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(Slate)   "It's about battleships, and is based on the board game Battleship, and is about a lot of ships that ... battle"   (slate.com) divider line 57
    More: Amusing, Roland Emmerich, Taylor Kitsch, Alexander Skarsgard, kitsches, John Paul Jones, Starship Troopers, Peter Berg, Liam Neeson  
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2563 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 18 May 2012 at 6:00 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-05-18 02:34:02 PM
This movie was surprisingly good. Reminded me of early Simpson Bruckheimer.
 
2012-05-18 03:31:50 PM
My "So it's really come to this" moment of the week: Seeing the "Battleship" trailer in front of "The Avengers," and noticing that it contains the tagline, "From HASBRO - The company that brought you TRANSFORMERS."

Really? If THAT'S the way you're gonna go, then I guess I look forward to next summer's highly-anticipated blockbuster, "Easy-Bake Oven."

"In a WORLD...where solar rays come together in a rainbow of colors...ONE MAN must SAVE THE WORLD from stepping on COLORED PLASTIC PEGS on the WAY TO THE BATHROOM AT 4 A.M...Coming Summer 2014 - Lite-Brite - THE MOVIE."

I mean, I realize that movies based on board games don't necessarily HAVE to suck. I have fond memories of "Clue." But "Clue" the game had human characters, a solid setting, recognizable props, and a murder-mystery plot. Not too tough to come up with some watered-down Agatha Christie, there. But "Battleship"?!? How in the HELL do you cobble together a serviceable screenplay out of, gripping dialogue like, "A-6...G-10...C-8..."
 
2012-05-18 03:54:31 PM
Connect Four: Checkergeddon!
 
2012-05-18 03:59:35 PM
Forget it, Jake. It's Candyland.
 
2012-05-18 04:10:20 PM
Mousetrap: The Movie
 
2012-05-18 04:12:26 PM
Pew pew!

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-05-18 04:13:05 PM
This Summer...
l3.yimg.com
... There Will Be Snakes
 
2012-05-18 04:26:37 PM
Yo dawg...


/oblig
 
2012-05-18 04:28:34 PM
e-8
 
2012-05-18 05:56:56 PM
Jason Statham in Shoots & Ladders
 
2012-05-18 06:04:55 PM
Helena Bonham Carter in....BRIDGE!
 
2012-05-18 06:04:59 PM
Next Summer: Bruce Willis will give you TROUBLE!


With the IMAX 3D Popamatic Bubble (tm)
 
2012-05-18 06:07:49 PM
The highly anticipated horror movie of the year: Hungry, Hungry Hippos.
 
2012-05-18 06:09:38 PM
I liked the movie the first time, when it was called Transformers.
 
2012-05-18 06:18:43 PM
cant wait til Sorry comes out for the holidays
 
2012-05-18 06:19:38 PM
 
2012-05-18 06:23:57 PM
What if American Battleship is better than the real thing?
 
2012-05-18 06:25:50 PM
Isn't there the same conversation a few threads down?
 
2012-05-18 06:33:14 PM
Eye Candyland
 
2012-05-18 06:34:31 PM
Call me when this board game is made into a movie:

mimg.ugo.com
 
2012-05-18 06:35:09 PM
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-05-18 06:47:06 PM
I think the game "Operation" might just make an awesome horror movie.
 
2012-05-18 06:47:52 PM

Dahnkster: I liked the movie the first time, when it was called Transformers.


To be honest I would expect Battleship to be better than that shaitfest.
 
2012-05-18 06:53:00 PM
ontopinternetmarketing.com
 
2012-05-18 06:58:39 PM

Ryker's Peninsula: I think the game "Operation" might just make an awesome horror movie.


Isn't that what Saw is? Or was it Hostel?
 
2012-05-18 06:59:28 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2012-05-18 07:17:21 PM
They should make this a movie next:

cf.geekdo-images.com
 
2012-05-18 07:18:33 PM
I actually believe a decent movie could have been made about Battleship.

Set it in WWII in the middle of a bad storm.
Have something happen to the US & German boats to knock out their radar and radios so have to rely whatever maps and data.they have.
To make things interesting the subs still have radar and radio but because everyone else is down they cannot communicate with the fleet commander and with the enemy so close by have to remain as silent as possible.
The captains to rely on the maritime tactics of old and take educated guesses on their enemy's position.
Maybe have two pilots fly out into the storm and make a recon run. (only one comes back)
Ships colliding, friendly fire, sub vs sub intrigue, a plucky PT boat crew : Voilà! Decent summer action movie.
 
2012-05-18 07:23:19 PM
Call me when "Risk" is made into a movie.

Requirements: It has to take as long as Risk actually takes, and you can only advance your armies when its your turn.
 
2012-05-18 07:25:09 PM

Primitive Screwhead: I actually believe a decent movie could have been made about Battleship.

Set it in WWII in the middle of a bad storm.
Have something happen to the US & German boats to knock out their radar and radios so have to rely whatever maps and data.they have.
To make things interesting the subs still have radar and radio but because everyone else is down they cannot communicate with the fleet commander and with the enemy so close by have to remain as silent as possible.
The captains to rely on the maritime tactics of old and take educated guesses on their enemy's position.
Maybe have two pilots fly out into the storm and make a recon run. (only one comes back)
Ships colliding, friendly fire, sub vs sub intrigue, a plucky PT boat crew : Voilà! Decent summer action movie.


BULLshiat!!!

Movies have to be made by Micheal Bay and they have to sell you ipads.

GTFO!1
 
2012-05-18 07:26:30 PM
This summer... coming to a theater near you... PARCHEESI! You've never been so blown away since, "YAHTZEE"! Roll those dice, biatches!
 
2012-05-18 07:33:57 PM

Ryker's Peninsula: I think the game "Operation" might just make an awesome horror movie.


*flip*
"Remove Funnybone!"

"nnnNNNNOOOOOOO..."

This summer...

/i'm so f*cking there
 
2012-05-18 07:54:54 PM

Cake Hunter: Forget it, Jake. It's Candyland.


I lol'd. +1 for you.

Now I'm picturing Polanski cutting Jack Nicholson's nose with a candy cane.
 
2012-05-18 08:09:02 PM
4.bp.blogspot.com

Epic.
 
2012-05-18 08:10:54 PM
Oblig.:

www.heyuguys.co.uk
 
2012-05-18 08:13:57 PM
It has Rihanna in it, so I will do everything in my power to avoid this movie, just like I do with her music.
 
2012-05-18 08:20:05 PM

Gyrfalcon: Call me when "Risk" is made into a movie.



Longest movie ever!
 
2012-05-18 08:38:09 PM
I actually heard this was a decent summer bla-bla-BLOSIONS movie. Like a movie Michael Bay would make if he actually gave a crap. That being said Im not watching this.
 
2012-05-18 08:42:29 PM
fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net
 
2012-05-18 09:12:04 PM
I am assuming "you sunk my battleship" made it into the "script"?

Stupid looking movie. Sounds like the brainchild of 2 eight-year-old boys.
 
2012-05-18 09:34:40 PM
Ok I am one of those who will watch bad films just for the sake of it. Mystery Science Theater 3000's "Night of the Blood Beast" will always be one of my favorites. With that in mind, is this worth seeing or will it be like trying to sit through "manos the hands of fate?" Even MST3k couldn't make that worthwhile.
 
2012-05-18 10:02:38 PM
FTFA:

Given that it spends a good 85 percent of its 130-minute running time bludgeoning the viewers' senses with explosions and CGI naval battles and hurtling alien vessels, Battleship has a lot of nerve asking us to care about the hastily sketched human dramas unfolding on the periphery.


This sounds like an awesome movie. ENTERTAIN ME!


You know how, even in a terrible movie, there'll often be one subplot or performance that you find yourself looking forward to during the dull parts? This film offers no such respite.


No, I do not. In fact, all that "subplot" crap usually pisses me off, as it interrupts the parts I give a shiat about. Namely, being bludgeoned by CGI explosions and hurtling alien vessels.

Nothing in this review indicates that I would not enjoy this film.
 
2012-05-18 10:17:30 PM
From EW's review:

Battleship is a special-effects-heavy movie invented to extend the brand of a commercial board game - suitable for ages 7 and up! - in which two players move imaginary boats around a simple grid.

Written by someone who's evidently never actually played the game.
 
2012-05-18 10:41:12 PM

fusillade762: From EW's review:

Battleship is a special-effects-heavy movie invented to extend the brand of a commercial board game - suitable for ages 7 and up! - in which two players move imaginary boats around a simple grid.

Written by someone who's evidently never actually played the game.


Your comment was obviously written by someone who hasn't cheated at the game.
 
2012-05-18 10:49:32 PM
Syfy has American Warships playing this weekend I think. Guess what it's a knockoff about
 
2012-05-18 10:55:28 PM

Rent Party: FTFA:

Given that it spends a good 85 percent of its 130-minute running time bludgeoning the viewers' senses with explosions and CGI naval battles and hurtling alien vessels, Battleship has a lot of nerve asking us to care about the hastily sketched human dramas unfolding on the periphery.


This sounds like an awesome movie. ENTERTAIN ME!


You know how, even in a terrible movie, there'll often be one subplot or performance that you find yourself looking forward to during the dull parts? This film offers no such respite.

No, I do not. In fact, all that "subplot" crap usually pisses me off, as it interrupts the parts I give a shiat about. Namely, being bludgeoned by CGI explosions and hurtling alien vessels.

Nothing in this review indicates that I would not enjoy this film.


I have found that Howard Taylor, author of Schlock Mercenary has almost identical tastes in movies to me.

He liked it. Didn't love it, admits that it's incredibly stupid, and basically warns that you cannot think too hard about some of the tech, but he liked it.

So yeah, I can drop $6 on it tomorrow.
 
2012-05-18 11:02:02 PM
www.thesmokingjacket.com
 
2012-05-18 11:03:05 PM
i46.tinypic.com
 
2012-05-18 11:14:12 PM

Primitive Screwhead: I actually believe a decent movie could have been made about Battleship.

Set it in WWII in the middle of a bad storm.
Have something happen to the US & German boats to knock out their radar and radios so have to rely whatever maps and data.they have.
To make things interesting the subs still have radar and radio but because everyone else is down they cannot communicate with the fleet commander and with the enemy so close by have to remain as silent as possible.
The captains to rely on the maritime tactics of old and take educated guesses on their enemy's position.
Maybe have two pilots fly out into the storm and make a recon run. (only one comes back)
Ships colliding, friendly fire, sub vs sub intrigue, a plucky PT boat crew : Voilà! Decent summer action movie.


So, uh, Down Periscope?
 
2012-05-18 11:49:07 PM

bhcompy: Primitive Screwhead: I actually believe a decent movie could have been made about Battleship.

Set it in WWII in the middle of a bad storm.
Have something happen to the US & German boats to knock out their radar and radios so have to rely whatever maps and data.they have.
To make things interesting the subs still have radar and radio but because everyone else is down they cannot communicate with the fleet commander and with the enemy so close by have to remain as silent as possible.
The captains to rely on the maritime tactics of old and take educated guesses on their enemy's position.
Maybe have two pilots fly out into the storm and make a recon run. (only one comes back)
Ships colliding, friendly fire, sub vs sub intrigue, a plucky PT boat crew : Voilà! Decent summer action movie.

So, uh, Down Periscope?


Yeah, with some Master & Commander thrown in.

/ I want a man with a tattoo on his dick!
 
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