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(Gizmodo)   If your neighbors refuse to close their windows while having sex do you C) record the act and post the audio file to Soundcloud for all the Internet to hear?   (gizmodo.com) divider line 287
    More: Amusing, passive-aggressive  
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22107 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 May 2012 at 12:53 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-05-17 04:00:29 PM  

Buck Henderson: Dear Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to be, but...

 
2012-05-17 04:00:33 PM  

jaggspb: WarszawaScream: Really wish I wasn't at work right now. Boyfriend's bed, maybe.

/audio porn is my favorite

you just brought the fark servers down with everyone clicking on your profile to see if you posted a pic


No need. GIS Brings up a M:TG type card complete with Deviant Art profile, picture, and actual name. Not that I'd know anything about that. :p
 
2012-05-17 04:02:39 PM  

The Muthaship: Well Armed Sheep: Back when I had roommates I brought a girl home while my roommate was asleep. When we were done with an unexpectedly loud session my roommate started whooping and cheering, knocking on the wall of my room. He wasn't so happy when he figured out that the screamer (whom he had probably just whacked it to) was his younger sister.

I see you are from Fayetteville, AR so I assume your roommate was your brother.


Clever. 'Cause all us south of that thar macon-dick line fark our sisters. Actual statistics are worthless in the face of well-known "fact" and "what tv says."
 
2012-05-17 04:03:08 PM  

Buck Henderson: One of the girls I'm kind of with is a bit of a screamer. Most places I've lived, banging a girl like this was never a problem. But my current place is one of those shiatty new construction apartment buildings with paper-thin walls. I can hear my mouth-breathing next door neighbor's crappy anime movies as if they're coming blaring out of my own television. It's annoying.

This one time though, we were going at it (the chick, not the neighbor), and I wasn't really expecting her noise to be a problem. You see, Cheeto-san was having a Gundam in the Shell (or whatever) movie marathon, the people upstairs were having a decently attended and pretty loud party, plus the guys across the street at the ghetto car stereo place were testing the failure point of their eardrums with some ridiculous Slovakian techno. Ditto for the music coming from the corner bodega. I figure, no one will mind a little extra noise.

We're going at it and it's going very, very well. I'm sure my recent cross-training/weight-lifting regiment, coupled with my insane low fat, hi-protein, super-vitamin diet had a lot to do with how well it was going. I mean..I was giving it to her. Hard. Better than my usual which, I've been told by dozens of girls, is already mind-blowing.

After at least an hour of this, a scream erupts. It starts at the bottom of her feet and explodes through her mouth. It echos off the walls, shattering my collectable Flinstones mug collection and nearly blowing out my ear drums. It continued for what seemed like 5 minutes and when it was done...

silence...

The entire neighborhood was quiet. There was a deafening hush. Then, from the dude next door to the party upstairs, from the Acura tuning bassheads to the salsa-blasting corner bodega, the neighborhood breaks out into enormous applause. They whooped and hollered. Screams of congratulations and calls for "encore" fill the air. I walk proudly to the window, throw it open, and bask in the adoring glow of my beloved public.


Now THIS guy, I believe. Well done.
 
2012-05-17 04:03:52 PM  
I have had to gag and choke my wife to keep her quiet so that the kids and rest of whomever was over visiting could not hear.

REAL AWKWARD trying to explain the bruises on her neck later
 
2012-05-17 04:04:55 PM  

Well Armed Sheep: Clever. 'Cause all us south of that thar macon-dick line fark our sisters. Actual statistics are worthless in the face of well-known "fact" and "what tv says."


In fairness, I doubt your roommate was your brother just as much as I doubt the story you told.
 
2012-05-17 04:07:23 PM  

xaks: So, it sounded like a Serena Williams tennis match?

(Didn't RTFA)


No, it sounded like someone screaming to make it sound like she was getting it better than she really was.

Grunts and gutteral moans sound more realistic. Just FYI.
 
2012-05-17 04:10:59 PM  

Strategeryz0r: Well Armed Sheep: Back when I had roommates I brought a girl home while my roommate was asleep. When we were done with an unexpectedly loud session my roommate started whooping and cheering, knocking on the wall of my room. He wasn't so happy when he figured out that the screamer (whom he had probably just whacked it to) was his younger sister.

1 Dell E6410 laptop
1 keyboard

You owe me both, as they're covered in redbull.


Bill me.
 
2012-05-17 04:14:27 PM  
Back in college my roommate was a screamer. I had to call her boyfriend's dorm room one night looking for her. Got his roommate on the phone, who was in the common lounge on his floor. I asked him to giver her a message if he saw her. The whole time I could hear screaming in the background. I had to ask, and he told me it was the reason he was in the lounge. I never looked at her the same way again.

That and when drunk she could remove her underwear without taking off her pants.
 
2012-05-17 04:16:34 PM  

hockeychick: That and when drunk she could remove her underwear without taking off her pants.


I keep trying to figure out how that helps in any way....
 
2012-05-17 04:16:49 PM  
Back when I was in an apartment the walls were nice and thick so I didnt have much of an issue with loud sex. The worst was the autistic child that would scream from 9am to 9pm, sucked with a hangover on the weekends. The other was the 10 guys that lived in the studio that would blare spanish techno at 3 am on the weekdays.

The only problem I have now is my roomate and whoever she is dating, wish she would keep it in her bedroom. She owes me a couch. But I did C block her by accident I woke up drunk a few months ago and had to throw up....a LOT. I ran to the bathrom past her and whoever on the couch and hit the bathroom at full speed and spent 10 min in there. But her fault for doing it in the living room. The one thing I hate is she sleeps like the dead so It would have to take an air raid siren type screamer to wake her up.
 
2012-05-17 04:17:06 PM  

Well Armed Sheep: Strategeryz0r: Well Armed Sheep: Back when I had roommates I brought a girl home while my roommate was asleep. When we were done with an unexpectedly loud session my roommate started whooping and cheering, knocking on the wall of my room. He wasn't so happy when he figured out that the screamer (whom he had probably just whacked it to) was his younger sister.

1 Dell E6410 laptop
1 keyboard

You owe me both, as they're covered in redbull.

Bill me.


What address may I send the invoice to?
 
2012-05-17 04:18:14 PM  
My voice simply doesn't carry, and I can barely make myself be heard outside the bedroom, even if I try to yell. So I'm never that loud. Luckily, my variety of noises (which are all soft to moderate) are apparently as entertaining/arousing as loud screaming would be. At least, so I've been told; I suppose a guy who was gettin' some would be very stupid to tell me otherwise.

I'm not sure how I would react to living near a screamer. I think I would be tempted to record them and simply play back the noise underneath their bedroom window at 8 am, or when they had company visiting. It would depend on how smug or douchey they were about it.
 
2012-05-17 04:19:37 PM  

The Muthaship: Well Armed Sheep: Clever. 'Cause all us south of that thar macon-dick line fark our sisters. Actual statistics are worthless in the face of well-known "fact" and "what tv says."

In fairness, I doubt your roommate was your brother just as much as I doubt the story you told.


Doubting the story is fine. Your opinion matters not one whit. Whether true or false, it was funny.

A cheap shot about my location? Real brave for somebody who lists their location as "earth." Every place has a shame, but I don't hide mine.
 
2012-05-17 04:21:10 PM  

The Muthaship: hockeychick: That and when drunk she could remove her underwear without taking off her pants.

I keep trying to figure out how that helps in any way....


It was a cool bar trick.
 
2012-05-17 04:21:57 PM  

Strategeryz0r: Well Armed Sheep: Strategeryz0r: Well Armed Sheep: Back when I had roommates I brought a girl home while my roommate was asleep. When we were done with an unexpectedly loud session my roommate started whooping and cheering, knocking on the wall of my room. He wasn't so happy when he figured out that the screamer (whom he had probably just whacked it to) was his younger sister.

1 Dell E6410 laptop
1 keyboard

You owe me both, as they're covered in redbull.

Bill me.

What address may I send the invoice to?


Check your rolodex, under "Mom"
 
2012-05-17 04:25:08 PM  
I used to have a neighbor that CRIED during sex. Loud crying. First time I heard it I thought the couple next to me had a fight and she was crying about it. Then I heard it again, and again, and again. Finally figured out she was crying while having sex. I don't know how her boyfriend managed to keep going....a woman crying during sex would make me stop.
 
2012-05-17 04:25:21 PM  

Well Armed Sheep: A cheap shot about my location? Real brave for somebody who lists their location as "earth." Every place has a shame, but I don't hide mine.


First of all, it wasn't really funny, it was trite. My comment back was no better, and as cliche` as they come.

I live in a very rural area filled with rednecks. People from here have no reason to look down on Arkansas. In fact, I damn near attended law school there.

The long and short of it is, I was just messing with you for giggles. That will probably continue since it appears it was effective.

p.s. the story was bullsh*t, and I think we'll all feel better if you just admit it
 
2012-05-17 04:27:08 PM  

hockeychick: It was a cool bar trick.


I hadn't thought of that. I bet that did pique the boys' interest.
 
2012-05-17 04:30:53 PM  

silverjets: I used to have a neighbor that CRIED during sex. Loud crying. First time I heard it I thought the couple next to me had a fight and she was crying about it. Then I heard it again, and again, and again. Finally figured out she was crying while having sex. I don't know how her boyfriend managed to keep going....a woman crying during sex would make me stop.


Persistent rape fantasy?

As they say, the lapdance is always better when the stripper is cryin.
 
2012-05-17 04:33:11 PM  

Well Armed Sheep: Strategeryz0r: Well Armed Sheep: Strategeryz0r: Well Armed Sheep: Back when I had roommates I brought a girl home while my roommate was asleep. When we were done with an unexpectedly loud session my roommate started whooping and cheering, knocking on the wall of my room. He wasn't so happy when he figured out that the screamer (whom he had probably just whacked it to) was his younger sister.

1 Dell E6410 laptop
1 keyboard

You owe me both, as they're covered in redbull.

Bill me.

What address may I send the invoice to?

Check your rolodex, under "Mom"


You use a rolodex? HAH! Get with the times grandpa.
 
2012-05-17 04:36:46 PM  
It's easy to make a woman screen during the horizontal-hokey-pokey.

When you really get into it jab her with one of these:

www.p-wholesale.com
 
2012-05-17 04:38:46 PM  
So, what happens if I reddit about the fark coverage of a gizmodo article covering a reddit thread?
 
2012-05-17 04:39:43 PM  

The Muthaship: Well Armed Sheep: A cheap shot about my location? Real brave for somebody who lists their location as "earth." Every place has a shame, but I don't hide mine.

First of all, it wasn't really funny, it was trite. My comment back was no better, and as cliche` as they come.

I live in a very rural area filled with rednecks. People from here have no reason to look down on Arkansas. In fact, I damn near attended law school there.

The long and short of it is, I was just messing with you for giggles. That will probably continue since it appears it was effective.

p.s. the story was bullsh*t, and I think we'll all feel better if you just admit it


Believe what you like about my story. Maybe the idea of somebody actually having sex would seem less far-fetched if you moved out if your mother's basement and learned to talk to members of the opposite sex.

I hope you got into a better school, because you narrowly avoided a crappy education.
 
2012-05-17 04:40:54 PM  

Kit Fister: So, what happens if I reddit about the fark coverage of a gizmodo article covering a reddit thread?


What part of "don't cross the streams" did you not get Ray?
 
2012-05-17 04:41:07 PM  
Mom?
 
2012-05-17 04:42:07 PM  

Well Armed Sheep: Maybe the idea of somebody actually having sex would seem less far-fetched if you moved out if your mother's basement and learned to talk to members of the opposite sex.


Married with 3 kids, I actually miss the basement now.

I hope you got into a better school, because you narrowly avoided a crappy education.

They all use the same books, I'm sure Fayetteville is lovely.
 
2012-05-17 04:43:26 PM  

Falin: mayIFark: only in porn or a wannabe pornster would scream like that.

I'm sorry that you believe this.


It's absolutely shocking that this misogynistic hive of scum and villainy would be home to members who don't know how to pleasure a woman.
 
2012-05-17 04:47:30 PM  
Divorced, but no basement. I miss my basement too. I was pretty sure it was haunted. Either that or infested.

It is, but it's heading downhill. Crime rate is going up, along with rent and taxes (always) and a lot of our old-growth trees came down a couple years ago in the snow storms so it's not as green as it used to be.
 
2012-05-17 04:47:46 PM  

LeroyBourne: The trick is to tell her to call you 'the daddy dick' during sex with out laughing.




BWAHAHAHAHA!

Challenge accepted.
 
2012-05-17 04:47:47 PM  

Buck Henderson: One of the girls I'm kind of with is a bit of a screamer. Most places I've lived, banging a girl like this was never a problem. But my current place is one of those shiatty new construction apartment buildings with paper-thin walls. I can hear my mouth-breathing next door neighbor's crappy anime movies as if they're coming blaring out of my own television. It's annoying.

This one time though, we were going at it (the chick, not the neighbor), and I wasn't really expecting her noise to be a problem. You see, Cheeto-san was having a Gundam in the Shell (or whatever) movie marathon, the people upstairs were having a decently attended and pretty loud party, plus the guys across the street at the ghetto car stereo place were testing the failure point of their eardrums with some ridiculous Slovakian techno. Ditto for the music coming from the corner bodega. I figure, no one will mind a little extra noise.

We're going at it and it's going very, very well. I'm sure my recent cross-training/weight-lifting regiment, coupled with my insane low fat, hi-protein, super-vitamin diet had a lot to do with how well it was going. I mean..I was giving it to her. Hard. Better than my usual which, I've been told by dozens of girls, is already mind-blowing.

After at least an hour of this, a scream erupts. It starts at the bottom of her feet and explodes through her mouth. It echos off the walls, shattering my collectable Flinstones mug collection and nearly blowing out my ear drums. It continued for what seemed like 5 minutes and when it was done...

silence...

The entire neighborhood was quiet. There was a deafening hush. Then, from the dude next door to the party upstairs, from the Acura tuning bassheads to the salsa-blasting corner bodega, the neighborhood breaks out into enormous applause. They whooped and hollered. Screams of congratulations and calls for "encore" fill the air. I walk proudly to the window, throw it open, and bask in the adoring glow of my beloved public.


Then you woke up from your dream in subby's mom's basement...
 
2012-05-17 04:54:14 PM  

Buck Henderson: One of the girls I'm kind of with is a bit of a screamer. Most places I've lived, banging a girl like this was never a problem. But my current place is one of those shiatty new construction apartment buildings with paper-thin walls. I can hear my mouth-breathing next door neighbor's crappy anime movies as if they're coming blaring out of my own television. It's annoying.

This one time though, we were going at it (the chick, not the neighbor), and I wasn't really expecting her noise to be a problem. You see, Cheeto-san was having a Gundam in the Shell (or whatever) movie marathon, the people upstairs were having a decently attended and pretty loud party, plus the guys across the street at the ghetto car stereo place were testing the failure point of their eardrums with some ridiculous Slovakian techno. Ditto for the music coming from the corner bodega. I figure, no one will mind a little extra noise.

We're going at it and it's going very, very well. I'm sure my recent cross-training/weight-lifting regiment, coupled with my insane low fat, hi-protein, super-vitamin diet had a lot to do with how well it was going. I mean..I was giving it to her. Hard. Better than my usual which, I've been told by dozens of girls, is already mind-blowing.

After at least an hour of this, a scream erupts. It starts at the bottom of her feet and explodes through her mouth. It echos off the walls, shattering my collectable Flinstones mug collection and nearly blowing out my ear drums. It continued for what seemed like 5 minutes and when it was done...

silence...

The entire neighborhood was quiet. There was a deafening hush. Then, from the dude next door to the party upstairs, from the Acura tuning bassheads to the salsa-blasting corner bodega, the neighborhood breaks out into enormous applause. They whooped and hollered. Screams of congratulations and calls for "encore" fill the air. I walk proudly to the window, throw it open, and bask in the adoring glow of my beloved public.


i112.photobucket.com

Lived in an apartment with the classic thin walls for a while, our neighbor was a college student/Don Juan in training who'd bring over random women (often more than one at a time!), and we could hear more than we wanted to.

Best one was at the climax of the event the chick screamed out "NOT IN THE FACE! NOT IN THE FACE!".

/Good times!
 
2012-05-17 04:56:07 PM  

Gleeman: Best one was at the climax of the event the chick screamed out "NOT IN THE FACE! NOT IN THE FACE!".


Women always mean the opposite of what they tell you. No means yes, and NOT IN THE FACE! NOT IN THE FACE! means YES! ALL OVER MY FACE!! ALL OVER MY FACE!!!
 
2012-05-17 04:57:30 PM  
My upstairs neighbor's girlfriend makes a lot of noise, and when she starts going his dog starts barking and howling. I hope it's just from hearing them.
 
2012-05-17 04:57:54 PM  
I can still recall the days of misspent youth, trying to get to sleep while my friends were banging each other on the sofa in my living room. She was an amazing vocalist, so to speak. I actually teased her about it once, and she told me that she could basically shut the screaming on and off - if she wanted/needed to be quiet, she did and if she was feeling vocal, she let it loose. Not faking it, mind you, just restraining it as needed.

I still don't trust her.
 
2012-05-17 04:58:29 PM  

Well Armed Sheep: My upstairs neighbor's girlfriend makes a lot of noise, and when she starts going his dog starts barking and howling. I hope it's just from hearing them.


Now this one was funny.
 
2012-05-17 04:58:39 PM  

Strategeryz0r: Gleeman: Best one was at the climax of the event the chick screamed out "NOT IN THE FACE! NOT IN THE FACE!".

Women always mean the opposite of what they tell you. No means yes, and NOT IN THE FACE! NOT IN THE FACE! means YES! ALL OVER MY FACE!! ALL OVER MY FACE!!!


Well, duh.
 
2012-05-17 04:59:17 PM  

Gleeman: Best one was at the climax of the event the chick screamed out "NOT IN THE FACE! NOT IN THE FACE!".


Was it quickly followed by weeping and "IN MY HAIR AGAIN!"?

If so, I'm sorry former neighbor.
 
2012-05-17 04:59:48 PM  

Gleeman: Strategeryz0r: Gleeman: Best one was at the climax of the event the chick screamed out "NOT IN THE FACE! NOT IN THE FACE!".

Women always mean the opposite of what they tell you. No means yes, and NOT IN THE FACE! NOT IN THE FACE! means YES! ALL OVER MY FACE!! ALL OVER MY FACE!!!

Well, duh.


They especially love it all in their hair.
 
2012-05-17 05:00:31 PM  
Damn you Argh. You and your infernal timing.
 
2012-05-17 05:00:41 PM  

AngryJailhouseFistfark: jfivealive: My girlfriend is quite the screamer. However, she is a very sophisticated screamer as she often screams in Shakespearean style English when we get it on. I keep telling the neighbors we are rehearsing for a new age version of Othello, but I don't think they believe me.

Plow my Furrow, ye mighty yeoman farmer! The doe stands ready to receive the powerful thrust of my huntsman's arrow. We shall resist ye at the gate, 'till that dear moment 'pon which thy lance shall leave it pierce-ed and laid wide before ye.


That is hot.
 
2012-05-17 05:00:54 PM  
SkunkWerks: "sound suspiciously like they may have an exhibitionist streak"

This.
That chick may have came from the sex.
But she's gonna soak the damn sheets when she finds out it's on the internet.
 
2012-05-17 05:01:23 PM  
I'm loud. No one thus far has told me to quiet down. I think I'd be insulted, really.

/most guys want to open a window so everyone can hear how hard they're working ;)
 
2012-05-17 05:05:18 PM  
Sounds like someone wanted someone else to buy her that new convertible.
 
2012-05-17 05:08:01 PM  
Reminds me of Betty White.

/Sigh...
 
2012-05-17 05:09:45 PM  
Mrs S and I had some neighbors move in a while back with the most irritating, screaming child you will ever encounter. The thing isn't a complete infant, it goes to school, puts own it's own seatbelt in the car, that sort of thing. But the screaming and crying and screaming that randomly began at any hour of the night, and continued for easily an hour on average, was a complete joke. Especially with the kid's room being adjacent to our bedroom. The parents would never lift a finger to do anything about it.


However, the kid no longer has the room adjacent to ours. I cannot for the life of me imagine what might have caused them to move her.

/hopefullyscarredthelittleshiatstainforlife
 
2012-05-17 05:21:48 PM  

shArkh: Mrs S and I had some neighbors move in a while back with the most irritating, screaming child you will ever encounter. The thing isn't a complete infant, it goes to school, puts own it's own seatbelt in the car, that sort of thing. But the screaming and crying and screaming that randomly began at any hour of the night, and continued for easily an hour on average, was a complete joke. Especially with the kid's room being adjacent to our bedroom. The parents would never lift a finger to do anything about it.


+1 for the use of "it" and "the thing" to describe the child. I like the cut of your jib.
 
2012-05-17 05:32:09 PM  
It sounds as if my next door neighbor really loves to make Mac N Cheese around bedtime.

assets0.ordienetworks.com

Mac N Cheese (might be NSFW)
 
2012-05-17 05:33:02 PM  
My girl and I don't scream during sex... but the other people on the bus sometimes do.
 
2012-05-17 05:37:47 PM  
www.artlimited.net
Problem: Solved.
 
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