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(Washington City Paper)   D.C. Tour Bus Driver: Numbskull tourists always ask for directions to Private Ryan's grave   (washingtoncitypaper.com) divider line 325
    More: Fail, Ryan Reynolds, District of Columbia, tourists  
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9820 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 May 2012 at 1:19 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-05-17 02:06:14 PM  
What a f*cking whiny crybaby
 
2012-05-17 02:06:52 PM  

Walker: It's so hot and humid in DC in the summer I'm surprised you didn't die.



when it got nasty i would cut the run short. it was pretty cool though....i'd usually stop off at the Lincoln and just kinda get all mystical and shiat looking out.

it is amazing how small that city can be between the Metro and a bike. i used to spend weekends just checking all kinds of cool shiat all over the city.
 
2012-05-17 02:07:01 PM  

Walker:
//csb.

It's Silver Spring a shiatty little town that only serves as a Metro stop, not Springs. That's another thing tourists say that annoys locals. Also "Is Chevy Chase, Maryland named after the actor????"


FTFY
 
2012-05-17 02:07:10 PM  

furterfan: As someone who lives in greater London (UK) and works in central London, I am getting a kick from these replies.
You'd be surprised at some of the idiotic things people have asked me and my colleagues


How was I supposed to know you weren't into watersports
 
2012-05-17 02:07:33 PM  
The catch 22 of tourists is that if your a native not having to deal with tourists, your probably living in a shiat hole.
 
2012-05-17 02:07:49 PM  

Tricky Chicken: You are actually advocating the use of the metro over driving? Sure it will get you there in twice the time and cost twice as much, but at least you can get randomly beaten by a mob of public school hooligans before the train drops you off at a station that is nowhere nead where you want to go.


If you're frequently surprised by the location of the stop at which you exit the train, there's a really good chance you're doing it wrong. Very wrong. Has anyone ever explained to you how maps work?
 
2012-05-17 02:07:55 PM  

Jerkwater: Nexzus: The first thing I learned before my trip to DC in November 2010 is "don't stand on the left side of the Metro escalators"

That's not specific to Metro escalators.


That is true, but it seems to be "enforced" more on the Metro, at least compared my city's (Vancouver, BC) Skytrain.
 
2012-05-17 02:09:50 PM  

Rapmaster2000: Rapmaster2000: JackieRabbit: itsfullofstars: This is far from the first "dumb things I get asked" article, even from a DC tour guide. But this one is the most arrogant and judgmental.

Take a job as a tour guide for a couple of months. You understand his "arrogant and judgment". Believe me; you will. I worked as a naturalist give tours of natural areas of a barrier island for the summer just after I graduated from college. I wanted the time to do something mindless and outdoors. I had a good time, but I learned that at least half of my fellow citizens were drooling stupid dicks, who could do nothing but whine and biatch.

A friend of mine had a summer job at Kennywood in Pittsburgh. A coworker asserted that about 1 in 5 people couldn't name the current president. She took that bet because she thought there was no way 20% of Americans couldn't name the president. She lost. The actual figure was about 1 in 4.

Most common answer? Reagan... in 1998.

I should add that she was working a games booth, so maybe a better assertion is that 1 in 4 of the people who play carnival games can't name the president. This sounds more plausible.


You want fun? Ask an American tourist who the current president of Canada is.
 
2012-05-17 02:10:12 PM  

Tricky Chicken: NkThrasher: But I constantly heard that everything was too far to walk to, and that there was no place to park.

There is, on the metro stops outside the city where you should have parked and gotten on a train.

Never drive in DC if you have any option not to. If you are going to drive in DC and don't have a specific targeted place you are sure you can park (friends house, or parking garage specifically for the location you are going to) you're an idiot and deserve everything that comes.

You are actually advocating the use of the metro over driving? Sure it will get you there in twice the time and cost twice as much, but at least you can get randomly beaten by a mob of public school hooligans before the train drops you off at a station that is nowhere nead where you want to go.


You are kidding right? You must be on of the people that failed on the question about who the president was in 1998
 
2012-05-17 02:10:29 PM  

Nexzus: Jerkwater: Nexzus: The first thing I learned before my trip to DC in November 2010 is "don't stand on the left side of the Metro escalators"

That's not specific to Metro escalators.

That is true, but it seems to be "enforced" more on the Metro, at least compared my city's (Vancouver, BC) Skytrain.


The rule is move to the right everywhere (except maybe the UK) in a hallway, at the store, escalator, driving, anywhere.
 
2012-05-17 02:11:02 PM  

Abner Doon: Guy that wrote that article sounds like a dick, and he should probably get a new job.

If you hate people that much you probably shouldn't be in a job that consists primarily of interacting with thousands of annoying people. Additionally, your writing isn't very good.


Your three sentences contain a greater level of venom than his entire article. His piece is pretty soft-spoken.
 
2012-05-17 02:11:32 PM  

charttn:
This world is going down. Cats and dogs sleeping together. Chickens and Rabbits fussin. It just doesn't seem right.


Chickens evolved from dinosaurs! Only they lost just about everything cool along the way.
 
2012-05-17 02:11:34 PM  

WhippingBoy:
You want fun? Ask an American tourist who the current president of Canada is.


Why? Do you consider hearing the answer, "Who the fark cares," to be fun?
 
2012-05-17 02:12:39 PM  
Here is a Facebook status update of mine from just yesterday:

"Was just taking a stroll by the National Mall and a tourist (definitely from the US) approaches me, points at the Washington Monument and asks, "What is that big tall cement thing over there?" Facepalm."

No joke...that really happened.
 
2012-05-17 02:13:05 PM  

groppet: Wellon Dowd: Washington is a brutal city on tourists. Most of them come when the heat and humidity are high, but they think they can walk from the Lincoln Memorial to the Capitol and back. And there are no public toilets on the Mall. And we yell at the on the Metro for standing on the left side of the escalators.

My wife worked for six months as a waitress in a tavern at Colonial Williamsburg. She was once asked how long it had been since William & Mary was a functioning university rather than part of CW. She once overheard a guy tell his dinner companion that Jamestown is where Columbus landed.

They do have public toilets but they are few and far between and sometimes hard to find. Most of them are by the reflecting pool. I wonder if they will fence in the mall this year for the 4th?


They're quite scary. Smelly, hot, filthy, full of bugs, and homeless people live in them. It's safer just to go into one of the many museums that line the mall and use their restrooms. The museums are all free....unlike some cities museums.
 
2012-05-17 02:13:29 PM  

WhippingBoy: Rapmaster2000:
You want fun? Ask an American tourist who the current president of Canada is.


That's easy, Jean Poutine.
 
2012-05-17 02:14:30 PM  

furterfan: As someone who lives in greater London (UK) and works in central London, I am getting a kick from these replies.
You'd be surprised at some of the idiotic things people have asked me and my colleagues


Care for a jelly baby?
 
2012-05-17 02:14:33 PM  

NkThrasher: But I constantly heard that everything was too far to walk to, and that there was no place to park.

There is, on the metro stops outside the city where you should have parked and gotten on a train.

Never drive in DC if you have any option not to. If you are going to drive in DC and don't have a specific targeted place you are sure you can park (friends house, or parking garage specifically for the location you are going to) you're an idiot and deserve everything that comes.


Driving / parking in DC is pretty easy. I do it all the time and can say I've only gotten one ticket for mistakenly misreading a sign.
 
2012-05-17 02:14:34 PM  

Nasty_McFilth: Here is a Facebook status update of mine from just yesterday:

"Was just taking a stroll by the National Mall and a tourist (definitely from the US) approaches me, points at the Washington Monument and asks, "What is that big tall cement thing over there?" Facepalm."

No joke...that really happened.


The guy actually said "facepalm?" You're right. That certainly would be odd.
 
2012-05-17 02:14:44 PM  
It's not a huge mistake, but here is my advice for anyone who wants to visit Seattle:

It's called Pike Place Market, not "Pikes Place" or "Pike's Place".
 
2012-05-17 02:15:18 PM  

WhippingBoy:
You want fun? Ask an American tourist who the current president of Canada is.


This guy, right?

t2.gstatic.com
 
2012-05-17 02:15:44 PM  

Nasty_McFilth: Here is a Facebook status update of mine from just yesterday:

"Was just taking a stroll by the National Mall and a tourist (definitely from the US) approaches me, points at the Washington Monument and asks, "What is that big tall cement thing over there?" Facepalm."

No joke...that really happened.


You were smiling and nodding along while reading the article weren't you?
 
2012-05-17 02:15:49 PM  

WhippingBoy: Ask an American tourist who the current president of Canada is.


www.thesmokingjacket.com
The one on the left, born in Ladysmith, British Columbia.
 
2012-05-17 02:16:19 PM  

Walker: groppet: Wellon Dowd: Washington is a brutal city on tourists. Most of them come when the heat and humidity are high, but they think they can walk from the Lincoln Memorial to the Capitol and back. And there are no public toilets on the Mall. And we yell at the on the Metro for standing on the left side of the escalators.

My wife worked for six months as a waitress in a tavern at Colonial Williamsburg. She was once asked how long it had been since William & Mary was a functioning university rather than part of CW. She once overheard a guy tell his dinner companion that Jamestown is where Columbus landed.

They do have public toilets but they are few and far between and sometimes hard to find. Most of them are by the reflecting pool. I wonder if they will fence in the mall this year for the 4th?

They're quite scary. Smelly, hot, filthy, full of bugs, and homeless people live in them. It's safer just to go into one of the many museums that line the mall and use their restrooms. The museums are all free....unlike some cities museums.


The problem with relying on the loo in a museum is the 45-minute wait to get through security.
 
2012-05-17 02:16:33 PM  

myrrh: Nasty_McFilth: Here is a Facebook status update of mine from just yesterday:

"Was just taking a stroll by the National Mall and a tourist (definitely from the US) approaches me, points at the Washington Monument and asks, "What is that big tall cement thing over there?" Facepalm."

No joke...that really happened.

The guy actually said "facepalm?" You're right. That certainly would be odd.


You're not very good at navigating quotation marks, are you?
 
2012-05-17 02:17:11 PM  

GoodOmens: NkThrasher: But I constantly heard that everything was too far to walk to, and that there was no place to park.

There is, on the metro stops outside the city where you should have parked and gotten on a train.

Never drive in DC if you have any option not to. If you are going to drive in DC and don't have a specific targeted place you are sure you can park (friends house, or parking garage specifically for the location you are going to) you're an idiot and deserve everything that comes.

Driving / parking in DC is pretty easy. I do it all the time and can say I've only gotten one ticket for mistakenly misreading a sign.


Not for newbies it isn't, especially drooling tourists. Don't encourage them.
 
2012-05-17 02:17:21 PM  

maverickzy: KatjaMouse: Look, we only get especially annoyed when out of towners insist on standing on the left of the escalator.

The real test. What's worse, standing on the left of the escalator or cutting in line going up the escalator after you just got off the train at rush hour?


I can deal with cutters. I don't mind them. However, you get the whole system mucked up when someone decides to put their luggage on the left side of the escalator.
 
2012-05-17 02:18:01 PM  

furterfan: As someone who lives in greater London (UK) and works in central London, I am getting a kick from these replies.
You'd be surprised at some of the idiotic things people have asked me and my colleagues


Do we have to slide down the Tube or crawl?

If this is a Circus, where are the clowns?!

Although, serious question from a former visitor. Is the toilet paper in the public bathrooms still made of wax paper printed with "Property of Her Majesty's Government" on it?
 
2012-05-17 02:18:12 PM  
When I used to give tours at a winery:

"So do you actually put fruit juice in the wine?"

/Often asked after I said that the Chardonnay they were tasting smelled like pears and apples.
 
2012-05-17 02:18:30 PM  
They are also curious about who's buried in Grant's Tomb and how many cherries they are allowed to pick at the Cherry Festival.
 
2012-05-17 02:18:56 PM  

Nasty_McFilth: myrrh: Nasty_McFilth: Here is a Facebook status update of mine from just yesterday:

"Was just taking a stroll by the National Mall and a tourist (definitely from the US) approaches me, points at the Washington Monument and asks, "What is that big tall cement thing over there?" Facepalm."

No joke...that really happened.

The guy actually said "facepalm?" You're right. That certainly would be odd.

You're not very good at navigating quotation marks, are you?


Actually, I'm not. But convention dictates you should use single quotation marks inside double quotation marks. So I'd say we're equally bad at it.
 
2012-05-17 02:19:03 PM  

Nexzus: WhippingBoy: Rapmaster2000:
You want fun? Ask an American tourist who the current president of Canada is.

That's easy, Jean Poutine.


Oh, I was sure it was either Tim Horton or Jacko.
 
2012-05-17 02:19:42 PM  

OldManDownDRoad: probesport: Crewmannumber6: Everybody knows it's in Greenbough Alabama

Jenny.

637-5309


Is this from the remix?
Hungry? No thank you I just
 
2012-05-17 02:22:07 PM  

KatjaMouse: when someone decides to put their luggage on the left side of the escalator


Do you now see why the poster above called DCers "pretentious," just because touists are not mind readers and are innocently unaware of your "rules"? JHC, how long did that misbegotten suitcase slow you down? Thirty seconds? Oh, the horror!
 
2012-05-17 02:22:59 PM  

Carn: GoodOmens: NkThrasher: But I constantly heard that everything was too far to walk to, and that there was no place to park.

There is, on the metro stops outside the city where you should have parked and gotten on a train.

Never drive in DC if you have any option not to. If you are going to drive in DC and don't have a specific targeted place you are sure you can park (friends house, or parking garage specifically for the location you are going to) you're an idiot and deserve everything that comes.

Driving / parking in DC is pretty easy. I do it all the time and can say I've only gotten one ticket for mistakenly misreading a sign.

Not for newbies it isn't, especially drooling tourists. Don't encourage them.


Haha fair point. It did take me a year or two to learn the ropes.
 
2012-05-17 02:24:20 PM  

RibbyK: KatjaMouse: when someone decides to put their luggage on the left side of the escalator

Do you now see why the poster above called DCers "pretentious," just because touists are not mind readers and are innocently unaware of your "rules"? JHC, how long did that misbegotten suitcase slow you down? Thirty seconds? Oh, the horror!


There's actually a DC City Council statute that says residents of DC are not allowed to say "Excuse me please." as that would further degrade the esteem of the city.
 
2012-05-17 02:24:48 PM  
Try delivering kegs of beer on the Mall to all the food stands. Did that for a summer back in 87'. Pure Hell.
 
2012-05-17 02:25:12 PM  

WhippingBoy: You want fun? Ask an American tourist who the current president of Canada is.


Queen Elizabeth?
 
2012-05-17 02:25:18 PM  

WhippingBoy:

You want fun? Ask an American tourist who the current president of Canada is.


www.insidesocal.com

Helloooooooo Canada.
 
2012-05-17 02:25:52 PM  

myrrh: Nasty_McFilth: myrrh: Nasty_McFilth: Here is a Facebook status update of mine from just yesterday:

"Was just taking a stroll by the National Mall and a tourist (definitely from the US) approaches me, points at the Washington Monument and asks, "What is that big tall cement thing over there?" Facepalm."

No joke...that really happened.

The guy actually said "facepalm?" You're right. That certainly would be odd.

You're not very good at navigating quotation marks, are you?

Actually, I'm not. But convention dictates you should use single quotation marks inside double quotation marks. So I'd say we're equally bad at it.


I just felt his statement was so stupid that it deserved double quotes.
 
2012-05-17 02:26:30 PM  

charttn: OldManDownDRoad: probesport: Crewmannumber6: Everybody knows it's in Greenbough Alabama

Jenny.

637-5309

Is this from the remix?
Hungry? No thank you I just



I plead "posting from phone at lunch" your honor.

/boss on vacation, three-beer lunch
 
2012-05-17 02:26:48 PM  

thurstonxhowell: Tricky Chicken: You are actually advocating the use of the metro over driving? Sure it will get you there in twice the time and cost twice as much, but at least you can get randomly beaten by a mob of public school hooligans before the train drops you off at a station that is nowhere nead where you want to go.

If you're frequently surprised by the location of the stop at which you exit the train, there's a really good chance you're doing it wrong. Very wrong. Has anyone ever explained to you how maps work?


K street, Connecticut ave, and the Capitol area are well covered. But try getting to the Lincoln Memorial, Georgetown, National Arboretum or Glen Echo and you are on your own. Try to get anywhere that requires switching trains and you would be better off driving as far as time or cost go. God forbid you should travel during a non rush period, sind you will have to wait a quarter hour for your train. God forbid you travel during a rush, since you will pay out the nose. Forget about parking at a metro stop since they charge slightly less than that indian loan shark company.

It doesn't matter which map I try to read, they just don't put the stops where I need them.
 
2012-05-17 02:27:41 PM  

Sticky Hands: Nexzus: WhippingBoy: Rapmaster2000:
You want fun? Ask an American tourist who the current president of Canada is.

That's easy, Jean Poutine.

Oh, I was sure it was either Tim Horton or Jacko.


Ha! Trick question!

They don't have a president!

Their Prime Minister, however, is Chris Jericho.

Duh.
 
2012-05-17 02:28:09 PM  

Tricky Chicken: charttn:
This world is going down. Cats and dogs sleeping together. Chickens and Rabbits fussin. It just doesn't seem right.

Chickens evolved from dinosaurs! Only they lost just about everything cool along the way.


We can fix that!
www.visualparadox.com
 
2012-05-17 02:28:18 PM  

WhippingBoy: Rapmaster2000: Rapmaster2000: JackieRabbit: itsfullofstars: This is far from the first "dumb things I get asked" article, even from a DC tour guide. But this one is the most arrogant and judgmental.

Take a job as a tour guide for a couple of months. You understand his "arrogant and judgment". Believe me; you will. I worked as a naturalist give tours of natural areas of a barrier island for the summer just after I graduated from college. I wanted the time to do something mindless and outdoors. I had a good time, but I learned that at least half of my fellow citizens were drooling stupid dicks, who could do nothing but whine and biatch.

A friend of mine had a summer job at Kennywood in Pittsburgh. A coworker asserted that about 1 in 5 people couldn't name the current president. She took that bet because she thought there was no way 20% of Americans couldn't name the president. She lost. The actual figure was about 1 in 4.

Most common answer? Reagan... in 1998.

I should add that she was working a games booth, so maybe a better assertion is that 1 in 4 of the people who play carnival games can't name the president. This sounds more plausible.

You want fun? Ask an American tourist who the current president of Canada is.



Ah ha! Canada has a Prime Minister instead......his name is Gordon Jump.
 
2012-05-17 02:29:14 PM  

The_Phantom: Also, lived in Chevy Chase--heard that question from pretty much everyone not from the area.


Guess I'm from far enough away I've been wondering. My whole life. And the bank.

(click) Ok no good answers on WP but I guess they all come from this?
 
2012-05-17 02:29:15 PM  

Nasty_McFilth:
I just felt his statement was so stupid that it deserved double quotes.


Fair enough. I can't argue with that.
 
2012-05-17 02:29:35 PM  

charttn: OldManDownDRoad: probesport: Crewmannumber6: Everybody knows it's in Greenbough Alabama

Jenny.

637-5309

Is this from the remix?
Hungry? No thank you I just


837 Still won't get you Jenny.
 
2012-05-17 02:30:04 PM  
This may have been covered already.

You only remember the stupid obvious tourists. There are a lot more tourists who aren't idiots but since you don't recognize them and they don't ask asinine questions you don't see them as tourists therefore you get the impression that tourists are morons when this is not necessarily true.
 
2012-05-17 02:30:45 PM  

Rapmaster2000: A friend of mine had a summer job at Kennywood in Pittsburgh. A coworker asserted that about 1 in 5 people couldn't name the current president. She took that bet because she thought there was no way 20% of Americans couldn't name the president. She lost. The actual figure was about 1 in 4.

Most common answer? Reagan... in 1998.


Yinzers are notoriously dumber than the average american idiot.

Yinzers at Kennywood?
sad.

and drunk as of this year.
 
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