are in the middle. Cook for 4 minutes golden brown on each side and heated through, or until pinkies begin to burst.

Serves 1-2.
 
2012-05-21 02:32:42 PM  

Papaw: StrangeQ: Creamy peanut butter? Creamy??? Blasphemy.

This farker speaks the truth

Extra Crunchy > Crunchy > Creamy


Word. I love me some crunchy. Haven't had a decent PB&J since I moved to Germany 4 years ago. Markets sell crap peanut butter here. And forget finding any grape jelly. Luckily my wife makes up for that by making homemade strawberry jam. Now if I can only get some decent peaunut butter without paying an arm and a leg.
 
2012-05-21 02:37:49 PM  

MorePeasPlease: Gourmet Grilled White Chocolate Peanut Butter and Four Fruits Preserves Sandwich

[encrypted-tbn3.google.com image 238x185]

2 teaspoons Kerrygold Pure Irish Butter
2 slices Autumn Harvest Artisan Gourmet Wheatberry bread
1 teaspoon Peanut Butter & Co.White Chocolate Wonderful peanut butter
1/4 cup fresh or frozen pinkie feeder mice
2 teaspoons Bonne Maman Four Fruits Preserves

Directions

Heat griddle or skillet to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
Spread butter on one side of each slice of bread. Spread peanut butter on unbuttered side of one slice of bread, and preserves on the other. Arrange pinkies on peanut butter slice nose to tail. Place one slice, buttered side down on the griddle. Top with other slice, so that peanut butter and jelly are in the middle. Cook for 4 minutes golden brown on each side and heated through, or until pinkies begin to burst.

Serves 1-2.



Reviewer: I wanted to try this recipe but I didn't have any pinkies on hand so I grabbed some grubs from the back yard. Also, I didn't have the four-fruit preserves so I used Smuckers grape jelly. And I didn't have any Autumn Harvest Artisan Gourmet Wheatberry bread so I used wonder bread. And I didn't have a Peanut Butter & Co.near me so I couldn't White Chocolate Wonderful peanut butter, and instead I used creamy Skippy with some Nestle white chocolate chips thrown in. And I didn't have Kerrygold Pure Irish Butter so I used lard instead. Anyway, this was a TERRIBLE sandwich and the submitter should be ashamed with herself. Maybe my end product came out a little different because of my substitutions, but I don't think so. I think that the recipe just sucks.
 
2012-05-21 02:42:00 PM  
media.nowpublic.net

Because I am lazy as fark.
 
2012-05-21 02:45:01 PM  
Butter the outside. Grill it. Let the jelly and melted peanut butter spill out of the sandwich. It's fantastic.
 
2012-05-21 02:47:42 PM  
I'm eating spoonfuls of Goober Grape while dumping croutons in my mouth, so I'm getting a kick, etc...
 
2012-05-21 02:51:10 PM  

ScreamingLemur46: I'm eating spoonfuls of Goober Grape while dumping croutons in my mouth, so I'm getting a kick, etc...


I usually just crumble up some Ritz in my mouth with the Goober Grape.
 
2012-05-21 02:57:37 PM  

StrangeQ: Mr_Fabulous: This is the most important part:

[www.fooducate.com image 300x300]

/hot, like toast

Creamy peanut butter? Creamy??? Blasphemy.
[www.americansweets.co.uk image 500x500]


Fark off. That shiat is unfinished, and does not deserve to be on any slice of bread, ever, at all.

Send it back for the real deal, with all the nuts mushed into "butter."

You know, because it's "peanut butter." Not "peanuty creamy crap with chunks of peanut in it."
 
2012-05-21 02:59:27 PM  

Hand Banana: StrangeQ: Mr_Fabulous: This is the most important part:

[www.fooducate.com image 300x300]

/hot, like toast

Creamy peanut butter? Creamy??? Blasphemy.
[www.americansweets.co.uk image 500x500]

Crunchy peanut butter is a disgusting abomination.


That.

Thank God for the voice of reason.
 
2012-05-21 03:03:00 PM  

Mr_Fabulous: This is the most important part:

[www.fooducate.com image 300x300]

/hot, like toast


I just switched to this peanutbutter and I have to say it has made my dick grow by at least 17 inches... wonderful product
 
2012-05-21 03:06:23 PM  

pivazena: MorePeasPlease: Gourmet Grilled White Chocolate Peanut Butter and Four Fruits Preserves Sandwich

[encrypted-tbn3.google.com image 238x185]

2 teaspoons Kerrygold Pure Irish Butter
2 slices Autumn Harvest Artisan Gourmet Wheatberry bread
1 teaspoon Peanut Butter & Co.White Chocolate Wonderful peanut butter
1/4 cup fresh or frozen pinkie feeder mice
2 teaspoons Bonne Maman Four Fruits Preserves

Directions

Heat griddle or skillet to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
Spread butter on one side of each slice of bread. Spread peanut butter on unbuttered side of one slice of bread, and preserves on the other. Arrange pinkies on peanut butter slice nose to tail. Place one slice, buttered side down on the griddle. Top with other slice, so that peanut butter and jelly are in the middle. Cook for 4 minutes golden brown on each side and heated through, or until pinkies begin to burst.

Serves 1-2.


Reviewer: I wanted to try this recipe but I didn't have any pinkies on hand so I grabbed some grubs from the back yard. Also, I didn't have the four-fruit preserves so I used Smuckers grape jelly. And I didn't have any Autumn Harvest Artisan Gourmet Wheatberry bread so I used wonder bread. And I didn't have a Peanut Butter & Co.near me so I couldn't White Chocolate Wonderful peanut butter, and instead I used creamy Skippy with some Nestle white chocolate chips thrown in. And I didn't have Kerrygold Pure Irish Butter so I used lard instead. Anyway, this was a TERRIBLE sandwich and the submitter should be ashamed with herself. Maybe my end product came out a little different because of my substitutions, but I don't think so. I think that the recipe just sucks.


Review of Reviewer: Made my day.
 
2012-05-21 03:06:49 PM  

ScreamingLemur46: I'm eating spoonfuls of Goober Grape while dumping croutons in my mouth, so I'm getting a kick, etc really stoned...


/ftfm
 
2012-05-21 03:13:23 PM  
Wha? Where's the corn syrup? Everybody knows you're supposed to mix corn syrup (karo syrup) with the PB (1:1 ratio) before putting it on the bread...

Yum...
 
2012-05-21 03:23:20 PM  
This reminds me of the rather smashing thread that started with the headline "Gah! What kind of hethan cooks Pop Tarts in the Microwave?"

Good times.

/carry on
 
2012-05-21 03:23:45 PM  
I liken crunchy peanut butter to Chicago style pizza or chicks with dicks. I don't mind if anyone else likes it but I'll pass, thanks.
 
2012-05-21 03:26:23 PM  

arcas: Wha? Where's the corn syrup? Everybody knows you're supposed to mix corn syrup (karo syrup) with the PB (1:1 ratio) before putting it on the bread...



blog.dreamhost.com
 
2012-05-21 03:36:49 PM  

Pauly Math: Papaw: StrangeQ: Creamy peanut butter? Creamy??? Blasphemy.

This farker speaks the truth

Extra Crunchy > Crunchy > Creamy

I tried EXTREME! chunky the other day, it was just a jar of peanuts

/gaffigan


Radical!
 
2012-05-21 03:37:53 PM  
Step 1: don't buy the shiattiest jam you can find on sale, buy this:

ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2012-05-21 04:20:39 PM  
1. CRUNCHY peanut butter or even cashew butter
2. QUALITY jelly or preserves
3. Premium "large" bread
4. FRY it up like a grilled cheese sandwich.

(p.s. you can even use sh*tty ingredients like store-brand grape jelly, but when you fry it like a grilled cheese it will taste awesome regardless)

I also use real butter for the frying part.

Dang this evil diet I've been on for 5 months...sure - I like that I've lost 35 pounds - but I miss the random feeding frenzies with no concept of calories or accountability. Can't go back...
 
2012-05-21 05:40:00 PM  
OUTRAGEOUS!!!!!!
You have to use Nutella instead of peanut butter.
 
2012-05-21 05:52:59 PM  

arcas: Wha? Where's the corn syrup? Everybody knows you're supposed to mix corn syrup (karo syrup) with the PB (1:1 ratio) before putting it on the bread...

Yum...


I've always made peanut butter sandwiches mixed with a bit of maple syrup to go with chili but corn syrup...ewww.
 
2012-05-21 06:39:23 PM  

Hand Banana: I've always made peanut butter sandwiches mixed with a bit of maple syrup to go with chili but corn syrup...ewww.


You don't know what you're missing. You know you have the mixing ratio right when you can "pull" the PB into long gooey strings like melted mozzarella cheese.
 
2012-05-21 06:44:46 PM  

K.B.O. Winston: This reminds me of the rather smashing thread that started with the headline "Gah! What kind of hethan cooks Pop Tarts in the Microwave?"

Good times.

/carry on


That is a thing that people do? If so I wish to meet those people, and have them committed.
 
2012-05-21 07:48:43 PM  

jasonvatch: Could use Butter under the PB


You are so wrong.
 
2012-05-21 08:00:24 PM  
When someone claims they have the perfect way to prepare a simple staple item such as the PB&J, it doesn't sit well with me. Even I have my preferences when it comes to the sandwich, but I don't go gallivanting around proclaiming my method to be the best. I, for example, prefer simple wheat bread to white. I have been know to toast said bread and, in the tradition of my grandfather, add a layer of summer sausage in between the peanut butter and jelly. It's a recipe I wouldn't expect to appeal to those who have not had the pleasure of sampling said variation but I can assure you it is highly pleasing.
 
2012-05-21 08:25:49 PM  
Shut Up and eat the crust you pussy!
 
2012-05-21 08:49:42 PM  

Dubb: Butter the outside. Grill it. Let the jelly and melted peanut butter spill out of the sandwich. It's fantastic.


This man speaks the truth.

Listen to him.
 
2012-05-21 10:46:35 PM  

MoronLessOff: airsupport: For extra bonus awesomeness, sprinkle a few Fritos on the peanut butter before adding the top slice of bread. Press down hard to fragment the Fritos.

Enjoy.

I will let you know how much I enjoy this right after I scoop my brain back into my head. I anticipate my mind being blown.


It is phenomenal. My gift to you, sir. Enjoy.
 
2012-05-21 11:04:01 PM  

PhDemented: My perfect PBJ...

-Some trader joes Tuscan Pane... lightly toasted.
-Spread jelly of choice on one slice
-Spread PB (extra crunchy) on other

PB melts slightly from the warm bread, and the toasting gives the bread a nice crunch. Yes, the pane is filled with holes and the jelly will drip everywhere, but damn it's worth it...


The secret to this technique is a third slice a bread and only toast this center slice.

You're welcome.
 
2012-05-21 11:23:22 PM  

dletter: Wonder bread? That thing is going to fall apart in 10 seconds.

Need something with some heft:


fark ya. That shiat's delicious.
 
2012-05-21 11:51:48 PM  
img600.imageshack.us

Am I doing it rite?
 
2012-05-22 12:02:57 AM  

Jesus Christ it's a lion! Get in the car!: Shut Up and eat the crust you pussy!


I make sandwiches for my eight illegitimate children. I cut the crusts off all of them. Then I take those crusts and fuse them together with an alternating slather of either peanut butter or jelly and call it my lunch.
 
2012-05-22 12:07:36 AM  
Wow nobody mentioned to use 100% peanut butter not the one that uses hydrogenated crap so it remains smooth for milenia.

I know the oil goes to the top... just pic a butter knife by the very end and slooowly start mixing it in. I guarantee you will finish it before you need to stir a second time.

img32.imageshack.us
 
2012-05-22 01:05:12 AM  

charro: Wow nobody mentioned to use 100% peanut butter not the one that uses hydrogenated crap so it remains smooth for milenia.

I know the oil goes to the top... just pic a butter knife by the very end and slooowly start mixing it in. I guarantee you will finish it before you need to stir a second time.

[img32.imageshack.us image 380x472]


Nope, sorry. Natural peanut butter is farking disgusting.
 
2012-05-22 03:13:41 AM  
Wonder bread, Skippy crunchy, Smuckers strawberry preserves.

Sometimes toasted, depending on mood.

ALWAYS sliced on the diagonal.

Seriously, what are we? Animals?
 
2012-05-22 08:24:20 AM  
could be worse. They might cut the crusts off for you and then next thing you know you end up like this:

vmimg.ugo.com
 
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