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(Washington City Paper)   D.C. Tour Bus Driver: Numbskull tourists always ask for directions to Private Ryan's grave   (washingtoncitypaper.com) divider line 325
    More: Fail, Ryan Reynolds, District of Columbia, tourists  
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9817 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 May 2012 at 1:19 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-05-17 12:10:15 PM
. My riders from beyond the Beltway regularly expressed amazement at the joggers around the Mall. A woman once asked me, in all seriousness, "What are they running from?"

You!
 
2012-05-17 01:21:07 PM
And I can't tell you how many times I was asked for directions to the Arlington Cemetery grave of Private James Ryan.

Fictional character issues aside, they...they do realize he's about the only guy in the movie who does NOT die?
 
2012-05-17 01:23:04 PM

Sgt Otter: And I can't tell you how many times I was asked for directions to the Arlington Cemetery grave of Private James Ryan.

Fictional character issues aside, they...they do realize he's about the only guy in the movie who does NOT die?


It's ok, they got him in "House of 1000 Corpses".
 
Ehh
2012-05-17 01:23:53 PM
The stupid, it burns. And presumably most of the idiots who ask that question can vote.

/sigh
/does explain Reagan
 
2012-05-17 01:23:55 PM

Sgt Otter: And I can't tell you how many times I was asked for directions to the Arlington Cemetery grave of Private James Ryan.

Fictional character issues aside, they...they do realize he's about the only guy in the movie who does NOT die?


And is Tom Hanks' character even buried in Arlington? Something tells me that the cemetery in the movie was in Normandy.
 
2012-05-17 01:24:23 PM
Shaving Ryan's Privates is one of the greatest porno-parody movie titles in skinematic history.
 
2012-05-17 01:24:24 PM
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-05-17 01:24:26 PM

Sgt Otter: And I can't tell you how many times I was asked for directions to the Arlington Cemetery grave of Private James Ryan.

Fictional character issues aside, they...they do realize he's about the only guy in the movie who does NOT die?


"Private Ryan didn't die. He faded away. As a Sergeant."
That easy.
 
2012-05-17 01:26:33 PM
This is far from the first "dumb things I get asked" article, even from a DC tour guide. But this one is the most arrogant and judgmental.
 
2012-05-17 01:26:36 PM
Pretentious DC natives are the worst.
 
2012-05-17 01:27:59 PM
Hey sometimes its fun to mess with tourist downtown. Not that I would ever do such things. A few years ago one person was going off on me because the American History museum was being renovated and they planned their trip around seeing Indiana Jones jacket. I would have told them there was a stash of stuff on display at the Air & Space but they were being dicks.
 
2012-05-17 01:30:31 PM

groppet: Hey sometimes its fun to mess with tourist downtown. Not that I would ever do such things. A few years ago one person was going off on me because the American History museum was being renovated and they planned their trip around seeing Indiana Jones jacket. I would have told them there was a stash of stuff on display at the Air & Space but they were being dicks.


I tell them the Washington Monument changes color halfway up because that is the high water mark from a flood in the early 1900's.
 
2012-05-17 01:31:04 PM

maverickzy: Pretentious DC natives are the worst.


img2-2.timeinc.net
Not sure what you mean by "native"
 
2012-05-17 01:32:38 PM
Guy that wrote that article sounds like a dick, and he should probably get a new job.

If you hate people that much you probably shouldn't be in a job that consists primarily of interacting with thousands of annoying people. Additionally, your writing isn't very good.
 
2012-05-17 01:32:55 PM

itsfullofstars: This is far from the first "dumb things I get asked" article, even from a DC tour guide. But this one is the most arrogant and judgmental.


Take a job as a tour guide for a couple of months. You understand his "arrogant and judgment". Believe me; you will. I worked as a naturalist give tours of natural areas of a barrier island for the summer just after I graduated from college. I wanted the time to do something mindless and outdoors. I had a good time, but I learned that at least half of my fellow citizens were drooling stupid dicks, who could do nothing but whine and biatch.
 
2012-05-17 01:33:01 PM

Walker: groppet: Hey sometimes its fun to mess with tourist downtown. Not that I would ever do such things. A few years ago one person was going off on me because the American History museum was being renovated and they planned their trip around seeing Indiana Jones jacket. I would have told them there was a stash of stuff on display at the Air & Space but they were being dicks.

I tell them the Washington Monument changes color halfway up because that is the high water mark from a flood in the early 1900's.


Damn thats a good one Ill have to use that next time. If its born agains you should say its from the great flood
 
2012-05-17 01:33:12 PM

groppet: Hey sometimes its fun to mess with tourist downtown. Not that I would ever do such things. A few years ago one person was going off on me because the American History museum was being renovated and they planned their trip around seeing Indiana Jones jacket. I would have told them there was a stash of stuff on display at the Air & Space but they were being dicks.


I would have not believed anyone would look forward to seeing Indiana Jone's movie jacket in a museum, but then I moved to Atlanta where tourists pay money to walk around inside a giant advertisement for Coca-Cola.
 
2012-05-17 01:33:52 PM
But I constantly heard that everything was too far to walk to, and that there was no place to park.

There is, on the metro stops outside the city where you should have parked and gotten on a train.

Never drive in DC if you have any option not to. If you are going to drive in DC and don't have a specific targeted place you are sure you can park (friends house, or parking garage specifically for the location you are going to) you're an idiot and deserve everything that comes.
 
2012-05-17 01:34:01 PM

RibbyK: maverickzy: Pretentious DC natives are the worst.

[img2-2.timeinc.net image 240x320]
Not sure what you mean by "native"


People who live there rather than work or visit.
 
2012-05-17 01:34:33 PM

Walker: I tell them the Washington Monument changes color halfway up because that is the high water mark from a flood in the early 1900's.


no no, it's because they partially lower the monument into the ground each night so that airplanes and helicopters don't hit it.

//pay no attention to the P-56 on the map
 
2012-05-17 01:35:37 PM

JackieRabbit: at least half of my fellow citizens were drooling stupid dicks


Exactly right. Remember, 50% the US population has an IQ under 100.
/Rest of the world, too.
 
2012-05-17 01:38:15 PM

groppet: Hey sometimes its fun to mess with tourist downtown. Not that I would ever do such things. A few years ago one person was going off on me because the American History museum was being renovated and they planned their trip around seeing Indiana Jones jacket. I would have told them there was a stash of stuff on display at the Air & Space but they were being dicks.


All of the unbelievably cool stuff at Natural History, Air & Space, and the "Castle", and they come all that way to see a movie costume prop? They should be drowned in the tidal basin and their piked heads displayed on the polo field.

I'm now going to go run the Mall from the US Capitol to Lincoln and back for lunchtime. I shall ogle the mature, round bottoms of the mothers who accompany the school field trip. I knew I'd become a geezer when I realized I enjoyed the matronly figures of the older women more than the sleek young racehorse teen girls. In hot-pants.
 
2012-05-17 01:38:34 PM

Abner Doon: Guy that wrote that article sounds like a dick, and he should probably get a new job.

If you hate people that much you probably shouldn't be in a job that consists primarily of interacting with thousands of annoying people. Additionally, your writing isn't very good.


Actually sounds pretty patient and understanding to me. A lot of tourists here are just horrible, clueless, and inconsiderate. Sounds like he tried to be nice even when they were being buffoons.
 
2012-05-17 01:38:37 PM
One class of tourists actually excelled at the work of tourism: Europeans. Carrying maps and guidebooks, my transatlantic riders proved highly motivated and extremely adaptable, despite often speaking little English. They'd ride my bus, but utilize public transit and bicycles, too.

They still farking stand to the left.

/hate tourist season
//hating missing my train even more
 
2012-05-17 01:38:53 PM

JackieRabbit: itsfullofstars: This is far from the first "dumb things I get asked" article, even from a DC tour guide. But this one is the most arrogant and judgmental.

Take a job as a tour guide for a couple of months. You understand his "arrogant and judgment". Believe me; you will. I worked as a naturalist give tours of natural areas of a barrier island for the summer just after I graduated from college. I wanted the time to do something mindless and outdoors. I had a good time, but I learned that at least half of my fellow citizens were drooling stupid dicks, who could do nothing but whine and biatch.


You're the one who told everyone that blue herons are wildly dangerous birds who can whip around and pierce people through the heart with their stabby, stabby beaks, aren't you.
 
2012-05-17 01:40:31 PM

Carn: Abner Doon: Guy that wrote that article sounds like a dick, and he should probably get a new job.

If you hate people that much you probably shouldn't be in a job that consists primarily of interacting with thousands of annoying people. Additionally, your writing isn't very good.

Actually sounds pretty patient and understanding to me. A lot of tourists here are just horrible, clueless, and inconsiderate. Sounds like he tried to be nice even when they were being buffoons.


If you replaced "tourists" with "people", your statement would be just as valid. Complainers will complain, the author is no different.
 
2012-05-17 01:41:25 PM
www.myfacewhen.net

The majority of people are ignorant buffoons ... more at 11 ...
 
2012-05-17 01:41:54 PM

maverickzy: Carn: Abner Doon: Guy that wrote that article sounds like a dick, and he should probably get a new job.

If you hate people that much you probably shouldn't be in a job that consists primarily of interacting with thousands of annoying people. Additionally, your writing isn't very good.

Actually sounds pretty patient and understanding to me. A lot of tourists here are just horrible, clueless, and inconsiderate. Sounds like he tried to be nice even when they were being buffoons.

If you replaced "tourists" with "people", your statement would be just as valid. Complainers will complain, the author is no different.


True, but we already have all the native assholes to deal with, we don't need to import more.
 
2012-05-17 01:42:17 PM
To defend the honor of American tourists, last time I visited DC we parked in Silver Springs and rode the Metro in, the saw most of the major monuments on foot in the half day we had.

/we may be fat slobs, but some of us can still walk
//csb.
 
2012-05-17 01:42:26 PM

SweetSilverBlues: JackieRabbit: itsfullofstars: This is far from the first "dumb things I get asked" article, even from a DC tour guide. But this one is the most arrogant and judgmental.

Take a job as a tour guide for a couple of months. You understand his "arrogant and judgment". Believe me; you will. I worked as a naturalist give tours of natural areas of a barrier island for the summer just after I graduated from college. I wanted the time to do something mindless and outdoors. I had a good time, but I learned that at least half of my fellow citizens were drooling stupid dicks, who could do nothing but whine and biatch.

You're the one who told everyone that blue herons are wildly dangerous birds who can whip around and pierce people through the heart with their stabby, stabby beaks, aren't you.


What? I think you're mistaken. I said you were a moron. I was right, it seems.
 
2012-05-17 01:42:51 PM
Because they never make movies about real people?
 
2012-05-17 01:42:51 PM

AngryJailhouseFistfark: groppet: Hey sometimes its fun to mess with tourist downtown. Not that I would ever do such things. A few years ago one person was going off on me because the American History museum was being renovated and they planned their trip around seeing Indiana Jones jacket. I would have told them there was a stash of stuff on display at the Air & Space but they were being dicks.

All of the unbelievably cool stuff at Natural History, Air & Space, and the "Castle", and they come all that way to see a movie costume prop? They should be drowned in the tidal basin and their piked heads displayed on the polo field.

I'm now going to go run the Mall from the US Capitol to Lincoln and back for lunchtime. I shall ogle the mature, round bottoms of the mothers who accompany the school field trip. I knew I'd become a geezer when I realized I enjoyed the matronly figures of the older women more than the sleek young racehorse teen girls. In hot-pants.


Im suprised they didnt go on about Archie Bunkers chair. I do miss ogling the tourists at lunch time, but I dont miss the random protests about whatever.
 
2012-05-17 01:42:56 PM

Walker: groppet: Hey sometimes its fun to mess with tourist downtown. Not that I would ever do such things. A few years ago one person was going off on me because the American History museum was being renovated and they planned their trip around seeing Indiana Jones jacket. I would have told them there was a stash of stuff on display at the Air & Space but they were being dicks.

I tell them the Washington Monument changes color halfway up because that is the high water mark from a flood in the early 1900's.


Thats a good one. I tell them what my dad used to tell me... The top half is a different color because they built that part first. Oh, interesting... And off they go.
 
2012-05-17 01:43:39 PM
Link R language
 
2012-05-17 01:44:20 PM
itsfullofstars: "But this one is the most arrogant and judgmental."

Well, in all fairness, he is writing for the City Paper so "arrogant and judgmental" is to be expected. When he graduates to condescending, patronizing and pretentious, he'll be ready for The Washington Post.

Then again, I'm such a geezer that I miss the Star, and remember when The Boast used to be good. You know, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth.
 
2012-05-17 01:44:26 PM

Abner Doon: Guy that wrote that article sounds like a dick, and he should probably get a new job.

If you hate people that much you probably shouldn't be in a job that consists primarily of interacting with thousands of annoying people. Additionally, your writing isn't very good.


He's probably bitter because his PhD in modern history didn't quite pan out the way he thought it would...
 
2012-05-17 01:44:32 PM

Carn: maverickzy: Carn: Abner Doon: Guy that wrote that article sounds like a dick, and he should probably get a new job.

If you hate people that much you probably shouldn't be in a job that consists primarily of interacting with thousands of annoying people. Additionally, your writing isn't very good.

Actually sounds pretty patient and understanding to me. A lot of tourists here are just horrible, clueless, and inconsiderate. Sounds like he tried to be nice even when they were being buffoons.

If you replaced "tourists" with "people", your statement would be just as valid. Complainers will complain, the author is no different.

True, but we already have all the native assholes to deal with, we don't need to import more.


That is an entirely valid point. My suggestion would be to educate the imports so they can avoid becoming a native.
 
2012-05-17 01:45:26 PM

JackieRabbit:
You understand his "arrogant and judgment". Believe me; you will. I worked as a naturalist give tours of natural areas of a barrier island for the summer just after I graduated from college. I wanted the time to do something mindless and outdoors.


I tried to be with you, but your mangling of the language made you lose all credibility. It wasn't a particularly selective college now was it?
 
2012-05-17 01:45:51 PM

brap: Shaving Ryan's Privates is one of the greatest porno-parody movie titles in skinematic history.


I would have to vote for the 90's lesbian classic "Snatched to the future".
 
2012-05-17 01:46:20 PM

Sgt Otter: And I can't tell you how many times I was asked for directions to the Arlington Cemetery grave of Private James Ryan.

Fictional character issues aside, they...they do realize he's about the only guy in the movie who does NOT die?


He is buried next to Admiral Cockburn.
 
2012-05-17 01:46:54 PM

Click Click D'oh: To defend the honor of American tourists, last time I visited DC we parked in Silver Springs and rode the Metro in, the saw most of the major monuments on foot in the half day we had.

/we may be fat slobs, but some of us can still walk
//csb.


It's Silver Spring, not Springs. That's another thing tourists say that annoys locals. Also "Is Chevy Chase, Maryland named after the actor????"
 
2012-05-17 01:47:10 PM
I like telling people that all the streets named after states are diagonal because they point toward the state they're named after. Of course that line has also worked on a handful of locals...
 
2012-05-17 01:47:23 PM
FTA:I would try to explain that of course I understood that your dad once parked the Country Squire right on the Ellipse and that no one stopped you from strolling into the Capitol to eat navy bean soup with Everett Dirksen. But, you see, people have lately been blowing up buildings. Some perspective is in order.

Where are the stories of buildings getting blown up? I can't be missing that much.
 
2012-05-17 01:47:30 PM

groppet:
Im suprised they didnt go on about Archie Bunkers chair. I do miss ogling the tourists at lunch time, but I dont miss the random protests about whatever.


Heh - my daughter lived in DC while at Georgetown Med and whenever I called or emailed her to ask "what's up" she always was peeved that "some assholes are protesting something obscure and the traffic is worse than usual."

/did enjoy watching the illegal fireworks over the Hispanic neighborhoods on July 4th
 
2012-05-17 01:48:04 PM
i interned in DC one summer....every day after work I ran from the Ronald Reagan building to the Jefferson Memorial, then to the Lincoln, then across the bridge to Arlington and back. It was about 45-60 minutes as I recall. dropped a ton of weight.

one time i was in Arlington National on a jog and a park ranger or whatever somewhat angrily said "THERE IS NO RUNNING IN THE CEMETARY, SIR!" I felt stupid but he was right. i didn't mean any disrespect i just temporarily forgot where i was.
 
2012-05-17 01:48:12 PM
double dose of stupid:

Pvt. James Francis Ryan...of Iowa...was the old man at the beginning and end of the film visiting the Memorial cemetery in Normandy France with his family...he was visiting the grave of Capt. John H. Miller (Tom Hanks character) who was killed "Saving Pvt. Ryan" in a holding action in "Bumville...or some other damn place".

also;
 
2012-05-17 01:48:14 PM
Washington is a brutal city on tourists. Most of them come when the heat and humidity are high, but they think they can walk from the Lincoln Memorial to the Capitol and back. And there are no public toilets on the Mall. And we yell at the on the Metro for standing on the left side of the escalators.

My wife worked for six months as a waitress in a tavern at Colonial Williamsburg. She was once asked how long it had been since William & Mary was a functioning university rather than part of CW. She once overheard a guy tell his dinner companion that Jamestown is where Columbus landed.
 
2012-05-17 01:48:18 PM

maverickzy: Carn: Abner Doon: Guy that wrote that article sounds like a dick, and he should probably get a new job.

If you hate people that much you probably shouldn't be in a job that consists primarily of interacting with thousands of annoying people. Additionally, your writing isn't very good.

Actually sounds pretty patient and understanding to me. A lot of tourists here are just horrible, clueless, and inconsiderate. Sounds like he tried to be nice even when they were being buffoons.

If you replaced "tourists" with "people", your statement would be just as valid. Complainers will complain, the author is no different.


This.

I've only been in DC about 6 months, and 98% of my problems have been dealing with people who live here. Even without tourists nobody in this city can drive or park worth a damn, nobody understands the concept of "let people off before you try to get on the train", and I have had more negative run ins with the cops than I had in 8 years in Chicago. A big chunk of this city needs to take a deep breath, realize they are not that important and remember that they just moved here 2 years ago themself.
 
2012-05-17 01:48:30 PM

JackieRabbit: Take a job as a tour guide for a couple of months. You understand his "arrogant and judgment".


If I bought a house next to the airport, I'd probably start to complain about the noise as well, despite knowing the inherit risk going into it.
 
2012-05-17 01:48:40 PM

Walker: Click Click D'oh: To defend the honor of American tourists, last time I visited DC we parked in Silver Springs and rode the Metro in, the saw most of the major monuments on foot in the half day we had.

/we may be fat slobs, but some of us can still walk
//csb.

It's Silver Spring, not Springs. That's another thing tourists say that annoys locals. Also "Is Chevy Chase, Maryland named after the actor????"

You ought to hear how people mangle Havre de Grace. Not that it gets a lot of tourist traffic, but I'm just sayin'.
 
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