Retards, pets, and small children love me. Political correctiveness? No ones gonna tell me who I can and can't hang out with.

Amongst my amazing abilities:

I drive women insane (as opposed to crazy). Three of three past girlfriends started out normal, and eventually had thoughts of suicide and started taking antidepressants. Apparently dating me is like dating a subtle version of Marvin the paranoid android. It is odd because I have a very good outlook on life and I think I'm pretty well adjusted.

I'm also extremely good at job hunting. Every time I've needed one, I can find good work within one week of starting the hunt, and I consistently get 10%-20% more in pay with each new job.

I have two that are worth mentioning here:

1) I can scare computers into working - useful for someone in IT.

2) I occasionally cause streetlights to turn off when I walk past them - though, that's not really a superpower, since I can't control it.

/Junior Member of the League of Superfluous Superheroes.

I can come in 30 seconds or less!

/asleep in 30 more
//I keed
///or am I

1. I can throw things really far (especially a 1/2 full 500ml plastic Coke bottle)
2. I am hyper aware of cars about to drive through puddles and splash me, like...I'm in the Matrix or Spiderman or something

Really sad I missed this thread last night.

I have the ability to accurately tell you what time it is within 5 minutes. I've even impressed myself a few times by waking up in the middle of the night and knowing what time it was before I had a chance to check the clock.

I can also listen to a song and tell you exactly what movie scene would be taking place during it.

Punctuality!

I can get my name to be the one chosen out of the hat almost all of the time.

Solty Dog: I have McGuyverism.

THIS is worthy of emblazoning on a T-shirt!

eeeleeet: LlamaGirl: I sneeze awesome.

I always sneeze in groups of five to seven sneezes. Always.

I always sneeze in groups of three! People start to say, "God bless you," but are interrupted by my second and third sneeze.

I play bluegrass drum solos.

I'm minutes ahead of my time. I have the uncanny ability to describe in detail, ideas, inventions, improvements that I would like to create mere months, weeks, and sometimes just days before I see the item advertised. I'm no doubt brilliant and forward-looking--just not enough to profit from it.

I can shoot you "the bird" aka "the finger" with my foot.

I can beat Horst Schultz.

I can hand fart the theme to The Flintstones.

I can wake up at any pre-decided time before I go off to sleep without needing to look at clock or using an alarm. If the night before I know I need to be up at 6:30 AM...I will naturally wake up between 6:28-6:32. If I take a nap in the late afternoon I can do the same thing. Its a cool thing to be able to do...but kind of useless since alarms are so easy to use with cell phones nowadays =)


/I am not a light sleeper

damogran:
I drive women insane (as opposed to crazy). Three of three past girlfriends started out normal, and eventually had thoughts of suicide and started taking antidepressants. Apparently dating me is like dating a subtle version of Marvin the paranoid android. It is odd because I have a very good outlook on life and I think I'm pretty well adjusted.

There's a proverb I can't remember correctly, but the gist is:
A pessimist is someone who lives with an optimist.

So you're probably more like Zaphod than Marvin...

Short range teleportation.

Whenever I reach into my toolbox for a screwdriver I will always pull out the opposite of what I need (if I need a Philips I will invariably grab a standard, and vice versa). Not sure if that's a superpower but it is annoying.

Also, I am fascinating to infants. If there is a baby nearby he or she will lock onto me with their eyes opened as wide as they can for several minutes at a time, ignoring all others in the vicinity. This happens even if I make no gesture or noise or talk to the baby.

I always empty pencil sharpeners without spilling a single bit.

Domestic birds love me. I've never not met a pet bird that didn't immediately love me.

I am very good at guessing bra sizes. I'm always within 2" on the band size.

the abilityto find cat puke using only my bare feet.

i can find 4 leaf clovers easily.

Combat vets will open up and talk to me about stuff they're normally reluctant to talk about. This is a great goodness for everyone, especially if beer is to be had, because for someone who in other situations talks a lot, I can be a decent listener.

I can stalk and catch small rodents with my bare hands, alive and unharmed if needed. When I was married, we had gerbils, and the ex had a ball python that ate mice and small rats. The various rodents would tend to escape and would need to be recaptured, alive. It just got to be easier to catch them than to try to trick them into running into something.

The gerbils were pets and socialized and played with. The mice and small rats were feeder animals of a non-pet nature--we didn't get attached.

I have a talent for being able to calm nearly any upset baby and put them to sleep. It's hard to use because people look at you weird when it's a man that offers to calm a baby especially when it's not his own kid.

We were at an outdoor PTA function at my kids' school a few years back and several of the wife's friends had small ones with them. 4 of them were fussing and getting antsy and the wife says: "give them to Craig, he has a way with babies"...and sho' nuff...within about 10 mins the lot of them were back in their strollers calm as could be.

Have no idea why I can do this but I was always the one that put the kids down to sleep at night and almost never had a problem. Could have been the bourbon fumes on my breath but its never been proven.

I can smell bread mold if I'm within 50 ft of the moldy loaf.

After working as a grill chef for years my hands can tolerate temperatures much higher then normal. Callouses have built up and the nerve ending have all died in my fingertips. I also have pretty incredible hand strength. Or I use to.
/getting old
//and fat
///fark

I'm good at folding fitted sheets.

I can wiggle my ears without touching them.

Superpower: I don't get hangovers
Pointlessness: I quit drinking years ago.

I can divide by zero. You wouldn't believe what the color of the answer tastes like.

Genuine Photographic memory. Spelling Nazi because of it. It does have it's downsides though. I have read a 400 page book at night, and been completely unable to recall my logins at work the following day. It seems that if you take in too much info and try to store it, your brain randomly deletes things.

I am The Subliminalman !

I can get strippers to sit with me all night for free. Always. Not sure how. Was even at a bachelor party three weeks ago, one girl hung out, then quit for the night to sit at the table with me. Even gave me a ride home, and a real phone number.

I can poop faster than most people can pee. The thought of having to take a magazine or a book to the throne is lost on me.

This has added thousands of hours of additional free time of the span of my years.

Hmm, looks like my superpowers are fairly common among Farkers:

- Kids and pets adore me though I don't have much use for them
- Streetlights go out when I go under them
- Co-workers computers work when they try to show me what wasn't working

I have not seen my other superpowers listed yet:

- Everyone tells me secrets and things they shouldn't tell me.
- Women I am interested in are not interested in me, and those I don't have interest in want me. Its like some opposite relationship curse

a=/=0
a=b
a²=ab
a²-b²=ab-b²
(a+b)(a-b)=b(a-b)
a+b=b
1+1=1
2=1

I can figure out the exact thing to say that will piss someone off beyond all reason within a few minutes of meeting them. Whether or not I say that thing is a matter of discretion.

Also: My best friend calls me the queen of the ghetto rig. I'm usually too broke to afford a repairman, or just too cheap to pay full price for something, so I can McGuyver just about anything around the house using twine, duct tape, milk jugs, etc.

1) I can whistle by inhaling. (Note: I can only whistle by inhaling, not exhaling.)

2) I can sneeze with my eyes open.

Every morning I do the CryptoQuip in my head without looking at the clue.